Little Known Legendary Creatures #1 – Buffalo Wing Fairy

Legend of the Buffalo Wing Fairy

There are more things under Heaven…I could look up how the rest of this goes since I’m already on the Internet, but I’m too lazy to do it. Besides, I’m not here to quote Stephen Hawking, I’m here to talk about some little known legendary creatures.

Almost everyone knows about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, The Boogey Man, and the Chanukah kawala, but how many of you out there know of the others? I’m talking about creatures such as the Cheese Goblin, or even the Buffalo Wing Fairy. How sad it is we have already begun to forget about these amazing creatures.

So, what I’m going to do is tell you about them here! First up, we’re going to learn about the Buffalo Wing Fairy!


Origin
Little is known of the origins for the Buffalo Wing Fairy. It first appeared in literature around 1968 in Reginald Scot’s records, titled Demons in the New World. The book has this to say about the entity:

Buffalo Wing Fairy is a great and mighty marques. He is common among the fraternities in the Eastern seaboard area of the United States. He commeth abroad in the form of a love child between Chuck Norris and Bob Ross with multi-colored wings reminiscent of marshmallow fruit candies. Unlike the hidden fist bearded Chuck Norris and the happy painting Bob Ross, however, the creature produces deliciously fried chicken wings lightly battered and tossed in a fiery sauce which is pleasing to the palette. He understandeth all things good and bad with a fraternaty pledge and member alike, while he ruleth six legions of divils.

Still, there are suggestions he may be much older than that. Reading older texts shows a similar creature mentioned, but producing other items for consumption going back to 200BC. The book Falsum Libro Daemones, the Even Lesser Key of Solomon the King, writes about this creature and has this to say:

The one hundreth seventy first spirit is Bhainsa viṅga parī. He is summoned by placing a container of fermented wheat beneath a head resting while sleeping. In the night, he shall approach. Should you have been truly good and deserving, he shall accept your offering and in return place a plate of crispy delicacies upon your chest for consumption upon your awakening. He appears as being bathed in light, his faced adorned by a mighty beard which may or may not hide something and his head is crowned by a ball of dark brown, maybe red, hair which is both entertaining and happy. Upon his chest is a massive blue B against his off white robe, which only comes down to his mid thighs. He is in control of six legions of demons.

Were the “crispy delicacies” buffalo wings? We can’t say for sure, but it does some what match what we know now of the creature.

Originally the Buffalo Wing Fairy seemed to be only reported in America, but it is now being recorded wherever buffalo wings are being made.


Powers
The Buffalo Wing Fairy has some strange powers. Not only does the Buffalo Wing Fairy have the ability to enter into any structure in order to collect beer as an offering, it can appear in multiple locations at once. No amount of research has explained if there are many Buffalo Wing Fairies or if this is one creature existing in multiple areas at once.

The buffalo wings produced are said to be the greatest in existence. Because no one has been able to resist the urge to eat all of the wings upon waking up, there has been no research in examining what makes them so delicious. Many restaurants have opened in an attempt to produce the amazing flavors, but none have been successful, though it is worth noting the flavors they have come up with are wonderful.

All attempts to contact the Buffalo Wing Fairy have resulted in failure. Since the creature is obviously telepathic by some means, it can detect the traps set up and will refuse to collect the beer as an offering, meaning no buffalo wings. Children are also unable to contact the Buffalo Wing Fairy unless they are of legal drinking age in the area of the world in which they reside.


Residence
Like Santa Clause living in The North Pole, the Buffalo Wing Fairy has its own area of dominion. While little is known about where it resides, we do have this excerpt from Mertvoye kniga iz Eksperta, author unknown:

Flying into the homes to collect beer, but not hard liquor such as vodka, this creature is known to few. According to one account of a conversation, the creature said it comes from a land of bubbling oil and crumbs of many special breads. Dripping from the species of an unknown plant, the secretions are added to the chicken, after it is cooked, for the most amazing, and heavenly, of flavors. All the chicken used is free range, antibiotic free, and no artificial hormones are added, nor are there any extra preservatives. One must be truly good and deserving to taste the succulent treats it offers.

Could the unknown substance placed on the chicken wings from the plants be what the Greeks called ambrosia? It sure seems likely!


Role in Modern Society
With the decrease of many beliefs this day in age, the role of the Buffalo Wing Fairy seems to be one of tragic forgetfulness. Since people now prefer to simply drink all their beers rather than offer them to the creature in exchange for the wings, coupled with the ability to easily get buffalo wings, the Buffalo Wing Fairy could disappear into obscurity.

Still to this day many fraternities actively pursue the Buffalo Wing Fairy in order to bring them the delicious wings, and the trend is once again beginning to catch on with those who are hungry for wings and don’t wish to attend the travesty known as Buffalo Wild Wings. There have even been whispers of some sororities, such as Kappa Kappa Kappa and Ti Sto Diáolo participating in these practices.


Practice vs. Christianity
Christianity has a strong anti-occult practice rule. However, this has not stopped Christians from either ignoring this rule, or making an attempt to bring the secular into their religion, which is against their religion’s rules. Many Christians celebrate Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and even allow their children to believe in the Tooth Fairy and/or Santa Clause, all of which are a pagan ritual at the core, and therefore, a huge sin against their rules.

So, why stop there? Allowing one self to offer beer to a slightly overweight man with wings who happens to wear an outfit so tiny even Peter Pan would blush seems right in line. There are even those out there who claim since this isn’t an actual worship, there is “no harm, no foul”. Believe what you wish.


Summoning and Spiritual Rankings
Summoning of the Buffalo Wing Fairy seems to require a beer which is cold in either a can or, preferably, a long neck container and placed under your pillow. At some time during the night, if you had been truly good and deserving, the Buffalo Wing Fairy will place a plate of buffalo wings on your chest so you can eat them upon waking. If the summoning isn’t true or you do not meet the requirements, the Buffalo Wing Fairy will not come, you will not have hot wings, and your beer will be ruined.

Rank: Marquis
Sign: 10° – 19.59.59° Virgo (September 14 – 22)
Time of Day: After Midnight, but before Dawn
Planet: Uranus
Metal: Bone and Skin (not really a metal, but considered)
Command: 6 Legions
Tarot Card: 2 of Jestershttp://imgur.com/TyGWjtc

I’m “unbalanced” for seeing paranormal activity?! (s)

So the other day someone called me excessively in denial of being mentally unbalanced because they learned I see and hear things most people do not.  Considering I’ve been told by counselors to psychiatrists I have a very healthy mental state and attitude (with a problem with authority…odd considering what I do), I seriously doubt this is the case.  Oh, there are more reasons as to why, and I’m going to get into that.

How this all started was someone asked if they were going insane because he kept hearing voices.  The reporting person said they were hearing what sounded like a conversation between two people and he’d get a little freaked out, ask a question or make a comment, and he’d get replies, more or less.  This had never happened to him before and so he’s a little scared.  The voices aren’t an every day thing, and he routinely hears the same things.  One such statement he randomly hears is “Yes it does” while he’s typing and the one which happens the most is “Follow the circle.”

Right away people were telling him the first sign of a mental illness is hearing voices and to seek medical help as soon as possible.  Normally this would be sage advice, except it sounds more like something above the ordinary rather than a mental disease.  Some people were saying if there is no harm coming of it, such as being told what to do, then just let it be and it should go away.  For me, that is the most sage advise.

So, with everyone else putting in their opinions, I dropped in how when I hear voices, I’ll often (attempt) to interview them, but I see and hear things most people don’t.  I even expanded on the possibility of his brain is simply doing what is known as “matrixing” from random white noise going on around him.  In other words, there’s some noise going on around him which his brain doesn’t understand, so it’s trying to make sense of it by forming voices.  This is not unlike when you look up at the clouds and think, “Hey, that cloud looks like an elephant!”

What happens?  Bam, my statement is “evidence” that I’m mentally unbalanced because I deny that I am.  Isn’t that what we call “Damned if you do, damed if you don’t!”?  It’s a fucking trial by ordeal with these people.  I’m in denial for saying I don’t have a mental disability, but by saying I have a mental disability, I deny what I see and am unbalanced, which is not the case either way.

There’s a difference between what I experience and a hallucination.  So, of course I explain how I’ve had everyone from “psychics” (and I use the term VERY loosely) and regular people have told me they say a something when I was witnessing an event.  I further explained how if you don’t see and hear the things I do, I’m not surprised if someone would call me a liar or unbalanced.

I’ve had optometrists tell me my eyes are “different”.  My last exam, which was in July 2008, resulted in the same thing. My eye doctor said, “I don’t think I’ve seen eyes like the back of yours.”  My mother, father, brother, and other family members have all witnessed these somethings in the past at the same time.  Now, let me not forget to mention people all over the world experience similar things all the time.

What did this result in?  I was told my family probably has a “genetic disposition for getting crossed signals due to a problem with our optical sensory perception.”  Does that make anyone else a little pissed and sick to their stomachs?  So many people talk about how they believe in evolution and change with humans, but the moment something might be part of that change it’s hated on, discredited, and even made to seem less than human.

I don’t go around talking to myself, seeing “ghosties” floating around the world all the time.  Usually when I hear something, I listen for a while and find the source.  Eight times out of ten something can be easily explained, and I find the reason behind it.  It’s those two times that will blow your mind and you must label it paranormal, as we don’t currently have the science to explain it.

I have experienced hallucinations induced from a concussion and from lack of sleep before.  Because I see and hear these things, I know the difference rather well.  When I stayed up for 75 hours straight I would often see shadowy figures moving about, just out of dead center vision, or crawling about the floor quickly.  When I had a bad concussion I would hear music, ringing, and voices.  When I’m engulfed in electromagnetic fields I think something is around me, chatter, and see strange shapes moving.  Guess what?  I know what causes these and what they were, so I’d never label them paranormal.

Let me help you understand how I understand the difference.  I’ll be using video games because they’re an easy source of screen shots and comparisons.  Now, imagine if you will, when people turn on their video game consoles, they always only see this:

The previous picture is considered normal and common.  This is what everyone expects to happen when you turn on the video game console.

Now, imagine when you turn on your video game console, you often get this:

When you tell people about it, because they only see the first one image, they tell you what you’re seeing isn’t what you’re saying, and it’s a problem with you.  What they claim you are seeing is this:

The previous picture is a serious problem with the video game console, and your TV, which means you should get help immediately.  However, you know you aren’t seeing the previous picture, because when you had a problem with your video game console or your TV, you saw this:

Because you know the difference, you know when someone has switched your video game console out.

I know this is all kind of a lame example, but it’s the best I could come up with showing a comparison.  Another way to compare it, without images, is saying when you look out your window, there is a rose bush.  The roses on the rose bush are red.  Every so often you catch a glimpse of a yellow and red mixed one.  You are told you are seeing things, because it’s a red rose bush, and the light is reflecting off of the yellow rose bush across the street when the wind blows.  You know what a yellow rose bush and a red rose bush looks like, so you know when you see a mixed rose of yellow and red, but no other people have never seen it.

Just because someone can see or hear things you cannot, does not make them crazy or mentally unbalanced.  There are people out there who are wired differently than normal, but that only means they have a skill/ability most do not.  Using some of the models presented to me, Einstein should be considered crazy for thinking of the scientific theories he did or Michael Phelps shouldn’t be a real person for setting the world record he did, because the body isn’t supposed to do the things these two people did.

When I walk into a building and tell the person I’m with I don’t like a certain area, they often ask my why.  An example would be a bordered up building.  I told the person I was with I didn’t like the rear of the building and when I looked in the front window, I got the “bulk” of the feeling over in a specific area.  The person of course asked me where exactly and why.  I told the person, “It’s right before the kitchen.  There used to be tables there or something, I think, and I get this faded image of a person over it.  Like they had hung themselves.”  I was asked what the person looked like, so I told them.  I ws then asked how long I lived in the town and I told them I had only been there a month.  Not too amazingly I was told an old bartender had hung himself over the pool tables in that area and looked as I described.  The place had been closed three years before I arrived and I knew nothing about it, as I had only even passed by the town once when I moved into the state two years ago.

The brain is still a mysterious thing to doctors.  If you don’t understand something, don’t chastise it right away.  It’s because of people like those who called me unbalanced we have things like the Witch Trials and the like, not the other way around.

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Posted 7/30/2008 at 2:12 AM on Xanga