Democrats might actually have it right for America

Hilary Clinton wins Presidency in Hell!
Turns out, the democrats might actually be on to something with the way they want to run the country. It’s hard for me to admit I’m wrong, so I’m not going to, especially since this is mostly just a thesis at this time. Hear me out and I will guide you into the enlightenment much like Marx did for all of Russia.

While Donald Trump is claiming he wants to make America great again, he’s not doing it in a way the democrats are. You see, the democrats know when America was great and what really made America great: Oppression and segregation of all mud races. KKK? Democrats started it. Segregation? Democrats made it happen. Slavery? Democrats ratified it and fought to keep it. Jim Crow? Democratically created. Government housing and subjugation of minorities? Democrats. Nazis? Left wing, “progressive” (aka Democrat) party. When was America great? When we had those darkies, wet backs, and all them other non-whites under the white man’s thumb. Donald Trump doesn’t want that…he wants to make America strong through hard work, fair international laws, and making people liable for their actions. Screw that when we can just blame the system and the minorities!

Another problem with America right now is it’s still the most appealing place in the world compared to all the other shit countries. Those lazy Mexicants wouldn’t keep coming here if the rich man in the neighborhood was just like where they came from: Owning a three legged goat. Also those dune coons, not to be confused with full on porch monkeys, wouldn’t want to keep bombing and murdering here if we were so financially destroyed that we didn’t want to spread the idea of freedom anymore. This is where the democrats have it right!

See, democrats are smart in the way they’re going to enslave non-whites. They’ve learned over the years people won’t put up with slapping chains on a nigger or beating a Mexican to near death in order to make him work. So, instead, the democrats are smart by making government programs forcing working people, ie the whites, pay them for not doing anything and encouraging them to do nothing. How is this enslaving them? Well, it once again puts them in dependence of the white man who has all the money to distribute. Once the white man once again decides they’re not going to take it anymore, the spear chuckers, sand niggers, spics, and others won’t have any skills in which to get a job to earn their own money, and will be so pathetic they’ll have to do whatever a white dude says in order to make a quarter. Fucking BRILLIANT!

Taking away the guns in America ensures only the criminals will use arms and will terrorize the majority of the citizens, just like down in Mexico where the cartels take over entire towns, rape anyone they feel like, and make people want to flee to America. When it’s happening here, why come here? It keeps people from wanting to come here illegally since there’s no reason to come here at all!

So, yeah, we all have democrats figured wrong. Before anyone gets really upset, remember, I’m a democrat now, so I can say these things. Fuck you, republicans for causing a slow death to America. At least we’re honest in our racism and hate for freedom.

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What the shit do I have to do? (s)

So, it’s come to my attention several websites are blocked through network organizations such as Maraki or Apple stores for different reasons. One of these reasons is the classification of “Tasteless”. Some of these sites might be somewhat understandable, such as Ogrish, even if you don’t agree, but then there are others, such as Newgrounds, which don’t seem to fit. This brings me to my problem: Why the fuck am I not on there?

From what I can tell, there isn’t much difference between my writings and what are on most of those sites, especially the like of Something Awful or even Maddox. Sure you might argue the popularity or even writing style, but I swear I’ve stated some much more offensive things for the only reason of shocking someone. I’m kind of offended through all of my effort I haven’t been blocked on any of these filters yet. Hell, even in High School I had my Internet privileges revoked for a site I made which was hosted on the school server. I mean, I was still able to bypass all their security measures and use the Internet at school under a general user and password, but still.

Basically my goal has become this: By the end of the year, I want to be banned from viewing my own WordPress at work and/or on other networks, such as in an Apple store or even from Maraki in general.

This is going to take work. First of all, I won’t be displaying porn or dick picks. Secondly, it’s going to take writing a lot more often and a lot more “offensively”. Third…I don’t know… Fourth is profit in the discontent I have brought upon the world. You kids would do well to remember you measure your impact on the world not by the joy you bring to a few people in your life, but the amount of pain, anguish, and displeasure you have wrought upon a great number of people through both direct and indirect actions!

If I fail, then you all fail, because this is where you all come in. You’re going to need to spread this WordPress like SARS in a Japanese apartment building or AIDs in a San Francisco bakery. (There. That right there is what I was talking about earlier!) Let’s get on my dick to ride this bitch into the sun and take out the entire solar system. I’d say I’m counting on you, but I know I can only count on myself.

Forward. To the end of the world as I braise it in holy fire!

Christmas Songs: Analyzed and Insulted

Ah, Christmas time. I actually really love it. Even though I have more fun during Halloween…and I have yet to get a Christmas tree since I have just gotten home after being gone for a while…I do love Christmas. After all, like most people know, I’m not really a Jew, I’m just kind of Jew-ish.

The one thing which does annoy the hell out of me during this time of year, however, are some of the common Christmas songs we hear over and over and over again. There are some I like, such as Carol of the Bells with no vocals to ruin it, there are others which just annoy the ever living piss out of me. I’m not going to cover some of the ones already done by other popular authors, such as Maddox, so don’t expect to see “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” or “Rudolph: The Red Nose Reindeer”. I won’t even cover “The Grinch; Who Stole Christmas”.

Here are some of the Christmas carols I can’t stand and why. However, before I began, let me start off by saying the name of one of Santa’s reindeer is Dunder not Donner. It’s Dutch for Thunder, you fucking idiots. Lastly, it’s Blixem not Blitzen. His name means Lightening.


The Little Drummer Boy

You know what? Fuck that little drummer boy. He’s one of the reasons the night was anything but silent (I’ll get more on that later). Yeah, this is what every six hour old child wants: Some two year old little twat to show up and start smacking on a drum while they’re trying to sleep!

There’s a damn good reason why God sent Jesus and not me. See, if I was less than 24 hours hold and this asshole showed up banging on his drum while all I wanted to do was sleep after drinking me some breast milk, the world would be very different. I wouldn’t have gone to that cross. The Bible would be dramatically altered because of it. No one would have been saved.

That entire book written about Jesus would have been about three paragraphs long with me and that drummer boy involved. Basically, it would name the child so every future generation knew exactly who fucked it up for the entire world and no one would name their child anything close to it, then after about three sentences it would just be rambling.

Example:

It was then and there the savior was born. Sadness in our hearts, however, as two year old Amani Kivi Bahir came with his drum, pounding on it with all he could, which made the baby Sunrie realize there was nothing to save in this world. A world now forever stuck without the sacrifice of the lamb, we do live in, which meant the chill ass wise men who brought the gold, frankincense and mur never did get their pimped out party with the savior on his eighteenth birthday.

The next two sentences and two following paragraphs would be the scathing rant written by myself. I would not be kind, either. There would be nothing you could do about in religion, either, because the Bible is the word of God. You can’t censor that or you’d be in even bigger trouble than you’d already be in. Yeah. Let that sink in for a bit.


O’ Christmas Tree

Why are people singing to their trees? This is some major pagan bullshit, right here. I’m pretty sure God is pissed off any and every time you sing this. This may be one of those few things that’ll send you to hell!

Is this song to lull the tree into acceptance of it’s fate? You’ve chopped down a tree. You took the tree from its home, friends, and family. You’re making it die very slowly. The whole thing is a major dick move.

Really, the whole act is similar to beating a midget to an inch of its life, giving it an IV drip, dressing it up in a festive manner, and then watching him die an agonizing death. Come to think of it…I may have a new holiday tradition! No one will beat my “Elf on the Shelf”!


All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

This song is beyond stupid. I don’t think the English language has a word foul enough to describe how annoying this song truly is. Not just the song, but the little girl who sings it, too! It’s so terrible I’m not even going to suggest you look it up when I normally would. Look, I know this is supposed to be a cute story during a time of innocence and simplicity, but I want to gut this kid like Jack the Ripper’s next victim!

The lyrics are annoying as all get out, too. At one point the little bitch actually complains that it’s been “…so long since I could say, ‘Sister Susie sitting on a thistle!'”. What…the…fuck? At what point should that ever come up in a conversation. Why the hell is “sister Susie” sitting on a god damn thistle?! Do I even want to know? I already know there was a time sex toys were near impossible to get, but come on! Even if that’s not the story here, why would it ever be appropriate to say this phrase?

For the love of it all…the whistling in the song takes top spot in the SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU GOD DAMN KID!!!!!! category. The whole thing is forced to make it sound like breath blowing through two missing front teeth. I’ve never known this to happen. Yes, some people have a whistle when they talk, but it’s usually less of a tooth issue and more of a how-the-tongue-is-being-held-in-the-mouth issue.

At the end of the song, bitch cakes tries saying “Wish you a Merry Christmas”, but keeps failing. Yeah, just like her parents failed at giving birth to a functional child who will ever hope to benefit society, she fails at saying a simple phrase. What does she do? Well, she screams, “A HAPPY NEW YEAR!” instead. Excuse me? How the fuck is that hard to say without missing any two front teeth? She obviously can do it no problem, and it’s completely out of line for the song itself.

I think for New Years she’s going to need all of her god damn teeth if she doesn’t keep her mouth shut around me.


Silent Night

Remember what I said about the night being anything but Silent? Yeah, this is it. The song talks about how it’s a silent night, but I know the truth, and now you will, too. You may want to take notes, but you can always use this as reference, so…whatever.

How the hell can there have been a silent night when we have, according to multiple other accounts through song, angels singing, a little boy banging his drum, Santa Clause shouting his catchphrase, reindeer rattling bells, a full on carol of bells, a woman screaming from child birth followed by a newborn screaming, three wise men chatting it up with the new parents, and a manger full of baying animals?! That night, much like the slow pending divorce of your parents, was anything but silent.

Honestly, how could anyone confuse the first Christmas, which wasn’t even on December 25th, with having a silent night? Sorry, but Franz Xaver Gruber was a total dipshit. A real song about that night would be screaming death metal along the lines of Schatten Aus Der Alexander Welt. What? The song is by a band called Bethlehem. Seems appropriate given the topic. Screw you.


I could go on a few more, but I’m sure you get the point. If you don’t, well, whatever, like I care.

Merry Christmas. Don’t let the Muslims blow you up.

Open letter from Rockstar Games marketing department

As an avid game journalist with one of the highest integrity ratings around, I was privy to receive an open letter to the gaming community from Rockstar Games, written by Take-Two Interactive’s marketing department. While the contents may shock some people, I’m not surprised with the attitude.

Rockstar Games was founded in 1998 to create the most innovative and progressive interactive entertainment, and some people have found ways of cheating in order to ruin the game for everyone else in a server…But it doesn’t matter, because our games are on the cover of multiple magazines and posters. Look how cool our characters from Grand Theft Auto V look holding those guns while surrounded by expensive cars. If you play our game online and give us more real money to afford our expensive virtual items, you’ll be that cool, too. And chicks will dig you.

At Rockstar Games, we allowed you to go online with a bunch of people, just like a bunch of other companies have done, dating back to 1996. However, ours is better, because we charge you astronomical prices for in game items in order to make you buy our Shark Cards. Because you suck, and we hate you.

You gave us $1.8 billion US in three days for Grand Theft Auto V. It may have been buggy, it still doesn’t include half the features we promised, and most of you can’t afford our in game items, but that’s your fault. If you were real fans and real gamers, you would love everything we’ve done to the game and to you. Once again, look at those new items we released in the Flight School update. You know you want those items. If you were a real gamer and a real fan, you would have enough money from grinding every hour of every day, only playing our game, or you’d buy our Shark Cards for $50 US a piece until you could afford it. And by the way, check out those cuts to the jobs we did for doing them fast and efficiently instead of wasting time. If you were really a true gamer and fan, you wouldn’t mind it. Plus, we interviewed 100 people and they all like it without complaining. Real fans would lick our boots clean, give us their entire paycheck, and tell everyone to do the same. If you don’t like it, that’s because you’re not a true fan nor gamer.

By the way, our expensive in game items like the Milijet and Buzzard Attack Chopper, are the bestest things ever, and totally worth the asinine scalped prices, but note that any other company which does this with their games, like Capcom, are commie jerks. Not that it matters, because you bought our game and we want more money from you. Because you suck, and we hate you, but you know you’ll keep coming back, eventually breaking down and buying our Shark Cards. We can continue to beat you down like Chris Brown does to Rhianna, but you’ll come back…you always do.

Buy more Shark Cards or we’ll keep removing your ability to earn money effectively in the game.

Sincerely

Take-Two Interactive Marketing Department by care of Rockstar Games. Because you suck. And we hate you.

A few ways games and designers can advance (s)


Here, in the cesspool known as the Internet, there is a huge out crying to videogame designers for certain changes in the way games are presented in terms of the characters. Some people are making claims such as, “It’s about time that we had XXX”, or even, “Why not make XXX a YYY just because?” Well, thank god the game designers don’t listen to those idiots.

However, just like a shiny piece of corn in an otherwise pile of muddy diarrhea, there is some small glimmer of intelligence in those requests. Unlike them, who present the notions and ideas like a child wearing a helmet licking glass in a candy store, I’m going to bring up them up in a way which actually makes sense. Made it past the “trolololo” intro? Good, you’re on your way to some enlightenment as a gamer and/or designer.

This isn’t going to be straight forward list, since I absolutely despise that “writing” style, so expect to read. I’ll also list a few games which got “it” right after each subject addressed.


1. More Male or Female Selections or Just Good Female Protagonists
I’m loving the fact more games are showcasing more females as leads. Not because it’s needed, it’s just a nice new take on things. I’ll admit to being a little burned out on playing the badass Rambo-esque guy. There are obviously games which need it, but let’s have some fresh takes on things. Games like Outlast, even though they feature a male lead, are excellent because you’re not a walking death-god. There was nothing scary about F.E.A.R. outside of jump scares because you could take out anything in your path. <– (A conversation for another entry)

What we do need is the ability in more games to choose if you’re male or female. There has to be a reason for it, though, and not a “just because”. Lara Croft, as the best example, has proven people don’t give a damn if you’re male or female in a game which doesn’t give you the option of choosing as long as the character is likeable and the gameplay is solid. Skullgirls was awesome and featured an all female cast.

We don’t need a female protagonist in Grand Theft Auto. Would it be an interesting change? Yes. It’s not needed, though. Is it really necessary to make your hero a woman? No, but if it fits, then do it. Don’t do it just because a bunch of whiny, hand out babies demand it.

Games which got it right:
Skyrim
Fable 1/2/3
Borderlands 1/2
Grand Theft Auto 5: GTA Online
Mass Effect 1/2/3
Skullgirls
Tomb Raider (all entries)
Neverwinter Nights 1/2
Dragon Age: Origins
Left 4 Dead 1/2


2. LB/GT Options and Characters
Before a lot of my reader base starts screaming at me over the fact I don’t support gay marriage: Shut up.

There, so anyway, as long as things are there for a reason, why not? I’m not interested in having my male character slam butts or having my female character slam clams, but there should be the option for those who do. Obviously this wouldn’t work in all games, but for open world games where we’re supposed to be making up our own version of the story this would make sense. Of course it wouldn’t make sense if it’s established characters such as Grand Theft Auto 5, so don’t start thinking along those lines.

How about some gay antagonists, such as Gay Tony from Grand Theft Auto 4: Episodes from Liberty City: The Ballad of Gay Tony? Say what you will, he was antagonist for sure. Maybe not directly to your character, but oh yeah, he was a bad guy. Or how about Silva from Skyfall? The enemy doesn’t have to be like he’s marching in a pride parade (a dildo strapped to and pointed into his butt while wearing a thong, fruit basket hat, and screaming, “I’m a pony! I’m a pony!”), but he could help make things uncomfortable. I know Silva sure made things creepy in Skyfall.

For the love of god, though, don’t go the damn Dr Who or, more specifically, Torchwood route where everyone is bi-sexual. Give me a damn break. Sorry, but Russell T. Davies only thinks he can write for adults. No, Anthony Burch, he doesn’t know how to write LB/GT characters and you need to stop taking writing cues from him. Oooh, I’m such a bitch.

Also, don’t force it on gamers. Don’t force gamers to engage in the activities, just leave it as an option if they so wish. Then again, forcing your player to deal with an LB/GT interaction to make them uncomfortable is okay. If the character is straight and suddenly they’re forced into a situation they have to get away from, then hey, that’s all fair enough.

Would I have a problem playing a lesbian or gay character in a narrative? Nope, just don’t force me to engage in sexual activities. We aren’t forced to engage in sexual activities in games with straight characters. Just be fucking mature about this and don’t think you HAVE to put those activities in the game just to emphasis the sexuality of the characters.

Games which got it right:
Fable 1/2/3
Skyrim
Grand Theft Auto 4: Episodes from Liberty City: The Ballad of Gay Tony


3. Racism and Sexism
Be it your protagonist, antagonist, or NPC, include it. Racism and sexism is real and should not be avoided. Father Comstock in Bioshock: Infinite was such an excellent antagonist because he was much more than a fist shaker. He had personality and his deep rooted racism helped define him. The racism portrayed by father Comstock helped give me reason to hate him.

I know what some of you are thinking: Vaas from Far Cry 3 made you hate him! Not really…I never had a reason to hate neither him nor Buck. I didn’t think they were good people and felt that gaming world was better off without them, but I never felt the deep seated urge to full on annihilate them.

Racism and sexism can both help the player to either despise or agree with someone. If you don’t think there are people out there who played Red Dead Redemption and agreed with Herbert Moon, well, you’re wrong. Also, making a character racist or sexist can give the character more flavor. It’s a great way to make the player feel a little uncomfortable. A character’s in-game friend who is one, either, or both can give the player that conflicting emotion in a game filled with choices, be them moral, ethical, or mission based.

What I’m very obviously not talking about here is anything like Ride to Hell. That’s just pure exploitism and provides nothing to the experience. Still, there would be nothing wrong with finding out the main villain or even an adversary is running a forced prostitution ring which needs to be broken up or something similar. What about a woman who hates men just because? No reason, she just hates men because of some stupid skewed view of the world? Yeah, paint feminism in that terrible light just like chauvinism.

Games which got it right:
Bioshock: Infinite
Red Dead Redemption
Skyrim
Mass Effect 1/2/3


4. Female Villains and Enemies
Right up there with the ability to choose a male or female character is to have more female enemies. Some women are just bad people and some women are bad people who actually hurt people or have them hurt. I find Brooke Augustine from Infamous: Second Son to be one of the best female antagonists ever. She was highly effective, extremely sure of herself, and even had the “I’m the good guy!” mentality. Another great villain was Astonema from Power Rangers: In Space. She was extremely effective and just kicked ass. Why aren’t we seeing more of this?

Also, there really does need to be more female enemies. I’m tired of shooting the same carbon copy men. Skyrim got this right with having female enemies show up in the mix. Trust me, only a very small group of people, who aren’t going to be playing your game anyway, will be having problems with killing female enemies. This isn’t a domestic violence issue. This isn’t a sensitivity issue (WTF doesn’t that mean anyway?). It’s a political and bias issue for not doing it. Looking at you, Anthony Birch, once again. Yep…gotta call you out on this bullshit.

If I’m going against a criminal organization, chances are, there’s going to be some females involved in the illegal activities by choice. Sex traders let women be in charge of looking after, forcing, and “educating” the women they kidnap into the trade. Let’s see that reflected in the games.

Want equality? Start giving it and stop looking away from making women or certain demographics be involved. Also, make the females human!

Game which got it right
Skyrim
Infamous: Second Son
Mass Effect 1/2/3
God of War 1/2/3
Left 4 Dead 1/2


There…there’s four ways you can mature and evolve in game design and story writing. Don’t let your political biases or personal whinings to limit you in it all.

Fuck you, Google (s) – Scary stuff!!!!!! (rage)

Fuck you, Google.  You need to die!
Do you people read your agreements when allowing an update? Yeah, I know most of you don’t. I wager 99% of people don’t. Most of the time I don’t, either, but when so much attention is given to a company with how in bed they are with the Federal Government, I pay more attention. Today we’re looking at Google.

At this time, I have an android based phone, which is a favorite of Google. Almost every application on my phone requires Google in one way or another. From the Play Store (application download area) to even just watching YouTube on the phone, I need to have Google activated. Well, fuck you, Google, it’s not going to happen. Why? Well, here’s what you allow Google to do with your phone when you allow access to their services. All of the things I am listing is 100% true and I am getting off of my phone since Google won’t stop spam fucking me with “You need to turn this on!” to use my phone. I’ve finally hacked around it.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!


Permissions
This app can access the following data on your device. To improve performance and reduce memory usage, these permissions are available to (Insert Google service) services because it runs the same process as Google Bookmarks Sync, Google Contacts Sync, Google Backup Transport, Google Services Framework and Google Account Manager:

1. Read phone status and identity
—Yes, you grant them the ability to monitor who you are calling, how long, what the status of the connection is, and even monitor your phone conversation as it happens live. Remember, they aren’t your service provider, it’s just Google monitoring you so they can provide information to the NSA.

2. Read instant messages / Write instant messages
—So, not only can they now listen in to and monitor your phone calls, they also have the right to the same information with your text messages. In addition, they can send out texts using your account to anyone on your contact list.

3. Take pictures and videos
—Here you are granting them full rights and access to your camera to use at any time. Think they can’t do it? You’re wrong. They have the ability to do so with your phone since you have it linked to your Google account. They know what phone you have and, from what you’ll see, know exactly where you are when you’re walking around with it.

4. Record audio
—So, not only can they access your camera, they can actively monitor what is being said around you, even outside of a phone call! This allows them to even more discreetly spy on you.

5. Approximate location (network-based) / Precise location (GPS and network-based)
—Yep, you let them know exactly where you are at any time. If your GPS isn’t enabled on android based phones, you can’t even use your weather programs like you could in the past. There is no reason for this to be here.

It only gets more fucked up from here!

6. Modify your contacts / Read your contacts / Read your social stream / Write to your social stream
—Not only can they now know who is listed on your phone, but you give them the right to add, delete and otherwise change those contacts. Think the NSA doesn’t just love this? Also, anything you use in association with your phone, be it Facebook, Twitter, or what-have-you, they can now go in and alter it however they see fit.

7. Activity recognition / Modify your own contact card / Read your own contact card
—Here you are giving them the ability to monitor ANY activity to your phone and give them the right to alter your “contact card” (how other phones associate with you)!

8. Read your web bookmarks and history / Write web bookmarks and history
—Anything you do online through the search program on your phone, you give them the right to track and change. Think this can’t be used for evil? Yeah, prove you aren’t visiting certain sites since they can now change your bookmarks and history however they want. This is how an NSA wet dream starts.

9. Modify or delete the contents of your USB storage / Read the contents of your USB storage
—Holy fucking shit!!!!! Think this isn’t bad? Ever hook up your phone to your computer? Guess what? That computer is recognized as USB storage by the phone! Whenever your computer is hooked up and the phone is on, you are giving Google, and whoever they grant the access to, the right to check out everything on that computer! On top of that, they can add or delete anything on there they don’t like! I’m sure Google wouldn’t mind altering all your searches to default on Google and any government agency is stroking themselves to the thought of being able to check out your computer without a warrant since you’re giving consent to it!

As if the previous stuff wasn’t scary enough!

10. Add or remove accounts / Contacts data in Google accounts / Create accounts and set passwords / Find accounts on the device / Google mail / Read Google service configuration / Use accounts on the device / View configured accounts / YouTube / YouTube usernames
—Yep…any account you have on your device they can change. It doesn’t matter what kind, they can do it.

11. Modify secure system settings / Read sensitive log data / Retrieve system internal state
—There is absolutely no reason for Google to have the right to any of this. If you have anything with Google activated, they can go into your phone, make deep root changes to anything they see fit. Trying to encrypt something on your phone? Well, Google has the right to unencrypted it and then block it. Your phone usage and past history? Yep, they have access to that. Simply turned Google services off? Yep, they can turn it back on. They are also allowed now to see if the phone is on, off, charging, draining, hooked up to a USB, sleeping, reseting, turning off, turning on, and when all the times you did that are.

Think your WiFi is safe? Try again!

12. Change network connectivity / Connect and disconnect from Wi-Fi / Download files without notification / Full network access / Receive data from Internet / View network connections / View Wi-Fi connections
—Are you kidding me?! So Google would have the right to disconnect me from my WiFi, bug my phone, monitor and use the network I am connected to, monitor any and all data being used on that network, see who else is connected to that WiFi and check what other WiFi connections would be possible? FUCK YOU!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! There is no reason you need this!

13. Access Bluetooth settings / Pair with Bluetooth devices
—Aaaaaaand now you’re allowing them to monitor any Bluetooth device in the area and even connect to it! Yes, this means other phones as well!

14. Make app always run / Run at startup
—So, they can not only bug your phone and use it to monitor your entire life, but they can make it so you can NEVER turn it off and it will always run at the startup. Fuck you, Google.

15. Draw over other apps
—You also allow them to make it so an app always runs on top of your phone, which is a way for them to block access to anything else on your phone. Bitchin’.

16. Control vibration / Prevent phone from sleeping
—Oh, so now the phone won’t go into sleep and will always be lit up, which helps prevent applications from turning off? Awesome.

And the fucked up continues!

17. Read sync settings / Read sync statistics / Toggle sync on and off
—-Have Yahoo! programs running? Are you running a different mail program than Gmail? Yep, they can shut that down, check the status of it, and use it to their advantage.

18. Interact across users / Modify system settings / Read subscribed feeds / Retrieve app ops statistics / Send sticky broadcast / Write subscribed feeds
—Oh, and here’s even more “fuck you” to the user. So, you have a feed on Twitter? They can read it and write to it. Have other people on your phone or in your phone plan? Well, they can now monitor them, too. The biggest, “Oh fuck, me!” of this, however, is the fact they can change your system settings. At any time they can go in and change your phone to be whatever they want.


There you have it. Google wants to track your every, precise god damn moment around that phone. Don’t forget, they’re in bed with the NSA and are more than happy to turn over any and all information to them (Google on Offensive over NSA scandal). If you think they’re standing with the people, you’re a fucking idiot.

What you need to do is disable and delete anything associated with Google and KNOX on your android device. If you don’t, then the consequence is on you.

How people are finding my entries (s)


Okay, people, seriously…what the fuck? I really like people finding my writings and reading them, but some of the search terms used to find me are pretty horrific. So, what I’m going to do for everyone is list some of the most “Dude, seriously?” of them here. All search strings are copypasta as they appeared with no editing!

Oh, and any link found on this entry will open to a new window so you can continue to read, while also referencing what I’m talking about.


shaving instant abs
What? Seriously? I guess this has to do with my Incredible Life Hacks entry in which I mention “great looking abs for wookies” and tell people to just shave abs into their fur. Still…why was someone looking this up?
 
 
confused monkey
How in the hell did I come up in a search with that string? Also, how deep must I be in those returned results to find me? Except for this page, I don’t think those two words appear directly next to each other in any of my entries…
 
 
guy who climbed a mountain with a t-bar
*laughing* Whaaaaat? Who the hell thought to look this up and what led them to think of it? I mean…I honestly don’t even know why someone would want to try to climb a mountain with a god damn t-bar…
 
 
i pray for a zombie apocolypse every day
Not only is apocalypse spelled wrong, the fact anyone is praying for it to happen every day is a little disturbing. I’m a fan of unrelenting carnage as much as the next sociopath, but come on…
 
 
mk 9 true skill
There is nothing on my sight to give you “true skill” in Mortal Kombat (9). Like, at all. I do have the fake tournament rules I did as a joke, but if you take any of that seriously, well, you’re a dumbass.
 
 
ejaculating into the ear
What the hell is wrong with you people?! Still…this is a new one for me! That means it’s time for a party:

 
 
well here goes nothin’
Huh? Is this like one of those “I Feel Lucky” things from Google? Nope, this is an actual search string used to locate my writings. Where this leads to and why I haven’t a single idea….at least it got people here, right?
 
 
when a guy says i don’t have to lie to you
While most of my writing is tongue in cheek, there is a bit of truth in everything I write. How I present the truth to people, however, is a terrible way to receive advice. This place is a writing site of satire and fun…not a real advice column, regardless of how the entry reads. So, to find this site using that search string…well…you’re better off just hitting the bottle and smiling, then tell him, “Well, I thought that was the best way to solve the issue!”

The truth is, though, if a guy says you don’t have to lie to him, then just fucking don’t lie. Stop lying, god damn it.
 
 
felicia day the other
*blink blink* Uh…huh..? I know I did the entry Who I Will Donkey Punch and Why, which had Felicia Day as one of the women, but this search string doesn’t make a lick of sense.
 
 
i was fucking myself using a broom does that mean im not a virgin anymore
I’m honestly at a loss of words…
 
 
 
fats food job to hard
Aww, is the little bitch finding working in “fats” food “to” hard? FYI, it’s “fast” and “too”, you fucking illiterate little shit. Given you feel working in the fast food industry is too hard and you can’t even use the correct word (fast, too), being in fast food is all you’re going to be experiencing. Don’t worry…four or five fast food jobs should be enough to scrape by while taking care of three kids with two separate women while living in your mother’s basement. Obama will come to your rescue.
 
 
vampire withstand daylight for at least 12hrs
Dick off, Cullen.
 
 
can i return something at macy’s i’ve worn
This may have to do with my Actual Customer Complaints (s) entry. That entry has to do with idiot customers…and this search string is probably done by a few of them.

Here’s a tip: Don’t buy something you don’t want or haven’t tried on…and this won’t be a problem!
 
 
sexyass site:wordpress.com/2013/06
It’s hard to argue my site is and does has a sexy ass. Still, I can’t figure out why someone was looking this up nor why it got them to my site. Then again, as I said, this site, and me included, does have a sexy ass!
 
 
what does it mean when someone screams at you that you ruined them
Once again, any advice you receive from this site isn’t really advice… Still, if you’re asking this question, you must be horribly brain dead. Generally in the moments preceding the statement you ruined them, the reason was talked about…and if it wasn’t, then the reason is going to be stated immediately following that you ruined them.
 
 
god created sex people ruined it
Once again: WHY?! I have never discussed this in any of my writings. There is nothing about my sex life at all, but rest assured, I’m awesome.
 
 
elyse levesque armpits
Da fuq?
 
 
if i dont call or text will he become reinterested/
I know how this found the site. It’s due to the entry called Just Because I Don’t Call You in Four Days…. I just think it’s funny someone was actually considering this and found my site in regards to it.
 
 
sexting per minute services
Really? You really needed this?
 
 
what does a jack of spades tattoo mean on a man
How come this is even a question? Does it have to mean anything? There’s some bullshit about the Queen of Spades and even the Ace of Spades, but it’s mostly bullshit.
 
 
disable pussies
Aside from three to seven days a month, why would you want to disable pussies? Pussies are awesome. I, myself, am quite a vagitarian. I even have an appropriate bib…kinda like a lobster bib, but with a picture of a naked chick spreading her legs.
 
 
hot one blowing a donkey
What is…I don’t even…
 
 
werewolves bang hot vsmpire chick
…good lord…
 
 
when you sneeze on your period meme
*sigh* Does this actually have to be a meme…and why does this link to my writings?
 
 
dirty sexy sweaty bestiality stories
Once again…the fuck, people?!
 
 
little pussy woman
o_0


Well…there’s the most screwed up search strings which have found my writings. You people need help…and I need a shower…