Mortal Kombat 11 Review by Sunrie (s)(t)

Mortal Kombat, Bitches!!! This logo is awesome!
Nerd boners are raging hard right now with the release of Mortal Kombat 11. It’s been almost a solid four years since Mortal Kombat X was released and people have been begging for the next installment for years now. Was it worth the wait? You can either skip to the bottom like a loser, or you can read the entire review to form a more rounded opinion. Choice is yours.


Raiden looking better than ever!Plot

MKX left us with a very emo Raiden and Cassie Cage as the Earth’s victor. *sigh* Say what you will, that’s what happened in the last game. Now it’s several years later and Raiden is waging war on absolutely every realm which he finds to possibly, maybe, at some point, could be a threat to Earthrealm. With Liu Kang and Kitana ruling Netherrealm, Raiden feels he must attack them as soon as possible.

Enter Kronika, the game’s main antagonist. This new character is above the Elder Gods and she’s extremely powerful. Kind of…sort of…well, if she gets enough power to use her power, she’s extremely powerful. She controls time and weaves the destinies of all people in all the realms, but might also only be Earthrealm, unless you’ve visited Earthrealm… The game never really clears that up.

Look, to sum everything up, Kronika is beyond angry about Raiden shifting everything in total favor of Earthrealm and has decided to rebalance the universe by reversing time to a point in which Raiden could no longer exist. Good guys turn to bad guys, bad guys turn to good guys, and everything else is pretty gray.

Honestly, I’m doing a bad job representing the plot here. It works great in the game and is presented wonderfully.


I would still put my dick in her mouthStory

Ah, the story! MK 9 had an amazing story. MK X had a pretty “meh” story. Injustice 2 had a terrible story. MK 11? It has an amazing story! I don’t know if they reassigned the writing team to the original ones or they hired people back, or even fired the old ones and hired new ones, but damn the new story is interesting. It’s put together in a solid way, the fights make sense, the character interactions are fun, and it doesn’t feel like it’s dragging on nor needless.

I won’t provide spoilers, but let’s just say it had some interesting surprises and mentions. Character motivations don’t feel shoehorned in just to make them appear at times for a fight, which is the biggest thing for me. Unlike in MK X, I feel like this was handled with care and actually thought out again. With the exception of one character, anyone you fight is in the roster. Sure Ed Boon said no NPC fights…well that was a fucking lie…but with that one exception, everyone in the story is in the roster.

Kronika herself is an interesting character and her guiding hand is what lead to the events of all Mortal Kombat games across all timelines. This includes ones we weren’t familiar with, but get to see glimpses of in The Krypt and mentions by other characters.


Mmhmm...mhmm..mmmhmm...Johnny looking badassGraphics

Before I get into controls, audio, and things like that, let’s talk graphics. You see that Johnny Cage over there to the left? See how badass that looks? Well, the entire game is like that. The facial scanning technology is even better than in Injustice 2 and moves even more realistically.

Arenas are multilayered with all kinds of things to look at while never actually distracting from the fight you’re focusing on. In one arena, Shinnok’s severed head sits wedged in a wall and mounted like a trophy. In another arena, you’ll see both the present and the past fighting for dominance as you spray blood across the battle field. Is an NPC wandering a little too close to the fighting action? Grab them and throw them at your opponent!!! It feels so good taking a tarkatan warrior by the belt and bashing your enemy in the face with it.

Special moves glow and explode in pure eye candy. When characters get hit, they react much more realistically than even before, and crushing blows (moves which do enhanced damage based on specific triggers) act as a quasi-x-ray move which can happen either automatically, or when you opt for the “Hold A Button” option.

Blood is…very satisfying. Blood and other liquids (see: Kano introductions in the game) will seek its own level and cover not only the ground, but the entire arena and even coat your fighter’s outfits. While the blood may not pour like a faucet, what does flow out of fighters is more than satisfying. You won’t see the characters taking battle damage like in the past, but thanks to the improved blood physics, you won’t miss it.


Sonya taking it to the face in graphic detailGameplay/Controls

How does the game play? Faster than the beta and slower than MK X. I like it! I really, really like it. I don’t feel like I’m being rushed down constantly by the AI or other players. It’s much more methodical this time around.

Inputting combos is still a little “dial-a-hit”, but the timing is much tighter this time around. You have to be pretty precise, and that will either make you a better player, or will make you frustrated in the online battles. Personally, I like it being a little less forgiving, because it means button mashing is even less likely to get you anywhere. Is it noob friendly? Somewhat, I guess.

Honestly, the controls aren’t super crispy, but they feel satisfying. My fingers have gotten a work out, let’s put it that way. Doing the Tutorial section will help you out in a lot of ways. I highly suggest at least playing the Frame Data Tutorial. Granted, it means absolutely dick shit against the computer, since the AI breaks all the rules whenever it feels like (Dear Developers: Stop programming One Button Specials and Button Reading into your fighting games and learn how to program actual AI, you lazy assholes. Sincerely, Everyone), but it did make the entire concept understandable for me, so anyone can learn it.


Liu Kang's Fatalities have gotten goryAudio

Music is right on. It’s just catchy enough that you won’t be distracted by it, but you’ll definitely have your favorites. Thanks to the Krypt, which I will discuss mournfully later, you can unlock the tunes to listen to at any time. There’s some wild west influence in some of this music, and that’s not a bad thing.

Groans, grunts, screams, yelps, and laughs are fantastic. Beating your opponent mercilessly has never sounded this good. Ever. Period. I don’t care what other game you’re thinking of, this beats it.* Punching your enemy to bits like Liu Kang there will give you an instant boner no matter if you’re a boy or a girl. It’s that good.

Voice acting is good as well. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s good. I know people complain about Rhonda Rousey’s acting as Sonya, but let me get something straight with everyone: No one else in the cast is Shakespeare level and no one is going to win an award for their work here. It all feels like it’s done on purpose to give it that old Kung Fu Theater vibe, and it’s fun.

*God of War (2018) is the one exception


Oh...Johnny and Sonya are back together, by the wayFeatures

It wouldn’t be a modern Mortal Kombat game without some additional features thrown in. Apart from Story, you have The Krypt, Towers of Time, Klassic Towers, Kollections, and Kustomize.

Story mode is your basic bread and butter mode to get you to understand what is going on and why. You get to play a variety of the characters, sometimes as a team, and other times alone. You do not get to play as the villians at all, which kind of sucks. You have the ability to go back and make other choices, when given to you, so you won’t miss out on anything. Nothing about the story changes, however, and it’s just there to give you another thing to experience. A lot of your costumes and accents are earned through this mode, so don’t skip it.

Towers of Time is much like the gimmick in Injustice 2 where you have a cretain amount of time to beat challenges to unlock gear and get konsumables. First off: FUCK KONSUMBABLES. Most of the towers can only be beaten by using these because the AI is completely jacked up. Netherrealm Studios has stated this is a mistake (I don’t believe them) and they are adjusting the difficulty. Whey do I think this is not a mistake? Because it makes you so infuriated you’ll want to buy “konsumable” items in packs through the online store. They just got so much backlash from this they are forced to change it. At least they acknowledged it. This goes for The Krypt, too, which I will address last, due to how angry I am over it.

Klassic Towers is exactly like the normal towers in MK X. You choose five through twelve fights to get your character’s endings, fight through an endurance tower where your health is carried over between each fight, and you have the unlimited battles tower to see just how far you can get against an increasingly cheating computer. Oh, did I forget to mention you can use konsumables in this selection of towers as well completely breaking everything? Yeah…fuck “konsumables”.

Kollections is just where you can view the items you’ve unlocked such as concept art and music. That’s all.

Kustomize is where you go to change out your costumes and adjust your skills and augments. It’s pretty cool, but extremely limited. You can’t adjust the colors yourself, so you’re forced to just pick the outfit and coloring you like the best with the items you’ve selected to accent your character. However, there is a lot to choose from, and you’ll pretty much be forced to either get extremely lucky to get the one you want, or you’ll just have to fork over the cash (up to $10 USA) for it. Why? Because of the fucked over Krypt.

Their faces say it allThe Krypt is a joke. There are more items than there are treasure chests, so you’ll have to spend even more of your first type of currency to reset the chests in order to have a slight chance to get what you want. It’s 2,000 gold pieces PER CHEST to reset, and with chests costing up to 25,000 gold to open, you’ll need a lot of gold. Then there’s the “Soul Tokens”, which you get at a very slow rate compared to gold. One area requires 2,00 souls in order to unlock it, and every other chest requires 100 souls. Guess how many souls you get by playing? Not enough.

Then there’s the Hearts…Except for “Special Chests”, which require 100 hearts, every other chest which takes hearts (these have Shao Kahn’s bust on them) requires 250 hearts. Problem with this? You get ONE HEART PER FATILITY and TWO HEARTS PER BRUTALITY. So, that means you have to beat, at minimum, 125 opponents and end the rounds with a Brutality, or defeat 250 characters with a Fatality just to open ONE CHEST, which contains an RNG character skin. Oh, and no, couch co-op does NOT give you hearts, so don’t try to cheat it that way.

That’s not the end of it, either…to use one of the items which is required to find certain chests and passageways, it costs you Soul Tokens to use. Every second it drains 2 Soul Tokens. So…pony up and pay, bitches. Again, Netherrealm Studios has acknowledged the backlash, so they are “adjusting the economy”. No one knows what this means as of now.


This is the real Mortal Kombat! Kontroversy!Kontroversy

I didn’t have to spell it with a “K”, I just wanted to.

Many, many, many man babies are crying over the fact the characters look more realistic. In any other videogame this would be a great thing, but not here in Mortal Kombat, I guess. They’re also complaining that the female fighters don’t have their tits, ass, and pussy hanging out of their costumes, but feel that the male characters are overly sexualized. These people are absolutely dumb shits. That is a fact, not an opinion. The characters have never looked better and the costume designs have never been more impressive.

The other thing is Ed Boon claimed there would be no loot boxes, but the game introduces three currencies, one of which is literally called a “premium currency”, much like those free to play mobile games. The entire economy of the game is based around microtransactions, and The Krypt is one big loot box filled with RNG bullshit no one wanted or asked for. You cannot, and I repeat cannot, go onto the internet and look up where to find what you want, since it will be different for everyone. Oh, but don’t worry, you can pay $5.00 (USA) for the outfit you want and up to $20.00 for a pack of them. Know what? Fuck you guys at Netherrealm Studios for doing this. I will not praise you fixing this, as it is a problem you created in the first place. Just get it fixed.

Let me not forget to mention how you 100% need to be online to keep any of the items you unlock. In order to “protect the online store”, the game has to access the servers in order to validate you actually have the right to have it. I’ve had the servers go down on me a few times, making me lose progress, and my internet took a dump on me another time, which made me lose progress as well. It’s infuriating and anti-consumer.


They're eager for the final scoreFINAL SCORE: 8/10 Nerd Boners

Even with The Krypt, Towers of Time, and the economy of the game completely fucked, it’s a solid 8 out of 10 nerd boners from me. Once the issues have been fixed, if they ever are correctly fixed, then I’ll give it a 10/10.

Should you rent or buy? If you love Mortal Kombat, then get it now. RIGHT NOW. If you like fighting games, then wait a year until the “full version” comes out, with all the fixes, adjustments, and characters available to you right away. I got the Kollector’s Edition and feel very satisfied with my purchase.

Gambit Prime – Quick Reference Guide! (s)(t)

I wrote up how I love Gambit Prime, even as a solo player, and I still do. However, people don’t seem to understand the simple mechanics. Yes, simple mechanics are at play in Gambit Prime. It’s also really easy to recognize who wants to do what. I am keeping this all positive, too! Please keep in mind this is not an in depth guide.

So, I’m here to write up some SGA on how to quickly and easily identify people (it may be a little more difficult for color blind people as I don’t know if any setting in Destiny 2 to make it easier) who have decided to dedicate themselves to a specific role and why you should just let them do it, as well as how a general “how to play” the role.

Oh, and do keep in mind…if you aren’t pulling your weight, someone else might step up and take over one of these roles from you.


Invader

  • Has armor with red highlights and is generally black or very dark overall

  • Can have a red aura above their head

  • Generally provides long range support to Reaper and Collector while provide close support for Sentry
    -This means they will be camping near the portal, often on high ground

  • Should be rapidly killing ads during the opening round before first invasion portal and providing fire support between invasion phases

  • Assist in killing invaders with Sentry between invasion phases

  • Kill as many opposing guardians as possible

  • Harass opposing team as much as possible

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*
    CONSTANTLY invading, healing the primeval, and being a massive pain in the ass in general

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Invaders are awesome when you have a good one. Having a bad Invader or having no one being an Invader is bad. It’s also extremely bad to want “your turn” Invading. If you have a dedicated Invader, and they’re constantly getting kills when they Invade, BACK THE FU** OFF! Do not race them to the invasion portal. Do not decide “Well, they’re still running to the portal which just opened, so I’ll invade!” LET THE INVADER INVADE!!!

A great Invader will be able to stall the enemy team long enough for you to get your own primeval up and a chance to win. This isn’t like the original Gambit where you just need to invade no matter what. Great Invaders know when to time an Invasion and maximize the harassment of the enemy team.

General “How To Play As”
If you want to be an Invader, learn the timing and rhythm of invasions by watching the enemy bar at the top. Lots of white (not empty) bar and you guys just dropped two to four blockers? GET IN THERE AND KILL!!!! Not only are you able to slow down the enemy team from killing off the blockers, you’re draining their bank and they’re distracted enough for you to get some quick kills. Has the enemy called up their primeval? Well, get in there ASAP and stall them from killing envoys. Then what you need to do is start timing your invasions to their damage phase and make them waste that time. Most people don’t understand you can jump out of the well and keep the buff for several seconds, so it’s a great time to take down EVERYONE at once.

You’ll probably have the LEAST amount of motes deposited. Any hate you get over this means whoever is complaining is an moron who doesn’t understand the role and importance of an Invader. Just ignore them. They’re so special they’re considered a “protected class” of people.

Weapon Choice
Long range weapons are your best friend. I’ve seen some really successful Invaders use sniper rifles. I’ve seen really successful Invaders use Hammerhead as well. I personally don’t use Hammerhead in Gambit Prime, but to each their own. I personally like using a 180RPM scout rifle like Distant Relation (Explosive Payload+Outlaw). A “You Are Satan” choice is The Colony, as you can lob the rounds across the map and they will rush the enemy team before they know what is going on, as most people do not expect it. Pair it with a burst weapon like Bygones (Kill Clip+Outlaw is great) for closer range combat and you have a beautiful setup for being hateful. I’ve seen Jotunn used, but I find the tracking to be inconsistent.

Class Choice
What class makes the best Invader? I’d have to say it’s Warlocks with Nova Bomb setup followed by Hunters using either Golden Gun or Blade Barrage. Using a Nightstalker with Spectral Blades isn’t a bad idea and using Orpheus Rig can be dire to a team standing in a well. I have personally never seen a successful Invader who was a Titan.

Not going to lie here: Invader is my favorite role to play. I average 17 guardian kills per Gambit Prime match and I’ve caused several timeouts in which we’ve won and at least two “Draws” resulting in another round. Yes, I’m a Hunter main since D1.


Sentry

  • Has armor with yellow highlights and is usually more brown all over

  • Can have a yellow aura over their head

  • Generally provides close support to the bank and the people depositing while working with the Invader as a long range suppressor
    This means they will be down on the ground where the blockers come in

  • Kills as many Blockers and Invaders as possible
    -Being a general pain in the ass to the enemy and breaking their fantasy of quick, easy kills

  • Makes sure Invader doesn’t have a chance to go after the entire team

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Sentry players are the unsung heroes of Gambit Prime. The role can be boring, but the importance of a great Sentry cannot be stressed enough. It’s an extremely thankless job most players don’t consider or take for granted. Without a dedicated Sentry, you’re going to bleed motes constantly and you’re always going to have a bad time clearing blockers, when you could be banking and collecting. Let’s not forget that a Sentry with the right setup can actually SHOW(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)where the Invader is to THE ENTIRE TEAM! Yeah, you read that right, the moment a Sentry with the right gear rating hits an Invader, the entire team knows where the Invader is!

General “How To Play As”
You’re going to be hanging out at the bank most of the match. Not all of, just most of it. You need to pay attention to the bar at the top and calculate when you need to bust your butt back to the Bank in order to start clearing Blockers. Any time you hear the bell, act like Pavlov’s dog and run back to the bank. PERIOD. You need to make sure those blockers are gone ASAP. The second role you’re playing is Invader killer. You are responsible for knowing when and where that Invader is coming from and marking them. Marking them does require a high enough Sentry ranking, but that’s easily achieved with four pieces of +2 and using a Sentry Mote. The moment you hit the Invader, your entire team can now see where they are. You’ll generally have more motes banked than a Invader, so once again ignore any mentally challenged person who complains that you “didn’t bank enough motes compared to me”.

Weapon Selection
Right now for elemental: SOLAR. PERIOD! Why? Because Medium Blockers all have solar shields and you need to drop them as fast as possible. You’re gonna want a weapon you can use up close and personal, such as a shotgun with solar, and a medium/long range weapon. Assault rifles are fine as long as they are 600RPM and slower, otherwise you won’t do enough damage to the shields and enemy fast enough. I prefer Right Side of Wrong (Outlaw+Rampage/Kill Clip) as a pulse rifle, since you can do quick damage with a 4 round burst and it is great for use against invaders, even at distance. Jotunn is a pretty decent choice here as well, but when used against an Invader, as I’ve said, I find the tracking to be inconsistent. Any heavy will do, as long as you can rock a lot of ammo with it. You’re one of the heavy dealers of damage to the primeval, after all, behind a Reaper.

Class Selection
I know it’s cliche, but Titans make the best Sentry followed by Warlocks. Warlocks can use the Nova Bomb spam to really clear off the area and harass an Invader, and I have seen amazing work by bubble Titans who manage to mark the enemy and clear off the Blockers with ease. Hands down Hunters are the worst Sentry, as their supers do not have enough oomph to get the job done, even with Blade Barrage and Golden Gun. You’d think having a Nightstalker would make up the difference, but unless your team rushes in to help you, you cannot clean up fast enough as Hunter. Trust me. I know.


Reaper

  • Has armor with green highlights and is generally black overall or very dark

  • Can have a green aura over their head

  • Will be with or just ahead of the Collector murdering everything

  • Will be up the NPC enemy butthole and shooting their way out at every chance they get

  • Seeks out powerful enemies to take down as fast as possible
    -This can mean leaving the Collector in order to hunt a High Value Target

  • Cleans up any motes left behind by the Collector

  • Assists the Sentry, when possible, to clear Blockers

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Reapers are animals who enjoy killing everything. Everything. Did I mention how they kill everything? Think the definition of a ninja from that Real Ultimate Power website. Reapers are going to be your primary DPS for all the enemies on the field and the primeval. Playing a reaper is pretty fun! It’s more than just “killing things”, it’s about being as efficient as possible and as fast as possible. A great reaper can make getting your primeval summoned extremely fast.

General “How To Play”
You are the number one DPS machine on your team. You’re going to want the highest power level possible and the highest resilience/recovery as possible since you’re going to be up the back side of everything which moves in the game. The moment you hear there’s a high value target on the field, you need to find it ASAP. PERIOD. You’re going to make sure your Collector has the chance to pick up as many motes as fast a possible, and you’re going to make sure you collect anything they can’t, as well as get your other teammates motes to collect. Being a Reaper is all about F.A.S.T: Find – Annihilate – Sh** On Their Corpse – Take It To The Bank. (The original “T” was “Tea Bag”, but after you sh** on a corpse it’s probably not a good idea)

Weapon Selection
Anything which has a high DPS. Stay away from high rate of fire auto rifles (720RPM…600 is alright, but the slower firing provides more bang for your buck). I love Breakneck for being a Reaper. Thorn is great. If you have Maleficence, bless your heart and get to work! Just make sure you have a back up for regular enemies. Your heavy weapon needs to be something you can load up with ammo and has heavy destructive power. It’s a toss up here…while you can run something like Thunderlord or Hammerhead to clear ads fast, it won’t do much good against the bosses. It’s up to you: Faster ad clear with heavy or harder hitting single target for primeval. Personally, I’d stay with heavy hitting single target weapons to burn down that primeval.

User GilgameshP46 on reddit brought up a good point about swords: They’re fast and you can stun lock a primeval, allowing your team to really hammer them down like crazy.

Class Selection
ANY! The good news is, any class makes a great Reaper. Warlocks take top spot followed by Hunters and trailed in third by Titans. Warlocks can take out a large group of enemies fast with their supers and Hunters have some multi-target supers as well. Both have great supers to take on the primeval. Titans, sadly, just don’t have the supers to deal with a group on their own, but have a pretty nice natural resilience to their advantage, and a punch Titan or OEM wearing bastard can make life miserable for the NPCs.


Collector

  • Has armor with white highlights and usually brown over all

  • Can have a white aura over their head

  • Will be running with the Reaper for most of the match and hardly ever alone

  • Will be collecting as many motes can fit in their pockets, mouth, and any other open hole as possible as fast as possible

  • Secondary DPS to the Reaper for clearing ads, but not necessarily the primeval

  • Assists Reaper, when possible, in killing High Value Targets

  • Leaves no motes behind as much as possible

  • Hides when an Invader comes in and doesn’t engage directly if at all possible

  • Least priority for heavy ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Collectors are your vanilla bean flavors. This means while everyone is expected to collect motes at certain times, your Collector is just plain better at it. A great Collector grabs as many motes as fast as possible, never letting any go to waste, and is pounding that bank with high level blockers. It is everyone else’s job to pay attention to the Collector in order to have the most efficient Blockers sent to the enemy team and drain those motes!

General “How To Play”
You need to be fast. You need to be efficient. You need to be aware at all times. You are the #1 target of the enemy Invader. They are coming for you specifically. If you like sweaty, scary, fast paced action, then you need to be a Collector. Any and every mote goes in your pockets. A Collector with the right setup can drop a mini-primeval style Blocker on the enemy team, and it’s more than a little annoying to take down. You need to know when an Invader is coming and plan accordingly. You need to know when there are Blockers and when there will be Invaders. You are going to be hunted like a little rabbit and you need to be storing motes as fast as possible at all costs. Watch where the NPC enemies are at all times and where the damage is coming from. Do not be losing motes! This is one of the sweatiest roles to fill and can be a lot of fun. Mobility and resilience are extremely important. When you hear the Drift say it’s time for a primeval, then you need to get to the bank right away. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weapon Selection
You need weapons which allow you to move fast, and do enough damage quickly to burn down ads. Submachine guns are great for this, and so are fast firing pulse rifles, such as Bygones (which is great for defending yourself against an Invader who manged to get too close). Shotguns are another option for you. Heavy weapons are going to be anything allowing you to take down a cluster of enemies fast, such as a rocket launcher with cluster bombs or machine guns. These will also help make an Invader think twice from getting up on you.

Class Selection
ANY! Any class makes a great collector. As long as you are fast and you have a situational awareness better than a ham sandwich, you’ll be fine.


Well, there you have it! A nice little guide on how to identify people who are taking on a specific role, what that role details, and a quick, easy to swallow taste of how to play each role. There are always much more detailed tactics, but that isn’t what this was about. Get out there, Guardians, and “cook that primeval! Drifter’s hungry!”

Fixing my blog thanks to Photobucket’s bullshit (s)(t)

So, as many of you out there know, Photobucket has lost their god damn mind and decided people have to pay them $400 a year in order to access their photos and link them online. Unless, of course, you’ve already been paying for a premium service, in which case you can get access to everything until December 2017, then you need to pay the $400.

Photobucket can suck my balls and wipe my asshole with their tongue. For over a decade I’ve been using that service to provide images on my blogs and other sites, but now they decided that’s not good enough. Well, they’re not good enough for me. They aren’t good enough for you, either, especially with so many alternatives out there.

I’m in the process of fixing my blog and uploading my images to better hosting locations, but it’s slow going. I had over 500 images across this blog…holy shit… I’m not the only one furious with them over this, either. Many people have completely deleted their images and their accounts, that way there was nothing left for Photobucket to claim.

Fuck Photobucket. Give them enough room for their $400 elite sacks of shit by deleting everything off their site and deleting your account. This is a severe violation of UDAP (Unfair, Deceptive and Abusive Practices) which every business is held under. Fuck Photobucket in their ass.

How People are Finding my Entries Part 2 (s)(t)

So, quite some time ago I wrote about how people were finding my entires. Some of them were…frightening to say the least. Again, I love people finding my writings. Really, I do. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be writing. It’s just…for fuck’s sake, people. What is wrong with you?

Once again, here’s how people have been finding my site…lord have mercy…


kau injak, aku diam kau gauli, aku diam kau rampas, aku masih diam kau hancurkan sampai ulu hati, hanya ada geming tersisa when u destroy me, u kill yourself in the first place.
What the shit? I have no idea what the hell any of this is supposed to be. When I ran the search in Google, my writings didn’t even come up. It has to do with some scare tactic bullshit, worse than the Weather Channel, claiming video games are telling your children to kill themselves. They aren’t. I am, though.

how to be professional in mortal kombat
Nothing on my site is going to tell you how to actually do this. However, this makes sense because of my fake entry New Professional Mortal Kombat 9 Tournament Rules


it’s already valentine’s day and i dont know what to get myself yet

How about cyanide and a nice cold drink, you loser? Seriously, wtf? Now you’re supposed to get yourself something for Valentine’s Day? Please tell me this isn’t something actually happening!


strangle

No, really, that’s all they searched for and found me. I have no idea why…


sieg fuck

*blink blink* Uhm…okay, sure thing there, buddy. I went ten pages deep in the searches in Google and never came up with my site. I have no idea how deep I’m buried. I can only imagine this is some how in reference to my Psychology Is Junk Science article. That…or someone is REALLY into Nazi porn.


do guys like donkey punching?

Are they asking because they want to know if it’s something they should be used to, something to expect, or something they want to try? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to comprehend this one. I mean, the answer is YES to all of those, but I like to know the finer details such as, “Do you mind if it’s an all knuckles punch?”


how to fuck your employer

Usually just bringing it up in conversation works. You can always just start off slowly with a casual date and feel it out. If that doesn’t work, a brick to the back of the head works. If it’s a guy, the brick still works if you hit them hard enough to ensure an priapism.


redmist entj kickass

What? That illustrated novel and so-so movie? What?


red hair bitch backside

Just the backside? If so, then what does the red hair have to do with it? I know I’m on the internet and there are some really specific fetishes out there, but this one is oddly specific and not in a fun way. Just a…that’s boring kind of way.


sorry i only post about my daughter

…go on… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ziggy grover gay fanfiction

Okay, so I wrote a few fake really bad fan fiction about Power Rangers, which I’m probably going to conclude with one more entry, but in no way was the Ziggy Grover character I had in the stories gay. Besides that, why the fuck? This person was looking for this unironically I guarantee it.


brittany blue preggo

Why?


xy.hot.4minat.videos

I’m not on the deep nor the dark web, you morons. Though, I seriously doubt whoever this was either heard about it and thought that’s how you type it in without using an onion router or…they’re just that far too stupid. I’m going with the latter, unfortunately.


how to tell your employer to fuck off and let me shit

Personally? I’d take them out to a nice lunch. You know, one with candles and Italian food. I’d stroke their hand, laugh at their jokes, and bring it up as part of a natural flow in the conversation. On the other hand, you could always just do it like you stated the search query.


fuckdoll faggot makeup

0_o


boss forcly fucking his employer

Again, you people have some really specific fetishes. I’m sure there’s plenty of clearnet porn out there with this. What it has to do with me? I don’t know exactly, though. Good lord…


hitler south park fags

This…this was something someone looked up in their spare time. I’m picturing this dumb ass sitting there expecting some great revelation only to find them saying things on the show and being so mad they masturbate to pictures of their own anus for hours.


love guru how to press a girl boobs when we meet

If I may? I’d start with “Hello”.


stop bullying, your giving a shit!

Is this like “taking the piss”, but far, far more stupid a phrase? That’s cultural appropriation, and that’s wrong. It’s not, but…whatever.


“wolfman” “douche nozzle”

Again, why is this a thing being looked for? I’m not even going to bother trying to find out where I fall in the search results. You can do it yourselves.


telepathic cat siggy creepypasta

How…why…I don’t even…


employer boss come at dinner to his employer and fucking to.is wifevidos

This can’t get any stranger…


soda show webcam????????????? no no no … not me :3 she sexy more than me :d

I can’t do this anymore…I’m fucking done…


Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go scrub my eyes and brain with Drain-O….fuck….

FINALLY BANNED IN AN ENTIRE COUNTRY! (s)(t)

OH HAPPY DAYS! I got an e-mail from the WordPress admin staff!

SUBJECT: [WordPress #2810472]: Important information regarding your WordPress.com blog
Sal P. – WordPress.com
Mon 8/29, 3:32 PM

 

Hello,

A Russian authority — the Federal Service for Supervision in the Sphere of Telecom, Information Technologies and Mass Communications (ROSKOMNADZOR) — has demanded that we disable the following content on your WordPress.com site:

https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/

Unfortunately, we must comply in order to keep WordPress.com accessible for everyone in Russia. We have disabled this content only for Internet visitors originating from Russia. Visitors from other countries are not affected.

You and your readers may be interested in the following document for suggestions on bypassing Internet restrictions:
http://en.support.wordpress.com/bypassing-internet-restrictions/

For your reference, we have included a copy of the complaint below. No reply is necessary, but please let us know if you have any questions.

-– BEGIN NOTICE –-
Направляется уведомление о внесении в «Единый реестр доменных имен, указателей страниц сайтов в сети «Интернет» и сетевых адресов, позволяющих идентифицировать сайты в сети «Интернет», содержащие информацию, распространение которой в Российской Федерации запрещено» следующего(их) указателя (указателей) страницы (страниц) сайта в сети «Интернет»:https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/ .

В случае непринятия провайдером хостинга и (или) владельцем сайта мер по удалению запрещенной информации и (или) ограничению доступа к сайту в сети «Интернет», будет принято решение о включении в единый реестр сетевого адреса, позволяющего идентифицировать сайт в сети «Интернет», содержащий информацию, распространение которой в Российской Федерации запрещено, а доступ к нему будет ограничен.

Сведения о включении доменных имен, указателей страниц сайтов сети «Интернет» и сетевых адресов доступны круглосуточно в сети «Интернет» по адресу http://eais.rkn.gov.ru .

С уважением,
ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ СЛУЖБА ПО НАДЗОРУ В СФЕРЕ СВЯЗИ, ИНФОРМАЦИОННЫХ ТЕХНОЛОГИЙ И МАССОВЫХ КОММУНИКАЦИЙ.

It is notice of making an entry into the “Unified register of domain names, Internet web-site page links and network addresses enabling to identify the Internet web-sites containing the information prohibited for public distribution in the Russian Federation” the Internet web-site page (s) link (s): https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/ .

In case the hosting provider and (or) the Internet web-site owner fail to take these measures, the network address enabling to identify Internet web-sites containing the information prohibited for distribution in the Russian Federation will be decided to be entered into the Register and access will be limited.

The information about entering the domain names, Internet web-site page links and network addresses into the Register shall be available on a 24-hour basis at the following Internet address: http://eais.rkn.gov.ru/en/ .

Federal Service for Supervision in the Sphere of Telecom, Information Technologies and Mass Communications (ROSKOMNADZOR).
–- END NOTICE –-

Regards,

Sal P. | Community Guardian | WordPress.com

I’m so fucking happy I could cry! So…guess I’m back to writing whatever, whenever, instead of just trying to be shocking for a specific reason. YAY!!!

What the shit do I have to do? (s)

So, it’s come to my attention several websites are blocked through network organizations such as Maraki or Apple stores for different reasons. One of these reasons is the classification of “Tasteless”. Some of these sites might be somewhat understandable, such as Ogrish, even if you don’t agree, but then there are others, such as Newgrounds, which don’t seem to fit. This brings me to my problem: Why the fuck am I not on there?

From what I can tell, there isn’t much difference between my writings and what are on most of those sites, especially the like of Something Awful or even Maddox. Sure you might argue the popularity or even writing style, but I swear I’ve stated some much more offensive things for the only reason of shocking someone. I’m kind of offended through all of my effort I haven’t been blocked on any of these filters yet. Hell, even in High School I had my Internet privileges revoked for a site I made which was hosted on the school server. I mean, I was still able to bypass all their security measures and use the Internet at school under a general user and password, but still.

Basically my goal has become this: By the end of the year, I want to be banned from viewing my own WordPress at work and/or on other networks, such as in an Apple store or even from Maraki in general.

This is going to take work. First of all, I won’t be displaying porn or dick picks. Secondly, it’s going to take writing a lot more often and a lot more “offensively”. Third…I don’t know… Fourth is profit in the discontent I have brought upon the world. You kids would do well to remember you measure your impact on the world not by the joy you bring to a few people in your life, but the amount of pain, anguish, and displeasure you have wrought upon a great number of people through both direct and indirect actions!

If I fail, then you all fail, because this is where you all come in. You’re going to need to spread this WordPress like SARS in a Japanese apartment building or AIDs in a San Francisco bakery. (There. That right there is what I was talking about earlier!) Let’s get on my dick to ride this bitch into the sun and take out the entire solar system. I’d say I’m counting on you, but I know I can only count on myself.

Forward. To the end of the world as I braise it in holy fire!

Finally leaving Colorado! (s)(t)

Well, it finally happened: I’m getting out of “New California”!  After months of trying, I finally was able to pick up a great job in Nevada so that’s obviously where I’ll be moving to.

Honestly, I can’t wait. While the weather has been really nice here in Colorado, Nevada is so much more appealing for someone like me. See, unlike here, where there’s no housing developments and open land in Nevada, you can actually use it! Yeah, it’s fucking crazy, I know, but the open land in Nevada is there for people to enjoy. Here in Colorado open land means stay the fuck out.

There’s also more access to fishing and hunting for me out there Again, strange, I know. Thanks to less people, and less morons, the outdoors is still clean and open to the public.

Let’s not forget it’s still an open carry state!

See you all from Nevada soon. I will still update, though.