Black and White 3 Beta review

Not long ago I, along with about two thousand other gamers, were invited by Lionhead Studios to try out their beta for Black and White 3: Of Gods and Devils! Finally, it’s coming!!! It’s been an ungodly (see what I did there?) amount of time since Black and White 2 and we’ve been wanting it. Here are my first impressions thus far.

I’m only allowed to post up my thoughts and opinions due to the non-disclosure agreements. Sorry, I don’t have screen shots nor video footage to show you. Don’t want to get not get beta keys in the future, after all.

OS – Windows XP/7/8 (Service pack 7.2 or higher)
Processor – Intel i5 (compatible with iMac) or higher
Memory – 4 GB SD DDR3 Ram or higher
Hard Drive – 46.2 GB of available space
Disk Drive – Blue Ray (PC 5 disk CD-ROM version also available in USA)
Video Card – NVidia GeForce GTX 645 or higher
Sound Card – DirectX or compatible
DirectX – Version 12.6 c
Input – Keyboard, Mouse, Vibrator (special third party attachment)

The first part of the game is no different from that of the original two games. However, when you enter into your realm, instead of a huge hand, you’re a strange, big figure wearing a red dress. I don’t know what the fuck Lionhead Studios was thinking adding that in… It doesn’t make me feel godly at all!

After showing up to your people, you instantly hear them bitching and moaning about all kinds of things they really don’t need. Yeah, I know that you play a God and all, but these people do nothing to help themselves. Of course, this is just a gimmick in order to show off all the new stuff in the game. These include fast food, welfare, war and the “baby daddy clinic” where you send off all the little sluts who get knocked up! Places such as the “baby daddy clinic” and the welfare are selected using the “Minority Build” in the toolbar. This is a good thing, since you will have to put into play your “Race Card”. Yes, that’s right, you get to make your own collections of people. Either have them fight it out or live in harmony.

The name of the game is to take towns, feed your people, listen to them bitch, or just generally kill them off. After all, if you kill everyone off, you can just create more people. You ARE a god, after all. That is the best addition to the game thus far.

Well the story is nothing short of plain and simple. You’re a god. Piss people off, or make them love you. There are a few new and great things in the game, as I may of mentioned already.

Game Play
This time around, you must get new followers. It’s simple: take towns! I mean…seriously…thats it! Oh, you do eventually get a creature that just tries to eat and hump on everything. You can choose from a dog, a cow, a monkey or what I refer to as “Obama” (donkey).

Quick Tip: Don’t choose Obama! He’s dumber then any of the other creatures. Seriously, he’s mostly worthless for everything. If you’re interested in hearing a lot of chatter, then go ahead and choose him. Still, he says a lot of bullshit, but doesn’t really do anything he says he will. It is entertaining to hear him blame everyone else for messing up, though.

Oh yeah! How could I almost forget about your “Conscience”? I have to admit, it’s a great addition to the system. The “bad guy” is a fat, red, little demon with massive, and I do mean massive, nipples. He’s freaking HILARIOUS! The “good guy” is kind of a slow talking, mumbling creature with wings who keeps referring to you as, “God, dude.” I cannot confirm it, but I swear he’s voiced by Pablo Francisco, since he will repeatedly say something and follow it up with, “Boo boo!” and sounds like Droopy. After the first five or so cut-scenes involving these guys, you’ll just love to smack around the “good guy” and hump him until the until knows you’re the alpha dog!

Alright if you like Command and Conquer type games. Everything takes place in this 3D world, but when you leave the mouse sitting, it defaults to this awkward 3/4 overhead view…

The graphics themselves are really strange. So far people have tried everything from realistic looking to “manga” style. This game introduces what can only be described as paper mache style. The animation at first looks choppy because of this, but truth be told, I think it’s just strangely done on purpose. If you’ve ever seen 1985 stop motion animation called The Adventures of Mark Twain you’ll understand what I mean about it.

The sound is pretty interesting since the graphics don’t really seem to be state of the art. I guess Lionhead spent ALL their money in the music. It is extremely awesome!

No, seriously, I mean it will literally blow you out of your seat and give you a BJ! The sounds are too good for words. Its almost like you’re sitting in a THX movie theatre instead of right in front of your PS4!

Final Thoughts
If you like pissing people off and just generally wrecking or dancing around as, what I assume was, Bill Clinton in a dress, then this game’s for you. Perfect for the atheist and liberal, but terrible if you have a mind of your own.