Sunrie’s ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (AKA Crappy Night Before Christmas)

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house
Everyone was bitching,
Especially my spouse…With my sis in the whore house
And my bro smoking grass
I had just settled in
For a sweet piece of ass.

Then out on the lawn,
I heard such a clatter
That I jumped up from my whore,
To see what the fuck was the matter.

Away to the windows
I made that made dash!
But slipped on some precum,
And I busted my ass…

Then what to my stoned eyes did appear?
It was a rusted out sleigh,
And eight fucking reindeer!

There was a dirty old man,
He was beating his dick,
And I knew without doubt
Hey, it must be Saint Nick!

He bounced off a roof top
And over the house wall
Screaming, “Onward you fuckers or it’s off with your balls!

Then he came down the chimney,
Like a bat out of Hell…
I knew in that moment,
The fat fucker…he fell.

He said not a word,
Gave his cock a quick jerk,
Winked right at me,
And then got straight to work.

He filled up our stockings
With whiskey and beer!
Oh, and a big rubber cock,
For my brother…that queer.

That’s when he rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart…
That son of a bitch…
He blew my chimney apart!

He swore and cussed
As he swerved out of sight
Yelling, “Fuck all you bastards…
I’ve had a Hell of a night!”

This appeared on my old Geocities website (musashinobouken) as early as 1996 and has since be circulated around the Internet in incomplete forms.

Posted 12/25/2010 at 2:23 AM on Xanga