Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016

It was that magical time of year again, and that means it’s time to highlight some problems. On Christmas morning and maybe even on morning of presents for Hanukkah, someone is going to be unlucky enough to have gotten one of these gifts. Just like every year, W.A.T.C.H. is hell bent on ruining Christmas morning like a Muslim in a gay nightclub. While they do highlight some issues with toys, W.A.T.C.H. always misses the worst of the worst and instead focuses on toys targeted at boys and girls simply for being “gender specific”. Here are the actual Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016 which were given.


My Very Own Alibi1. My Very Own Alibi
This toy line is said to have been inspired by the film franchise known as Home Alone, in which a rich white child goes on a killing spree of his neighbors while getting off completely free in protest of being left alone while his family goes out shopping. Pictured is the “Roller Puncture Derby” a la carte version of the toy. Others include the mouse trap with tack and shotgun shell and hand grenade on a sstring, the second best seller. Were do we really begin with this?

First off, the knife isn’t sharp as it needs to be in order to put someone down quickly. Some people might find this as a feature, but we find it to be a minus point to an otherwise ingenious product. Secondly, the skate is very rusty, but the knife is not. We’d give it points for adding tetanus with a dull knife, but since the rust is on the skate and note the blade, this is another minus point. Lastly, there is no ramp with My Very Own Alibi, but the packaging (not shown) clearly shows it flying off a ramp.

Kids have a great imagination, and this is just lazy. The toy has nothing to put together and basically just does one thing: Roll slowly and barely stab someone. Children are going to end up just throwing the toy, which defeats the purpose of what it is trying to accomplish. Stay away and if you get this as a present, get a gift receipt.


Pogoff To Space2. Pogoff Stick: To Space
Claims from the manufacturer:

Feeling XtReMe?! Want to KiSs the SkY?! Well now you can! After three successful pumps to prime the engines, the rockets will kick in and put you close enough to kiss the pilots of MH370 as they fly by on their infinite voyage around the world in space!

Aside from the tasteless reference to the fated Malaysia Flight MH370, there’s also a slightly veiled reference for drugs. Jimmie Hendrix used the term “kiss the sky” for getting intoxicated with drugs.

Even though almost any kid, and many adults, would love to ride on a rocket propelled pogo stick, the fact is, pogo sticks are dangerous. Ever get hit in the chin while riding on one? How about landing at an angle and falling or bouncing into a bush/tree? Imagine that at 147 MPH/236.574 KPH? Yeah, that’s going to leave one bad bump on your head and a pretty bad headache. I think we can all do without this. We don’t want another “Heat Seeking Lawn Darts” fiasco during a picnic, now do we?


My First Lynching Rope3. My First Lynching Rope: The Game
My First Lynching Rope: The Game is a choking hazard in disguise as a harmless family game. If you think The Game of Life is destined to kill your little ones who eat the cars or peg-people, then you’re not worried enough. This game is enough to kill every member of the family, especially any adopted black ones.

The game revolves around getting enough people on your posse in order to lynch the person next to you. Everyone takes turns rolling dice and taking cards while moving around a board. Think of this like Mouse Trap, except you’re the mouse, the noose is the trap, and your neck is the end game. If you can’t play your card fast enough, or have a good enough one, it’s lights out.

What the manufacturer didn’t count on is most of your homes aren’t equipped to have this hang high enough, so you’ll end up either wrapping it around each others necks and pulling, or using something like a door you’ll hope is strong enough to hold up old fat Grannie Christine. There just isn’t enough through going into this game and it shows. Pass this up.


Jihad Jerry4. Jihad Jerry
I mean…wow… This is the follow up the the Ibraheem Toys’ 2014 break out gift My First Jihad. While not directly marketed as an infidel holiday gift, they sure like to time it that way. The packaging is grotesque and 100% real.

Packaging claims it’s “Everything you’ll need to end the Jewish and Christian infidels of their lives!” It contains a child’s Qu’Ran, prayer mat, 4lbs of active dynamite, mask and robe, remote detonation backup device, and a map to local Jewish temples.

The interior booklet claims:

As your children grow and learn, they’ll want to up the destructive force for the glory of Allah. Use this as a great follow up to your My First Jihad toy kit. Praise be to Allah! DEATH TO ALL INFIDELS!

Who are they kidding? The previous kit is almost a 100% death sentence to both your child and their entire day care, so there is no “…grow and learn…” involved. We are talking about Islam, after all. Also, much of the dynamite in the packaging is pretty old and very volatile, meaning there’s a good chance it’ll explode before you put it in a vest and go to school the following day to show off your toy. Pass.


Coke Head Charlene5. Friday Night: Coke Head Charlene
At least your kids are leaning a valuable lesson here: Cocaine is a party and designer drug. Unlike the Medicate Me: Molly! doll from 2014, this doll knows how to “Fuck It Up”, as the box says. This is almost a buy.

What makes this almost a buy? It comes with real cocaine! However, it only comes with 1 gram and a very small straw the doll can use. There are no refills available from the manufacturers, either. This means to get the fix the doll needs to continue being fun you’ll have to go into bad areas or convince the local pharmacist to give you some. You know, for your “nose injury”. Good luck with that. Cocaine is also very expensive, especially for twice cut Colombian. That shit is awesome.

If necessary, a supplemental toy for this one would be the Barbie Spy Squad Cat Burglar Doll which will help your precious angel break into houses and steal her friend’s stash!


Well, there you have another five toys W.A.T.C.H. didn’t care enough to warn you about. We warn you about them, because we care for you. Wrap you child in cling wrap all over their head and paint over it so they never see the horrors of the world. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

Christmas Songs: Analyzed and Insulted

Ah, Christmas time. I actually really love it. Even though I have more fun during Halloween…and I have yet to get a Christmas tree since I have just gotten home after being gone for a while…I do love Christmas. After all, like most people know, I’m not really a Jew, I’m just kind of Jew-ish.

The one thing which does annoy the hell out of me during this time of year, however, are some of the common Christmas songs we hear over and over and over again. There are some I like, such as Carol of the Bells with no vocals to ruin it, there are others which just annoy the ever living piss out of me. I’m not going to cover some of the ones already done by other popular authors, such as Maddox, so don’t expect to see “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” or “Rudolph: The Red Nose Reindeer”. I won’t even cover “The Grinch; Who Stole Christmas”.

Here are some of the Christmas carols I can’t stand and why. However, before I began, let me start off by saying the name of one of Santa’s reindeer is Dunder not Donner. It’s Dutch for Thunder, you fucking idiots. Lastly, it’s Blixem not Blitzen. His name means Lightening.


The Little Drummer Boy

You know what? Fuck that little drummer boy. He’s one of the reasons the night was anything but silent (I’ll get more on that later). Yeah, this is what every six hour old child wants: Some two year old little twat to show up and start smacking on a drum while they’re trying to sleep!

There’s a damn good reason why God sent Jesus and not me. See, if I was less than 24 hours hold and this asshole showed up banging on his drum while all I wanted to do was sleep after drinking me some breast milk, the world would be very different. I wouldn’t have gone to that cross. The Bible would be dramatically altered because of it. No one would have been saved.

That entire book written about Jesus would have been about three paragraphs long with me and that drummer boy involved. Basically, it would name the child so every future generation knew exactly who fucked it up for the entire world and no one would name their child anything close to it, then after about three sentences it would just be rambling.

Example:

It was then and there the savior was born. Sadness in our hearts, however, as two year old Amani Kivi Bahir came with his drum, pounding on it with all he could, which made the baby Sunrie realize there was nothing to save in this world. A world now forever stuck without the sacrifice of the lamb, we do live in, which meant the chill ass wise men who brought the gold, frankincense and mur never did get their pimped out party with the savior on his eighteenth birthday.

The next two sentences and two following paragraphs would be the scathing rant written by myself. I would not be kind, either. There would be nothing you could do about in religion, either, because the Bible is the word of God. You can’t censor that or you’d be in even bigger trouble than you’d already be in. Yeah. Let that sink in for a bit.


O’ Christmas Tree

Why are people singing to their trees? This is some major pagan bullshit, right here. I’m pretty sure God is pissed off any and every time you sing this. This may be one of those few things that’ll send you to hell!

Is this song to lull the tree into acceptance of it’s fate? You’ve chopped down a tree. You took the tree from its home, friends, and family. You’re making it die very slowly. The whole thing is a major dick move.

Really, the whole act is similar to beating a midget to an inch of its life, giving it an IV drip, dressing it up in a festive manner, and then watching him die an agonizing death. Come to think of it…I may have a new holiday tradition! No one will beat my “Elf on the Shelf”!


All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

This song is beyond stupid. I don’t think the English language has a word foul enough to describe how annoying this song truly is. Not just the song, but the little girl who sings it, too! It’s so terrible I’m not even going to suggest you look it up when I normally would. Look, I know this is supposed to be a cute story during a time of innocence and simplicity, but I want to gut this kid like Jack the Ripper’s next victim!

The lyrics are annoying as all get out, too. At one point the little bitch actually complains that it’s been “…so long since I could say, ‘Sister Susie sitting on a thistle!'”. What…the…fuck? At what point should that ever come up in a conversation. Why the hell is “sister Susie” sitting on a god damn thistle?! Do I even want to know? I already know there was a time sex toys were near impossible to get, but come on! Even if that’s not the story here, why would it ever be appropriate to say this phrase?

For the love of it all…the whistling in the song takes top spot in the SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU GOD DAMN KID!!!!!! category. The whole thing is forced to make it sound like breath blowing through two missing front teeth. I’ve never known this to happen. Yes, some people have a whistle when they talk, but it’s usually less of a tooth issue and more of a how-the-tongue-is-being-held-in-the-mouth issue.

At the end of the song, bitch cakes tries saying “Wish you a Merry Christmas”, but keeps failing. Yeah, just like her parents failed at giving birth to a functional child who will ever hope to benefit society, she fails at saying a simple phrase. What does she do? Well, she screams, “A HAPPY NEW YEAR!” instead. Excuse me? How the fuck is that hard to say without missing any two front teeth? She obviously can do it no problem, and it’s completely out of line for the song itself.

I think for New Years she’s going to need all of her god damn teeth if she doesn’t keep her mouth shut around me.


Silent Night

Remember what I said about the night being anything but Silent? Yeah, this is it. The song talks about how it’s a silent night, but I know the truth, and now you will, too. You may want to take notes, but you can always use this as reference, so…whatever.

How the hell can there have been a silent night when we have, according to multiple other accounts through song, angels singing, a little boy banging his drum, Santa Clause shouting his catchphrase, reindeer rattling bells, a full on carol of bells, a woman screaming from child birth followed by a newborn screaming, three wise men chatting it up with the new parents, and a manger full of baying animals?! That night, much like the slow pending divorce of your parents, was anything but silent.

Honestly, how could anyone confuse the first Christmas, which wasn’t even on December 25th, with having a silent night? Sorry, but Franz Xaver Gruber was a total dipshit. A real song about that night would be screaming death metal along the lines of Schatten Aus Der Alexander Welt. What? The song is by a band called Bethlehem. Seems appropriate given the topic. Screw you.


I could go on a few more, but I’m sure you get the point. If you don’t, well, whatever, like I care.

Merry Christmas. Don’t let the Muslims blow you up.

Rockstar Games announces GTA Online Realism update!


Grand Theft Auto has gained a reputation as being an incredible open world sand box game ever since the GTA 3. Some of the more recent games, however, haven’t been without their critics and problems, but things are beginning to smooth out. With the release of GTA V’s online mode, Rockstar Games has bombarded players with constant updates and new content in order to have even more fun. Rockstar Games has been relying on fans for making content and they have once again listened to complaints…but is it going to be fun?

While there has been a very vocal minority over how “too realsitic” GTA has become, most people felt the added realism made the experience that much more immersive. True the police online are extremely too aggressive and the low amounts of money given to players for doing odd jobs is laughable, however, everything else in the online mode has been extremely fun. Singleplayer is great for the story, and online is the best place to mess around with friends.

Unfortunately, things look like they’re about to take a step backwards in the fun department and further real players back from causing destruction. Rockstar Games has introduced their “Realism Update”, part of their on-going free expansion packs in the vain of Beach Bum and High Life. As a gamer myself, I don’t agree with the changes they are introducing. Here’s the changes coming to GTA Online.


Neighbors

  • Other players and NPC’s can now be seen roaming the hallways of your condos.
  • Players without condos and have houses instead should be mindful of closing their blinds in rooms while changing, else others can watch them and take pictures.
  • NPC’s and other players can call the police to register noise complaints against you. Be mindful how loud your TV and radio systems are, and don’t go running around your condo all the time. You have to be respectful to others!

 
 

Equal Rights

  • Players will have the ability to choose LBGT for their characters.
  • Players with LBGT selected will have to “live the lifestyle” by getting married to another LBGT character of the same sex. Every three in-game days, the LBGT characters must engage in some LBGT action or they will be flagged as pretenders.
  • Any player caught assaulting another character with the LBGT selected will get themselves a hate crime marker.
  • Players pretending to be LBGT in order to by-pass the hate crime markers will be flagged.
  • After three flags and/or hate crime markers, the player will be placed into a “Tolerance Server” and will only be able to play with LBGT NPC’s. If the player does not harm the NPC’s over the course of one real week, they will be once again allowed to participate in regular servers. This temporary ban is account wide.
  • If the player continues to hurt the NPC’s, they will be warned their continued actions will result in their account permanently tied to the “Tolerance Server” and never be allowed to play on other servers. Additionally, their account information will be turned over to the NSA, NAACP, and other groups for monitoring and shaming.

 
 
Taxes

  • Once every in-game year the player will be responsible for filing taxes.
  • Players are encouraged to keep track of their dealings on missions and other events in order to file correctly.
  • Failing to file the proper taxes will results in a raid on your properties.

 
 

Brady Checks and cooling off periods required on all firearm purchases

  • Because guns are bad, scary, kill people, and we must protect the children, players must perform a background check on all firearm purchases in-game.
  • A mandatory “cooling off” period of 10 in-game days is required before the check is performed.
  • After the 10 in-game cooling off period is complete, the FIB/Agency will then have up to three further in-game days to approve or deny your firearm purchase.
  • Be careful of your character names, as a similar name to another player with a criminal record may cause you to be delayed.
  • Characters which have a criminal record will no longer be able to purchase a firearm in the Ammu-Nation stores and must find them on the street.
  • If a character with a criminal record does attempt to purchase a firearm at Ammu-Nation and they are denied, an instant three star wanted level will occur. Even if the stars are out run, the characters will continue to be hunted by police and chased on sight until they are wasted by the police or FIB. Please keep in mind, other players killing you will not cause your character to lose the three star wanted level nor the police tracking.

 
 
Chocolatotaco

  • The Chocolatotaco is now available for player consumption.
  • Eating of the Chocolatotaco will slightly decrease the user’s stamina. This is to help the players make better choices for their in-game snacks.
  • Thank you, Michelle Obama!

 
 

In-game licensed products

  • Rockstar Games is proud to announce real life products will be available for purchase in-game!
  • The first available will be with the glorious and perfect Starbucks® with many more to follow.
  • All Bean Machine coffee stores and cups will now be retrofit with Starbucks® for players to enjoy.
  • Keep in mind the prices of all Starbucks® beverages will be adjusted accordingly with real-life to GTA$ conversion. A small in-game beverage will cost the player GTA$10. Pricing will be available for all others in-game.
  • Players will have the ability to make their order as simple or complicated as they wish, so remember your wait time behind another character will vary greatly. This is especially true if the NPC or player is highly demanding in the exact specifications of their perfect, glorious Starbucks® beverage.

 
 

Objectivity

  • All women will now be topless.
  • All men will now be bottomless.

Well, there you guys have it. Those are the new “Realism Update” patch notes. I don’t know if most of those are going to be good for the game or not. Personally, I don’t think they are. I mean…do I really want to run around with my dork hanging out all the time. Okay…so that’s a resounding, “YES!!!!!“, but still…

Times are Changing


Times are changing. Yes they are. Did you know that? Do you know that? Even if you did, how can you be so sure of it? Of anything? Things are changing, that means the only thing for certain is uncertainty. The problem with that is with one thing being certain, which is uncertainty, even uncertainty is uncertain. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Yeah, I know it does.

With the times being so uncertain, you can’t go about doing things the way you used to. Things are starting to be different now. So different, you have to think different about different. It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. Just keep reminding yourself how this isn’t Bizzaro World, and you’ll be okay. Breath deep, count your fingers, and try to relax. If you can learn how to adapt, how to deal, how to change yourself, you can once again learn how to live a normal life.

But what will normal be in these changing times? Who knows? Change always brings about growing pains, and pains bring about hurt. Hurt, in turn, breeds discontent and discontent always ushers in change. So, when you consider it all, change brings about change. It’s deep and moving all at the same time. Not shallow and standing still like the Transportation Safety Administration. What a bunch of losers that bunch is. You can’t even crack jokes about them anymore because they’ll threaten you with charging you with a federal offense…like, seriously! Look it up. Muslims, however, are allowed to bypass the screening. Makes sense, eh?

Those last remarks are just a sampling of the changes in times. It’s not just things in all of this change, but time as well. Think you understand time? Think you have a handle on your time? HA! HA, I say again! Time is constantly changing. Do you know what time it is? Nope! In the time you were going to say something, it changed! Time and times changing is something which can’t be stopped…and you’re a powerless whelp in the face of it!

Change is changing for change sake. No other reason. Nothing can change the change except for change changing it. Since change is certain, even change is changing that. You’ve been warned!

Inappropriate battle cries


Ah, yes, the battle cry! Nothing like striking terror into your enemy while also psyching yourself, and possibly others, up. Some cries are better than others, and unless you do a good war face with it, even the best battle cry won’t be used to its full potential. Your war face is up to you, since this is going to only be about battle cries.

Now, what you are NOT going to learn here are battle cries which are appropriate. What I’m going to be covering are battle cries, with or without context, just…well, they’re going to make everyone around you uncomfortable. Maybe these will be effective because it makes people uncomfortable, who knows?

If you’re wondering what the picture has to do with the article…nothing really. I just think pugs are fucking awesome.


Grease me up, I’m going in!
This battle cry would be best served when going after someone who is fat or into a crowd of people. I can’t imagine when this would ever be appropriate, even when chasing an actual pig. What I definitely like about this one is you can use it against any number of opponents and it works.
 
 
Shirts versus skins; Which team do you want?!
Really more of a one-on-one or a group-vs-group type of battle cry. For bonus points, you should think about already taking your shirt off as you say the second part. You can always add, “Skin versus Skin is fine with me!” To really drive it home, start taking off your pants, but leave your shirt alone.
 
 
Time to mount this asshole!
Unless you’re staring in a porno or about to literally slam some ass, there’s really no reason to ever scream this while being serious. If your opponent doesn’t look worried or even run, it’s time to have a serious thought if you want to fight them.
 
 
FOR AGATHA!!!!
I don’t know an Agatha and I have no idea why you’d scream it, but the confusion it will impart would be worth it. Seriously, though, people may think you’re a fan of Agatha Christie or something, which could mean you’re about to murder them.
 
 
Time to be MOIST!
Trust me, if you heard someone scream this as they are entering a fight, it’s time to just back the hell out. A man or woman screaming this is equally wrong on all levels. The last thing I’d want in a fight is someone being moist, regardless of context.
 
 
Stink finger!!!
Just like hearing someone shouting how they will be moist, anyone shouting this is bound to have serious problems. We all know what a stink finger is, and regardless of gender, if someone is excited about getting one, you’re in trouble. I…I honestly don’t even…
 
 
It’s huggin’ time!
Unless this is either Teddy Ruxpin or Whinnie the Pooh, fuck no…just, no…
 
 
I consulted my doctor!
Why and what for? Who the hell cares! For whatever reason someone consulted their doctor before joining the fight. Do you want to find out why? Does anyone? Nope…absolutely not…
 
 
Boners rule!
Uh…yeah. There is no reason for someone to scream this, and if they have one, well…just get out of the fight.
 
 
SURPRISE!!!!
This means there is either surprise sex in the process of occurring, or someone is getting donkey punched with a very heavy object.
 
 
Pppp..pppu…PUSSY POWER!
It’s along the same lines of “Boners rule!”, but a little more disturbing. A nice little take on “Ppppuuuppy power!” screamed by Scrappy Doo, it’s just not something you want to hear while engaging or preparing to engage in a fight. Should you hear this in conjunction with, “Time to be MOIST!”, just start shooting.
 
 
Three out of four dentists agree!
Agree on what? Why dentists? How come the fourth dentist didn’t agree on it? Am…am I high right now? Probably.
 
 
Troll balls!
As we all know, or should know, trolls have three pairs of balls and are generally sweaty. Is this something you want someone to be proudly yelling about before entering into the fight? No.
 
 
RED ROCKET!
If you don’t know what a red rocket is, Google it. Trust me, it’s not something you need to hear shouted with gusto. Chances are your kids will know what a red rocket is even if you don’t, so imagine them telling you what it’s all about. It’s like getting the sex talk from your child.
 
 
Powder me titties!
When a woman screams this, you’re in trouble. Reason being is they are a serious fighter and know a good powdering on their titties is going to help them fight longer. Bare fisted boxers powder their hands…it’s kinda the same thing.
 
 
Anything in Arabic or claiming Islam
If someone starts saying anything in Arabic or shouts anything about being a Muslim, start shooting without question. They’ll be in it to kill everyone and even if they aren’t, what jury in America will convict you? Well, except the pussies in California or New York.

What to actually do in a relationship

Yeah, this is kind of a response to something on another Xanga about the Top 10 Tings Not To Do In A Relationship.  Well, this is the actual list which will give you the edge in a relationship.

1)  Don’t let them think your kisses are only for them
This makes them feel special.  Let them think you’ll go out and kiss other people.  Just don’t do it…unless you have the opportunity with someone much hotter.  Let them know you can have someone else in the back pocket by the end of the week if they aren’t willing to play ball.

2)  Use your Special Other’s (S/O) hot family for a date when your S/O is away
If you need a date, at least ask your S/O’s hot family member out.  Spring it on them, too, and if at all possible, keep it a secret yourself so it spills out at a family get together they have later on.  Besides, if you’re dating someone who isn’t giving it up and you nail their hot relative, that’ll teach ’em good.

3)  Don’t date a Psychopath
No one is going to argue that psycho bitch sex isn’t some of the best you can ever have.  What you need to understand is that you shouldn’t be dating them.  Sexing them up over and over isn’t the same thing as going on dates, buying them gifts, and letting them stay over at your place.

Don’t let them meet your family, either.  The last thing you want them to think is that you’re willing to get serious with them.  Watch their eyes…psycho eyes are easy to spot.

4)  Don’t immediately answer your S/O’s phone calls/texts/e-mails/etc
No one likes a nagger.  Chances are, you’re going to be nagging your special someone when you are contacting them so much.  More than likely, you’re not someone that’s all that great to talk to.  Trust me on this: Just because you found someone doesn’t mean they want to listen to you bitch or talk about how great your nails are.

On a related note, you don’t want to ignore them completely.  Just let them know that you aren’t as interested as they think you should be.  After a while, they will shut the hell up and leave you be, meaning you have more time for the good stuff.

5)  Don’t give your S/O all your attention in public
Ignoring them makes them feel completely worthless, and this is a key point in a relationship.  As a man, you don’t want her to think she’s great, because she’ll look for someone better than you, even if she isn’t capable of getting it…no, especially if she isn’t capable of getting it.  Oh, and as a guy, trust me, you are never going to find a chick as hot as the one you are currently dating, so don’t think you’re going to go out there and find better.  You aren’t.

6)  Don’t let your emotions out
If you are feeling hurt or angry, don’t keep it inside and let it fester for months.  That is the only time you should let it out and throw it in their face.  Most people are dumb founded when this happens and it lets you get it out.

Any other time, keep your mouth shut.  The person who cares the most in a relationship is the weak link and at the disadvantage.  The person who doesn’t care as much has the power of the other person.  The best relationship you can have is when you don’t care as much, and as such, have no chance of getting hurt.

Another advantage to keeping your mouth shut is they will try ever harder each day to convince you to feel otherwise.  This means more gifts for you girls and more sex for you guys.

7)  Don’t hang on every word
Act like you’re listening, but let them know you’ve tuned them out.  Like anyone got into a relationship because someone was great to talk to…

8)  NEVER take the blame
Things are the other person’s fault most of the time.  Don’t yell because domestic violence laws are getting to the point where you can’t argue vocally anymore.  If someone else is at fault, make sure they know it and point it out in a logical sense.  Not chick logic, but actual logic.

Men state what they mean.  We don’t speak in riddles or have other motives.  If we ask, “What?” we mean “What?”  Don’t read into anything except face value.

9)  Stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy if sex is good
Don’t leave a relationship when the sex is killer.  Don’t do it.  The sex is good, so don’t leave.  Make sure you understand in your mind the relationship part is over, so you have other options.

The key here is to let them think they’re still in a relationship when you really aren’t.  This keeps that sex coming and makes the inevitable break up all that more tragic when she finds out you’re fucking her friend.

10)  Don’t get in a relationship as early and young as possible
Don’t be stupid and have a relationship in your young college years…shit even before 30 for you guys and maybe 24 for you women.  It’s the worst thing you can do.

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Posted 3/29/2010 at 2:11 AM on Xanga