Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016

It was that magical time of year again, and that means it’s time to highlight some problems. On Christmas morning and maybe even on morning of presents for Hanukkah, someone is going to be unlucky enough to have gotten one of these gifts. Just like every year, W.A.T.C.H. is hell bent on ruining Christmas morning like a Muslim in a gay nightclub. While they do highlight some issues with toys, W.A.T.C.H. always misses the worst of the worst and instead focuses on toys targeted at boys and girls simply for being “gender specific”. Here are the actual Most Dangerous and Dumb Christmas Gifts in 2016 which were given.


My Very Own Alibi1. My Very Own Alibi
This toy line is said to have been inspired by the film franchise known as Home Alone, in which a rich white child goes on a killing spree of his neighbors while getting off completely free in protest of being left alone while his family goes out shopping. Pictured is the “Roller Puncture Derby” a la carte version of the toy. Others include the mouse trap with tack and shotgun shell and hand grenade on a sstring, the second best seller. Were do we really begin with this?

First off, the knife isn’t sharp as it needs to be in order to put someone down quickly. Some people might find this as a feature, but we find it to be a minus point to an otherwise ingenious product. Secondly, the skate is very rusty, but the knife is not. We’d give it points for adding tetanus with a dull knife, but since the rust is on the skate and note the blade, this is another minus point. Lastly, there is no ramp with My Very Own Alibi, but the packaging (not shown) clearly shows it flying off a ramp.

Kids have a great imagination, and this is just lazy. The toy has nothing to put together and basically just does one thing: Roll slowly and barely stab someone. Children are going to end up just throwing the toy, which defeats the purpose of what it is trying to accomplish. Stay away and if you get this as a present, get a gift receipt.


Pogoff To Space2. Pogoff Stick: To Space
Claims from the manufacturer:

Feeling XtReMe?! Want to KiSs the SkY?! Well now you can! After three successful pumps to prime the engines, the rockets will kick in and put you close enough to kiss the pilots of MH370 as they fly by on their infinite voyage around the world in space!

Aside from the tasteless reference to the fated Malaysia Flight MH370, there’s also a slightly veiled reference for drugs. Jimmie Hendrix used the term “kiss the sky” for getting intoxicated with drugs.

Even though almost any kid, and many adults, would love to ride on a rocket propelled pogo stick, the fact is, pogo sticks are dangerous. Ever get hit in the chin while riding on one? How about landing at an angle and falling or bouncing into a bush/tree? Imagine that at 147 MPH/236.574 KPH? Yeah, that’s going to leave one bad bump on your head and a pretty bad headache. I think we can all do without this. We don’t want another “Heat Seeking Lawn Darts” fiasco during a picnic, now do we?


My First Lynching Rope3. My First Lynching Rope: The Game
My First Lynching Rope: The Game is a choking hazard in disguise as a harmless family game. If you think The Game of Life is destined to kill your little ones who eat the cars or peg-people, then you’re not worried enough. This game is enough to kill every member of the family, especially any adopted black ones.

The game revolves around getting enough people on your posse in order to lynch the person next to you. Everyone takes turns rolling dice and taking cards while moving around a board. Think of this like Mouse Trap, except you’re the mouse, the noose is the trap, and your neck is the end game. If you can’t play your card fast enough, or have a good enough one, it’s lights out.

What the manufacturer didn’t count on is most of your homes aren’t equipped to have this hang high enough, so you’ll end up either wrapping it around each others necks and pulling, or using something like a door you’ll hope is strong enough to hold up old fat Grannie Christine. There just isn’t enough through going into this game and it shows. Pass this up.


Jihad Jerry4. Jihad Jerry
I mean…wow… This is the follow up the the Ibraheem Toys’ 2014 break out gift My First Jihad. While not directly marketed as an infidel holiday gift, they sure like to time it that way. The packaging is grotesque and 100% real.

Packaging claims it’s “Everything you’ll need to end the Jewish and Christian infidels of their lives!” It contains a child’s Qu’Ran, prayer mat, 4lbs of active dynamite, mask and robe, remote detonation backup device, and a map to local Jewish temples.

The interior booklet claims:

As your children grow and learn, they’ll want to up the destructive force for the glory of Allah. Use this as a great follow up to your My First Jihad toy kit. Praise be to Allah! DEATH TO ALL INFIDELS!

Who are they kidding? The previous kit is almost a 100% death sentence to both your child and their entire day care, so there is no “…grow and learn…” involved. We are talking about Islam, after all. Also, much of the dynamite in the packaging is pretty old and very volatile, meaning there’s a good chance it’ll explode before you put it in a vest and go to school the following day to show off your toy. Pass.


Coke Head Charlene5. Friday Night: Coke Head Charlene
At least your kids are leaning a valuable lesson here: Cocaine is a party and designer drug. Unlike the Medicate Me: Molly! doll from 2014, this doll knows how to “Fuck It Up”, as the box says. This is almost a buy.

What makes this almost a buy? It comes with real cocaine! However, it only comes with 1 gram and a very small straw the doll can use. There are no refills available from the manufacturers, either. This means to get the fix the doll needs to continue being fun you’ll have to go into bad areas or convince the local pharmacist to give you some. You know, for your “nose injury”. Good luck with that. Cocaine is also very expensive, especially for twice cut Colombian. That shit is awesome.

If necessary, a supplemental toy for this one would be the Barbie Spy Squad Cat Burglar Doll which will help your precious angel break into houses and steal her friend’s stash!


Well, there you have another five toys W.A.T.C.H. didn’t care enough to warn you about. We warn you about them, because we care for you. Wrap you child in cling wrap all over their head and paint over it so they never see the horrors of the world. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

40 things 90’s and later kids won’t have memories of

Kids from the 90’s won’t know a lot of things…hell even late 80’s kids, which actually makes them 90’s kids. These are the things I remember from the 80’s and 90’s almost all of the people who read this won’t. I was born right in 1980, and realize somethings will just go the way of the dodo.


  1. Waiting two to five years for a movie to come out on VHS
     

  2. Knowing what the anagram V.H.S. stands for
     

  3. SNL was fresh, funny, and inventive
     

  4. Tolerance meant something could still piss you off
     

  5. Mullets were fashionable
     

  6. A “long time” meant a minimum of two hours when waiting and in reference to an even it meant it was more than just three years ago!
     

  7. Action figures were awesome
     

  8. Getting ONE videogame for Christmas was a huge deal due to cost
     

  9. Looking through “Wish List Catalogs” was how you found things you wanted for Christmas
     

  10. Having used a payphone
     

  11. Knowing why we say “roll down the windows”
     

  12. Thundercats weren’t anorexic
     

  13. Talking on a LAN line
     

  14. Knowing what the sound of a modem is
     

  15. Sears, JC Penny, and similar retailers selling firearms because it used to be America
     

  16. Using a GameGenie
     

  17. Being jealous someone had a PowerGlove
     

  18. Camping was a treat and not a punishment
     

  19. Not having to do a Constitutional violation called a 4473 firearm form nor background check
     

  20. Remembering USSR as a place on the map, not a place in history
     

  21. The band The Cure who was never called “Emo” nor “Goth”
     

  22. Gasoline cost $0.98 for 91 Octane
     

  23. Gas stations would still ask if you wanted “regular or unleaded”
     

  24. Denny’s was actually delicious
     

  25. Nintendo and Sega were bitter rivals to the point it was shocking to see Sonic on a Nintendo system
     

  26. Computers were super fast when a 75MHrz Pentium 1 came out with a 36.6KBps modem
     

  27. HTML was used to make printers understand how you wanted a document to look when it was printed
     

  28. Riding around on Big Wheels
     

  29. You didn’t get suspended for fighting against a bully and it was actually encouraged
     

  30. If you didn’t listen to your parents, the cops would suggest they whip your little ass
     

  31. The reason the “dial” icon on a cell phone looks the way it does is because of the old handsets from LAN lines
     

  32. There were areas where houses weren’t developed and you could go out to shoot, hike, or fish without getting in trouble, none of which were located in the national forests
     

  33. You didn’t have to pay to stop in national forest areas (fuck you, California)
     

  34. Tight high-water pants weren’t considered gay
     

  35. Neon colors were “tubular”
     

  36. You used the term “tubular” correctly and with gusto
     

  37. Having watched Max Headroom and liking it
     

  38. Voltron actually made sense
     

  39. MTV only had music videos
     

  40. People socialized by actually hanging out in the same room and talking to each other without electronics!!!!!

5 anti-freedom of speech websites (s)

No Freedom of Speech Here!
Aside from my right to keep and bear arms here in America in order to protect myself from the insane idiots and liberals, what I love the most is my right to freedom of speech. Not every country has that right…hell, most don’t have any rights what so ever. Canada has bee known to shut down radio shows, ban books, and arrest people for making references alone to things their government doesn’t agree with. In England, you have almost no civil rights outside of not being allowed to be made a slave, and there are so many laws “protecting” special interest groups, simply saying you don’t like them is enough to get you put away with hefty fines.

It's for everyoneSo…when I come across websites set up for discussion or “social ‘media'” who do everything in their power to force their agenda down your throat by censoring anything they don’t agree with, I get really pissed off. When a website is ruled as protected by America’s First Amendment in the Bill of Rights and then bans anyone not on their agenda board, I get more than really pissed off…I get down right extremely pissed off.  I’m not talking about directly threatening violence against any individual and/or organization in specific.  No, I’m talking about simply stating a differing opinion than what the owners and/or employees accept.  You know…kind of like how Wikipedia isn’t a source for facts, but things accepted as facts.

I know most of you out there have probably stopped reading because you thought this was going to be nothing more than a list. Well, fuck them, and congratulations to those still reading as you’re obviously more intellectual than those turds. Give yourself a hand-job if you’d like or simply revel in that fact. Either way, you’re awesome in this regard. Now, without further ado, the list is below! These are really in no particular order.


5. Twitter
Twitter is one of the lighter anti-free speech websites. Most of the time Twitter lets things ride unless it’s a credible threat against a person or organization, which is good. However, Twitter has round about, passive-aggressive bitch bullshit ways of punishing you for exercising free speech on their site. How? Lucky for you, I’m about to explain.

Twitter likes to have people pay them to promote their tweets. Twitter is making a killing doing this. Have you mentioned Pepsi in a tweet or listed yourself at Jack-in-the-Box? Well, you’ll get a few paid-for-by-the-company tweets advertising one of their products. The problem comes when you start deleting these tweets or post, “Stop with these paid tweets on my feed!” Twitter will start to ad bomb you until your entire feed is almost nothing more than paid tweets! Things I have never mentioned have been showing up in my own twitter feed, such as ads for bubble bathes, children’s shampoos, and even travel agencies. There are so many, I am deleting ten to fifteen of these things a day.

If you aren’t a celebrity, then expect things you say to get deleted as well. Have feelings like Alec Baldwin and call someone a fairy while threatening them? You will have your account blocked, the tweet deleted, and receive a warning. Are you upset at the government? Well, then expect to receive notifications and warnings in regards to your post for speaking out against it. Again, I’m not talking about an instance, for example only, you threaten to kill the president and then talk about how you have the means. I’m talking about simply stating the president is an idiot or something similar. Depending on your past tweets and your political alignments, you may start to find your tweets limited in distribution or even deleted. Nothing Twitter does compares to Facebook, but more on them later.

Fuck you, Twitter, you shit bags.
 
 
Deal with it4. Xanga
For those of you not in the know, Xanga is a blogging site which used to have one hell of a community. That is, until they went “2.0” and started charging people just to access their site and comment. Now it’s an elitist shit house.

Now, as far as a place to blog goes, you would think unless you were threatening to kill someone or blow up a building, it’s all free game. Not so. There were instances of the site shutting down a blog page because the content didn’t align with a specific view, or the staff felt it held no merit and was only “hate speech” or was “obscene”. Write up an entry about Islam? Better make sure you have actual references from the Qur’an, but it wasn’t a requirement for anti-Christianity entries. Probably because Christians don’t blow up buildings and day-care centers in retaliation. Writing something for the sole purpose of being funny? Ho-boy…be ready to defend it or put a disclaimer up.

The best is when an entry was written as a hoax and went viral over there. People would syndicate it all over the place, and when the fact was revealed the entry was a hoax and never meant to be taken seriously, the account of the original author would get suspended. However, write up about your sexual conquests and no one would complain. Hell, if you may even get listed on the front page for talking about what a whore you were or how you threw up all your food. I can’t even tell you how many times I saw an entry with nothing more than pictures of someone’s fridge after groceries were put in it blasted all over the front page… Yeah…community…
 
 
3. The Hylia Forum
If you’re not familiar with it, don’t worry about it. The place is a forum for The Legend of Zelda fans to talk…and mostly bitch and try to get each other banned. Honestly, this place is what happens when little kids, and adults who think they are little kids, run a forum to discuss the intricacies of a relationship in a video game and try to talk about big boy topics like politics.

Many times entire topics were locked down because some children threw a hissy fit over something posted they didn’t like or their teachers were trying to teach them otherwise. Everything from the moderators simply making a new topic to make fun of the user for posting up something they didn’t know was a fact, to full on death threats were common.

At one point some kid posted up a rant about how Muslims were the exact same as Jews and Christians. When their light-on-fact post was decimated, by me no less (Islam Peace? Same as Christians and Jews? [will open in new window]), they began to fly off the handle. Having made a hard counter-point, they began the insults. When I showed them a copy of what the Islam religion details (U.S. Revenge: Tim “ALcard” Johnson”(NFSW) [will open in new window]), I began to receive death threats. It got so bad people were banned by a range of IP addresses. The admin and moderators had to come up with NEW RULES for the forum as well.

Posting up evidence against humans being the sole cause of global warming gets you suspended for two weeks and the thread locked. Writing pro-second amendment articles will get you suspended and the thread locked. Putting a bald eagle as your avatar gets your avatar deleted with a warning to not offend people. What people? People who aren’t Americans? So what? People have leprechauns in their avatars and no one is getting mad you’re showing something Irish.
 
 
The truth2. GameFAQs
First of all, it’s pronounced Game F A Q’s, not Game Faks, you fucking idiots.

Much like The Hylia Forum, but much, much worse in terms of censorship and anti-free speech. Where The Hylia Forum has an age triggered censor, GameFAQs not only requires you to be at least 13 years of age for some arbitrary reason, if you so much as suggest you’re swearing you’re going to get punished. Think the game sucks and can’t find how anyone enjoys it? You’re going to get punished…unless, of course, the board moderator(s) agree with you, then you can say whatever you want. Make a statement which can be very, very, very loosely considered a slur? Then you’re going to get punished…unless it’s against Christianity, of course.

I’ve made several statements on GameFAQs not even intending to directly insult a person or group and I have been moderated for “Hate Speech”. Yes, apparently it’s hate speech to even claim you and friends wore towels on your head as kids to simulate turbans or something similar when playing. It’s apparently hate speech to make a statement such as, “…it’s more like a special needs child trying to seamlessly integrate into society.” It’s also apparently hate speech to claim you support free speech. Yes…claiming to support free speech gets your post moderated.

What can you expect from a community such as GameFAQs, though? Try playing with most of them and you’ll find hackers all over the place, especially their Battlefield players.
 
 
1. Facebook
By far the absolute worst offender and hater of the First Amendment. Unless you follow their agenda, of course. Hope you like having your information sold to the government in addition to it all!

Say something they don’t like? Suspended. Link to something they don’t like? Suspended. Promote a conservative agenda? Suspended. Start a first amendment club? Unless you’re only recruiting liberals and promoting their views: Suspended. Align yourself with a certain political candidate who has specific views? Suspended. “Like” Chik-fil-a? Suspended. Some cunt in Canada doesn’t understand a game or Internet lingo? You’ll get arrested. Post up your own self made rap lyrics? You’ll get arrested. Claim the president and members of congress are acting niggardly? Suspended.

During the entire Chick-fil-a dip-shits-a-thon-thinking-the-business-stood-for-what-an-individual-believes fiasco, Facebook blocked millions of users for hate speech. I was blocked for 48 hours after posting a picture of a local Chick-fil-a with the comment, “I am so glad to see so many people understanding an INDIVIDUAL’S feeling on a subject doesn’t reflect what a BUSINESS stands for.” Yep, that was it. My grandmother was blocked for 48 hours for simply saying she was glad to see people standing up for Constitutional rights in America, and that is why they moved here from England. My mother, my brother, almost all of my family, and a total of approximately 16 million other users, were blocked for “hate speech”. I have removed myself from Facebook as I will put up with their fascism.

Facebook is also notorious for blocking and deleting accounts which do no reflect their political ideals. Todd Starnes was “accidently blocked” by Facebook in light of his opinions on the Second Amendment and Chick-fil-a. Bloggers who post conservative thoughts and opinions get blocked as well. All links to Kirk Cameron’s (a very nice Christian man who refuses to back down to pressure) new movie “Unstoppable” has been banned from Facebook and Youtube as well. Facebook will even threaten to shut down your conservative fan pages. Even prolific internet writer and YouTube personality, Maddox, was blocked on Facebook for some time, spurring an outpouring of rage against Facebook. how did Facebook respond? A since taken down photo of Zuckerberg with the caption, “Fuck you, Maddox!” . However, pages such as Kill George Zimmerman are allowed to continue.

Facebook has been ruled by the Supreme Court of the United states things such as “likes” are protected speech, and so is complaining about working conditions and/or complaining about co-workers/bosses. Yet Facebook decides what they feel is free speech and what isn’t. Basically, it is anything they don’t agree with when you post becomes unprotected. This is just the way liberals work.

Well, at least there’s more than one lawsuit against Facebook for this as well. Do yourself a favor and just leave Facebook. Hit them in the pocket and let them know you aren’t going to support their fascist ways. Chances are, if you post a link to this article, you’re going to get suspended for a while…get enough people to do it, and they just may get the message we won’t take it anymore.