Mortal Kombat 11 Review by Sunrie (s)(t)

Mortal Kombat, Bitches!!! This logo is awesome!
Nerd boners are raging hard right now with the release of Mortal Kombat 11. It’s been almost a solid four years since Mortal Kombat X was released and people have been begging for the next installment for years now. Was it worth the wait? You can either skip to the bottom like a loser, or you can read the entire review to form a more rounded opinion. Choice is yours.


Raiden looking better than ever!Plot

MKX left us with a very emo Raiden and Cassie Cage as the Earth’s victor. *sigh* Say what you will, that’s what happened in the last game. Now it’s several years later and Raiden is waging war on absolutely every realm which he finds to possibly, maybe, at some point, could be a threat to Earthrealm. With Liu Kang and Kitana ruling Netherrealm, Raiden feels he must attack them as soon as possible.

Enter Kronika, the game’s main antagonist. This new character is above the Elder Gods and she’s extremely powerful. Kind of…sort of…well, if she gets enough power to use her power, she’s extremely powerful. She controls time and weaves the destinies of all people in all the realms, but might also only be Earthrealm, unless you’ve visited Earthrealm… The game never really clears that up.

Look, to sum everything up, Kronika is beyond angry about Raiden shifting everything in total favor of Earthrealm and has decided to rebalance the universe by reversing time to a point in which Raiden could no longer exist. Good guys turn to bad guys, bad guys turn to good guys, and everything else is pretty gray.

Honestly, I’m doing a bad job representing the plot here. It works great in the game and is presented wonderfully.


I would still put my dick in her mouthStory

Ah, the story! MK 9 had an amazing story. MK X had a pretty “meh” story. Injustice 2 had a terrible story. MK 11? It has an amazing story! I don’t know if they reassigned the writing team to the original ones or they hired people back, or even fired the old ones and hired new ones, but damn the new story is interesting. It’s put together in a solid way, the fights make sense, the character interactions are fun, and it doesn’t feel like it’s dragging on nor needless.

I won’t provide spoilers, but let’s just say it had some interesting surprises and mentions. Character motivations don’t feel shoehorned in just to make them appear at times for a fight, which is the biggest thing for me. Unlike in MK X, I feel like this was handled with care and actually thought out again. With the exception of one character, anyone you fight is in the roster. Sure Ed Boon said no NPC fights…well that was a fucking lie…but with that one exception, everyone in the story is in the roster.

Kronika herself is an interesting character and her guiding hand is what lead to the events of all Mortal Kombat games across all timelines. This includes ones we weren’t familiar with, but get to see glimpses of in The Krypt and mentions by other characters.


Mmhmm...mhmm..mmmhmm...Johnny looking badassGraphics

Before I get into controls, audio, and things like that, let’s talk graphics. You see that Johnny Cage over there to the left? See how badass that looks? Well, the entire game is like that. The facial scanning technology is even better than in Injustice 2 and moves even more realistically.

Arenas are multilayered with all kinds of things to look at while never actually distracting from the fight you’re focusing on. In one arena, Shinnok’s severed head sits wedged in a wall and mounted like a trophy. In another arena, you’ll see both the present and the past fighting for dominance as you spray blood across the battle field. Is an NPC wandering a little too close to the fighting action? Grab them and throw them at your opponent!!! It feels so good taking a tarkatan warrior by the belt and bashing your enemy in the face with it.

Special moves glow and explode in pure eye candy. When characters get hit, they react much more realistically than even before, and crushing blows (moves which do enhanced damage based on specific triggers) act as a quasi-x-ray move which can happen either automatically, or when you opt for the “Hold A Button” option.

Blood is…very satisfying. Blood and other liquids (see: Kano introductions in the game) will seek its own level and cover not only the ground, but the entire arena and even coat your fighter’s outfits. While the blood may not pour like a faucet, what does flow out of fighters is more than satisfying. You won’t see the characters taking battle damage like in the past, but thanks to the improved blood physics, you won’t miss it.


Sonya taking it to the face in graphic detailGameplay/Controls

How does the game play? Faster than the beta and slower than MK X. I like it! I really, really like it. I don’t feel like I’m being rushed down constantly by the AI or other players. It’s much more methodical this time around.

Inputting combos is still a little “dial-a-hit”, but the timing is much tighter this time around. You have to be pretty precise, and that will either make you a better player, or will make you frustrated in the online battles. Personally, I like it being a little less forgiving, because it means button mashing is even less likely to get you anywhere. Is it noob friendly? Somewhat, I guess.

Honestly, the controls aren’t super crispy, but they feel satisfying. My fingers have gotten a work out, let’s put it that way. Doing the Tutorial section will help you out in a lot of ways. I highly suggest at least playing the Frame Data Tutorial. Granted, it means absolutely dick shit against the computer, since the AI breaks all the rules whenever it feels like (Dear Developers: Stop programming One Button Specials and Button Reading into your fighting games and learn how to program actual AI, you lazy assholes. Sincerely, Everyone), but it did make the entire concept understandable for me, so anyone can learn it.


Liu Kang's Fatalities have gotten goryAudio

Music is right on. It’s just catchy enough that you won’t be distracted by it, but you’ll definitely have your favorites. Thanks to the Krypt, which I will discuss mournfully later, you can unlock the tunes to listen to at any time. There’s some wild west influence in some of this music, and that’s not a bad thing.

Groans, grunts, screams, yelps, and laughs are fantastic. Beating your opponent mercilessly has never sounded this good. Ever. Period. I don’t care what other game you’re thinking of, this beats it.* Punching your enemy to bits like Liu Kang there will give you an instant boner no matter if you’re a boy or a girl. It’s that good.

Voice acting is good as well. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s good. I know people complain about Rhonda Rousey’s acting as Sonya, but let me get something straight with everyone: No one else in the cast is Shakespeare level and no one is going to win an award for their work here. It all feels like it’s done on purpose to give it that old Kung Fu Theater vibe, and it’s fun.

*God of War (2018) is the one exception


Oh...Johnny and Sonya are back together, by the wayFeatures

It wouldn’t be a modern Mortal Kombat game without some additional features thrown in. Apart from Story, you have The Krypt, Towers of Time, Klassic Towers, Kollections, and Kustomize.

Story mode is your basic bread and butter mode to get you to understand what is going on and why. You get to play a variety of the characters, sometimes as a team, and other times alone. You do not get to play as the villians at all, which kind of sucks. You have the ability to go back and make other choices, when given to you, so you won’t miss out on anything. Nothing about the story changes, however, and it’s just there to give you another thing to experience. A lot of your costumes and accents are earned through this mode, so don’t skip it.

Towers of Time is much like the gimmick in Injustice 2 where you have a cretain amount of time to beat challenges to unlock gear and get konsumables. First off: FUCK KONSUMBABLES. Most of the towers can only be beaten by using these because the AI is completely jacked up. Netherrealm Studios has stated this is a mistake (I don’t believe them) and they are adjusting the difficulty. Whey do I think this is not a mistake? Because it makes you so infuriated you’ll want to buy “konsumable” items in packs through the online store. They just got so much backlash from this they are forced to change it. At least they acknowledged it. This goes for The Krypt, too, which I will address last, due to how angry I am over it.

Klassic Towers is exactly like the normal towers in MK X. You choose five through twelve fights to get your character’s endings, fight through an endurance tower where your health is carried over between each fight, and you have the unlimited battles tower to see just how far you can get against an increasingly cheating computer. Oh, did I forget to mention you can use konsumables in this selection of towers as well completely breaking everything? Yeah…fuck “konsumables”.

Kollections is just where you can view the items you’ve unlocked such as concept art and music. That’s all.

Kustomize is where you go to change out your costumes and adjust your skills and augments. It’s pretty cool, but extremely limited. You can’t adjust the colors yourself, so you’re forced to just pick the outfit and coloring you like the best with the items you’ve selected to accent your character. However, there is a lot to choose from, and you’ll pretty much be forced to either get extremely lucky to get the one you want, or you’ll just have to fork over the cash (up to $10 USA) for it. Why? Because of the fucked over Krypt.

Their faces say it allThe Krypt is a joke. There are more items than there are treasure chests, so you’ll have to spend even more of your first type of currency to reset the chests in order to have a slight chance to get what you want. It’s 2,000 gold pieces PER CHEST to reset, and with chests costing up to 25,000 gold to open, you’ll need a lot of gold. Then there’s the “Soul Tokens”, which you get at a very slow rate compared to gold. One area requires 2,00 souls in order to unlock it, and every other chest requires 100 souls. Guess how many souls you get by playing? Not enough.

Then there’s the Hearts…Except for “Special Chests”, which require 100 hearts, every other chest which takes hearts (these have Shao Kahn’s bust on them) requires 250 hearts. Problem with this? You get ONE HEART PER FATILITY and TWO HEARTS PER BRUTALITY. So, that means you have to beat, at minimum, 125 opponents and end the rounds with a Brutality, or defeat 250 characters with a Fatality just to open ONE CHEST, which contains an RNG character skin. Oh, and no, couch co-op does NOT give you hearts, so don’t try to cheat it that way.

That’s not the end of it, either…to use one of the items which is required to find certain chests and passageways, it costs you Soul Tokens to use. Every second it drains 2 Soul Tokens. So…pony up and pay, bitches. Again, Netherrealm Studios has acknowledged the backlash, so they are “adjusting the economy”. No one knows what this means as of now.


This is the real Mortal Kombat! Kontroversy!Kontroversy

I didn’t have to spell it with a “K”, I just wanted to.

Many, many, many man babies are crying over the fact the characters look more realistic. In any other videogame this would be a great thing, but not here in Mortal Kombat, I guess. They’re also complaining that the female fighters don’t have their tits, ass, and pussy hanging out of their costumes, but feel that the male characters are overly sexualized. These people are absolutely dumb shits. That is a fact, not an opinion. The characters have never looked better and the costume designs have never been more impressive.

The other thing is Ed Boon claimed there would be no loot boxes, but the game introduces three currencies, one of which is literally called a “premium currency”, much like those free to play mobile games. The entire economy of the game is based around microtransactions, and The Krypt is one big loot box filled with RNG bullshit no one wanted or asked for. You cannot, and I repeat cannot, go onto the internet and look up where to find what you want, since it will be different for everyone. Oh, but don’t worry, you can pay $5.00 (USA) for the outfit you want and up to $20.00 for a pack of them. Know what? Fuck you guys at Netherrealm Studios for doing this. I will not praise you fixing this, as it is a problem you created in the first place. Just get it fixed.

Let me not forget to mention how you 100% need to be online to keep any of the items you unlock. In order to “protect the online store”, the game has to access the servers in order to validate you actually have the right to have it. I’ve had the servers go down on me a few times, making me lose progress, and my internet took a dump on me another time, which made me lose progress as well. It’s infuriating and anti-consumer.


They're eager for the final scoreFINAL SCORE: 8/10 Nerd Boners

Even with The Krypt, Towers of Time, and the economy of the game completely fucked, it’s a solid 8 out of 10 nerd boners from me. Once the issues have been fixed, if they ever are correctly fixed, then I’ll give it a 10/10.

Should you rent or buy? If you love Mortal Kombat, then get it now. RIGHT NOW. If you like fighting games, then wait a year until the “full version” comes out, with all the fixes, adjustments, and characters available to you right away. I got the Kollector’s Edition and feel very satisfied with my purchase.

Advertisements

Monetization practice for Borderlands 3 has been leaked…and it’s not good news

When Borderlands 3 was announced to release on September 13, 2019 the Internet lost their minds. This made not only Randy Pitchford happy to the point he actually discouraged his employees from openly insulting any customers for 24 hours on Twitter, but Strauss Zelneck (CEO of Take-Two Interactive) was so overwhelmed by the reactions he immediately began shoving endangered species full of money to preserve them on his walls and smoking cigars wrapped in $100 (USA) bills.

Microtransactions have been the source of massive contention in the gaming world for consumers. Few games lend themselves to the absolutely abusive nature as the Borderlands franchise. As if we needed specific proof to the greed of Take-Two Interactive and the gaming industry in general, the monetization practice for Borderlands 3 has been leaked and let’s just say it’s not good for the consumers. Originally released by Kojaku Magazine, a somewhat controversial gaming webzine, these are the following microtransactions they claim will be available in the upcoming Borderlands 3 game.

  • Eridium in blocks of 5, 10, 20, and 100
    Players will have the option to purchase the first premium currency, Eridium, in groups to make upgrades at a faster rate.

  • Seriph Crystals in blocks of 1, 5, and 10
    Players will have the option to purchase the upgraded premium currency, Seriph Crystals, which are required to update guns to higher levels and provide increased bank and player backpack space.

  • 100% Upgraded Backpack Space
    Players will be able to upgrade their Vault Hunter to carry the maximum number of weapons and items immediately, however, until the player reaches level 25 in game, the space will be provided at intervals every 5 levels until they reach their maximum. This frees up Seriph Crystals for use in other areas.

  • 100% Bank Space Upgrade
    Players will be able to upgrade their bank space to maximum immediately.

  • Gun Upgrade in blocks of 1, 3, and 5
    Players will be able to purchase an immediate upgrade to their weapon, bringing the power and stats up to their current level. Players can purchase one, three, or five upgrades at a time in order bring up to five guns to their current level.

  • Increased Ammo Capacity (All Weapons)
    Players have the option to purchase the ability to carry the maximum amount of ammo immediately instead of collecting Eridium for the upgrade in-game. Until level 25, players will be given the upgrade every 5 levels until the maximum has been reached.

  • Area Unlocks
    Players will be able to unlock other areas in the game without having to collect Eridium to power the keys.

  • Character Level +1, +5, +10
    Players have the option to level up their characters by one, five, or ten levels in order to beat areas they may be having trouble with. 

  • Skill Points +1, +2, +3
    Players have the option to get skill points without having to level up. This does not add skill points to characters, and instead grants the skill points early.

  • Retro Warriors (Individual/Group Pass)
    Not included in the Season Pass, this allows players to buy characters from past games to use in the Borderlands 3 during a New Game+*.

  • New Game+
    This allows a player to start the game all over, as a level 1, but with access to all weapons, items, and areas previously unlocked. All items, weapons, and areas will maintain their original power and levels, but will be usable immediately.

  • Remove Level Requirement
    Playesr have the option to remove the level requirement from a weapon they have found if they do not currently meet it.

  • Ultimate Vault Hunter
    This allows the most aggressive challenge to those who want it! Enemies level scale as high as your character does and provides increasingly better loot.

  • Second Active Character
    Players have the ability to run two character saves at the same time instead of having to archive their previous character.

  • New Characters To Be Announced
    These will be available separate from the season pass and will be announced at a future date.

Are we honestly surprised at this point to the extent of greed these gaming companies have? Maybe things can be changed much like the EA Star Wars: Battlefront 2 fiasco was. Only time will tell.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sunrie is the editor-in-chief and head writer for Ramblings From the Sunrie and has been since the founding of the site since it first appeared on Open Diary, then on Xanga, and now on WordPress.

Gambit Prime – Quick Reference Guide! (s)(t)

I wrote up how I love Gambit Prime, even as a solo player, and I still do. However, people don’t seem to understand the simple mechanics. Yes, simple mechanics are at play in Gambit Prime. It’s also really easy to recognize who wants to do what. I am keeping this all positive, too! Please keep in mind this is not an in depth guide.

So, I’m here to write up some SGA on how to quickly and easily identify people (it may be a little more difficult for color blind people as I don’t know if any setting in Destiny 2 to make it easier) who have decided to dedicate themselves to a specific role and why you should just let them do it, as well as how a general “how to play” the role.

Oh, and do keep in mind…if you aren’t pulling your weight, someone else might step up and take over one of these roles from you.


Invader

  • Has armor with red highlights and is generally black or very dark overall

  • Can have a red aura above their head

  • Generally provides long range support to Reaper and Collector while provide close support for Sentry
    -This means they will be camping near the portal, often on high ground

  • Should be rapidly killing ads during the opening round before first invasion portal and providing fire support between invasion phases

  • Assist in killing invaders with Sentry between invasion phases

  • Kill as many opposing guardians as possible

  • Harass opposing team as much as possible

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*
    CONSTANTLY invading, healing the primeval, and being a massive pain in the ass in general

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Invaders are awesome when you have a good one. Having a bad Invader or having no one being an Invader is bad. It’s also extremely bad to want “your turn” Invading. If you have a dedicated Invader, and they’re constantly getting kills when they Invade, BACK THE FU** OFF! Do not race them to the invasion portal. Do not decide “Well, they’re still running to the portal which just opened, so I’ll invade!” LET THE INVADER INVADE!!!

A great Invader will be able to stall the enemy team long enough for you to get your own primeval up and a chance to win. This isn’t like the original Gambit where you just need to invade no matter what. Great Invaders know when to time an Invasion and maximize the harassment of the enemy team.

General “How To Play As”
If you want to be an Invader, learn the timing and rhythm of invasions by watching the enemy bar at the top. Lots of white (not empty) bar and you guys just dropped two to four blockers? GET IN THERE AND KILL!!!! Not only are you able to slow down the enemy team from killing off the blockers, you’re draining their bank and they’re distracted enough for you to get some quick kills. Has the enemy called up their primeval? Well, get in there ASAP and stall them from killing envoys. Then what you need to do is start timing your invasions to their damage phase and make them waste that time. Most people don’t understand you can jump out of the well and keep the buff for several seconds, so it’s a great time to take down EVERYONE at once.

You’ll probably have the LEAST amount of motes deposited. Any hate you get over this means whoever is complaining is an moron who doesn’t understand the role and importance of an Invader. Just ignore them. They’re so special they’re considered a “protected class” of people.

Weapon Choice
Long range weapons are your best friend. I’ve seen some really successful Invaders use sniper rifles. I’ve seen really successful Invaders use Hammerhead as well. I personally don’t use Hammerhead in Gambit Prime, but to each their own. I personally like using a 180RPM scout rifle like Distant Relation (Explosive Payload+Outlaw). A “You Are Satan” choice is The Colony, as you can lob the rounds across the map and they will rush the enemy team before they know what is going on, as most people do not expect it. Pair it with a burst weapon like Bygones (Kill Clip+Outlaw is great) for closer range combat and you have a beautiful setup for being hateful. I’ve seen Jotunn used, but I find the tracking to be inconsistent.

Class Choice
What class makes the best Invader? I’d have to say it’s Warlocks with Nova Bomb setup followed by Hunters using either Golden Gun or Blade Barrage. Using a Nightstalker with Spectral Blades isn’t a bad idea and using Orpheus Rig can be dire to a team standing in a well. I have personally never seen a successful Invader who was a Titan.

Not going to lie here: Invader is my favorite role to play. I average 17 guardian kills per Gambit Prime match and I’ve caused several timeouts in which we’ve won and at least two “Draws” resulting in another round. Yes, I’m a Hunter main since D1.


Sentry

  • Has armor with yellow highlights and is usually more brown all over

  • Can have a yellow aura over their head

  • Generally provides close support to the bank and the people depositing while working with the Invader as a long range suppressor
    This means they will be down on the ground where the blockers come in

  • Kills as many Blockers and Invaders as possible
    -Being a general pain in the ass to the enemy and breaking their fantasy of quick, easy kills

  • Makes sure Invader doesn’t have a chance to go after the entire team

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Sentry players are the unsung heroes of Gambit Prime. The role can be boring, but the importance of a great Sentry cannot be stressed enough. It’s an extremely thankless job most players don’t consider or take for granted. Without a dedicated Sentry, you’re going to bleed motes constantly and you’re always going to have a bad time clearing blockers, when you could be banking and collecting. Let’s not forget that a Sentry with the right setup can actually SHOW(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)where the Invader is to THE ENTIRE TEAM! Yeah, you read that right, the moment a Sentry with the right gear rating hits an Invader, the entire team knows where the Invader is!

General “How To Play As”
You’re going to be hanging out at the bank most of the match. Not all of, just most of it. You need to pay attention to the bar at the top and calculate when you need to bust your butt back to the Bank in order to start clearing Blockers. Any time you hear the bell, act like Pavlov’s dog and run back to the bank. PERIOD. You need to make sure those blockers are gone ASAP. The second role you’re playing is Invader killer. You are responsible for knowing when and where that Invader is coming from and marking them. Marking them does require a high enough Sentry ranking, but that’s easily achieved with four pieces of +2 and using a Sentry Mote. The moment you hit the Invader, your entire team can now see where they are. You’ll generally have more motes banked than a Invader, so once again ignore any mentally challenged person who complains that you “didn’t bank enough motes compared to me”.

Weapon Selection
Right now for elemental: SOLAR. PERIOD! Why? Because Medium Blockers all have solar shields and you need to drop them as fast as possible. You’re gonna want a weapon you can use up close and personal, such as a shotgun with solar, and a medium/long range weapon. Assault rifles are fine as long as they are 600RPM and slower, otherwise you won’t do enough damage to the shields and enemy fast enough. I prefer Right Side of Wrong (Outlaw+Rampage/Kill Clip) as a pulse rifle, since you can do quick damage with a 4 round burst and it is great for use against invaders, even at distance. Jotunn is a pretty decent choice here as well, but when used against an Invader, as I’ve said, I find the tracking to be inconsistent. Any heavy will do, as long as you can rock a lot of ammo with it. You’re one of the heavy dealers of damage to the primeval, after all, behind a Reaper.

Class Selection
I know it’s cliche, but Titans make the best Sentry followed by Warlocks. Warlocks can use the Nova Bomb spam to really clear off the area and harass an Invader, and I have seen amazing work by bubble Titans who manage to mark the enemy and clear off the Blockers with ease. Hands down Hunters are the worst Sentry, as their supers do not have enough oomph to get the job done, even with Blade Barrage and Golden Gun. You’d think having a Nightstalker would make up the difference, but unless your team rushes in to help you, you cannot clean up fast enough as Hunter. Trust me. I know.


Reaper

  • Has armor with green highlights and is generally black overall or very dark

  • Can have a green aura over their head

  • Will be with or just ahead of the Collector murdering everything

  • Will be up the NPC enemy butthole and shooting their way out at every chance they get

  • Seeks out powerful enemies to take down as fast as possible
    -This can mean leaving the Collector in order to hunt a High Value Target

  • Cleans up any motes left behind by the Collector

  • Assists the Sentry, when possible, to clear Blockers

  • Given priority on heavy weapon ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Reapers are animals who enjoy killing everything. Everything. Did I mention how they kill everything? Think the definition of a ninja from that Real Ultimate Power website. Reapers are going to be your primary DPS for all the enemies on the field and the primeval. Playing a reaper is pretty fun! It’s more than just “killing things”, it’s about being as efficient as possible and as fast as possible. A great reaper can make getting your primeval summoned extremely fast.

General “How To Play”
You are the number one DPS machine on your team. You’re going to want the highest power level possible and the highest resilience/recovery as possible since you’re going to be up the back side of everything which moves in the game. The moment you hear there’s a high value target on the field, you need to find it ASAP. PERIOD. You’re going to make sure your Collector has the chance to pick up as many motes as fast a possible, and you’re going to make sure you collect anything they can’t, as well as get your other teammates motes to collect. Being a Reaper is all about F.A.S.T: Find – Annihilate – Sh** On Their Corpse – Take It To The Bank. (The original “T” was “Tea Bag”, but after you sh** on a corpse it’s probably not a good idea)

Weapon Selection
Anything which has a high DPS. Stay away from high rate of fire auto rifles (720RPM…600 is alright, but the slower firing provides more bang for your buck). I love Breakneck for being a Reaper. Thorn is great. If you have Maleficence, bless your heart and get to work! Just make sure you have a back up for regular enemies. Your heavy weapon needs to be something you can load up with ammo and has heavy destructive power. It’s a toss up here…while you can run something like Thunderlord or Hammerhead to clear ads fast, it won’t do much good against the bosses. It’s up to you: Faster ad clear with heavy or harder hitting single target for primeval. Personally, I’d stay with heavy hitting single target weapons to burn down that primeval.

User GilgameshP46 on reddit brought up a good point about swords: They’re fast and you can stun lock a primeval, allowing your team to really hammer them down like crazy.

Class Selection
ANY! The good news is, any class makes a great Reaper. Warlocks take top spot followed by Hunters and trailed in third by Titans. Warlocks can take out a large group of enemies fast with their supers and Hunters have some multi-target supers as well. Both have great supers to take on the primeval. Titans, sadly, just don’t have the supers to deal with a group on their own, but have a pretty nice natural resilience to their advantage, and a punch Titan or OEM wearing bastard can make life miserable for the NPCs.


Collector

  • Has armor with white highlights and usually brown over all

  • Can have a white aura over their head

  • Will be running with the Reaper for most of the match and hardly ever alone

  • Will be collecting as many motes can fit in their pockets, mouth, and any other open hole as possible as fast as possible

  • Secondary DPS to the Reaper for clearing ads, but not necessarily the primeval

  • Assists Reaper, when possible, in killing High Value Targets

  • Leaves no motes behind as much as possible

  • Hides when an Invader comes in and doesn’t engage directly if at all possible

  • Least priority for heavy ammo*

*Sentry and Invader are both about as important having heavy ammo during the normal phases. Once it gets down to killing the primeval, Reaper takes priority followed by Invader

Collectors are your vanilla bean flavors. This means while everyone is expected to collect motes at certain times, your Collector is just plain better at it. A great Collector grabs as many motes as fast as possible, never letting any go to waste, and is pounding that bank with high level blockers. It is everyone else’s job to pay attention to the Collector in order to have the most efficient Blockers sent to the enemy team and drain those motes!

General “How To Play”
You need to be fast. You need to be efficient. You need to be aware at all times. You are the #1 target of the enemy Invader. They are coming for you specifically. If you like sweaty, scary, fast paced action, then you need to be a Collector. Any and every mote goes in your pockets. A Collector with the right setup can drop a mini-primeval style Blocker on the enemy team, and it’s more than a little annoying to take down. You need to know when an Invader is coming and plan accordingly. You need to know when there are Blockers and when there will be Invaders. You are going to be hunted like a little rabbit and you need to be storing motes as fast as possible at all costs. Watch where the NPC enemies are at all times and where the damage is coming from. Do not be losing motes! This is one of the sweatiest roles to fill and can be a lot of fun. Mobility and resilience are extremely important. When you hear the Drift say it’s time for a primeval, then you need to get to the bank right away. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weapon Selection
You need weapons which allow you to move fast, and do enough damage quickly to burn down ads. Submachine guns are great for this, and so are fast firing pulse rifles, such as Bygones (which is great for defending yourself against an Invader who manged to get too close). Shotguns are another option for you. Heavy weapons are going to be anything allowing you to take down a cluster of enemies fast, such as a rocket launcher with cluster bombs or machine guns. These will also help make an Invader think twice from getting up on you.

Class Selection
ANY! Any class makes a great collector. As long as you are fast and you have a situational awareness better than a ham sandwich, you’ll be fine.


Well, there you have it! A nice little guide on how to identify people who are taking on a specific role, what that role details, and a quick, easy to swallow taste of how to play each role. There are always much more detailed tactics, but that isn’t what this was about. Get out there, Guardians, and “cook that primeval! Drifter’s hungry!”

10 Things You Didn’t Know You Can Do in Red Dead Redemption 2 – Number 9 Will Blow You Away!


The latest epic by Rockstar Games has been out for some time now, and it’s no surprise there are a ton of things players have found out you can do that wasn’t stated outright. Just like in Grand Theft Auto 5, many secrets have been found and solved. Everything from actual aliens to Yetis has been proven to be in the game. We’re not here to talk about Easter eggs, though. Here’s a list of things players have found out they can do in epic, and realistic, fashion.

Oh, and there will be spoilers on number ten. Be warned!


1. Use your lasso on larger animals for quick, clean kill
Tired of tying to get the perfect shot on deer, elk, pigs, bears, goats, sheep, and dogs? Toss out your lasso and walk towards them. They will be locked in place and enable you too get a clean kill with a prompt once you are close enough. Don’t run out of stamina, though!

 

2. Herd Sheep / Become a Shepard
Ever wanted to live your life not as an outlaw, but as a Shepard? Well, now you can! Yes, that’s right. You can epic murder a family running a farm and take it over. Afterward, you can herd their sheep or sheep you have found in the world into corrals and raise them. There is an incredibly detailed breeding system built into the game, almost as if Rockstar Games was hoping you would find this and play the game this way. Once you’ve figured out the breeding, you’ll want to start entering them into animal shows and selling off wool, as well as mutton, for money. It’s the fastest way to get a wife in the game as well.

 

3. You can change your horse follow distance with a whistle
Want your horse to be right up on your butt? Then tap the up arrow. Want your horse to follow a bit further back? Then hold the up arrow. This gives you distance options at the tap or hold of a button.

 

4. Self Reflection and Loathing
There are a lot of deep themes in RDR2. Players have found out Arthur Morgan can self narrate and find loathing in his actions by looking in a mirror. If you rent a hotel room for the night, you will be given the ability to look at the mirror. Arthur Morgan will then go on a monologue, the length of which will depend on how long it’s been since your last self confession. Be warned, though, if you’re in the epilogue and haven’t done this, the dialogue will be at least thirty minutes long…even longer if you’ve played an outlaw.

 

5. Punch Horse in the Testicles / Vagina for Funny Dialogue Options
Rockstar Games was very happy and proud of itself when they talked about how the testicles on a horse would shrink in the cold weather. What they didn’t tell people, however, is the hilarious dialogue options you get when you punch a horse in the testicles or the vagina! Here’s a video and transcript of it happening when out with oft hated Micha:

*Arthur Morgan punches his horse in the testicles*
Arthur Morgan: HAHAHA! Look at ’em go!
Micha: You know they’re good for more than punching, Morgan.
Arthur Morgan: What the hell are you on about now, Micha?
Micha: I’m just saying you can do more than, you know, punch them like that. There’s more you can do to a horse’s dangling bits.
Arthur Morgan: Micha…you’re too god damn strange for me.
*Arthur Morgan then kicks Micha’s horse in the vagina. Micha is bucked off and the horse begins to prance around making lots of noise*

 

Arthur Morgan: HAHAHAHAHA! I guess you’re right, Micha


6. Have Lunch with a Soiled Dove
Probably the most controversial of all mechanics in the newest Red Dead Redemption game is how you must keep Arthur’s weight up by eating and drinking. Turns out, it opens up a lot of options players didn’t know about before. Playing as a nice person as opposed to a rogue allows you to have lunch with several prostitutes, known as soiled doves at the time. As long as you helped to build the church in the second free range mission of the game (and attended at least two of the sermons), you will be able to hire one of these girls and…have lunch with them in order to talk about the wonders of Jesus. If your charisma stat is high enough when you do this, you will be able to save the soil of one of these once damned ladies. The “redemption” part of Red Dead Redemption 2 isn’t just about Arthur Morgan after all.

 

7. Use the Restrooms
Eat too much and you’ll be forced into one of the many standing outhouses.

8. Ride with a Gang
One of the biggest surprises in the game is the ability to ride with an gang of outlaws! That’s right! You no longer have to play the character in a linear fashion. Unlike the first game in the series, in which you played Jack Marston (who is in the game as a little kid, by the way), as you left your banking job for a life on the prairie to be a farmer, you can now choose to be a gang member instead. This does, however, require you to play the game like a rogue almost all the time. You’ll be doing everything from kidnapping to burning down farms, plus everything in between. While you may never get to be the leader of the gang, no matter how high your intelligence and charisma stat, the leader is a charismatic person. Just have some god damn faith in him.

 

9. Shoot Guns!!!
It’s not easy to learn how, but once you figure it out, you’ll have the time of your life shooting guns! Rockstar Games avoided the majority of the controversy by allowing your character to actually be able to not only shoot but buy and legally own firearms at all (not even a background check to keep everyone safe!!!) by making it hard to figure out. Not only can you buy guns, but also the bullets to use them! This is all thanks to the game taking place in a fantastical American setting. Once you locate the buildings which sell the guns, you can simply walk in, buy one, buy the bullets, and walk out of the building with it…in mere seconds. It was truly the Wild West!

 

10. Fly Like Superman
The strangest of all things people have figured out. Turns out…Arthur Morgan is a super hero! Why most players didn’t realize this is not completely surprising. There is a very quick mention of it during the tenth mission in Level 8, which comes in around 10 hours of gameplay without doing side missions:

Annabelle: Oh, Mister Morgan…I just wish you’d fly me out of here like you did in the old days.
Arthur Morgan: You and I both know that was a long time ago. This bird is caged…not that I don’t think about it every now and again, mind you.
Annabelle: Well, if you ever find those happy thoughts again, let me know. I remember sitting on top of that waterfall with you for hours.

Most everyone figured this was just poetic imagery between the two ill-fated love birds. Nope! Turns out, if you go to Donner Falls during the exploration phase, you get a prompt to “meditate” and a pretty cool cutscene. We won’t spoil it all here, though. Go see if for yourself. Fast travel was cut because you don’t need it when you can fly at high speeds!


Well, there you have it. Ten things you probably didn’t know you can do in Red Dead Redemption 2. Are there any we missed? Are there anymore you have discovered? Let’s us know in the comments!

Ten Alternative Super Bowl Party Ideas

Are you all ready for some football?!?!?!?!!?!?!??! Yeah, me neither, but it’s Super Bowl LII, which is apparently NOT pronounced Super Bowl “Lee”, “El Eye Eye” nor “Lye”, which means I’ll watch it. Kind of. A little bit. Just the commercials for sure…on YouTube a few days to weeks later.

If you’re like me and only care about the Super Bowl as far as the commercials and free food from people are concerned, but don’t want anyone to think you’re anti-social, or want to a be hip to the new hipster scene, then you’ve come to a great place! While this isn’t a “How To Guide” since I’m not going to being telling you how to do these, you’ll still get some great alternative party ideas. Think of these as jumping off points. Much like how most people need to jump off a very high bridge into a dry river bed.

Oh, and let’s not forget that any advertisers, unless they’ve paid out the ass and are official sponsors, can’t call the Super Bowl the Super Bowl without permission. Yes, I’m serious. They’ve also sued churches for holding parties in which people can watch the Super Bowl. Again, yes, I’m serious.

Anyway, on with the list of ideas!


1. Commercials Only

Let’s start off with the most obvious type of alternate party, the Commercials Only. With this party, you only un-mute the television during the commercials and then mute them again during the game. You do everything in your power to keep people from actually watching the Super Bowl. Get out Uno, Twister (nude if necessary), Cards Against Humanity…it doesn’t matter, really. When halftime comes around, turn off the halftime performance and watch something like The Puppy Bowl instead. Make sure to hoot and holler at great commercials!


2. Pants Off-Dance Off for All Touchdowns

Kind of self explanatory. Any time “your” team scores a touchdown, then you take off your pants and dance in celebration. If you don’t care about what team is the favorite, or don’t have a team you care about yourself, just do it for any and all touchdowns. Bonus points for doing your dance on a table and lightening round double daily bonus for doing it on the table where people are eating when they are eating.


3. Shot Down!

To do this, you must take a shot of any alcohol for every first down. The harder the alcohol the more screwed up you’ll get quickly, so you might want to pace yourself. It’s something like the Highlander Drinking Game, but you’ll get a lot more wasted. Unless, of course, each team really sucks and there’s hardly any progress made on the field. I don’t know who’s playing and I don’t care enough to find out, so…this might happen this year. I don’t know.

This is an alcoholic’s favorite!


4. Pee Wee Super Bowl

Don’t watch the actual Super Bowl, and instead watch little league football, which I just found out is called Pee Wee. While I would never suggest inviting Paul Reuben over under normal circumstances, I’d say this is the best time to do so. Still don’t invite Jared, the Subway guy, though. Seriously. Don’t. I won’t be held responsible if you do.

 

5. The “Super” Bowl

“What the fuck is this?!” you’re thinking. I know, because I’m psychic, remember? Or, rather, I know you’re more than likely reading this silently in your brain, which makes you think it. Mind blown. I know. Why, yes I am amazing. Again, I know.

This super bowl is an actual super bowl. You and all your “friends” (see: cult followers) will gather around a bowl which will be adorned with an attractive color scheme, a cape, and underwear on the outside. Fill it with tasty snacks of your choosing and drop to your knees in prayer, thanks, fear, gratitude, and worship for every bite you take of said snacks.

Don’t forget the psalm of worship to bring forth luck and keep away its porcelain wrath. According to Reginald Scot’s records, titled Demons in the New World:

Giver of snacks
Container which never lacks
Keep us full and in high spirits
We shall never falter in our praise
Not once in all of our days!

COME FORTH, GOOD LUCK!
FUCK OFF, ANNOYING CUCKS!

When the super bowl is empty, you can either toss it back and forth between each other or wash it out for use in the next year.

 

6. Reenactment Party

Oh boy, is this one fun! You also get to trash not only the place, but your fellow party goers, too. For every play made, you reenact it in the area you’re watching the game in. If you’re in the basement, then you do it there. If you’re in the living room, then you do it there. If you’re some kind of amazing stuntman and watching it from trapeze wires, then more power to you…but you have to do it there with everyone else.

You may be sued by the NFL, but you’ll win in court if you can afford the legal fees to fight it. After all, it’s a live interpretation and alteration of what’s actually going on. Basically, it’s fair use. The injuries, however, are not open to be paid for by the NFL, even when you do win your case.

 

7. Get High – Get Fucked Party

Get high and get fucked. You don’t even have to watch the party. You will, however, need enough snacks and beverages packed with electrolytes to keep people going. Trust me, you don’t want to run out of food and hydration in the middle of an orgy. Things get awkward fast. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

 

8. Murder Mystery

Everyone loves a mystery and this is going to be talked about for years to come! You invite everyone over for what seems to be a normal Super Bowl party, but with one twist…every time the ball changes teams, someone dies! Make sure you aren’t the killer, though, because that’s too obvious. Get one of your guests whom you know will be down for this and have them take someone out and hide the bodies. Hell, even don’t hide the bodies, I don’t care. It’s your call.

As the game goes on, everyone will be scrambling to figure out “Who Done It?!” By the final minutes of the game, gather everyone into another room and have everyone who’s left write down who they think the killer is and why. If the majority of the people guess right, then that they get a prize! A prize besides getting to live, that is.

Oh, and to do this game right, you may just want to confiscate everyone’s cell phones and make sure you don’t have a land line. Also, nail down all your windows and make it so no one can escape. You don’t want some party pooper ruining the game by getting the police involved. Clean up may be a bitch, however, so make sure you rent a carpet cleaner with steam.

 

9. Swords, Knives and Guns Party

What does this have to do with the Super Bowl? The pregame! This is the only pregame idea in all of this, mind you. Let’s face it, you and everyone else is getting wasted before the game even begins, so you’ll need something to do to entertain yourselves before the game. The pregame always sucks, but this will make it better.

Start off just by showing off your swords, knives, and guns. Then you’ll progress to swinging them around and chambering rounds. Semi-final will be showing off what you can do, or if it works how awesome it would be. Finally, you end up with someone holding a rather large sausage or hotdog in their mouth and you take it out with either a sword, a knife, or your gun. Keep in mind for the gun you’ll have to shoot it, so it’s technically the bullet doing the job.

 

10. Just Masturbate Party

Ignore the game altogether and focus on the cheerleaders, or the commercials, and just spank it for three hours and fifty three minutes. Get snacks and beverages with lots of electrolytes.


There you have it! What kind of party are you going to throw? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to mix in meth with some RedHot Buffalo Dip. I put that on everything!

Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016

It was that magical time of year again, and that means it’s time to highlight some problems. On Christmas morning and maybe even on morning of presents for Hanukkah, someone is going to be unlucky enough to have gotten one of these gifts. Just like every year, W.A.T.C.H. is hell bent on ruining Christmas morning like a Muslim in a gay nightclub. While they do highlight some issues with toys, W.A.T.C.H. always misses the worst of the worst and instead focuses on toys targeted at boys and girls simply for being “gender specific”. Here are the actual Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016 which were given.


My Very Own Alibi1. My Very Own Alibi
This toy line is said to have been inspired by the film franchise known as Home Alone, in which a rich white child goes on a killing spree of his neighbors while getting off completely free in protest of being left alone while his family goes out shopping. Pictured is the “Roller Puncture Derby” a la carte version of the toy. Others include the mouse trap with tack and shotgun shell and hand grenade on a sstring, the second best seller. Were do we really begin with this?

First off, the knife isn’t sharp as it needs to be in order to put someone down quickly. Some people might find this as a feature, but we find it to be a minus point to an otherwise ingenious product. Secondly, the skate is very rusty, but the knife is not. We’d give it points for adding tetanus with a dull knife, but since the rust is on the skate and note the blade, this is another minus point. Lastly, there is no ramp with My Very Own Alibi, but the packaging (not shown) clearly shows it flying off a ramp.

Kids have a great imagination, and this is just lazy. The toy has nothing to put together and basically just does one thing: Roll slowly and barely stab someone. Children are going to end up just throwing the toy, which defeats the purpose of what it is trying to accomplish. Stay away and if you get this as a present, get a gift receipt.


Pogoff To Space2. Pogoff Stick: To Space
Claims from the manufacturer:

Feeling XtReMe?! Want to KiSs the SkY?! Well now you can! After three successful pumps to prime the engines, the rockets will kick in and put you close enough to kiss the pilots of MH370 as they fly by on their infinite voyage around the world in space!

Aside from the tasteless reference to the fated Malaysia Flight MH370, there’s also a slightly veiled reference for drugs. Jimmie Hendrix used the term “kiss the sky” for getting intoxicated with drugs.

Even though almost any kid, and many adults, would love to ride on a rocket propelled pogo stick, the fact is, pogo sticks are dangerous. Ever get hit in the chin while riding on one? How about landing at an angle and falling or bouncing into a bush/tree? Imagine that at 147 MPH/236.574 KPH? Yeah, that’s going to leave one bad bump on your head and a pretty bad headache. I think we can all do without this. We don’t want another “Heat Seeking Lawn Darts” fiasco during a picnic, now do we?


My First Lynching Rope3. My First Lynching Rope: The Game
My First Lynching Rope: The Game is a choking hazard in disguise as a harmless family game. If you think The Game of Life is destined to kill your little ones who eat the cars or peg-people, then you’re not worried enough. This game is enough to kill every member of the family, especially any adopted black ones.

The game revolves around getting enough people on your posse in order to lynch the person next to you. Everyone takes turns rolling dice and taking cards while moving around a board. Think of this like Mouse Trap, except you’re the mouse, the noose is the trap, and your neck is the end game. If you can’t play your card fast enough, or have a good enough one, it’s lights out.

What the manufacturer didn’t count on is most of your homes aren’t equipped to have this hang high enough, so you’ll end up either wrapping it around each others necks and pulling, or using something like a door you’ll hope is strong enough to hold up old fat Grannie Christine. There just isn’t enough through going into this game and it shows. Pass this up.


Jihad Jerry4. Jihad Jerry
I mean…wow… This is the follow up the the Ibraheem Toys’ 2014 break out gift My First Jihad. While not directly marketed as an infidel holiday gift, they sure like to time it that way. The packaging is grotesque and 100% real.

Packaging claims it’s “Everything you’ll need to end the Jewish and Christian infidels of their lives!” It contains a child’s Qu’Ran, prayer mat, 4lbs of active dynamite, mask and robe, remote detonation backup device, and a map to local Jewish temples.

The interior booklet claims:

As your children grow and learn, they’ll want to up the destructive force for the glory of Allah. Use this as a great follow up to your My First Jihad toy kit. Praise be to Allah! DEATH TO ALL INFIDELS!

Who are they kidding? The previous kit is almost a 100% death sentence to both your child and their entire day care, so there is no “…grow and learn…” involved. We are talking about Islam, after all. Also, much of the dynamite in the packaging is pretty old and very volatile, meaning there’s a good chance it’ll explode before you put it in a vest and go to school the following day to show off your toy. Pass.


Coke Head Charlene5. Friday Night: Coke Head Charlene
At least your kids are leaning a valuable lesson here: Cocaine is a party and designer drug. Unlike the Medicate Me: Molly! doll from 2014, this doll knows how to “Fuck It Up”, as the box says. This is almost a buy.

What makes this almost a buy? It comes with real cocaine! However, it only comes with 1 gram and a very small straw the doll can use. There are no refills available from the manufacturers, either. This means to get the fix the doll needs to continue being fun you’ll have to go into bad areas or convince the local pharmacist to give you some. You know, for your “nose injury”. Good luck with that. Cocaine is also very expensive, especially for twice cut Colombian. That shit is awesome.

If necessary, a supplemental toy for this one would be the Barbie Spy Squad Cat Burglar Doll which will help your precious angel break into houses and steal her friend’s stash!


Well, there you have another five toys W.A.T.C.H. didn’t care enough to warn you about. We warn you about them, because we care for you. Wrap you child in cling wrap all over their head and paint over it so they never see the horrors of the world. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

Remember when game developers cared? (s)

When people remember the good ‘ole days, it’s usually just because of nostalgia and not because things actually were better.  Well, it may have been better for them as a whole, like when really old people remember when it was better with blacks “in their place”, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.  Not to say all old people or old people in generally are racist.  Look, I know how you people on the Internet do with your moronic white knighting.  Chill out.

What I’m talking about in this entry is when game developers actually cared and did something about cheating or problems with their games. Yeah, believe it or not, there was a time when game developers would actively police their games to ensure a quality experience. Yep, that goes as far as banning cheaters almost immediately. You also didn’t get banned or suspended for playing the single player modes in ways you wanted to, or in ways the developers didn’t intend. Hell, half the time the fun was finding ways to break the game in your favor.

These days with instant hot patching and always on internet access, game developers are punishing players for playing the way they want in the single player modes and forcing people into their shitfest-second fiddle-thrown in just so they can claim to have a multiplayer experience-hack filled multiplayer while not addressing the hacking nor cheating. Look, multiplayer can be great, but game developers need to stop focusing on it or adding it just for fuck all’s reason.

I remember when UbiSoft cared about their multiplayer with Far Cry 1. I can’t speak for FC2 since I never touched the MP part of it. When people would hack and cheat, UbiSoft would ban accounts and even CD Keys. Now? Nope. FC3 and FC4 are filled with hacks and what does UbiSoft do? Suggest you play with friends. When people were hacking on Counter Strike, what did the devs do? MASSIVE ban waves every week! Battlefield 4 is full of hackers and what does DiCE do? Tell you not to make it public, use the Battlelog to submit the report, and then if the player doesn’t affect the leaderboard, they ignore it. Report enough cheaters, with evidence, and YOUR account gets suspended! The hacking and not giving a shit about it by DiCE is so bad, even mentioning the presence of cheating on their forums or on Battlelog gets the post removed almost immediately and your account deactivated for a minimum of 3 days. WTF, guys?!

It’s not just the developers, either. When did people who paid for something stop giving a shit about how unusable it is? When did people who paid for something and had the power to regulate its use stop giving a shit? What is wrong with ALL OF YOU?!

When the Vato Loco Gang clan on Battlefield 3 had a server, we policed it every day. There is a reason we were ranked #3 in the world for favorites and people constantly fought to get into the server, begging for VIP access and even offering to pay for premium spots. Why? Because we ran it like the game SHOULD have been. We banned cheaters, kicked laggers, and made sure people were having FUN rather than dealing with cheating fucks. These days, people are putting up rules for their server, and then not doing anything about it when people hack, cheat, glitch, or go against the server rules. If you aren’t going to enforce fair play, then don’t buy a server.

Destiny is so full of hackers, the PvP is pointless to play, but guess what? Bungie sure as hell forces you to play it. Do they care about it? Yes and no. Fuck no from the point of you enjoying it or banning cheaters. Yes in the way they balance EVERYTHING in the game, which is MMO based, to cater to PvP’tards who cry. Bungie has shown how little they give a shit about the actual RPG aspect of their RPG side, since their changes have made the PvE section a massive struggle thanks to mind boggling weapon balances (in order to cater to PvP’tards who cry), while demonstrating, through their own patch notes, they can EASILY separate PvP and PvE weapon damage! Oh, but don’t worry, they are banning people…who are listed as “unhelpful” or “inactive” on strikes. Not cheating, not lagging, not hacking…but unhelpful… Fuck you, Bungie. Three times. No lube.

Yes, I am RAGING right now. I am beyond fucking pissed off. What the fuck is wrong with developers these days? They act like WE need THEM, when in reality THEY need US, especially with bloated budgets and lowing profit margins. Fuck you, assholes. Start policing your god damn games instead of waiting until all of your expansions are out to get the extra money.