How People are Finding my Entries Part 2 (s)(t)

So, quite some time ago I wrote about how people were finding my entires. Some of them were…frightening to say the least. Again, I love people finding my writings. Really, I do. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be writing. It’s just…for fuck’s sake, people. What is wrong with you?

Once again, here’s how people have been finding my site…lord have mercy…


kau injak, aku diam kau gauli, aku diam kau rampas, aku masih diam kau hancurkan sampai ulu hati, hanya ada geming tersisa when u destroy me, u kill yourself in the first place.
What the shit? I have no idea what the hell any of this is supposed to be. When I ran the search in Google, my writings didn’t even come up. It has to do with some scare tactic bullshit, worse than the Weather Channel, claiming video games are telling your children to kill themselves. They aren’t. I am, though.

how to be professional in mortal kombat
Nothing on my site is going to tell you how to actually do this. However, this makes sense because of my fake entry New Professional Mortal Kombat 9 Tournament Rules


it’s already valentine’s day and i dont know what to get myself yet

How about cyanide and a nice cold drink, you loser? Seriously, wtf? Now you’re supposed to get yourself something for Valentine’s Day? Please tell me this isn’t something actually happening!


strangle

No, really, that’s all they searched for and found me. I have no idea why…


sieg fuck

*blink blink* Uhm…okay, sure thing there, buddy. I went ten pages deep in the searches in Google and never came up with my site. I have no idea how deep I’m buried. I can only imagine this is some how in reference to my Psychology Is Junk Science article. That…or someone is REALLY into Nazi porn.


do guys like donkey punching?

Are they asking because they want to know if it’s something they should be used to, something to expect, or something they want to try? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to comprehend this one. I mean, the answer is YES to all of those, but I like to know the finer details such as, “Do you mind if it’s an all knuckles punch?”


how to fuck your employer

Usually just bringing it up in conversation works. You can always just start off slowly with a casual date and feel it out. If that doesn’t work, a brick to the back of the head works. If it’s a guy, the brick still works if you hit them hard enough to ensure an priapism.


redmist entj kickass

What? That illustrated novel and so-so movie? What?


red hair bitch backside

Just the backside? If so, then what does the red hair have to do with it? I know I’m on the internet and there are some really specific fetishes out there, but this one is oddly specific and not in a fun way. Just a…that’s boring kind of way.


sorry i only post about my daughter

…go on… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ziggy grover gay fanfiction

Okay, so I wrote a few fake really bad fan fiction about Power Rangers, which I’m probably going to conclude with one more entry, but in no way was the Ziggy Grover character I had in the stories gay. Besides that, why the fuck? This person was looking for this unironically I guarantee it.


brittany blue preggo

Why?


xy.hot.4minat.videos

I’m not on the deep nor the dark web, you morons. Though, I seriously doubt whoever this was either heard about it and thought that’s how you type it in without using an onion router or…they’re just that far too stupid. I’m going with the latter, unfortunately.


how to tell your employer to fuck off and let me shit

Personally? I’d take them out to a nice lunch. You know, one with candles and Italian food. I’d stroke their hand, laugh at their jokes, and bring it up as part of a natural flow in the conversation. On the other hand, you could always just do it like you stated the search query.


fuckdoll faggot makeup

0_o


boss forcly fucking his employer

Again, you people have some really specific fetishes. I’m sure there’s plenty of clearnet porn out there with this. What it has to do with me? I don’t know exactly, though. Good lord…


hitler south park fags

This…this was something someone looked up in their spare time. I’m picturing this dumb ass sitting there expecting some great revelation only to find them saying things on the show and being so mad they masturbate to pictures of their own anus for hours.


love guru how to press a girl boobs when we meet

If I may? I’d start with “Hello”.


stop bullying, your giving a shit!

Is this like “taking the piss”, but far, far more stupid a phrase? That’s cultural appropriation, and that’s wrong. It’s not, but…whatever.


“wolfman” “douche nozzle”

Again, why is this a thing being looked for? I’m not even going to bother trying to find out where I fall in the search results. You can do it yourselves.


telepathic cat siggy creepypasta

How…why…I don’t even…


employer boss come at dinner to his employer and fucking to.is wifevidos

This can’t get any stranger…


soda show webcam????????????? no no no … not me :3 she sexy more than me :d

I can’t do this anymore…I’m fucking done…


Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go scrub my eyes and brain with Drain-O….fuck….

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Dear Black People: Here’s a List of Things Everyone Wishes You’d Stop Doing

These are simple requests. Easy requests. But we’re not holding our breath.

Nigga, please!
There are a few things every race, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation…hell, EVERYONE…would like you to stop doing. They’re not complicated things. Just things that will benefit not everyone else around you, but your own race as well. By “benefit”, we all mean once you put these suggestions to use, it’ll make you tolerable person. Not a great person. Not a good person. Just a tolerable person. Being a tolerable person means people can stand to be around you for more than five seconds. It’s a win-meh situation. So just take a moment for the list below. Everyone will be glad you did.

1. Wash your hair. We’ve asked you this a million times. It doesn’t matter if you’re “growing out some sweet dreads/cornrows”. Either of those on an adult is proof positive you have absolutely no understanding between right and wrong at first glance.

2. Start understanding answers to questions. Stop going around in circles chasing your tail trying to confuse people into giving you something you don’t deserve.

3. Stop screaming in theatres. You’re there to watch what is going on during the movie and your flapping gums is not adding to the scenes. Shut the fuck up once in a while. We’d rather not listen to who you were recently fucking and how nasty he or she was while watching Star Wars.

4. Stop niggering up “white” foods. A tuna sandwich is just fine being a tuna sandwich. Collard greens are fucking disgusting. Sweet potatoes are like a desert and are even better with butter and cinnamon.

5. Stop claiming shit isn’t a trend when it obviously is. Like shaving your “rap name” into the back of your head or making cuts into your eyebrows to be different. That shit came and went. It’s not a culture so much as a moron trying to start something moronic.

6. Stop thinking only black people can make soul music. The only people who can’t create soul music are the Japanese and gingers because they don’t have souls.

7. Stop screaming “racism” every time someone who isn’t black does something you don’t like. Guess what? Someone might not like you just because you’re a piece of shit and it didn’t occur to them you’re focused on skin color. Stop being a racist piece of shit.

8. STOP MAKING OVER SEASONED FOOD! If your food was flavorful or good to begin with, you wouldn’t have to cover it with more seasoning than a Hindu village! Sometimes french fries taste good simply because they’re french fries!

9. Stop acting like Africa is the greatest place ever and how you’re so proud of it and we’ll all stop telling you to go back to it. If you’re from America, be proud to be an American. You don’t have to fucking claim to be African, especially if you’ve never been and six of your generations were born here.

10. Stop claiming everyone is a redneck. Not everyone is from the south. I’m originally from California. Sure it was southern California, so if anything I’m a wasp, not a redneck. I did my time in the south thanks to the military, and let me tell you, if you even suggest I belong down there in Missouri I’ll break your fucking face. Fuck Missouri.

11. Stop making up names to sound black. Up until the 1970’s those names didn’t exist and they don’t have a real root in African naming…and considering there are around 2000 languages in African, you’d be just as accurate naming yourself Jean Pierre instead of LaNyquil or even Martylenol.

12. Stop “deepest, darkest Africa” a neighborhood and then wonder why people don’t trust you and your demon spawn. You get defensive at everyone when crime goes up because of your extended or immediate family coming in and they’re mad about it. It’s the same situation as when Trayvon Martin went into Andrew Zimmerman’s neighborhood or the Germans went into Poland.

13. Mind your personal space. If you can pick our pocket, you’re too close, and you probably picked our pocket. Prepare to get shot. We carry guns because you steal guns. That and to protect ourselves from the democrats.

14. Stop saying you aren’t as good as everyone else and need special treatment. You are making yourselves victims, and denying that shows how stupid you are.

15. Stop thinking everything belongs to you. Stop stealing our shit. Stop with the drugs. Stop with raping. If you think you don’t, look at the crime statistics, especially in your own neighborhoods where a black man is highly likely to be killed by another black man.

16. Stop thinking the democrats are out to save you. Democrats started Jim Crow laws and fought to keep segregation for a long time. The Klu Klux Klan were founded as a Democrat organization. They keep saying you aren’t good enough and need “white man help”. You’re good enough on your own.

17. Please, for the love of god, use lotion and soap. We can smell you and it looks like you’re trying to salt everything with all the ash.

18. Stop acting like you should go first just because of your skin color and victim mentality. Yeah, we know you do it consciously.

19. Stop having fights at the dining table. The rest of us don’t want to have to kill someone in self defense because you can’t pay the fucking check or refuse to tip. But, since you do number 3, I guess it’s to be expected.

20. Stop throwing the fact your black in everyone’s face. We can see you’re black. Feel like be exclusive? Feel like acting like a retarded moron? We do hate you when you do this #niggernignignig

21. Stop resisting arrest while screaming about racism. Stop looting. Stop all the god damn riots every time a black man gets arrested. I’d say we don’t know where you find the time, but let’s face it, you don’t work.

22. Stop telling us how you can’t be racist. You are. More than most people. We don’t care if you don’t like white people or Chinese people, or even Jews. We get it. You don’t care about anyone who isn’t black. Move on. Grow up.

See? There’s nothing too tough or illogical about this list. This should be taught in elementary school, but according to your mentality and how you act, we’re sure you’d claim it’s too difficult for your negro brains to grasp, making it racist.

Sincerely,

Everyone on the planet.


This is a direct response to a moronic post highlighted by TheSafestSpace on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSafestSpace/status/781616441984479232

Domestic Violence – Cure Has Been Found!

This is great! Like two scoops or raisins!
The greatest news from specialists at the “Mayo Labs” has been released yesterday, and we’re glad to be one of the first people to bring it to you, thanks to use completely disregarding our NDA!

Since the beginning of time, or rather 1994 in America, we’ve been doing everything we can to end domestic violence by calling attention to it with special laws. We’ve originally believed the issue was deep routed psychological issues, or even a learned behavior from previous generations. All the research in the world didn’t seem to help. That is until now! What is this miracle cure which is guaranteed to stop any and all domestic violence? Here it is:

Shut the Fuck Up!

Yep. That’s it! Think about how simple an instruction this is. You’d think everything would be much more complicated, but the facts prove it really isn’t. Checking with current and former domestic violence victims we can see everything stems from not just keeping their mouth shut unless asked directly for a response…and even then it might be better to just shut up.

The Core Principle
At its core the principle is simple and yet complicated. As human beings, we’re conditioned to speak with others and even provide responses. Those of us who have been wronged are often found trying to find defense with our words. This faulted evolutionary trait must be fought and controlled if we are to continue to evolve as a species while also ending domestic violence.

Imagine this scenario:
Your husband/boyfriend/brother/guy friend comes home and he’s already in a bad mood. He has a history of knocking in your teeth for being a “disrespectful bitch” and he is expecting, not only a nice dinner, but a deep vacuum of the entire place. You managed to get a 100% perfect job on vacuuming the carpet, but the broccoli is slightly cold in the middle, meaning you didn’t cook it well enough.

Man – “What the fuck is this?!”
You – “Dinner…”
Man – “No! THIS IS SHIT! It’s FROZEN in the middle!”
You – “I did it the way…”

Suddenly he jumps across the table and punches your stupid face into the ground.

This was your fault. You didn’t keep your mouth shut! You shouldn’t have said anything.

Now let’s look at how you should have handled the same situation, but keeping your mouth shut:

Man – “What the fuck is this?!”
You – “…”
Man – “You fucking IGNORING ME?!”
You – “…”
Man – “YOU DISRESPECTFUL BITCH!”

Suddenly he jumps across the table, grabs you by the throat for a second and then stops sighing.

Man – “At least you did the fucking vacuuming! I’m going out for dinner. Eat your shit or starve!”

He then leaves, bangs a random bar slut, gets an STD, and then fucks your brains out later that night to assert his dominance. You are in a much better position this time!

Psychology of the Cure
The only psychology involved is your own. Keeping your mouth shut takes tremendous mental strength. By doing exercises such as no longer speaking to friends and family nor communicating with anyone at all, you can eventually learn to keep your mouth shut unless specifically asked to respond. Even when asked to respond, you should know exactly what is expected of you. This can take years, so getting out of the relationship just because you’re weak is ill advised.

Testimonials from the Participants
We’ve acquired some testimonials from participants of the original study for your reading pleasure. You’ll see the subject’s names and read their experience with it all, including how long it lasted before hand.


Name: Sarah McKennis
Nationality: Irish
Current Residence: Missouri
Results According to Subject:
My husband, Mitchell, was one of the hardest hitters I had ever been with. He would beat me until I would fall unconscious constantly. No matter what the conversation was about, it would end with me getting slugged in the face like it was there for visible punctuation. The exclamation marks were his favorite. His cock though…oh my god! It’s the biggest reason I didn’t leave him, and besides, I’m a strong woman and not a quitter.

When I heard of this study I told Mitchell. “GOOD!” he told me and busted my face open so deeply I ended up with six staples across my face from biting a hole in my own face. I didn’t even wait for my mistake to heal and went straight to the study.

How are things now? Well, I’ve learned to keep my mouth closed and only speak when I should be replying. As for why I’m in this hospital bed giving my evaluation…well…I forgot to check attitude at the door when he made a comment about feeling old. Rule number one is to shut the fuck up, and I didn’t. I told him it’s okay if he gets old and I still love him. My mistake! However, the study still stands and I give it a 100%


Name: Timmy Ashford
Nationality: American
Current Residence: New Mexico
Results According to Subject:
Stephen is my step-dad. Well, he’s my step-dad in the sense he’s always having sex with my mother, lives with us, eats all our food, drinks all day, refuses to marry my mom and give me a father in a proper family setting, all the while beating my ass raw. I used to be a bad kid, but now I know my place. I no longer make the same mistakes as so many of my friends do. He even lets me call him Stephen now and not “Master”.

What started me in the trial is when Stephen had been asking me to clean my room five or six times in a single day. Like I said, I was a bad kid in those days, and refused to do anything he said because I was angry at him for just being around. So, after the fifth or sixth time of him screaming for me to clean up my room, I yelled back, “FUCK YOU STEPHEN! You’re not even my real dad!” You can imagine the three hour beating with a belt, a hot curling iron, and his fists. He got so tired my mother even had to take over beating me when he broke his hands on my ass!

My mommy had enough of my attitude and couldn’t take the stress anymore, just knowing I would continue to make Stephen mad, so she looked through the papers on where she could take me. She stumbled upon the trial and enrolled me right away. I got time away from Stephen and learned to keep my mouth shut for my own good!

A+ program and I highly suggest all other bad kids, which is all kids, to enroll!


Name: Tiffany-Sage Haddler
Nationality: British
Current Residence: Idaho
Results According to Subject:
My mummy always wants me to wear bright colours and act as a lady, but I just didn’t like it all too much. Mummy does know what is best, but in my silly head I could just not see that as a fact and I acted up just like all these spoiled American brats. No longer do I, however!

I would talk back to my mummy and ask her what she knew, and the result would be immediate and severe slaps among my face and fanny. She would constantly ask me how I would ever expect to please a husband if I spoke back all the time. My daft reasoning was that I did not want to be a stay at home mummy like mummy, who earned money by bringing in strange men and making me watch so they would both pay more and finish faster. Oh, what a sod I was!

Thanks to this program, I now know a proper woman is seen and not heard. She does exactly that and more. The more is what my mummy teaches me. I now have the skills and education early enough to carry me throughout my adult life in order to become a proper lady of the house!

I will raise many cups of tea in the honour of this program!


Name: Julian Nielson
Nationality: Ameri-queer
Current Residence: Gay Bay
Results According to Subject:
Mmmm…my name is Julian, but call me Sally RoughRider! I love long walks on the beach, blonds, and butt sex! Tee hee!!!! I know this isn’t a dating service, you giggly gooses!

My life partner, Bruce, who I always call “OH damn! THAT MAN!!!!” in a loving way, used to break a foot off in my ass, and I don’t mean in a fun gay way. Oh no. He’d kick the shit out of me almost every time I opened my whore mouth. That was the problem, you see, since as a gay man I don’t know when to shut up. It’s just genetics, and you can’t fight genetics, but you can control your nasty habits like talking all the time.

The last straw was when Bruce came home drunk and stinking of both strange men and vagina. Trust me, you can tell the difference in that smell! Well, once again I opened my stupid whore mouth and he beat me to the point of needing medical treatment for damn near a month. While laying out in the hospital, he was reading me the obituaries to remind me I could end up in there, when I caught a glimpse of this trial and knew I needed help.

Now I only open my mouth to suck dick! Great improvement! Much love!

I ♥ (‿|‿)!


There you have it, everyone! Keep your fucking mouth shut if you don’t want to get your ass beat by your significant other. Doesn’t just work for normal people and women: It’s obviously great for gays and children, too!

Know your place!

Cute Hitler Babies – Seven adorable children you’ll want to adopt!

Adolf Hitler was ahead of his time and was persecuted for ideas far too progressive for his era. Luckily we’re coming around to see things his way and the world is using politics and voting instead of an iron fist to ease people into it. Below you’ll find six adorable Hitler babies you’ll be crazy not to feel the desire to adopt right over the internet! Let’s begin…

1. Kyle Stephinson
How adorable is he?! Not only does Kyle have an amazing natural Hitler look about him, he’s almost saying, “I have a feeling your a kike!” with that face. Kyle is a natural born public speaker on top of it all. The parents of Kyle Stephinson aren’t willing to sell at this point, and who can blame them? If I had this natural Hitler, who has an 84% rating on “Am I Hitler Reborn?! dot com”, I would be holding on him as well.

Likes
1. Aryan history
2. Subjugation of non-whites
3. Hilary Clinton for President
4. Peeing in a clean diaper
5. Pooping in a diaper with Benjamin Netanyahu’s picture under his butt
6. Muslims when they kill everyone…except for whites who agree with their methods even if they aren’t part of their sociology-political beliefs

Dislikes
1. Kikes
2. Wops (unless they help purge the world of the mud races)
3. Any and all mud races, really
4. Muslim who kill everyone regardless if they agree with them
5. Republicans
6. Nuclear arms sanctions


2. Susy-May “Hitlereen” McCoy
What can we say about Susy-May other than she is so dedicated to the Hitler lifestyle since birth she has managed to grow a toothbrush mustache! On top of everything, she’s just the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen when she starts in on one of her baby babble speeches telling us all about the disgusting niggers ruining this great country of ours. She isn’t letting the fact the handicap she’s a girl keep her back from the world!

You may be wondering if it’s contradictory for a female to be an Adolf Hitler. Well, you would be if you aren’t a true follower of his great philosophy, so keep that kind of shit quiet unless you want her to cut your dick off and feed it to a rabid chink. She’d do it, too. Beneath that cute exterior and gorgeous hair is one fierce skin-head!

Likes
1. Meal time
2. Mr Floppy Bunny
3. Mass genocide
4. Consulting psychics for future battle plans
5. History channel when they feature WWI and WWII
6. Jihad

Dislikes
1. Beaners
2. Gooks
3. Broccoli
4. Ronald Reagan
5. Hippies
6. Nap time


3. William Smith
The absolute youngest of all on our list, William Smith is what we like to refer to as a “lifer”. Being so young is giving him a leg up on the competition over at “Am I Hitler Reborn?! dot com” with a 96%. Just look at this photo! It’s so advanced and he’s so dedicated, if you see him giving you the middle finger, it’s because he knows you aren’t a pure bred Aryan and deserve to be eradicated. Personally, I see him giving me the thumbs up while offering me all the guns and ammo I want to purge the world of the filth, so I hope you do as well. If not, keep it to yourself or we will find you.

Little William Smith isn’t speaking just yet, but his facial expressions and hand gestures are enough to get the message across. I mean, those eyes alone prove how perfect he really is. This child is 100% not a Jew and time will prove it as well.

Don’t you want to just snatch him up? Well, good news! For the low-low cost of this almost certainly reborn Hitler is going for only $98K! That’s a hell of a deal on a white baby anyway! Now, this is to a good Aryan home only, and the parents will be checking genetic markers to be certain.

Likes
1. The liberal agenda
2. Crushing prairie niggers with a rock
3. Peckerwoods
4. A warm bottle and a swaddling blanket
5. Pure bred Aryans
6. Witchcraft for power

Dislikes
1. Micks
2. Peace on Earth and a light hand
3. Tar babies
4. Shampoo that stings his eyes
5. Anti-racism school policies
6. Losing a fist fight


4. Gregory Adams
Being a runner up on the list for youngest doesn’t phase little Gregory Adams. Just look at how Aryan this little darling is! Those perfect blue eyes will just melt the heart of any Marquis while that golden hair will light the way to a more perfect, white future. Some would argue he isn’t as dedicated to the cause as much as some of the others since he has yet to participate in his first lynching, but his parents have been busy smoking pot using government money from their welfare. He has witnessed plenty of lynchings, however, so we can’t hold it against him for having lazy parents.

Since they are low on funds to buy Pabst Blue Ribbon and some high grade pot, you can adopt Gregory Adams today. The price is steep, set at $1.78 million (American currency only), but this little booger is just too cute to pass up if you’ve got the funds. Think of him like the sports car of all these little Hitler babies!

Likes
1. RAHOWA! (racial holy war)
2. The 14 Words
3. White Power
4. Southern Cops
5. Breast milk from a pure white woman
6. Colors and music from his toys

Dislikes
1. Republican congress
2. Gun control (but no one should like it)
3. Savage Nation radio show
4. Al Sharpton
5. Arrest and prosecution of lynch mobs
6. Strong women


5. Jimmy O’Keery
Ooh…sorry there, Jimmy…but you’re confusing Adolf Hitler with Vladimir Lenin. While there are a lot of similarities between the two, especially in Lenin’s replacement, Joseph Stalin, they aren’t the same people!

We can all appreciate the effort put out here, but we just can’t support Jimmy O’Keery as a cute Hitler baby. Sorry about that…


6. Wang Chung
Close, but no cigar there, chink-y! Your people are only good for one thing: Suicide plane attacks on an aircraft carrier.

See, we have to specify, because towel-heads are great at killing themselves in suicides as well.

I apologies…these people are also good at killing themselves by just killing themselves without hurting anyone else. Sometimes they even help each other!


7. Barak Antwaine Johnson
Wh…uh..wh…where the fuck do I even begin with how wrong this is? How did this nigger even get in here?

I’m going to fire whoever the hell did the image selection for this entry, I swear. We don’t put in pictures of minorities to show we’re “sensetive” and we most certainly don’t do it to come across not racist!

That does it…show me a picture of our goddess and queen!


How To: Survive Living in a Haunted House


Survive Living in a Haunted House

Most of the time, living in a haunted house is pretty cool. The parties alone are always epic, what with the sudden breaking out into musical numbers to tunes such as Day-o by Banana Boat, to being randomly thrown around the room violently all against your will. For kids parties, that’s just awesome. Even with all the fun to be had, there are some steps you must take in order to ensure a happy union of home owner and ghost, lest you end up upsetting the spirit(s) and having your dream home turn into a nightmare.

This guide is going to give you some basic instructions on how to deal with living in a haunted house. While not an all inclusive guide, by the end of this guide you will have a decent understanding on how to have a reasonably quiet home.


1. Make sure the house is haunted
Before you even begin to make life awesome by living in a haunted house, make sure you actually have a haunted house. 8 out of 10 times what is being experienced can be explained away. There are a couple of ways for you to figure out if your house is haunted. I’m going to list a few, and if you have more than one of these occurring and also have more than one person reporting them, chances are high you have a ghost.

  1. Cupboards and doors opening or closing by themselves forcefully
  2. Footsteps when no one is walking
  3. Animals are staring at nothing / Growling at nothing / Chase nothing
  4. Electronics are turning on/off by themselves, but don’t have a remote control nor timer
  5. Banging on walls or windows
  6. Bed shaking
  7. Random shadows moving of their own accord
  8. Muted voices which may or may not be having a conversation or whispering your name
  9. Smell of unknown origin which may or may not be pleasant
  10. Feeling as though you’ve walked into, or had draped over you, spider webs
  11. Cold spots which move on their own
  12. Feeling of heaviness in areas which move on their own
  13. Items disappearing and/or moving on their own

If you have more than one of those things occurring in your home, chances are you have a ghost! Should you want to be validated, contact a local ghost hunting organization in your area. The ones on TV are usually booked solid, so you’ll want anyone else. Mediums, who are usually rather large, will be willing to check out your home for a price, but never, ever pay for an investigation.
 
 
2. Why your house may be haunted
There are several reasons for actually having a haunted house. While many theories abound, no one is actually 100% certain as to why. Some hold if a person has a tragic or sudden death, the soul hangs around. Another belief is if someone dies with unfinished business, they will try to get that goal accomplished in the after life before moving on. Others believe there are more scientific reasons behind it. Here’s a few theories and explanation as to why it’s believed.

i. Limestone and quartz deposits with running water
This here is one of the scientific reasons. Quartz is used in many electronic devices and is known to hold information, just like a computer hard drive. When it is combined with limestone and running water, high with minerals, is rubbed along it, the information is released, much like a movie projector.

ii. Someone died in your home…or close to it
Obviously if someone died in your home, they aren’t going to leave. After all, it was their home before yours. If it was someone who died in your house after you bought it, well…just try kicking them out now.

Should you have a ghost of someone, or a few different people, come into your home because they died near by, take it as a compliment! They like your drape and carpet scheme.

iii. They are attracted to you
You sexy thing, you.
 
 
3. Understanding the dynamics of a haunted house
Once you’ve decided your house is haunted, it’s time to start understanding it. There are many different things which happen in a haunted house and each of them are caused by very interesting anomalies. Even though these things are paranormal, there is an explanation for each one.

A. Banging/Knocks
These are some of the most common phenomena to occur in a haunted house. Often times the banging is happening because a ghost wants to communicate. Other times it’s because the ghost is trapped in the walls. A ghost trapped in the walls is reasonably pissed off and wants to get out.

B. Opening doors
Even though ghosts can pass through solid objects, they sometimes forget. The doors open because they are trying to copy you, much like your dog just wants to be part of your “pack”.

C. Cold spots
An incorrect belief is cold spots is caused by ghosts pulling energy from the area around them to manifest. Truth is, a cold spot is caused by a ghost farting. Sometimes you’ll even hear them ask, “Ya’ smell that?” Mist is often times a visual cue of a ghost fart!

D. Being pulled out of your bed
Don’t be afraid of this. Ghosts are like an invisible alarm clock, but they experience time differently. Think of this like a cat trying to tell you it’s time to eat.

E. Feeling compelled to do something
Have you ever been in the front room and suddenly thought, “Hey, I should go to the bathroom!” Only…you didn’t actually need to? Yep, that’s the ghost telling you to do it in order to make you see something having to do with ghosts. Sometimes you get what is known as “ghost turds”. That’s where you know you took a dump, there’s poop on the paper, but there’s no turd in the toilet.

F. Being scratched, pushed, pulled, or hit
Ghosts are assholes.
 
 
4. Activities ghosts will do
Ghosts are known to do a lot of different things. This guide has already listed a few of them, but that’s not all. Some of the activities ghosts partake in will seem strange to you and no one is certain as to why they do them. Here’s a small sample of what to expect from ghosts do for fun while hanging out in your home.

  • Spooky noises
    Ghosts will fly or walk around making spooky noises. This is the most classic of all ghost activities. They’re probably doing this for fun and are trying to scare you. Remember, every day is Halloween for ghosts!

  • Read books
    Perhaps the most confusing things ghosts do for fun is read books. They really like The Bible.

  • Throw raging keggers
    Ghosts like to party. When they aren’t drinking enough to kill a living person, they are usually getting high as fuck.

  • Hide and go seek
    Ghosts aren’t always around, and when they aren’t, they’re playing Hide and Go Seek with you. At times they’ll play this game with your keys, so if you can’t find them, chances are a ghost is making you find them for their amusement. When you’ve had enough, simply yell “Olly olly oxen free!” They’ll know the game is over for this match and return your item or come out of hiding.

  • Dance around in your underwear
    Why? Who knows, but ghost love your dirty underwear and will dance around all night in them.

 
5. Communicating with the ghost(s)
Ghosts don’t liked to be ignored…I mean, who does? Well, besides that strange dude who goes through your garbage at 1A.M. Seriously, though…what’s up with that asshole? It’s like, come on, I know you’re doing it. You’re not being that quiet or anything. If you want scraps, just say something and I may be nice enough to help out. The soup kitchen is open until 4A.M. Wait…why am I writing to you here? You don’t have internet access…

I. Ouija boards
These are like telephones, but for ghosts. Ouija boards are completely safe and fun! These can be used by anyone without any kind of worry what so ever! These are also known as angel boards, talking board, witch dialer, demon callers, and Satan’s cookbook. The last name there is a translation and something of the poetic nature was lost in the English words.

II. Just talking
Ever wonder why we tell ghost stories around the camp fire? That’s because ghosts like a nice fire side chat. So do actors. Just start chatting it up and wait for replies.

III. Automatic writing
I don’t mean like in the story Tommy Knockers by Stephen King. Automatic writing is where you close your eyes and suddenly you’ve written something in writing which isn’t your own. All you need to do is grab something to write with and then ask some questions.

IV. Polaroids
Yep, for some reason ghosts like to write on Polaroid pictures. No one quite knows why, but if there are ghosts present, they will write something out in Latin and maybe Welsh.

V. Special ghost phone
Nokia is currently in development of a special phone designed to talk directly to the dead. Be careful, though, the auto correct with the text messaging can really piss a ghost off!
 
 
6. Appeasing the ghost(s)
Many cultures have different ways of keeping ghosts happy. If the spirit(s) in your home are upset, then don’t expect to have a happy home. Unlike what Nintendo would have you believe, you cannot simply vacuum a ghost up! Since we are a few years away from having a working unlicensed positron accelerator packs available for a reasonable retail price, the best we can do is appease them. Here’s a few ways to make that happen.

/. Worship
Sometimes a spirit just wants to be worshiped. Just do it. I mean, it’s not like the Christian God said not to do that. Right?

/\. Leave offerings of food and/or tobacco
The Chinese believe if they leave feasts laying about randomly, wayward spirits will be appeased. Hell, I know if someone kept leaving me free Chinese food I’d be pleased as hell! Chinese food is awesome.

Tobacco is a personal call. I know plenty of people who enjoy a nice pipe, a relaxing cigarette, or a smooth cigar. For the modern age, leave out a freshly wrapped fatty. Ghosts love to get high, remember? Just make sure it’s legal where you are. If it’s not, don’t let the cops know about it. They’re not going to believe it’s for your ghost.

/\|. Sacrifice your pets
Your pets are always annoying your ghost, which is why your pets are always freaking out. Sad but true, you’re going to have to get rid of your pets. Selling them isn’t good enough. Nope, you need to ritually sacrifice your pets to the spirit(s) haunting your home. The more you love your pet before you kill it, the happier the ghost(s) will be and, in return, the happier you’ll be in your home.

Doing the same thing with your children yields even better results, but requires much more time and effort to do. Just stick with the pets.

/\|/. Have sex
Ghosts are not only assholes, but huge perverts. Now, one of the good things is if your spouse turns out to possessed, they may be possessed by a famous person. How cool would it be to learn about history from Abraham Lincoln while simultaneously nailing your loved one? It’s like a ménage à trois with no risk of after cheating because it’s your spouse’s body! “Four score, and I’m about to cum!”

Ghosts will always be watching you have sex. They may or may not participate, but they will be watching. Just be prepared for the occasional ghost pinky in your butthole. At least…they’ll say it’s a pinky…
 
 
7. Getting rid of your ghost(s)
Why would you do this? There’s no reason to. Besides, there is no getting rid of them. You’ll have to move. Oh, but sometimes they move with you.


So there you have it! An easy guide to survive living in a haunted house. Now you know…and knowing is like five tenths the battle!

I’m his wife – Setting the record straight

Hello there, everyone. This is as he’s been calling himself on here Sunrie’s wife and I want to set the record straight with everyone. I was very shocked dismayed and surprised when I found his writings here and I want to let everyone know he’s actually a very nice man.

I knew he was writing things on the internet, but he was always quiet about what he was posting. He just said, “Fun random stuff.” Well, now I see what he is writing and…I am upset. He is actually just a sweet, nice guy, and I cannot understand why he is putting the things he does here! The tough guy talk, the grotesque descriptions about sexual acts, the woman hate, the borderline racism… It is all shocking to say the least.
 
 
What is the truth? The truth is he is a nice, sweet guy! He is romantic to a fault and is always making sure I am taken care of no matter what! These writings are terrible! He is not someone who hates woman I can tell you for sure! He loving and sweet and nice and lovely. He is just so nice. He feeds the homeless he does not punch them in the face. He pets puppies, he does not drown them. He absolutely loves children and would never beat them. He volunteers with big brothers and is always helping to take disadvantaged kids to amusement parks!
 
 
Why he is writing all of this is beyond my ability to understand. I have asked him, but he just goes quiet and keeps saying he is sorry. He should be sorry. The filth written on this site is terrible. For the sake of it all…he writes poetry! Yes, poetry! His expression in prose and rhyme are comparable to Shakespeare! I am going to make sure this site becomes a shrine to his multiple talents as a loving writer instead of a monument to the hate he currently expresses. This is so unlike him. Until then, know his wife is taking care of the situation and you do not have to worry any longer.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
April Fool’s, bitches!!!!!