Cute Hitler Babies – Seven adorable children you’ll want to adopt!

Adolf Hitler was ahead of his time and was persecuted for ideas far too progressive for his era. Luckily we’re coming around to see things his way and the world is using politics and voting instead of an iron fist to ease people into it. Below you’ll find six adorable Hitler babies you’ll be crazy not to feel the desire to adopt right over the internet! Let’s begin…

1. Kyle Stephinson
How adorable is he?! Not only does Kyle have an amazing natural Hitler look about him, he’s almost saying, “I have a feeling your a kike!” with that face. Kyle is a natural born public speaker on top of it all. The parents of Kyle Stephinson aren’t willing to sell at this point, and who can blame them? If I had this natural Hitler, who has an 84% rating on “Am I Hitler Reborn?! dot com”, I would be holding on him as well.

Likes
1. Aryan history
2. Subjugation of non-whites
3. Hilary Clinton for President
4. Peeing in a clean diaper
5. Pooping in a diaper with Benjamin Netanyahu’s picture under his butt
6. Muslims when they kill everyone…except for whites who agree with their methods even if they aren’t part of their sociology-political beliefs

Dislikes
1. Kikes
2. Wops (unless they help purge the world of the mud races)
3. Any and all mud races, really
4. Muslim who kill everyone regardless if they agree with them
5. Republicans
6. Nuclear arms sanctions


2. Susy-May “Hitlereen” McCoy
What can we say about Susy-May other than she is so dedicated to the Hitler lifestyle since birth she has managed to grow a toothbrush mustache! On top of everything, she’s just the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen when she starts in on one of her baby babble speeches telling us all about the disgusting niggers ruining this great country of ours. She isn’t letting the fact the handicap she’s a girl keep her back from the world!

You may be wondering if it’s contradictory for a female to be an Adolf Hitler. Well, you would be if you aren’t a true follower of his great philosophy, so keep that kind of shit quiet unless you want her to cut your dick off and feed it to a rabid chink. She’d do it, too. Beneath that cute exterior and gorgeous hair is one fierce skin-head!

Likes
1. Meal time
2. Mr Floppy Bunny
3. Mass genocide
4. Consulting psychics for future battle plans
5. History channel when they feature WWI and WWII
6. Jihad

Dislikes
1. Beaners
2. Gooks
3. Broccoli
4. Ronald Reagan
5. Hippies
6. Nap time


3. William Smith
The absolute youngest of all on our list, William Smith is what we like to refer to as a “lifer”. Being so young is giving him a leg up on the competition over at “Am I Hitler Reborn?! dot com” with a 96%. Just look at this photo! It’s so advanced and he’s so dedicated, if you see him giving you the middle finger, it’s because he knows you aren’t a pure bred Aryan and deserve to be eradicated. Personally, I see him giving me the thumbs up while offering me all the guns and ammo I want to purge the world of the filth, so I hope you do as well. If not, keep it to yourself or we will find you.

Little William Smith isn’t speaking just yet, but his facial expressions and hand gestures are enough to get the message across. I mean, those eyes alone prove how perfect he really is. This child is 100% not a Jew and time will prove it as well.

Don’t you want to just snatch him up? Well, good news! For the low-low cost of this almost certainly reborn Hitler is going for only $98K! That’s a hell of a deal on a white baby anyway! Now, this is to a good Aryan home only, and the parents will be checking genetic markers to be certain.

Likes
1. The liberal agenda
2. Crushing prairie niggers with a rock
3. Peckerwoods
4. A warm bottle and a swaddling blanket
5. Pure bred Aryans
6. Witchcraft for power

Dislikes
1. Micks
2. Peace on Earth and a light hand
3. Tar babies
4. Shampoo that stings his eyes
5. Anti-racism school policies
6. Losing a fist fight


4. Gregory Adams
Being a runner up on the list for youngest doesn’t phase little Gregory Adams. Just look at how Aryan this little darling is! Those perfect blue eyes will just melt the heart of any Marquis while that golden hair will light the way to a more perfect, white future. Some would argue he isn’t as dedicated to the cause as much as some of the others since he has yet to participate in his first lynching, but his parents have been busy smoking pot using government money from their welfare. He has witnessed plenty of lynchings, however, so we can’t hold it against him for having lazy parents.

Since they are low on funds to buy Pabst Blue Ribbon and some high grade pot, you can adopt Gregory Adams today. The price is steep, set at $1.78 million (American currency only), but this little booger is just too cute to pass up if you’ve got the funds. Think of him like the sports car of all these little Hitler babies!

Likes
1. RAHOWA! (racial holy war)
2. The 14 Words
3. White Power
4. Southern Cops
5. Breast milk from a pure white woman
6. Colors and music from his toys

Dislikes
1. Republican congress
2. Gun control (but no one should like it)
3. Savage Nation radio show
4. Al Sharpton
5. Arrest and prosecution of lynch mobs
6. Strong women


5. Jimmy O’Keery
Ooh…sorry there, Jimmy…but you’re confusing Adolf Hitler with Vladimir Lenin. While there are a lot of similarities between the two, especially in Lenin’s replacement, Joseph Stalin, they aren’t the same people!

We can all appreciate the effort put out here, but we just can’t support Jimmy O’Keery as a cute Hitler baby. Sorry about that…


6. Wang Chung
Close, but no cigar there, chink-y! Your people are only good for one thing: Suicide plane attacks on an aircraft carrier.

See, we have to specify, because towel-heads are great at killing themselves in suicides as well.

I apologies…these people are also good at killing themselves by just killing themselves without hurting anyone else. Sometimes they even help each other!


7. Barak Antwaine Johnson
Wh…uh..wh…where the fuck do I even begin with how wrong this is? How did this nigger even get in here?

I’m going to fire whoever the hell did the image selection for this entry, I swear. We don’t put in pictures of minorities to show we’re “sensetive” and we most certainly don’t do it to come across not racist!

That does it…show me a picture of our goddess and queen!


Democrats might actually have it right for America

Hilary Clinton wins Presidency in Hell!
Turns out, the democrats might actually be on to something with the way they want to run the country. It’s hard for me to admit I’m wrong, so I’m not going to, especially since this is mostly just a thesis at this time. Hear me out and I will guide you into the enlightenment much like Marx did for all of Russia.

While Donald Trump is claiming he wants to make America great again, he’s not doing it in a way the democrats are. You see, the democrats know when America was great and what really made America great: Oppression and segregation of all mud races. KKK? Democrats started it. Segregation? Democrats made it happen. Slavery? Democrats ratified it and fought to keep it. Jim Crow? Democratically created. Government housing and subjugation of minorities? Democrats. Nazis? Left wing, “progressive” (aka Democrat) party. When was America great? When we had those darkies, wet backs, and all them other non-whites under the white man’s thumb. Donald Trump doesn’t want that…he wants to make America strong through hard work, fair international laws, and making people liable for their actions. Screw that when we can just blame the system and the minorities!

Another problem with America right now is it’s still the most appealing place in the world compared to all the other shit countries. Those lazy Mexicants wouldn’t keep coming here if the rich man in the neighborhood was just like where they came from: Owning a three legged goat. Also those dune coons, not to be confused with full on porch monkeys, wouldn’t want to keep bombing and murdering here if we were so financially destroyed that we didn’t want to spread the idea of freedom anymore. This is where the democrats have it right!

See, democrats are smart in the way they’re going to enslave non-whites. They’ve learned over the years people won’t put up with slapping chains on a nigger or beating a Mexican to near death in order to make him work. So, instead, the democrats are smart by making government programs forcing working people, ie the whites, pay them for not doing anything and encouraging them to do nothing. How is this enslaving them? Well, it once again puts them in dependence of the white man who has all the money to distribute. Once the white man once again decides they’re not going to take it anymore, the spear chuckers, sand niggers, spics, and others won’t have any skills in which to get a job to earn their own money, and will be so pathetic they’ll have to do whatever a white dude says in order to make a quarter. Fucking BRILLIANT!

Taking away the guns in America ensures only the criminals will use arms and will terrorize the majority of the citizens, just like down in Mexico where the cartels take over entire towns, rape anyone they feel like, and make people want to flee to America. When it’s happening here, why come here? It keeps people from wanting to come here illegally since there’s no reason to come here at all!

So, yeah, we all have democrats figured wrong. Before anyone gets really upset, remember, I’m a democrat now, so I can say these things. Fuck you, republicans for causing a slow death to America. At least we’re honest in our racism and hate for freedom.

Breast Cancer: Nature’s Lolcat

Breast Cancer is Nature's Lol Cat 1
Breast Cancer is Nature’s Lolcat

…according to the Susan B. Colmen Foundation, anyway. If you’re confused to what a lolcat is, it’s a meme in which an image macro of one or more cats has text that is idiosyncratic and grammatically shit. They’re also considered the number one most hilarious jokes ever created on the Internet, standing the tried and true test of time. Even ancient Egyptians had lolcats, going so far as to paint the walls of the pyramids with them in their resting chambers.

So, how does this all tie in? Well, breast cancer is pretty terrible and even ancient Egyptians dealt with it. In addition, breast cancer isn’t all that smart, just like cats, and even has pretty bad grammar. Nature throws breast cancer out, and it’s always a massively hilarious shock when you find out you have it. Especially when you’re a guy and get titty sickness! Oh, and let’s not forget cats get breast cancer, too. The joke keeps getting funnier!

The Susan B. Coleman Foundation every year recognizes the most hilarious breast cancer situations from around the world. They give out awards, called “Double D Dones”, to a handful of sufferers, with some of the most coveted trophies ever created. The Double D Dones go back to 1992 when the foundation first started the award ceremony. Thanks to advancement in the medical field women who receive the Double D Dones can actually get double d breasts back. One of the benefits of receiving the award is free breast augmentations. The best thing about the procedures is the breasts are completely fake, so the chance for cancer to take them again are almost zero.

Flat tittiesJust like every hilarious joke, the meme of breast cancer comedy jams has taken the world by storm. One would think there would be some negative backlash, but ever since the origin of the Internet, the meme of breast cancer comedy jams have been around. This completely predates Hampster Dance and even Nigger Chucking, the latter of which has fallen out of favor for Darkie Spear Dancing. With one search anyone can find a new breast cancer comedy jam almost every day!

Sadly, science is working on a 100% cure for breast cancer and they are getting extremely close. Right now there is a drug called tamoxifen being produced to prevent breast cancer with an 86% success rate. Obviously, this isn’t a popular outcome and people have been protesting in record numbers. The Susan B. Coleman Foundations has put up millions of dollars to prevent this terrible drug from coming to the masses, even going as far as suing doctors who give it to patients.

You can get involved in this protest and save the free augmented breasts by heading over to the Susan B. Coleman Foundation website and, the slightly less popular, Tat-tas for Da Wurld! website. Together we can keep breast cancer from becoming a legend, then a myth, and finally a religious justification to start a war!

What the shit do I have to do? (s)

So, it’s come to my attention several websites are blocked through network organizations such as Maraki or Apple stores for different reasons. One of these reasons is the classification of “Tasteless”. Some of these sites might be somewhat understandable, such as Ogrish, even if you don’t agree, but then there are others, such as Newgrounds, which don’t seem to fit. This brings me to my problem: Why the fuck am I not on there?

From what I can tell, there isn’t much difference between my writings and what are on most of those sites, especially the like of Something Awful or even Maddox. Sure you might argue the popularity or even writing style, but I swear I’ve stated some much more offensive things for the only reason of shocking someone. I’m kind of offended through all of my effort I haven’t been blocked on any of these filters yet. Hell, even in High School I had my Internet privileges revoked for a site I made which was hosted on the school server. I mean, I was still able to bypass all their security measures and use the Internet at school under a general user and password, but still.

Basically my goal has become this: By the end of the year, I want to be banned from viewing my own WordPress at work and/or on other networks, such as in an Apple store or even from Maraki in general.

This is going to take work. First of all, I won’t be displaying porn or dick picks. Secondly, it’s going to take writing a lot more often and a lot more “offensively”. Third…I don’t know… Fourth is profit in the discontent I have brought upon the world. You kids would do well to remember you measure your impact on the world not by the joy you bring to a few people in your life, but the amount of pain, anguish, and displeasure you have wrought upon a great number of people through both direct and indirect actions!

If I fail, then you all fail, because this is where you all come in. You’re going to need to spread this WordPress like SARS in a Japanese apartment building or AIDs in a San Francisco bakery. (There. That right there is what I was talking about earlier!) Let’s get on my dick to ride this bitch into the sun and take out the entire solar system. I’d say I’m counting on you, but I know I can only count on myself.

Forward. To the end of the world as I braise it in holy fire!

Little Known Legendary Creatures #3 – Cheese Goblin

Dreaded Cheese Goblin

In this install of Little Known Legendary Creatures we will be taking a look at the dreaded Cheese Goblin. No creature is more loathed among the French, save for the Vin Fantôme. Unlike the Butt Pirate or even the Buffalo Wing Fairy, the Cheese Goblin is still in the hearts and mind of every Frenchman.


Origin
Tales of the Cheese Goblin come from before written French history and even bear striking resemblance to tales found in Sweden and even found in journals of Austrian cheese makers. With 26% of the cheese in the world produced in America, there are even whispers of the Cheese Goblin making its rounds in the many dairies.

One recorded account by a cheese smelling Frenchman in 1645 had this to say in his diary (translated from French to English):

DAMN IT! Those stupid cheese goblins! They have ruined yet another fine dining experience for my children. We were to dine on fine cheese with rich wine, only to have one of those dreaded devils bite the nose off of my youngest son. My daughter…I am sure she is now pregnant. At least those damn wine phantoms have not defiled my wife with an ostrich feather.

In a more recent account, found in the Cheese Crazy In A Lazy Daze! blog, circa 2004, we find the author, CheeseHunk4197, has this to say in regards to a personal experience:

So, I kid you guys not… There I was, eating some damn good cheese curds up in Oregon, when all of a sudden this…I don’t know…cheese goblin jumps out of some emmental cheese and starts running around! This little bastard started biting the nose off of everyone it came in contact with…blood and screaming everywhere! No one believes me and the news won’t cover it! I REALLY wish I had some pictures of this little bastard. It almost…ALMOST…put me off of cheese!

This proves the Cheese Goblin is alive and well even in America, far away from France.


Powers
No one knows how the Cheese Goblins get into the cheese to begin with. Even in the modern era, there are those who propose the idea of anomalous generation, in which the simple act of making cheese is what brings these creatures into existence.

What we do know of the Cheese Goblin’s powers is that it has the ability to immediately jump out of cheese, usually emmental, such as Swiss cheese, and bite the nose off of the victim. The Cheese Goblin has never been known to eat any other body part, not even fingers, but legend does not say why. Take for instance this account in Reginald Scot’s records, titled Demons in the New World:

Cheese Goblin is a low ranking marques and is extremely ferocious. He is known to rest silently in cheese, usually emmental, but not always, until his victim comes near. Like a snake inside a clay pot, Cheese Goblin then leaps from the delicious snack and bites the nose clean off the face.

He appeareth as though Kermit the Frog had sweaty, gooey, Broke Back Mountain butt sex with one of the gremlins from the movie Gremlins and produced a child. His temper is always raging and his teeth are full of razor sharp daggers, much like the terrible CGI abomination from the Steven King made for TV mini-series The Langoliers.

He understandeth both good and bad cheese, while ruling two legions of divils

According to some lore, the Cheese Goblin has the ability to disappear, while others claim it simply moves at an unbelievable speed making it appear to do so. According to Falsum Libro Daemones, the Even Lesser Key of Solomon the King:

The eitheenth hundred and sixth spirit is the Paneer Bhoot (पनीर भूत). He hides inside hardened dairy, which is pleasing to be placed on a cracker. Waiting for the non-careful to place their face close, it will leap from inside and remove the smelling part of the face. His look is that of a large frog with human hands and feet, with teeth full of swords which interlock perfectly in their spacing. His speed is like that of Barry Allen after getting is powers making it appear as though he turns invisible. He is in control of two legions.


Residence
…it lives in cheese. It’s in the name of the creature! There’s no where else… I mean, every single description talks about it. In the Mertvoye kniga iz Eksperta, author unknown, for instance just says this:

It lives in cheese. Duh!

Not every legendary and/or magical creature lives some place amazing.


Roll in Modern Society
With people on health kicks in the United States, it is unlikely we will see a large resurgence of the Cheese Goblin, which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, for those who work in the industry there is always a chance at glimpsing these creatures.

Those wishing to see one of these legendary creatures would do well to hang out near a dairy or live in a place trying to attract cheese aficionados such as Wisconsin. France is also another place for a good chance to see one in action. Besides, you’d be watching some French bastard get their nose bit off, and who can argue with that?


Protective Wards
One can protect themselves from the Cheese Goblin through simple actions, such as cutting cheese into thin slices before consuming it or even with spells from The Grimoire of Protection: Ulinzi Uhawi, Imamu Jirongo, circa 1975:

Dis is coo mon. Dem deh cheese goblins jerks. To protect yourself, you’ll need a few things. Firstly, get a chicken which isn’t deep friend. Second, get a lot of cow blood…and I mean a LOT of it. Then decorate your place with so many skulls and candles people will think it’s two in the afternoon when it’s midnight. Then for twenty minutes drink rum, spitting it in the air every so often, until you pass out. The Cheese Goblin will be exorcised. See it?

Given the option, it would be best to simply cut the cheese…as it were.


Summoning and Spiritual Rankings
No one knows how the Cheese Goblin is summoned as it always seems to be unintentional and no one in their right mind should seek to find one by getting next to a large slice or even a block of cheese. Do so at your own risk!

Rank: Lesser Marquis
Sign: 4° – 6.1.459° Pices (February 19 – March 20)
Time of Day: Twilight
Planet: Titan (moon)
Metal: Administratium
Command: 2 Legions
Tarot Card: Milked Cow

A change in lifestyle for a better life (Anyone can do it!)

Hello there, fellow Ramblers! Isn’t life wonderful? I sure know it is! I’ve been shown the light in my dark ways and have finally decided to do something about it: Change my lifestyle for a better life! Want to know the secret? The secret is that it’s no secret! ANYONE CAN DO THIS!

You see, I used to love fatty foods, sugar filled foods, and even caffeine. I’ve decided to cut all of that out and eat only bland foods. You see, with foods having no flavor, I have no drive to eat them. This in turn causes a lot of weight loss and prevention of gluttony. Things like celery and iceberg lettuce is key here. Eat a lot of it. Don’t add peanut butter, though, as it has sugar and flavor. Don’t eat meat, because meat is murder. Don’t believe me? Meat actually stands for Murder Every Animal Today! It’s TRUE! GOOGLE IT! The devil is in the details and the devil is what is making you desire it all.

I’ve also started to partake in more outdoor activities. Here I am sneaking up a deer, our friend in the animal kingdom. Exercise is a great way of getting exercise when you don’t even know it’s happening. By utilizing exercise, you’re losing more weight and working off your lettuce and celery. That’s SUPER important. Also with exercise, especially when you don’t know you’re getting exercise, you’ll meet lots of great people! Just like the people I met who helped me get into better exercise and understand my terrible way of life! It’s as if my brain has been scrubbed spotless and I’m all shiny inside now.

Something else I’ve been made to understand is sarcasm is deadly, deadly, deadly, and unwanted! You should never be sarcastic. It hurt’s people’s feelings and you’re not just lying to everyone you’re talking to, but to yourself as well. No one likes to be lied to, and that includes yourself to yourself. Talk about being rude! You shouldn’t do it. Just be honest. Unless you’re talking to the government, then just don’t talk. NEVER TALK! They’ll try, but you don’t want that to happen. Just keep your mouth shut! That’s like…six of the twenty rules I learned.

I’ve decided I needed guns. Lots and lots of guns. No, seriously, more guns. More guns than that. Having them for zombies is silly, unless you’re talking about the corporate zombies out there taking our wealth and not sharing it with the rest of us! I mean, come on! One of the first things you learn is a child is how to share, and these fat cats and government a-holes are hoarding it from us one penny at a time. We must all come to terms with this and take back what is rightfully ours! Well, it’s theirs, but it should be ours! ONE, TWO, TREE FOUR! ESCALATE THE CLASS WAR! FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT! KILL THE BOSSES AND FIGHT THE STATE!

With just a few easy changes to your life, you, too, can achieve this happiness! Join me and my new friends now. We’ll love to have you!


No Gods, No Masters!

Spiritual Pressure Overload! (Most epic, best damn Power Rangers and Bleach fan fiction crossover ever written!)

Power Rangers: Multiverse - Spiritual Pressure Overload!

“O Lord, mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter wings, you who bears the name of Man, Inferno and Pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south! Shakkahō!”

Streaking out across the sky, the red energy ball flies with incredible speed toward the hollow.

“Ichigo, now!” Rangiku shouts out as the blast smacks the beast in the face, blinding it and forcing it sliding backwards.

“ON IT! Rukia, back me up!” Ichicgo instructs as he rushes forward with a powerful shunpo.

“I’m with you!” Rukia called back, dashing to the backside of the creature from her flanking position.

They had been hunting this hollow for weeks now and they weren’t going to give it a chance to get away this time. Oddly, this hollow had the spiritual pressure close to most arrancar, but it wasn’t even a vasto lorde, let alone an adjucha. No one hunting it, even Mayuri Kurotsuchi, understood it, but he was excited for the opportunity to dissect it as quickly as possible. Having been named Glutton B by Shunsui Kyōraku, the hallow managed to make a mess of both Karakura Town and Kagomino City as well. Devouring around three hundred souls a week, Glutton B needed to be stopped immediately.

Converging on the hollow, both Ichigo and Rukia raised their weapons for a strike. Eyes flashing, Glutton B stopped mid-slide and stretched both arms out to its side while laughing. Just as the duo brought their zanpakuto down on it, a bright flash, followed by a massive air blast rang out, blinding everyone. When the dust settled, neither Ichigo, Rukia nor the hollow could be seen. Their spiritual pressure completely gone from detection.


At that same moment…
Blocking the kick aimed at his head, Dustin moved forward in counter attack, punching Sky directly in his balls. Sky tried to scream in pain, but couldn’t be heard, his voice in such a high registry humans couldn’t hear it. Several dogs began barking in terror and apathy of the agony they were hearing, however. Channeling his Ranger powers into his feet, Dustin jumped into the air, taking Sky with him by the crotch and dropped him off five feet higher than he was. With an epic back-flip finish, Dustin landed on the mat slightly before Sky did, who sounded like a sack of semi-rigid dicks upon impact.

Everyone in the Angel Bay Crest Grove Booze and Juice Bar cheered at how awesome the fight they just watched was. It was literally one of the most epic non-morphed fight sequences witnessed, and that’s saying something. Imagine the best fight ever made by Proxicide, you know, the guy who made Street Fighter vs Mortal Kombat, and R1665, the guy who made Exiles, and then amp it to 11 from their 11, giving you about 23 with carrying over shitting yourself, and that’s what you’d have seen. Look, sometimes your imagination is better than what you’d read, so…yeah…

“I know someone who’s going to let her junk be treated like a punching bag!” Jen exclaimed, jumping up and down, clapping her hands. Walking away like a bad ass, Dustin simply shook the hand he used to give Sky the most permanent vasectomy ever provided. Throwing herself against Dustin, Jen started to dry hump him in front of everyone.

“That’s amazing… Ziggy, the power enhancers you had Doctor K create are some serious bad ass technology,” Tommy stated, giving Ziggy a high five for being so cool, but this was Ziggy Grover…the Ranger god, so Tommy was really just wanting to touch him.

“Of course. You’ll have half access to Ranger power at any time when not morphed. Understandably, you won’t ever be as powerful as me even still,” Ziggy stated, combing his hair back and fixing his sunglasses. Ziggy was so awesome he even wore the shades inside most of the time and no one ever said a word about it. It also helped his glasses doubled as a means to detect trouble and were completely clear when looking through them on the inside when necessary. Several people rushed over to help Sky by dragging him into a chair and placed a few whiskey sours in front of him. Sky’s eyes were rolled back into his head and a constant stream of drool spilled from his mouth.

“Ay dios mio! He doesn’t look good!” Carlos exclaimed, grabbing Sky’s wrist and checking his pulse, “Well, his heart is beating, but that swelling in his pants isn’t from a churro!” Groaning in a high pitched whine was Sky’s only response.

“Well, as long as he’s alive, he’ll be fine,” Dustin stated through the tongue bath Jen was currently giving him, “Come on, Jen. Let’s finish this in the bathroom like responsible young adults!” Jen simply giggled after jumping off Dustin and grabbed his wrist, dragging him into the men’s room.

“I hope they don’t slip on the mess in the men’s room. I don’t think anyone cleaned up since Jen and I were in there ten minutes ago. I feel bad for whoever has to as well. It’s dripping from the ceiling,” Ziggy stated, finally taking his glasses off and folding them into his pocket.

“What I don’t like is how quiet Evildron has been lately. We haven’t seen a monster attack in almost a month…” Carlos mused, scratching the back of his head.

“After the ass kicking we gave him last time, I think he may have given up!” Tommy stated, throwing a few awesome punches at nothing, “That ass will never be the same!”

“Funny,” Ziggy said flatly, walking toward the bar to get more alcohol, “Jen told me the same thing on our way out of the bathroom.” Through his pain, Sky manged a very high pitched, “Ew!”


In the villain’s base…
Evildron was serious the last time. He was now on vacation and nothing was going to ruin it for him. Granted, his vacation was watching intergalactic Netflix and drinking, but it was his way of relaxing. All the while, Sloan had been working tirelessly to get his creation up and running. Everything Evildron had was available to Sloan, but he wasn’t allowed to use any of the previously created monsters, and that included the lackeys, to attack the Rangers.

“Ah, that’s the ticket!” Evildron said to himself as he slammed back another beer from his twenty four pack next to his recliner, “What the hell has Sloan been up to all this time, I wonder…eh, fuck it. I need me more intergalactic ecchi!”

Down in the depths of the evil lair Sloan was still hard at work. Replacing the candles and bright spot lights for energy efficient LED lights for better visibility, he typed so quickly he was sweating.

“Just a few more lines of code and you’ll be finished!” Sloan exclaimed over to his monster, currently hidden in a large crate with numerous tubes attached to it, all of which smoked randomly. Almost in reply, the creation made an angry groaning noise. Sipping on a hot tea, Sloan entered in a few more keystrokes before a bright flashing “Sequence Finished” appeared on his screen, making him laugh like a possessed man. From no where, a pipe organ sounded off in a C chord, shaking the entire foundation, then was followed by heavy metal guitar riffs.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Evildron screamed as he was thrown from his chair. Picking himself up, he ran as quickly as he could down into the lair while plugging his ears and screaming in anger. Reaching Sloan, the music slowly faded out and came to an end. Twisting one of Sloan’s ears, Evildron began shouting directly into it.

“What did I tell you about the music?!” Evildron bellowed, “We agreed you would stop that every time you made a discovery, or finished making brownies!” Sloan groaned and twisted, desperately trying to get away from Evildron’s grasp. Finally slapping Evildron’s hand away, Sloan slinked toward the container housing his creation.

“Sorry! I thought with the completion of my ultimate monster I could have an exception. Besides, it just seemed like a cool thing to do…” Sloan whined, rubbing his sore ear, “Do you want to see it?” Shrugging and cracking open another beer he had carried in his hoodie pocket, Evildron motioned for Sloan to continue. Walking over the container, Sloan stretched his arms out to his sides, fingers clawed upwards.

“Gentleman! What you are about to see is my life’s work! An ultimate creation if you will! This will be my final thesis for my doctrine! The destruction of the Power Rangers will just be gravy on my mashed potatoes, in which I will also dip my turkey! BEHOLD!” Sloan shouted, pounding on the box. After the third pound, the hoses hooked up began to blow off their connection ports, spewing smoke, possibly toxic, around the room and blinding anyone near it, including Evildron.

Coughing like crazy and holding on to his beer while trying to cover his face, Evildron was already not amused at the theatrics Sloan was putting on. If he was trying to impress him, he wasn’t doing a very good job at it. With thunderous slams, which also cleared away the smoke due to the impact with the ground, the container fell open revealing a four story tall metal cat. Not a lion, but a cat. Like a calico or tabby. However, this cat was adorned in gold, silver, unobtainium, and black zirconium. There may have even been some mithril and adamentium in it, but those were extremely difficult to get a hold of, even for Evildron.

“Hmph,” Evildron said, hammering back his beer and tossing the empty container off to the side with a loud burp, “It’s okay, I guess…what do you call this…this…thing, anyway?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s the Large Operational Leonine Combat Attack Titan!” Sloan said happily, slapping his hands together in one loud clap.

“I don’t get it…” Evildron stated, scratching his growing beer gut.

“Really?” Sloan asked shocked, “Large Operational Leonine Combat Attack Titan? L.o.l. C.a.t!”

“L.o.l. C.a.t?” Evildron stated in half question before pointing an accusing finger right at Sloan, “NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!!”

“That’s not very nice… Well, look at it closer! It has it’s own intelligence! It’s basically living metal! Also, it can be combined with a pilot in a direct mental link to enhance it’s powers. Watch this,” Sloan instructed Evildron as he punched in a few codes into his wrist controller, which he took out of a coat pocket. In a small yellow light, Sloan was teleported away and into the L.o.l. C.a.t. Rearing back, it echoed out a half meow, half growl. “Impressed now?!” Sloan asked, his voice blasting out hidden speakers.

“I don’t know. It’s just lacking a certain aesthetic, really. No sexual nature. No questionable power connected to that sexual nature…” Evildron hummed. Suddenly, the entire ground started shaking once again, this time not caused by anything the villains were doing. Being forced to the ground as if gravity suddenly increased a hundred times, Evildron grunted and tried to force himself to stand to no avail.

“What’s going on Evildron?!” Sloan whined, unaffected to the pressure bearing down on them due to being in the L.o.l. C.a.t. The fabric of reality began to tear directly in front of them, revealing a pulsing dark, purple and black nothingness. Reaching out from it was a sickly white arm with a reverberating scream causing them both to cover their ears. Like glass shatter, the doorway exploded into countless shards and disappeared.

Standing where the portal appeared was a tall creature nearly as tall as the L.o.l. C.a.t, but almost completely white except for some black and orange tribal stripes scattered about its body. Instead of a regular face, the creature had what looked like a skull, but smoother. There were no eyes, just dark portals with small yellow dots. Opening its massive jaw to take a deep breath, the creature’s tongue snaked out of its body. Snapping the jaws shut, the creature exhaled a small blast of grey smoke from the nostril holes. Looking around the cave, the creature grabbed Evildron with one hand and effortlessly picked him up. Bringing him close to his skull, the hollow first sniffed Evildron and then licked him.

“Oh, that’s, just…just disgusting!” Evildron complained, kicking his legs trying to get away, drool running down his face. Looking Evildron over once again, the hollow tossed him to the side, obviously no impressed at all.

“Evildron! What is that thing?! What’s with the hole in the middle of its chest?!” Sloan shouted from inside his creation. Hearing the voice, Glutton B turned and grabbed the L.o.l. C.a.t. by the neck and started choking it, screaming in frustration. “Stop! STOP!” Sloan screamed in terror as the creature grabbed the L.o.l. C.a.t. even tighter and began to devour it face first. “NOOOOO!” Sloan shrieked Suddenly, there was another explosion of energy, this time a blinding white beam and a blast wave so fierce it blew off the ceiling, destroying Evildron’s house above.

“Oh, you mother fucker!” Evildron shouted in anger as he got up, “I’ll make you pay for that! I’ll…drown you in a bag in the river!” As everything settled, the hollow had merged with the L.o.l. C.a.t, taking on a more feline look. The pressure he felt when he first arrived was even stronger and once again pinned him to the ground. In a scream of victory, the hollow leapt from the deep crater to the rim with no effort. Turning its attention to the city, it began running with massive speed, its spear like tail whipping behind it as it ran.


Back at the Angel Bay Crest Grove Booze and Juice Bar…
Primal screams came from the men’s room as Dustin and Jen finished their savage screw session. Sky was finally feeling better, though the swelling in his crotch was still pretty bad, however, the whiskey sours were taking care of a lot of his pain.

“Glad to see you’re more among the living,” Tommy told him, slapping his shoulder, “You got knocked the fuck out, though!”

“Yeah, Dustin may be a dweeb, but he’s one hell of a fighter…always has been! Something’s been bothering me, though…with this injury to my balls Jen’s still…” Sky trailed off, believing his damaged sack meant Jen couldn’t possibly be his future relative.

“What are you talking about? Jen…” Tommy began to say, but was cut off sharply from their communicators springing to life.

“Rangers! Emergency! Evildron has just released his newest monster. It’s like nothing we’ve ever detected before!” Zorgon’s voice actually sounded stressed out.

“So much for the break,” Carlos stated disappointed, “We’ll take care of it Zordon, no problem.”

“Good, Rangers. The monster is heading for Angel Bay Crest Grove Municipal Park. Be careful! Alpha 5 and I are getting some really strange readings from this thing. Also, tell Dustin and Jen to finish in the bathroom. You might want to call a hazmat team for clean up,” Zordon instructed.

“What the hell, Zordon! You mean you’ve been spying on us?!” Dustin’s angry voice questioned over the communicators.

“I spy an all of you all the time. Remember that. Now get going!” Zordon demanded.

“Let’s see how good these power enhancers really are!” Sky stated, standing up slowly, “I’m going to try running there instead of just teleporting. Besides, it’ll look cool!” Looking at each other, both Tommy and Ziggy shrugged and then nod in agreement to Sky’s proposition.

Channeling all the Ranger power they could into their legs, the group, except for Jen, who was still too weak from the groin slamming she received, rushed out toward the park to help.


At the park…
L.o.l. Glutton slammed hard down onto the ground, watching people running away in terror. Thanks to the enhancements from Sloan’s creation, the hollow was even more terrifying than before. With Sloan being mentally connected to the L.o.l. C.a.t. a the time of being fused with it, this hollow now had a heightened intelligence as well. Several people, much more sensitive to spiritual pressure than others, were immediately pinned to the ground, causing L.o.l. Glutton to target and devour their souls, but not without batting them around a few times for fun first.

In color appropriate streaks, the Rangers arrived at the park, awestruck at the sight before them. They had never seen anything like this before, nor had they ever felt spiritual pressure. Fear ran down everyone’s spines when L.o.l. Glutton reared back its head, letting out a fierce hollow style scream, with an underlying cat meow.

“What…the…fuck?!” Sky stuttered out, feeling as though he were being pressed down with a massive weight across his entire body. Everyone felt the same and were now using most of their Ranger powers just to keep standing up.

“Hey guys! What did I..!” Jen said, rushing in and immediately being forced to the ground, her crotch making a squishing noise as she did, “WHAT IS THAT?!”

“It’s about to be dead, that’s what it is!” Ziggy shouted, “Get into mother fucking gear!” Following Ziggy’s lead, the Rangers performed their choreography and morphed, a massive power explosion behind them taking out half a block and killing ten people fleeing for their lives. Sensing a change in power, L.o.l. Glutton turned its attention to the Rangers and let out a loud hollow roar and was enveloped in a yellow light streaked with black energy. Now standing around 6’5″ tall, L.o.l. Glutton took on a more human like look with lithe feline characteristics, the tail pointed directly at the Rangers. Even though the creature was smaller now, the Rangers were having a hard time just standing. With an eye flash, L.o.l. Glutton sped through the Rangers faster than they could see. Now behind them, the hollow began to laugh as the Rangers each took significant damage, sparks flying off of their suits as they were tossed into the air like rag dolls.

“O Lord, mask of flesh and bone, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of man, truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws! Hado number thirty three: Sōkatsui!”

Blue energy blasted L.o.l. Glutton directly in its chest, but did nothing except create smoke. Looking down at where it was hit, the hollow simply scratched the area and looked around for the source of attack. Ichigo came down from the sky and brought down both blades of Zangetsu onto L.o.l. Glutton’s shoulders, striking as hard as he can, but the blades do nothing except come from a dead stop.

“What the?!” Ichicgo calls out as the hollow’s tail wraps around him and brings him face to face with the creature, ” What are you?!” Roaring in Ichigo’s face, L.o.l. Glutton tosses him to Rukia and increases its spiritual pressure. Reaching its full power, L.o.l. Glutton pinched its nipples, at least where its nipples would be, and laughed. Striking a pose similar to Michael Jackson in Beat It, it then began to moon walk before spinning in a circle, grabbing its groin, thrusting forward and blowing a kiss to both Ichigo and Rukia.

“That’s not normal behavior for a hollow… What’s going on here?” Rukia questioned Ichigo, her sword at the ready. As L.o.l. Glutton kept making lewd gestures, such as the international sign for eating pussy and sucking dick, the Power Rangers managed to shake off the damage they received and rushed in to attack. Sky was the firs to reach it and delivered a massive volley of fire enhanced kicks rapidly all over the creature before jumping away. Jen was next, striking the monster with attacks channeling water. Carlos arrived and used his Hispanic inspired personality to bash L.o.l. Glutton with wind based attacks, you know, because of lawn work such as leaf blowing. Dustin pummeled it with rapid punches wrapped in earth. Ziggy rushed in next and engulfed the hallow in almost total darkness, collapsing the pocket dimension he created, with Tommy following up with a blast similar to Goku full of light energy. L.o.l. Glutton was blown sideways and through a building, ending with an even more massive explosion of energy, which would have killed another ten or twelve people if they were still around.

“WOO!” Jen shouted and jumped into everyone’s arms, rapidly kissing them all through her helmet while dry humping Sky’s chest, “We did it!”

“Bueno! We kick in its culo!” Carlos shouted, taking a victory boob grab.

“Never fuck with a Power Ranger!” Tommy exclaimed, slapping Jen on the ass.

“Hey! What are you idiots doing?! What’s going on here?!” Ichigo yelled at them all as he and Rukia ran up to them. Instantly dropping the foreplay to their orgy, the Rangers all stood in a line, looking the two over.

“Who are we? We’re the ones who destroyed Evildron’s latest monster. Who the fuck are YOU?!” Sky asked, pointing directly at Ichigo.

“They don’t appear to be quincies and they’re obviously not shinigami…fullbringers maybe?” Rukia half asked, “We’re soul reapers! I’m surprised you can see us!”

“Of course we can see you. We’re the god damn Power Rangers, little girly. Now run along you before you get hurt, or pregnant,” Ziggy instructed, waving her off.

“How dare you! I am Rukia Kuchiki and have lived ten of your miserable lives! How dare you call me little girly or imply I’d be so easily knocked up!” Rukia screamed back, pointing her zanpakuto directly at him.

“Easy, Rukia. Don’t be so damn rude, you jerk. Look, we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Ichigo Kurasaki, what are your names?” Ichigo asked, attempting to break the tension.

Jumping into a quick huddle, the Rangers agree to introduce themselves and did so while shaking their hands. From the wreckage of the building destroyed when L.o.l. Glutton was knocked back, the hollow arose one again, screaming in anger, powered up even more than before, causing massive waves of spiritual pressure to come down on everyone.

“I…will…make…you all…eat…my dick!” L.o.l. Glutton moaned out in anger. Obviously due to Sloan’s influence the hollow as now able to talk; this was rare unless it was a much more powerful type, such as a vasto lorde.

“Oh no! Looks like you didn’t take care of it as well as you thought!” Ichigo exclaimed, the hollow rushing them all and coming to a sudden stop, a blast wave knocking them all backwards several hundred feet. Continuing to scream, L.o.l. Glutton began to grow in size and power, until it stood over the tallest buildings in the area. Leaning forward, it then inhaled sharply and began to suck up souls for miles around, causing his power to continuously grow.

Standing with lots of groaning and whining, the Rangers, along with the two soul reapers, looked up at the incredible image before them.

“This is bad…really, really bad!” Sky shouted, “We’re going to need the Megazords! Ziggy…I hope those enhancements to combine with our Zord are finished!”

“Obviously! Don’t worry. As long as you don’t fuck up, it’ll work!” Ziggy replied, “You two, just sit this one out!”

“Don’t count us out! Ichigo…we’re going to have to go bankai,” Rukia instructed. Resting his sword on his shoulder, Ichigo shook his head.

“I haven’t even tried going bankai with my new zanpakuto…I’m not even sure I can fully manifest it yet,” Ichigo replied, looking up at the hollow, “The last thing we need is for it to back fire…”

“I believe in you. Always move forward!” Rukia encouraged him, grabbing him by the collar and shaking him lightly.

“Okay, okay! But what about you? Your bankai only lasts four seconds and is good for one attack…” Ichigo said with concern. The last time he saw Rukia use her bankai, it nearly killed her.

“Don’t worry about me… I’ve been training really hard,” Rukia said with a smirk. Nodding, Ichigo brought both of his swords together while Rukia lined up Sode no Shirayuki.

“Bankai!” they both shouted at the same time, channeling as much power as possible. Energy swirled around them and exploded, blinding everyone. Dust continued to spin around them as their power released.

“Yami ni rirīsu Zangetsu…” Ichigo could be heard saying.

“Hakka no Togame…” Rukia’s voice was heard next. As the dust cleared and the wind stopped, Ichigo and Rukia stood in their bankai forms in this world: The Gold and Silver Rangers!

“What’s this?!” Ichigo asked, looking himself over rapidly, surprised at his new look.

“Yeah, this isn’t my bankai!” Rukia replied, equally shocked at the transformation. Everyone had communicators now, even Ichigo and Rukia, and the speaker sprang to life.

“Congratulations, soul reapers, on becoming Power Rangers! With your new powers comes new techniques. Call upon your Megazords and assist the other rangers in taking out your hollow!” Zordon’s voice shouted in happiness.

“RIGHT!” Ichigo and Rukia both shouted, turning back to back, with one foot raised and touching the heel of the other, one arm over their heads and pointing with both hands at the other Rangers.

“Rukia?” Ichigo asked.

“Yes, Ichigo..?” Rukai responded.

“What the hell are we doing?” Ichigo asked, jumping away and stomping his foot.

“I don’t…I don’t know…it just seemed so natural…” Rukia responded, “So…let’s just call these Megazords then… Let’s see here… There’s the command!” Without any noticible effect, both Rukia and Ichigo were in the Gold and Silver Megazords. Ichigo’s Megazord was like a ninja with a long, thin blade, much like his original bankai with Tensa Zangetsu. Rukia’s Megazord was like a geisha, only it had a traditional looking katana swirling with ice.

“Wow, look at those Megazords!” Jen shouted, pointing excitedly, “Let’s get our Megazord combined with Ziggy’s!” The two Megazords walked up to each other, and began to dance like two middle schoolers trying to twerk on each other. Spinning around and slapping the Megazord on the ass, Ziggy’s Ultimate Battlezord then fused with it. Standing there before them was a Megazord they decided was the Fucking Ultimate Battlezord Ascension Realized, or F.U.B.A.R. They weren’t very good at this.

“Kick ass!” Dustin screamed, seeing the awesome interior of the F.U.B.A.R, and instantly getting a massive boner, “This is some beautifully detailed work! It’ll be nice to beat up on Evildron’s creations in luxury!”

“That isn’t one of Evildron’s creations, you idiots,” Ichigo told them through their telepathic connections from the new Megazords, “That’s a hollow from our world! It eats souls to grow in strength. It may have managed to absorb something in this world to become as strong as it is now.”

“Who the shit cares? We’re going to knock its shit in…literally!” Ziggy shouted, followed by a, “RIGHT!” from every other Ranger in the F.U.B.A.R. Rushing toward the hollow, they punched it stomach, causing it to stop inhaling souls and bend forward. Placing a hand on the back of its neck, the Rangers spun around behind it and began to fist its ass repeatedly with their Power Fist of Justice.

“Pound that ass!” Ichigo shouted and then stopped, blinked, and looked over at Rukia, “What’s happening to me?”

“I don’t know, but I want in on this!” Rukia giggled and rushed L.o.l. Glutton and wrapped her legs around its face, “RIDE ‘EM GIRL!”

“See if you can hold on for more than eight seconds!” Ichigo laughed, completely gone at this point, “Time to plug its hole!” Jumping into the air while screaming, “YAHOO!”, Ichigo dropped down onto the hollow’s back and began to fist the hole while laughing like a mad man. Having enough of the attention given to him, L.o.l. Glutton reared back and blasted them all off of him with an area cero. All the Megazords were knocked across several buildings, killing hundreds who had gathered to watch, including half of the city’s news crews.

“I will devour all life!” L.o.l. Glutton screamed and began to power up once again.

“We need to end this NOW!” Ichigo shouted, “Let’s combine our attack!” The Megazords lined up, shoulder to shoulder.

“I’m transferring the chant to all of you! As soon as you receive it, repeat it together and we’ll combine it into one massive bakudo!” Rukia instructed. Punching in a few commands, the transmission was complete and they all chanted at once.

“You who is crowned with the name of Man, wearing a Mask of blood and flesh, flying on ten thousand fluttering wings, with Thunder’s carriage and an empty Spinning Wheel, break the Light into six pieces, carve a twin Lotus on a wall of Pale Blue Flames, and await the Blazing Fires to reach the Distant Heavens! Bakudo number sixty one: Rikujōkōrō!”

Six beams of light slammed into the hollow’s mid section, paralyzing it and holding it in place.

“NOW!” Tommy called out. Every Megazord let loose its ultimate attack, striking the hollow almost at the same time, causing it to scream in agony before slowly disappearing and the smaller particles exploding in the air, killing another twenty people with the shockwaves.

Back at the Angel Bay Crest Grove Booze and Juice Bar
A large party was awaiting the Rangers as they returned, full open bar, and all they could eat food. Ichigo and Rukia were feeling slightly more like themselves, but they couldn’t shake the impression this messed up universe was having on them.

“Excellente job, vatos!” Carlos said, slapping Ichigo on the back. Ichigo just gave him a thumbs up and a smile while taking a seat.

“ Thanks, uh, I think…we really should be going…” Rukia stated, pulling on Ichigo’s arm.

“But…I haven’t slut you up as a thank you, yet!” Jen stated, starting to dry hump Ichigo’s leg.

“Well, I guess we could…HEY!” Ichigo shouted as Rukia forcefully pulled him off the stool.

“You’ve all been wonderful. Take care!” Rukia shouted, opening a door to the soul society and dragging Ichigo with him before they were completely over taken by the dimension’s ability to mess with their heads.

“Well, pooh…” Jen stated. Sky slowly slid up to her, giving her a wink, and they both ran off to the men’s room.

“Glad to see everything ended up in our favor. Looks like we really taught Evildron a lesson again. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any more of those hollows, or whatever they’re called,” Dustin said, slamming back a Bacardi and diet, finally manning up and drinking booze.

“Like Tommy always says, ‘Don’t fuck with the Rangers!’” Ziggy said, doing an even more epic spin kick than Tommy ever could.

“Speaking of fucking with Rangers…where’s Sky and Jen?” Tommy asked, looking around. Screams of agony and passion erupted from the bathroom as Sky finished Jen in record time and came out smiling and sweating.

“Wow…she is good!” Sky said, dropping into a chair exhausted.

“Uh, Sky..?” Tommy said slowly, “What, uh…what did you do?”

“Well, dumb ass, since my balls are busted, I realized she couldn’t possibly be my great, great, great granddaughter,” Sky said, putting his hand up for a high five.

“Sky…ALEX would be your biological descendant…Jen was married in to the family. So, technically, she’s still your granddaughter,” Tommy informed him, deadpanned look.

“…oh…shit…” Sky said, slumping forward and dropping his arm.


Back at the location the hollow was defeated
Evildron was looking over the destruction caused by Sloan’s failure. Shaking his head and drinking his fifth of Jack Daniels out of a brown paper bag (no open containers…not even with this amount of evil around. Can’t change all the laws) Evildron took note of all the impressive buildings and trees still standing. In front of him, a pile of rubble began to move on its own, so he stepped closer to investigate, kicking some of the debris away.

“Sloan?!” Evildron shouted as Sloan climbed out of the wreckage, “My word, you survived! Well…get off your ass and back to the lair. You have to rebuild my god damn house!” Reaching up and covered in dark energy, Sloan grabbed Evildron by the throat and began to inhale, pulling on his soul as did. Evildron felt the life leaving him when Sloan finally stopped, his soul snapping back into his body.

“No, Evildron. You will rebuild it, and you will rebuild it to my specifications. Just remember…I can do that any time I want!” Sloan stated, his voice deeper, his muscles larger (well, for a nerd), and his eyes burning with a dark fire.


WOW! EPIC AS SHIT! Where is this going next?! Will there ever be another Gold and Silver Ranger? Who the fuck knows..?