Mortal Kombat 11 Review by Sunrie (s)(t)

Mortal Kombat, Bitches!!! This logo is awesome!
Nerd boners are raging hard right now with the release of Mortal Kombat 11. It’s been almost a solid four years since Mortal Kombat X was released and people have been begging for the next installment for years now. Was it worth the wait? You can either skip to the bottom like a loser, or you can read the entire review to form a more rounded opinion. Choice is yours.


Raiden looking better than ever!Plot

MKX left us with a very emo Raiden and Cassie Cage as the Earth’s victor. *sigh* Say what you will, that’s what happened in the last game. Now it’s several years later and Raiden is waging war on absolutely every realm which he finds to possibly, maybe, at some point, could be a threat to Earthrealm. With Liu Kang and Kitana ruling Netherrealm, Raiden feels he must attack them as soon as possible.

Enter Kronika, the game’s main antagonist. This new character is above the Elder Gods and she’s extremely powerful. Kind of…sort of…well, if she gets enough power to use her power, she’s extremely powerful. She controls time and weaves the destinies of all people in all the realms, but might also only be Earthrealm, unless you’ve visited Earthrealm… The game never really clears that up.

Look, to sum everything up, Kronika is beyond angry about Raiden shifting everything in total favor of Earthrealm and has decided to rebalance the universe by reversing time to a point in which Raiden could no longer exist. Good guys turn to bad guys, bad guys turn to good guys, and everything else is pretty gray.

Honestly, I’m doing a bad job representing the plot here. It works great in the game and is presented wonderfully.


I would still put my dick in her mouthStory

Ah, the story! MK 9 had an amazing story. MK X had a pretty “meh” story. Injustice 2 had a terrible story. MK 11? It has an amazing story! I don’t know if they reassigned the writing team to the original ones or they hired people back, or even fired the old ones and hired new ones, but damn the new story is interesting. It’s put together in a solid way, the fights make sense, the character interactions are fun, and it doesn’t feel like it’s dragging on nor needless.

I won’t provide spoilers, but let’s just say it had some interesting surprises and mentions. Character motivations don’t feel shoehorned in just to make them appear at times for a fight, which is the biggest thing for me. Unlike in MK X, I feel like this was handled with care and actually thought out again. With the exception of one character, anyone you fight is in the roster. Sure Ed Boon said no NPC fights…well that was a fucking lie…but with that one exception, everyone in the story is in the roster.

Kronika herself is an interesting character and her guiding hand is what lead to the events of all Mortal Kombat games across all timelines. This includes ones we weren’t familiar with, but get to see glimpses of in The Krypt and mentions by other characters.


Mmhmm...mhmm..mmmhmm...Johnny looking badassGraphics

Before I get into controls, audio, and things like that, let’s talk graphics. You see that Johnny Cage over there to the left? See how badass that looks? Well, the entire game is like that. The facial scanning technology is even better than in Injustice 2 and moves even more realistically.

Arenas are multilayered with all kinds of things to look at while never actually distracting from the fight you’re focusing on. In one arena, Shinnok’s severed head sits wedged in a wall and mounted like a trophy. In another arena, you’ll see both the present and the past fighting for dominance as you spray blood across the battle field. Is an NPC wandering a little too close to the fighting action? Grab them and throw them at your opponent!!! It feels so good taking a tarkatan warrior by the belt and bashing your enemy in the face with it.

Special moves glow and explode in pure eye candy. When characters get hit, they react much more realistically than even before, and crushing blows (moves which do enhanced damage based on specific triggers) act as a quasi-x-ray move which can happen either automatically, or when you opt for the “Hold A Button” option.

Blood is…very satisfying. Blood and other liquids (see: Kano introductions in the game) will seek its own level and cover not only the ground, but the entire arena and even coat your fighter’s outfits. While the blood may not pour like a faucet, what does flow out of fighters is more than satisfying. You won’t see the characters taking battle damage like in the past, but thanks to the improved blood physics, you won’t miss it.


Sonya taking it to the face in graphic detailGameplay/Controls

How does the game play? Faster than the beta and slower than MK X. I like it! I really, really like it. I don’t feel like I’m being rushed down constantly by the AI or other players. It’s much more methodical this time around.

Inputting combos is still a little “dial-a-hit”, but the timing is much tighter this time around. You have to be pretty precise, and that will either make you a better player, or will make you frustrated in the online battles. Personally, I like it being a little less forgiving, because it means button mashing is even less likely to get you anywhere. Is it noob friendly? Somewhat, I guess.

Honestly, the controls aren’t super crispy, but they feel satisfying. My fingers have gotten a work out, let’s put it that way. Doing the Tutorial section will help you out in a lot of ways. I highly suggest at least playing the Frame Data Tutorial. Granted, it means absolutely dick shit against the computer, since the AI breaks all the rules whenever it feels like (Dear Developers: Stop programming One Button Specials and Button Reading into your fighting games and learn how to program actual AI, you lazy assholes. Sincerely, Everyone), but it did make the entire concept understandable for me, so anyone can learn it.


Liu Kang's Fatalities have gotten goryAudio

Music is right on. It’s just catchy enough that you won’t be distracted by it, but you’ll definitely have your favorites. Thanks to the Krypt, which I will discuss mournfully later, you can unlock the tunes to listen to at any time. There’s some wild west influence in some of this music, and that’s not a bad thing.

Groans, grunts, screams, yelps, and laughs are fantastic. Beating your opponent mercilessly has never sounded this good. Ever. Period. I don’t care what other game you’re thinking of, this beats it.* Punching your enemy to bits like Liu Kang there will give you an instant boner no matter if you’re a boy or a girl. It’s that good.

Voice acting is good as well. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s good. I know people complain about Rhonda Rousey’s acting as Sonya, but let me get something straight with everyone: No one else in the cast is Shakespeare level and no one is going to win an award for their work here. It all feels like it’s done on purpose to give it that old Kung Fu Theater vibe, and it’s fun.

*God of War (2018) is the one exception


Oh...Johnny and Sonya are back together, by the wayFeatures

It wouldn’t be a modern Mortal Kombat game without some additional features thrown in. Apart from Story, you have The Krypt, Towers of Time, Klassic Towers, Kollections, and Kustomize.

Story mode is your basic bread and butter mode to get you to understand what is going on and why. You get to play a variety of the characters, sometimes as a team, and other times alone. You do not get to play as the villians at all, which kind of sucks. You have the ability to go back and make other choices, when given to you, so you won’t miss out on anything. Nothing about the story changes, however, and it’s just there to give you another thing to experience. A lot of your costumes and accents are earned through this mode, so don’t skip it.

Towers of Time is much like the gimmick in Injustice 2 where you have a cretain amount of time to beat challenges to unlock gear and get konsumables. First off: FUCK KONSUMBABLES. Most of the towers can only be beaten by using these because the AI is completely jacked up. Netherrealm Studios has stated this is a mistake (I don’t believe them) and they are adjusting the difficulty. Whey do I think this is not a mistake? Because it makes you so infuriated you’ll want to buy “konsumable” items in packs through the online store. They just got so much backlash from this they are forced to change it. At least they acknowledged it. This goes for The Krypt, too, which I will address last, due to how angry I am over it.

Klassic Towers is exactly like the normal towers in MK X. You choose five through twelve fights to get your character’s endings, fight through an endurance tower where your health is carried over between each fight, and you have the unlimited battles tower to see just how far you can get against an increasingly cheating computer. Oh, did I forget to mention you can use konsumables in this selection of towers as well completely breaking everything? Yeah…fuck “konsumables”.

Kollections is just where you can view the items you’ve unlocked such as concept art and music. That’s all.

Kustomize is where you go to change out your costumes and adjust your skills and augments. It’s pretty cool, but extremely limited. You can’t adjust the colors yourself, so you’re forced to just pick the outfit and coloring you like the best with the items you’ve selected to accent your character. However, there is a lot to choose from, and you’ll pretty much be forced to either get extremely lucky to get the one you want, or you’ll just have to fork over the cash (up to $10 USA) for it. Why? Because of the fucked over Krypt.

Their faces say it allThe Krypt is a joke. There are more items than there are treasure chests, so you’ll have to spend even more of your first type of currency to reset the chests in order to have a slight chance to get what you want. It’s 2,000 gold pieces PER CHEST to reset, and with chests costing up to 25,000 gold to open, you’ll need a lot of gold. Then there’s the “Soul Tokens”, which you get at a very slow rate compared to gold. One area requires 2,00 souls in order to unlock it, and every other chest requires 100 souls. Guess how many souls you get by playing? Not enough.

Then there’s the Hearts…Except for “Special Chests”, which require 100 hearts, every other chest which takes hearts (these have Shao Kahn’s bust on them) requires 250 hearts. Problem with this? You get ONE HEART PER FATILITY and TWO HEARTS PER BRUTALITY. So, that means you have to beat, at minimum, 125 opponents and end the rounds with a Brutality, or defeat 250 characters with a Fatality just to open ONE CHEST, which contains an RNG character skin. Oh, and no, couch co-op does NOT give you hearts, so don’t try to cheat it that way.

That’s not the end of it, either…to use one of the items which is required to find certain chests and passageways, it costs you Soul Tokens to use. Every second it drains 2 Soul Tokens. So…pony up and pay, bitches. Again, Netherrealm Studios has acknowledged the backlash, so they are “adjusting the economy”. No one knows what this means as of now.


This is the real Mortal Kombat! Kontroversy!Kontroversy

I didn’t have to spell it with a “K”, I just wanted to.

Many, many, many man babies are crying over the fact the characters look more realistic. In any other videogame this would be a great thing, but not here in Mortal Kombat, I guess. They’re also complaining that the female fighters don’t have their tits, ass, and pussy hanging out of their costumes, but feel that the male characters are overly sexualized. These people are absolutely dumb shits. That is a fact, not an opinion. The characters have never looked better and the costume designs have never been more impressive.

The other thing is Ed Boon claimed there would be no loot boxes, but the game introduces three currencies, one of which is literally called a “premium currency”, much like those free to play mobile games. The entire economy of the game is based around microtransactions, and The Krypt is one big loot box filled with RNG bullshit no one wanted or asked for. You cannot, and I repeat cannot, go onto the internet and look up where to find what you want, since it will be different for everyone. Oh, but don’t worry, you can pay $5.00 (USA) for the outfit you want and up to $20.00 for a pack of them. Know what? Fuck you guys at Netherrealm Studios for doing this. I will not praise you fixing this, as it is a problem you created in the first place. Just get it fixed.

Let me not forget to mention how you 100% need to be online to keep any of the items you unlock. In order to “protect the online store”, the game has to access the servers in order to validate you actually have the right to have it. I’ve had the servers go down on me a few times, making me lose progress, and my internet took a dump on me another time, which made me lose progress as well. It’s infuriating and anti-consumer.


They're eager for the final scoreFINAL SCORE: 8/10 Nerd Boners

Even with The Krypt, Towers of Time, and the economy of the game completely fucked, it’s a solid 8 out of 10 nerd boners from me. Once the issues have been fixed, if they ever are correctly fixed, then I’ll give it a 10/10.

Should you rent or buy? If you love Mortal Kombat, then get it now. RIGHT NOW. If you like fighting games, then wait a year until the “full version” comes out, with all the fixes, adjustments, and characters available to you right away. I got the Kollector’s Edition and feel very satisfied with my purchase.

Advertisements

To the person who has bookmarked my site on the Little Mermaid entry…

Come on, brah. Do you not realize I know when you visit my writings I can see where you entered in from? I’m glad you’re inflating the stats for that entry, but seriously, book mark the main site: Sunrie.Wordpress.Com. Get with the program.


“Be saved, my child, from your stupidity, or else I’ll break a shotgun off up yo’ ass” – Dude-aronomy 3:14

Monetization practice for Borderlands 3 has been leaked…and it’s not good news

When Borderlands 3 was announced to release on September 13, 2019 the Internet lost their minds. This made not only Randy Pitchford happy to the point he actually discouraged his employees from openly insulting any customers for 24 hours on Twitter, but Strauss Zelneck (CEO of Take-Two Interactive) was so overwhelmed by the reactions he immediately began shoving endangered species full of money to preserve them on his walls and smoking cigars wrapped in $100 (USA) bills.

Microtransactions have been the source of massive contention in the gaming world for consumers. Few games lend themselves to the absolutely abusive nature as the Borderlands franchise. As if we needed specific proof to the greed of Take-Two Interactive and the gaming industry in general, the monetization practice for Borderlands 3 has been leaked and let’s just say it’s not good for the consumers. Originally released by Kojaku Magazine, a somewhat controversial gaming webzine, these are the following microtransactions they claim will be available in the upcoming Borderlands 3 game.

  • Eridium in blocks of 5, 10, 20, and 100
    Players will have the option to purchase the first premium currency, Eridium, in groups to make upgrades at a faster rate.

  • Seriph Crystals in blocks of 1, 5, and 10
    Players will have the option to purchase the upgraded premium currency, Seriph Crystals, which are required to update guns to higher levels and provide increased bank and player backpack space.

  • 100% Upgraded Backpack Space
    Players will be able to upgrade their Vault Hunter to carry the maximum number of weapons and items immediately, however, until the player reaches level 25 in game, the space will be provided at intervals every 5 levels until they reach their maximum. This frees up Seriph Crystals for use in other areas.

  • 100% Bank Space Upgrade
    Players will be able to upgrade their bank space to maximum immediately.

  • Gun Upgrade in blocks of 1, 3, and 5
    Players will be able to purchase an immediate upgrade to their weapon, bringing the power and stats up to their current level. Players can purchase one, three, or five upgrades at a time in order bring up to five guns to their current level.

  • Increased Ammo Capacity (All Weapons)
    Players have the option to purchase the ability to carry the maximum amount of ammo immediately instead of collecting Eridium for the upgrade in-game. Until level 25, players will be given the upgrade every 5 levels until the maximum has been reached.

  • Area Unlocks
    Players will be able to unlock other areas in the game without having to collect Eridium to power the keys.

  • Character Level +1, +5, +10
    Players have the option to level up their characters by one, five, or ten levels in order to beat areas they may be having trouble with. 

  • Skill Points +1, +2, +3
    Players have the option to get skill points without having to level up. This does not add skill points to characters, and instead grants the skill points early.

  • Retro Warriors (Individual/Group Pass)
    Not included in the Season Pass, this allows players to buy characters from past games to use in the Borderlands 3 during a New Game+*.

  • New Game+
    This allows a player to start the game all over, as a level 1, but with access to all weapons, items, and areas previously unlocked. All items, weapons, and areas will maintain their original power and levels, but will be usable immediately.

  • Remove Level Requirement
    Playesr have the option to remove the level requirement from a weapon they have found if they do not currently meet it.

  • Ultimate Vault Hunter
    This allows the most aggressive challenge to those who want it! Enemies level scale as high as your character does and provides increasingly better loot.

  • Second Active Character
    Players have the ability to run two character saves at the same time instead of having to archive their previous character.

  • New Characters To Be Announced
    These will be available separate from the season pass and will be announced at a future date.

Are we honestly surprised at this point to the extent of greed these gaming companies have? Maybe things can be changed much like the EA Star Wars: Battlefront 2 fiasco was. Only time will tell.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sunrie is the editor-in-chief and head writer for Ramblings From the Sunrie and has been since the founding of the site since it first appeared on Open Diary, then on Xanga, and now on WordPress.

Cars by Pixar is Stupid


Pixar has done well for themselves. Good for them. However, some of their movies just don’t make sense. I’m not talking about how the entire “play dead” mechanic in Toy Story could never work, or how I find it extremely unbelievable no one in the entire Monsters Inc universe didn’t realize laughing could provide so much power from 1313 until 2001. Even though there are quite a few worlds they have built which are just flat out broken, the one I’m going to focus on right now is Cars. I’m not going to recap the entire movie, but I will bring a few things up.

This movie…good lord. The premise itself just doesn’t work. Nothing about the world they made seems to make much sense. The catalyst of everything, Lightening McQueen (drawn above), gets separated from his vehicle hauler…okay, whoa, let me back up a bit because I literally just realized how dumb this is from right here because this ties into what I was going to bring up.

So, we have world populated by only vehicles. In this movie, it’s all motor vehicles, such as trucks, sedans, mini-vans, low-riders (racist stereotype being portrayed as Mexicans), and things like that. There is nothing in the world which explains how each vehicle ends up being the type of vehicle it is nor why. Are tow-trucks just born to be tow-trucks? Are mini-vans born to just be mini-vans? Are plows just born to be plows? Does what one of these things decide to do dictate what they look like…like Transformers??? Well, the answer is “Fuck you. Watch the movie and don’t ask questions.”

Lightening McQueen is a race car. He just is. He’s pretty much one of the best, but is getting cocky. There’s even a very strange and disturbing sexual skit early on in which two identical cars shine their headlamps at him. Yes, that’s right, two female cars literally flash our “hero”. He even reacts like he just saw boobies, too, and they giggle like teenagers, as it’s hinted that they are very young, and pretend to be embarrassed for all of a second.

The face says it allAnyway, our “hero” is preparing to get to his next race and drives into the rear end of his big-rig trailer. Remember, this is a world populated by nothing more than vehicles, so this is like Michael Phelps climbing into a backpack to be carried to his next swimming match by one of his assistants. I know this may seem like I’m stretching things a bit and reaching, but think about it…this isn’t the same as someone driving you. You don’t climb into or onto a person and have them move you to where you’re going under their own power. It’s exactly like pulling a small kid in a wagon or carrying an infant in a baby carrier that’s made of your own body parts or the body parts of other humans. Disturbing, right? I thought so, too.

This brings me back to where I was originally going to start. The movie pretty much kicks off once Lightening McQueen gets separated from the rig he was being transported in. He tries to catch up by driving extremely fast down the road, which gets the attention of a police car who chases him down to arrest him for speeding. I have a huge problem with this. Why is the police officer chasing him? Driving too fast? He’s a car…not a driver. This entire world is populated by vehicles, not people, and the vehicle is controlling itself. Just like the absurdity of crawling inside another being to get transported to someplace else (like a parasite, bacteria, or virus…), this is literally like the police chasing down Usain Bolt for being out on a run, or arresting people while jogging for exercise. Say what you will about the nature of police in America, but I’m just not seeing why this is even a thing in the universe of Cars.

Can you imagine being out on a morning 10K run for training and the next thing you know you’re getting your ass handed to you by the local police because you were moving too fast? That’s pretty much exactly what happens to our “hero” here. What fresh 1984 hell does Cars take place in?! It’s almost like Animal Farm, but stupid.

You're supposed to find this sexually appealing... Now let’s throw in my other problem with the movie, which is something I have an issue with in pretty much all movies, especially children’s movies: Romance Sub-Plot. Why, oh, god, why, is there a romance sub-plot? It’s a movie about sentient, sapient motor vehicles focused on a racer who is too cocky for his own good. Do we really need a sexualized vehicle for our “hero” to fawn all over? Does the target audience have the maturity range and experience to appreciate this nuance of the story? I’m pretty sure most of the target demographics still think boys/girls are gross and don’t even have the understanding their parents are a boy and a girl…they’re just “Mom” and “Dad” still.

Just like most other stories and movies with absolutely nothing else to motivate the main character or make anyone remotely likable, the entire point of this romantic sub-plot is to be motivation for the main character, Lightening McQueen and provide something for a female lead to do: Be pretty to drive the plot forward. After all, everyone knows a woman in these stories can’t be separate or provide a means forward in the story by herself, unless she’s the single focus character in her own story, and even then, she has to be so overwhelmed by the fact she’s even just living that we’re happy to see her reach mediocrity by anyone’s standards. Likewise, the main character in these types of stories simply cannot have the motivation for doing what he desires without doing it to provide a nice big ego boost and status symbol for the woman.

Wait…what? The movies Blade and Terminator 2 showed you don’t have to put this type of dynamic into a movie with strong female characters and one of them is the main focus character in the movie? Well, fuck my ass sideways on a Sunday while calling me Victoria! You’re right! It can be done!

Screw this movie and the world they built. The entire thing makes no sense and the only thing worse is Planes. Yes. That’s real.

Understanding the Dangers of Furries – Think of the Children!!!

Mmm *moan* Oh yeah! Look at that anthropomorphic wolf up there. Does that turn you on? Yes? Then congrats…you’re a furry! No? Then, according to the furry community, you’re just a hater and uneducated. It’s time for you to get to know about furries, my dear reader, and think of the children.

People who find animals sexually interesting are known by a few names:

  • Furries
  • Fursons
  • Fur Fags
  • Sick Individuals with a Bestiality Fetish

All of these are fitting. Yes, even the third one. Why? Because the biggest group of people who are into this fetish are homosexual males. That’s not important, though. Why not? Because I’m writing this and I said so!

Here’s a break down on each of those bullet points above:


Furries

fur·ry
/ˈfərē/
noun (informal)
noun: furry; plural noun: furries

1. an enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics, in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such a character or uses one as an avatar online.

Furries will create and wear costumes in order to live out an anonymous fantasy. You will see them shopping, eating, working, and skipping down the street. Just because they call themselves furries, it does not mean the animal they “become” actually needs to have fur. A subgroup of the furries is the Other Kin members who are sexually attracted to any type of animal, such as sharks or hairless moles.

Most of the community will also engage in massive orgies, known as Yiffing, while wearing the outfits they made. In true hedonism, they will gorge themselves on wine and food before exploding into a flood of ravage sexual acts. If you are in the area when the Yiffing starts, then you will often be pulled into against your will.

Online, you will find communities dedicated to the fetish. Several of these websites are dedicated to hiding the true nature of furries by pretending they are just in it for “escapism” (more on this in Fursons). Nothing could be further from the truth. The furries are known to hijack entire kid friendly programs and turn them into a highly sexualized version targeted to lure in children and groom them to the lifestyle. Of all the examples, the most profound is what they have done to My Little Pony and have called themselves Bronies. Again, the vast majority of the fan base is homosexual males trying to attract underage children.


Fursona

A combination of the word “person” and “furry”. Furries believe a person who wants to be an animal, or feels they are actually an animal trapped in a human body, or just wants to have sex with animals without actually having sex with animals, should be a protected class and another “sexual spectrum”, such as homosexuality. They do this in order to normalize their behavior and groom children.

Expanding on the Furson definition is what’s called a Fursona. The Fursona is what the person becomes, or as they claim “what the person actually is”, when wearing the outfit or engaging in the fetish. This is a combination of the words “persona” and “furry”. Seeing a trend here with the naming scheme they have come up with?

Furries claim this is all nothing more than a form of escapism. A person’s Fursona can be an “on all the time” issue even when not in costume. Because furries believe they really are these animals, they will often behave in the same way, always being their Fursona. You’ll see them chasing cats if they “are” a dog, hissing at dogs if they “are” a cat, or masturbating up to eight hours in one sitting if they “are” a mink.


Fur Fags

As mentioned before, the largest group involved in this fetish is homosexual males. The ratio of homosexual males to the rest of the community currently sits at 9:1, followed by homosexual females at 3:1, bi-sexual sitting at 2.8:1 and heterosexual sitting at 0.3:1. These numbers should come as no surprise to anyone, and is the origin for the term.

A large number of the furry community wear the term Fur Fag as a badge of honor and will identify themselves as such instead of being a furry. Even when being a furry and/or being a homosexual has nothing to do with what is at hand, they will quickly identify themselves as such and make sure you understand being a homosexual and a furry is everything they are. Again, they do this to normalize homosexuality, bestiality, and to groom children.

One of the most famous furry fetish members is known as Sonic Roxy Foxy, real name Damion MacDean. He is a high level fighting video game competitor, and almost always wears his furry costume to the tournaments. When he wins, he throws his controller down and screams, “YOU GOT BEAT BY A FURRY AND A FAGGOT!!!!!” His entire personality is that of a furry and a homosexual. Damion MacDean is pushed by many fighting game communities as someone to look up to, further pushing the agenda on children. The Street Fighter Pro-Tournament, Mortal Kombat World Tournament, and Tekken: Iron Fist Match Makers Tournament all use him as a draw to get people watching.


Sick Individuals with a Bestiality Fetish

As mentioned before, one of the biggest reasons people get into the furry community is to act out ravenous sexual conduct with as many anonymous partners as possible, but that’s not all. The entire community is rife with antisemitism and anti-Christianity ideology. The furry fetish is sick on many levels.

First off, the sexual deviation. Furry conventions are literal breeding grounds. Members show up, start to over indulge in food and alcohol, often large amounts of illicit drugs are used, and entire side rooms are filled with multiple partners having sex with each other with no other attempt at privacy. Since everyone is encouraged to join in at anytime, doors will be left wide open for the viewing pleasure of those walking by.

Bestiality is at the core of it all, as most furries will admit to being unable to find the human form attractive. While they often don’t have a preference for their sexual partner’s costume (being a wolf doesn’t mean they will not have sex with a rabbit, for instance), they simply cannot have sex without the other person being in animal form. Most drawings and photos of furries within their communities, therefore, are done in this way. The front sides of communities are often done in a seemingly family friendly way in order to bait children deeper in their depravity.

Antisemitism runs rampant in the furry community. Often times they will draw their characters in Nazi-esque style outfits when they actually wear clothing. Their favorite stories are claimed to be 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell. They do not see those stories as cautionary tales, however, and instead refer to them as “basic guides on how to build an ideal world”. Their favorite documentary/non-fiction is always listed as Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler as well. Most of this is hidden from the direct eyes of the public as they require “initiations” to be part of the deeper community in order to keep out prying eyes.


I hope you certainly have a more detailed understanding to the dangers of furries and will think of the children! I certainly am.


Okay…some of you really need to stop thinking of the children! That’s not what I meant!!!

Gambit Prime – Quick Reference Guide! (s)(t)

I wrote up how I love Gambit Prime, even as a solo player, and I still do. However, people don’t seem to understand the simple mechanics. Yes, simple mechanics are at play in Gambit Prime. It’s also really easy to recognize who wants to do what. I am keeping this all positive, too! Please keep in mind this is not an in depth guide.

So, I’m here to write up some SGA on how to quickly and easily identify people (it may be a little more difficult for color blind people as I don’t know if any setting in Destiny 2 to make it easier) who have decided to dedicate themselves to a specific role and why you should just let them do it, as well as how a general “how to play” the role.

Oh, and do keep in mind…if you aren’t pulling your weight, someone else might step up and take over one of these roles from you.


Invader

  • Has armor with red highlights and is generally black or very dark overall

  • Can have a red aura above their head

  • Generally provides long range support to Reaper and Collector while provide close support for Sentry
    -This means they will be camping near the portal, often on high ground

  • Should be rapidly killing ads during the opening round before first invasion portal and providing fire support between invasion phases

  • Assist in killing invaders with Sentry between invasion phases

  • Kill as many opposing guardians as possible

  • Harass opposing team as much as possible

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*
    CONSTANTLY invading, healing the primeval, and being a massive pain in the ass in general

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Invaders are awesome when you have a good one. Having a bad Invader or having no one being an Invader is bad. It’s also extremely bad to want “your turn” Invading. If you have a dedicated Invader, and they’re constantly getting kills when they Invade, BACK THE FU** OFF! Do not race them to the invasion portal. Do not decide “Well, they’re still running to the portal which just opened, so I’ll invade!” LET THE INVADER INVADE!!!

A great Invader will be able to stall the enemy team long enough for you to get your own primeval up and a chance to win. This isn’t like the original Gambit where you just need to invade no matter what. Great Invaders know when to time an Invasion and maximize the harassment of the enemy team.

General “How To Play As”
If you want to be an Invader, learn the timing and rhythm of invasions by watching the enemy bar at the top. Lots of white (not empty) bar and you guys just dropped two to four blockers? GET IN THERE AND KILL!!!! Not only are you able to slow down the enemy team from killing off the blockers, you’re draining their bank and they’re distracted enough for you to get some quick kills. Has the enemy called up their primeval? Well, get in there ASAP and stall them from killing envoys. Then what you need to do is start timing your invasions to their damage phase and make them waste that time. Most people don’t understand you can jump out of the well and keep the buff for several seconds, so it’s a great time to take down EVERYONE at once.

You’ll probably have the LEAST amount of motes deposited. Any hate you get over this means whoever is complaining is an moron who doesn’t understand the role and importance of an Invader. Just ignore them. They’re so special they’re considered a “protected class” of people.

Weapon Choice
Long range weapons are your best friend. I’ve seen some really successful Invaders use sniper rifles. I’ve seen really successful Invaders use Hammerhead as well. I personally don’t use Hammerhead in Gambit Prime, but to each their own. I personally like using a 180RPM scout rifle like Distant Relation (Explosive Payload+Outlaw). A “You Are Satan” choice is The Colony, as you can lob the rounds across the map and they will rush the enemy team before they know what is going on, as most people do not expect it. Pair it with a burst weapon like Bygones (Kill Clip+Outlaw is great) for closer range combat and you have a beautiful setup for being hateful. I’ve seen Jotunn used, but I find the tracking to be inconsistent.

Class Choice
What class makes the best Invader? I’d have to say it’s Warlocks with Nova Bomb setup followed by Hunters using either Golden Gun or Blade Barrage. Using a Nightstalker with Spectral Blades isn’t a bad idea and using Orpheus Rig can be dire to a team standing in a well. I have personally never seen a successful Invader who was a Titan.

Not going to lie here: Invader is my favorite role to play. I average 17 guardian kills per Gambit Prime match and I’ve caused several timeouts in which we’ve won and at least two “Draws” resulting in another round. Yes, I’m a Hunter main since D1.


Sentry

  • Has armor with yellow highlights and is usually more brown all over

  • Can have a yellow aura over their head

  • Generally provides close support to the bank and the people depositing while working with the Invader as a long range suppressor
    This means they will be down on the ground where the blockers come in

  • Kills as many Blockers and Invaders as possible
    -Being a general pain in the ass to the enemy and breaking their fantasy of quick, easy kills

  • Makes sure Invader doesn’t have a chance to go after the entire team

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Sentry players are the unsung heroes of Gambit Prime. The role can be boring, but the importance of a great Sentry cannot be stressed enough. It’s an extremely thankless job most players don’t consider or take for granted. Without a dedicated Sentry, you’re going to bleed motes constantly and you’re always going to have a bad time clearing blockers, when you could be banking and collecting. Let’s not forget that a Sentry with the right setup can actually SHOW(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)where the Invader is to THE ENTIRE TEAM! Yeah, you read that right, the moment a Sentry with the right gear rating hits an Invader, the entire team knows where the Invader is!

General “How To Play As”
You’re going to be hanging out at the bank most of the match. Not all of, just most of it. You need to pay attention to the bar at the top and calculate when you need to bust your butt back to the Bank in order to start clearing Blockers. Any time you hear the bell, act like Pavlov’s dog and run back to the bank. PERIOD. You need to make sure those blockers are gone ASAP. The second role you’re playing is Invader killer. You are responsible for knowing when and where that Invader is coming from and marking them. Marking them does require a high enough Sentry ranking, but that’s easily achieved with four pieces of +2 and using a Sentry Mote. The moment you hit the Invader, your entire team can now see where they are. You’ll generally have more motes banked than a Invader, so once again ignore any mentally challenged person who complains that you “didn’t bank enough motes compared to me”.

Weapon Selection
Right now for elemental: SOLAR. PERIOD! Why? Because Medium Blockers all have solar shields and you need to drop them as fast as possible. You’re gonna want a weapon you can use up close and personal, such as a shotgun with solar, and a medium/long range weapon. Assault rifles are fine as long as they are 600RPM and slower, otherwise you won’t do enough damage to the shields and enemy fast enough. I prefer Right Side of Wrong (Outlaw+Rampage/Kill Clip) as a pulse rifle, since you can do quick damage with a 4 round burst and it is great for use against invaders, even at distance. Jotunn is a pretty decent choice here as well, but when used against an Invader, as I’ve said, I find the tracking to be inconsistent. Any heavy will do, as long as you can rock a lot of ammo with it. You’re one of the heavy dealers of damage to the primeval, after all, behind a Reaper.

Class Selection
I know it’s cliche, but Titans make the best Sentry followed by Warlocks. Warlocks can use the Nova Bomb spam to really clear off the area and harass an Invader, and I have seen amazing work by bubble Titans who manage to mark the enemy and clear off the Blockers with ease. Hands down Hunters are the worst Sentry, as their supers do not have enough oomph to get the job done, even with Blade Barrage and Golden Gun. You’d think having a Nightstalker would make up the difference, but unless your team rushes in to help you, you cannot clean up fast enough as Hunter. Trust me. I know.


Reaper

  • Has armor with green highlights and is generally black overall or very dark

  • Can have a green aura over their head

  • Will be with or just ahead of the Collector murdering everything

  • Will be up the NPC enemy butthole and shooting their way out at every chance they get

  • Seeks out powerful enemies to take down as fast as possible
    -This can mean leaving the Collector in order to hunt a High Value Target

  • Cleans up any motes left behind by the Collector

  • Assists the Sentry, when possible, to clear Blockers

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Reapers are animals who enjoy killing everything. Everything. Did I mention how they kill everything? Think the definition of a ninja from that Real Ultimate Power website. Reapers are going to be your primary DPS for all the enemies on the field and the primeval. Playing a reaper is pretty fun! It’s more than just “killing things”, it’s about being as efficient as possible and as fast as possible. A great reaper can make getting your primeval summoned extremely fast.

General “How To Play”
You are the number one DPS machine on your team. You’re going to want the highest power level possible and the highest resilience/recovery as possible since you’re going to be up the back side of everything which moves in the game. The moment you hear there’s a high value target on the field, you need to find it ASAP. PERIOD. You’re going to make sure your Collector has the chance to pick up as many motes as fast a possible, and you’re going to make sure you collect anything they can’t, as well as get your other teammates motes to collect. Being a Reaper is all about F.A.S.T: Find – Annihilate – Sh** On Their Corpse – Take It To The Bank. (The original “T” was “Tea Bag”, but after you sh** on a corpse it’s probably not a good idea)

Weapon Selection
Anything which has a high DPS. Stay away from high rate of fire auto rifles (720RPM…600 is alright, but the slower firing provides more bang for your buck). I love Breakneck for being a Reaper. Thorn is great. If you have Maleficence, bless your heart and get to work! Just make sure you have a back up for regular enemies. Your heavy weapon needs to be something you can load up with ammo and has heavy destructive power. It’s a toss up here…while you can run something like Thunderlord or Hammerhead to clear ads fast, it won’t do much good against the bosses. It’s up to you: Faster ad clear with heavy or harder hitting single target for primeval. Personally, I’d stay with heavy hitting single target weapons to burn down that primeval.

User GilgameshP46 on reddit brought up a good point about swords: They’re fast and you can stun lock a primeval, allowing your team to really hammer them down like crazy.

Class Selection
ANY! The good news is, any class makes a great Reaper. Warlocks take top spot followed by Hunters and trailed in third by Titans. Warlocks can take out a large group of enemies fast with their supers and Hunters have some multi-target supers as well. Both have great supers to take on the primeval. Titans, sadly, just don’t have the supers to deal with a group on their own, but have a pretty nice natural resilience to their advantage, and a punch Titan or OEM wearing bastard can make life miserable for the NPCs.


Collector

  • Has armor with white highlights and usually brown over all

  • Can have a white aura over their head

  • Will be running with the Reaper for most of the match and hardly ever alone

  • Will be collecting as many motes can fit in their pockets, mouth, and any other open hole as possible as fast as possible

  • Secondary DPS to the Reaper for clearing ads, but not necessarily the primeval

  • Assists Reaper, when possible, in killing High Value Targets

  • Leaves no motes behind as much as possible

  • Hides when an Invader comes in and doesn’t engage directly if at all possible

  • Least priority for heavy ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Collectors are your vanilla bean flavors. This means while everyone is expected to collect motes at certain times, your Collector is just plain better at it. A great Collector grabs as many motes as fast as possible, never letting any go to waste, and is pounding that bank with high level blockers. It is everyone else’s job to pay attention to the Collector in order to have the most efficient Blockers sent to the enemy team and drain those motes!

General “How To Play”
You need to be fast. You need to be efficient. You need to be aware at all times. You are the #1 target of the enemy Invader. They are coming for you specifically. If you like sweaty, scary, fast paced action, then you need to be a Collector. Any and every mote goes in your pockets. A Collector with the right setup can drop a mini-primeval style Blocker on the enemy team, and it’s more than a little annoying to take down. You need to know when an Invader is coming and plan accordingly. You need to know when there are Blockers and when there will be Invaders. You are going to be hunted like a little rabbit and you need to be storing motes as fast as possible at all costs. Watch where the NPC enemies are at all times and where the damage is coming from. Do not be losing motes! This is one of the sweatiest roles to fill and can be a lot of fun. Mobility and resilience are extremely important. When you hear the Drift say it’s time for a primeval, then you need to get to the bank right away. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weapon Selection
You need weapons which allow you to move fast, and do enough damage quickly to burn down ads. Submachine guns are great for this, and so are fast firing pulse rifles, such as Bygones (which is great for defending yourself against an Invader who manged to get too close). Shotguns are another option for you. Heavy weapons are going to be anything allowing you to take down a cluster of enemies fast, such as a rocket launcher with cluster bombs or machine guns. These will also help make an Invader think twice from getting up on you.

Class Selection
ANY! Any class makes a great collector. As long as you are fast and you have a situational awareness better than a ham sandwich, you’ll be fine.


Well, there you have it! A nice little guide on how to identify people who are taking on a specific role, what that role details, and a quick, easy to swallow taste of how to play each role. There are always much more detailed tactics, but that isn’t what this was about. Get out there, Guardians, and “cook that primeval! Drifter’s hungry!”

Comic Heroes No One Wants!

Not too long ago I once again rediscovered my love for comics. Actually, not comics as much as graphic novels. I did, however, enjoy Injustice vs The Masters of the Universe and the Mortal Kombat X comic. I only got to issue of 26 of Preacher before I had to stop reading. The Killing Joke was amazing for being a comic which began and ended in its own single volume, but wasn’t as long as a graphic novel. I loved Kick Ass and desperately awaiting the ability to read the next installment, which I believe is issue 4. Watchmen was pretty dang good, too.

Because I am a writer I recognize what it takes to write a good story and present a great comic character. I may not be a great illustrator, but I have my own style which I find satisfying enough. With all this talent, I have been trying to get a few comics launched through DC, Marvel, and Dark Horse. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here…no one wants my creations! Here, take a look at these ones. I’m sure once you do, you’ll demand any number of comic publishers to let me make these on a large scale.

Clicking on the images will open a new tab allowing you to view the image in full HD glory!


Name: Razor Willi
Power: Super Strength, Phallus Turns Into A Scythe, Immunity to General STDs and AIDS
Secret Identity: Peter Dickson (Stage name, actually Liam Karlsson)
Nation: Swedish, but currently living in America
Day Job: Porn Star
Age: 27 years old
Catch Phrase: “When I unleash the main vain, it’s time for some pain!!!”
Background: His impoverished family left Sweden in search of a promise and a dream. Once they reached America, they found the dream and promise to be everything they hoped for. His father soon ran a chain of popular adult shops and used it to seed a second business, in which his mother ran, where they made a line of extremely popular vibrators. Not wanting to be nothing more than a figure head for either business, Liam decided to use his natural talents (those being able to get an erection at will…and a rather large one) in order to pursue a new course in life: Mega porn star.

Tragedy struck the first day of his premier role, however. Several armed thugs entered into the house they were filming, demanding everyone into one room. Turns out, the director and producer owed some really seedy people some money for all the investments they made in the movies. When one of the gunmen stated they were there to collect from everyone to recuperate some of the funds or kill those who couldn’t pay something up, Liam sprang into action and so did his penis. The increased blood pressure and fury channeled straight to his dick and it immediately grew to an offensive side, as well as taking on the shape of a scythe. One gunman was instantly beheaded and the other had both his hands cut off. Liam had saved the day!

From that day on, he began to make super hero themed porn movies, but quickly grew tired of only pretending. Now he takes to the streets using his super hero name, Razor Willi, and continues to star in porn under the name Peter Dickson. When asked why he doesn’t have a true secret identity, he simply tells people, “What’s the point of hiding when you have this much meat?”


Name: Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous
Power: Immune to Suicide Bombing (Specifically, not all explosions), Immune to Sand Storms, Immune to Waterboarding
Secret Identity: Azhaan Kakazai
Nation: Pakistan
Day Job: Resident Imam
Age: 34 years old (Earth Time) / 87 years old (All Time)
Catch Phrase: “Strong. Fierce. FABULOUS! ALLAH HU-AKBAR!”
Background: Azhaan Kakazai was heading to a Jewish preschool in order to do his Islamic duty of murdering them all when his truck was struck by a meteor. Unbeknownst to him, a forbidden power was residing in this meteor. He was taken to the land between and held in meeting by the alien virus, Glugarnock. Azhaan spent fifty two years in conference with Glugarnock in which they came to an agreement which satisfied both. Glugarnock agreed to provide immunity to self inflicted explosions, all sand storms, and to be immune to waterboarding, however, Azhaan would be forced to reveal his true self to all anytime he used his powers.

Azhaan Kakazai knew this would be a death sentence, as his true self was a huge, flaming homosexual. He did everything he could to keep it a secret, as Islam forbid homosexuality upon the very real threat of death. Glugarnock promised he would provide him with the ability to continue hiding his true self until the power was about to be used. Azhaan agreed and so, Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous was born…or should we say converted.

Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous continues to fight against all infidels who will not convert to his way of thinking. The irony of being considered an infidel since he’s so obviously overtly and openly gay is completely lost to him. The only thing which matters is those who aren’t Muslim are killed, and since he can blow himself up as much as he wants, he doesn’t ever really worry about being discovered. Those who have witnessed him in action often describe a colorful blur followed by a massive explosion. He’s a true hero to the Muslim children and the most progressive super hero ever written.


Name: Pink Blackhole
Power: Creates a Singularity from her Gaping Vagina
Secret Identity: Brittany Pfifer
Nation: America
Day Job: Secretary
Age: 191/2 years old
Catch Phrase: “I have a pussy pass and I’m going to use it!” and “DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!”
Background: Brittany Pfifer was a slut. That is to say she was the slut to end all sluts. The sluttiest slut to ever slut up a slut for another slut. That’s how much of a slut she was. Not to slut shame her, though, as how much a slut she was is a recorded fact. Just so everyone understands, by the time Brittany was 16 she had been with 127 different boys and men, multiple times each. Unfortunately for Brittany, by the time she turned 19 and had been with 398 different boys and men, as well as three women, two goats, and five horses, she met her 399th “man”. This man was actually Stephan Vika Dronbox from the Piscium system and wanted her for his own.

At first (the three hours they were alone together for the first day) she went along with it, but began to slut around again. Stephan Vika Dronbox was not a creature to be trifled with, and upon finding her in the bathroom of a Wendy’s fast food restaurant screwing one of the workers, her 400th, he lost all control. He killed the coworker, blew up everyone else in the Wendy’s and beamed them both to his ship in orbit.

Brittany thought it was going to be all fun and games when she was strapped down to a table, unable to move, until Stephan Vika Dronbox told her that if she felt she could never have her pussy full enough, he was going to make sure it was never full again. She didn’t know what he meant until she awoke later and went to cram a cucumber her her snatch as an appetizer. Before her very eyes, her vagina opened up into a blackhole and sucked the cucumber deep into the event horizon, never to be seen again.

Brittany has vowed to “break the patriarchy for doing this to her” and used her curse as a blessing to do so. She screams out at pro-life rallies and literally swallows mean whole into her infinitely vast cunt if they so much as ask her to dance or ask her out on a date. It’s her body, therefore her choice, so she uses her female privilege and misconception of gender equality to get what she wants. Well, that and her pink taco blackhole.


Name: Iron Baker
Power: Entire Body Turns to Iron (except head), Secretes Olive Oil from Hands and Feet, Turn Baking Tools Into Deadly Weapons
Secret Identity: Jabari Jackson
Nation: America
Day Job: Baker
Age: 24 years old
Catch Phrase: “Let’s make it a baker’s dozen!”
Background: Jabari Jackson was well on his way to making a name for himself in the Wisconsin baking world when tragedy struck. He had been promised some exotic ingredients by a supplier he had never heard of before. Jabari was extremely excited to get started using these new ingredients in order to skyrocket to first place during a baking tournament. He just knew he was going to come up with flavor profiles no one had ever tasted before.

When the ingredients arrived, he tore open the boxes and was hit in the face by multidimensional beams of light, transforming his body and filling him with black rage. His body turned hard as iron, except for his head, and he began to uncontrollably secrete olive oil from his feet and hands. The whisk and measuring spoon he was holding transformed into fearsome weapons of power. Running into the night in a fit of black rage, he took down three muggers and stopped a bank robbery.

Over time, Jabari learned to harness his powers and black rage to his advantage. It has come in handy several times during a traffic stop, preventing him from being murdered by a trigger happy police officer. He’s also able to use his fearsome weapons to churn out baked goods no one else can reproduce and has become more famous than Julia Child and Gordon Ramsay.


So, how about that?! I’m sure you agree with me it’s confusing as all get out why the big three publishers won’t touch my creations. Let’s get a petition started. With the release of Captain Marvel, you’d think they’d be all over Pink Blackhole at least!