The Little Mermaid: Why it sucks in retrospect

Let me start off by saying that I neither love nor hate Disney in anyway. I think Disney is just fine. Hell, I spent four days and three nights at Disney Land at the beginning of 2018 and loved every single moment of it. What I have a problem with is how Disney rips off the public domain, devours it, shits out a low effort version of a superior item, and then gives nothing in return to the public.

Oh, and yes, I drew, using a mouse in Flash 8 Pro, all images in this entry. Click on them to see them in their original size and transparent glory. You’re welcome.

Disney’s version of The Little Mermaid is no different. The original story is a cautionary tale of envy and greed coupled with the consequences of being so impulsive. Hell, there’s even a little tease to children who read the story at the end of the original story saying if they’re bad, then that little mermaid will get another year added on to her 300 year sentence, unable to get a soul and go to heaven. Oh, you didn’t know that? Well, go read the real story and ignore Disney’s craptastic version.

Originally, I kind of really liked this version of Little Mermaid. It has the three best songs ever to come out of Disney. The animation is colorful and fun. It has Sebastian and Ursula. Then I realized the only good thing about this movie is the fact is had the three best songs to ever come out of Disney and it has Sebastian and Ursula. Oh, and the movie poster has a penis in it. That’s…that’s awesome.

Starting off in the film we meet Ariel and her useless sidekick named Flounder…because he’s a fucking flounder… Great use of your imagination there, Disney…I bet that took at least five, or maybe six, Imagineers to dream that one up. We’re treated to a shark attack by the shark actor who eventually went on to win his Academy Award and Oscar winning role as Brucie in Finding Nemo. Unfortunately, Ariel nor Flounder gets eaten and saves us from the rest of the movie.

Huh? I skipped over the part of Ariel’s sisters being introduced? Well, guess what? After that opening scene, until the finale, so does Disney. Yup, they complete skip over the entire part of the little mermaid having other sisters who get her interested in the human world to begin with. What about her grandmother? Well, Disney tosses her out completely, so there is no grandmother. Who needs an extremely important character when you have Flounder, right?

We eventually meet Sebastian, the second best character of the movie. Originally supposed to be an English butler style character and was later changed to Jamaican. Best…decision…ever…this helps us get the most fun song ever to come out of Disney (which is one of the three best Disney songs ever). This delicious looking character is awesome and what he is put through is bullshit. Sebastian gets put in charge by King Triton, Ariel’s father, to keep an eye on Ariel and report back if she’s going too crazy over the human world.

This guy is a music composer and a conductor. I can’t imagine a worse task for someone who has so little to do with anyone’s life to get involved with this. It’s like Emperor Joseph I tasking Johann Sebastian Bach to be a private investigator! Why in the world would any think this is a good idea? Sure, he’s small and can get around easily, but there are plenty of other fish out there better suited, I’m sure!

To keep Ariel more interested in the world she lives in, Sebastian performs the most fun Disney song ever! Yes, I’m talking about Under the Sea. By far, this is the most fun song Disney has ever presented to us. Yes, I keep saying it’s the most fun song and I’m going to keep saying it. Under the Sea is so freaking awesome I can’t stand it. Matter of fact…I’m going to listen to it now.

Okay. I’m back. Trust me when I say I listened to it six times: Two times dancing, one time sitting, and three times dancing naked.

Do you think Ariel cares about the awesome song or the warnings of her father? Nope. She’s a spoiled shit of a child and couldn’t care less. King Triton is more interested in sitting around all day with that stupid look on his face until someone brings him bad news and he smites them with the fury of God himself. I’m not kidding…this son of a bitch loses his temper at the drop of his hat. He goes through more mood swings than a juiced up gorilla going through menopause.

When Sebastian brings him bad news, he goes from smiling and laughing, to almost killing the poor, awesome crab! This guy really needs some therapy. Or at least switching to decaff for a time being. For sure needs to lay off the meth…or maybe needs to bump again. I don’t know. I just know he’s kind of an asshole, even though he’s right through the entire movie.

Back with Ariel in her little hidden sea cave, we see her going over all the cool things she has. Now, earlier we see her in this place and get the most beautifully sung Disney song ever. I’m talking about Part of Your World. This is not one of the best Disney songs ever, it’s just the most beautifully sung. What do I mean? Well, the song is spot on with the vocals and is performed perfectly. What keeps it from being one of the best songs ever is the content.

You’re probably wondering what the problem is with a song about longing for something unreachable is. Well, the fact of the matter is the song says specifically what is wrong with it and shows a lot of the selfish, spiteful, greedy, envious wretch that Ariel is. Behold:

Look at this stuff
Isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl
The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she’s got everything

I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore
You want things of above?
I’ve got twenty!

But who cares?
No big deal
I want more


Emphasis mine.

This selfish piece of beach wash admits she has so much. She talks about how she’s got everything, and yet, despite all of that, she wants even more. She has it all, but that’s not good enough, oh no, not for Ariel! This is NOT the role model you want for your children, especially your daughters. While the song may be sung beautifully, it’s disgusting with the message.

You know what? Now I’m angry. I’ll be right back.

Okay, I’m back. I had to go light a kitten on fire.

Eventually King Triton shows up and sees Ariel basically dry humping…or would it be wet humping since they’re underwater(???)…the statue of the prince she rescued earlier in the movie. She has obsessed about him non-stop, knowing nothing of him. In the original story, a lot of time passes as the little mermaid learns more and more about him by…well…stalking him and hanging outside his bedroom window. Again, not a great role model for anyone.

After Ariel screams that she loves someone she rescued like…two days ago maximum in this version…King Triton becomes even more enraged and blows up the statue. While King Triton may be a tyrannical ass with the anger lit by a half inch fuse on old dynamite, he has a point. She has no business acting the way she does and most certainly does not LOVE him. She’s in love with an ideal and fantasy. Yeah, he over reacted by blowing up all her things, but honestly it was the only way to get her to move on and knock it the fuck off.

Things don’t go that way, of course, because this is a Disney movie and not only are parents always terrible people whom you don’t listen to, but also because we need to introduce the greatest character in Disney history, never to this day to be surpassed.

Of course I’m talking about Ursula, the sea witch! Based on a drag queen named Divine, who’s real name was Harris Glenn Milstead, Ursula steals the entire show. From her look, to her uncomfortably sexual movements, she’s just the god damn best thing Disney has ever designed. I cannot go on about how awesome Ursula is. Besides those three best songs ever from Disney, she is the reason to watch this movie.

What’s better than the best character ever designed by Disney? How about the best character ever designed by Disney singing the most BAD ASS song by Disney! Poor Unfortunate Souls is so amazing that I suggest using it to pump up for a fight. The pacing, the nudging, the vocals…oh my god, this is by far the best song from Disney hands down and the best out of the three. If Part of Your World shows Ariel’s character traits…this song tells you everything you need to know about Ursula. She hides nothing. She pretends to be nothing more than she is. The entire song is filled as a warning and all the reasons Ariel needs to go away. It’s also bouncy as shit. Just…go listen to it. Twenty or thirty times is necessary.

Again, does Ariel listen? Fuck no. She ignores all the warnings from everyone, including Ursula who kept basically telling her to think about it hard. Ariel even looks away from the contract when signing it. It’s a perfect allegory to her personality. I’m not going into detail since I’ve already done it so much. Just think about that for a moment.

She’s turned into human, gets rushed to the surface by Sebastian, who should have told King Triton right away instead of shucking that duty this once, and Flounder, and is “rescued” by Prince Eric. Up to this point there’s no point in talking about him or his name, so…there…his name is Eric.

Since Ariel has no voice, she’s forced to get the prince to fall in love with her through other means. Now, normally this would take months to years, but this is a Disney film and she only has three days per the contract. Originally there was no time limit aside from the prince marrying someone else…but then again, the original also had her wanting an immortal soul, so I guess they had to change things up a bit.

They go on adventures, play dress up, and just kind of hang out. This all leads us to the third and final best song from Disney ever: Kiss the Girl. Once again, one of the best characters from Disney ever delivers this. Sebastian sees his chance when the couple are out rowing about in a swamp area, which later is the scene of Princess and the Frog. I can’t prove that. It’s not even true. But you thought about it for a second. Admit it.

Kiss the Girl is calypso as all hell and is my second favorite song out of this. The scenery while the song is played matches the pacing and mood perfectly. Sebastian proves what a bad ass composer he is once again. Granted, it brings up the question if humans, or Eric for that matter, can understand what the wildlife are saying. Also, Ursula said it isn’t any kiss, but a kiss of true love, so it’s debatable if this would have worked if Floatsom and Jetsum, Ursula’s “babies”, interfered or not. I also love how pensive Eric is during this entire thing. He’s trying to be a gentleman and Ariel is the one pursuing him like a rabid dog. Them eyes on Ariel, though. Dayum.

Fast forward through unimportant crap and Ursula realizes her plan to take the throne back from her brother, King Triton…oh, what’s that? You didn’t know that was Ariel’s aunt? Yup. I guess family sucks is another lesson. Anyway, she realizes her plan to get back at him and take the throne by way of Ariel might fail, so she decides to use Ariel’s voice to make the prince love her instead, effectively screwing Ariel over.

Plan works until the sea shell containing Ariel’s voice is broken and Ariel is turned into a polyp. Yep, I know what they are because of Google. King Triton decides his daughter is better than his kingdom and signs the contract for Ariel, effectively making him pay the price for his terrible daughter. Why the change of heart from King Triton? I don’t know…Disney.

Eventually Ursula is killed by Eric in one of the most awesome ways possible: A stern through the chest. Uh huh, that’s right, Disney had their prince ram a ship into the heart of their villain, killer her off in what must have been an eternity of agony to Ursula. Pretty cool.

In the end Ariel gets everything she wanted. No one learns a lesson. No one has to pay for anyone’s mistake except for Ursula, who kept her end of the deal constantly. She was honest about who she was. She was honest about the deal. Sure she had another reason to do it, but Ariel knew the conditions of the contract and still signed away her life, literally.

I liked The Little Mermaid better when she died at the end, never gaining her immortal soul nor getting the guy. She had to learn a hard lesson and it’s a lesson people need to keep in mind. There are consequences for such impulsive and selfish behavior. That, my friends, is why this movie sucks overall.


How People are Finding my Entries Part 2 (s)(t)

So, quite some time ago I wrote about how people were finding my entires. Some of them were…frightening to say the least. Again, I love people finding my writings. Really, I do. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be writing. It’s just…for fuck’s sake, people. What is wrong with you?

Once again, here’s how people have been finding my site…lord have mercy…

kau injak, aku diam kau gauli, aku diam kau rampas, aku masih diam kau hancurkan sampai ulu hati, hanya ada geming tersisa when u destroy me, u kill yourself in the first place.
What the shit? I have no idea what the hell any of this is supposed to be. When I ran the search in Google, my writings didn’t even come up. It has to do with some scare tactic bullshit, worse than the Weather Channel, claiming video games are telling your children to kill themselves. They aren’t. I am, though.

how to be professional in mortal kombat
Nothing on my site is going to tell you how to actually do this. However, this makes sense because of my fake entry New Professional Mortal Kombat 9 Tournament Rules

it’s already valentine’s day and i dont know what to get myself yet

How about cyanide and a nice cold drink, you loser? Seriously, wtf? Now you’re supposed to get yourself something for Valentine’s Day? Please tell me this isn’t something actually happening!


No, really, that’s all they searched for and found me. I have no idea why…

sieg fuck

*blink blink* Uhm…okay, sure thing there, buddy. I went ten pages deep in the searches in Google and never came up with my site. I have no idea how deep I’m buried. I can only imagine this is some how in reference to my Psychology Is Junk Science article. That…or someone is REALLY into Nazi porn.

do guys like donkey punching?

Are they asking because they want to know if it’s something they should be used to, something to expect, or something they want to try? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to comprehend this one. I mean, the answer is YES to all of those, but I like to know the finer details such as, “Do you mind if it’s an all knuckles punch?”

how to fuck your employer

Usually just bringing it up in conversation works. You can always just start off slowly with a casual date and feel it out. If that doesn’t work, a brick to the back of the head works. If it’s a guy, the brick still works if you hit them hard enough to ensure an priapism.

redmist entj kickass

What? That illustrated novel and so-so movie? What?

red hair bitch backside

Just the backside? If so, then what does the red hair have to do with it? I know I’m on the internet and there are some really specific fetishes out there, but this one is oddly specific and not in a fun way. Just a…that’s boring kind of way.

sorry i only post about my daughter

…go on… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ziggy grover gay fanfiction

Okay, so I wrote a few fake really bad fan fiction about Power Rangers, which I’m probably going to conclude with one more entry, but in no way was the Ziggy Grover character I had in the stories gay. Besides that, why the fuck? This person was looking for this unironically I guarantee it.

brittany blue preggo


I’m not on the deep nor the dark web, you morons. Though, I seriously doubt whoever this was either heard about it and thought that’s how you type it in without using an onion router or…they’re just that far too stupid. I’m going with the latter, unfortunately.

how to tell your employer to fuck off and let me shit

Personally? I’d take them out to a nice lunch. You know, one with candles and Italian food. I’d stroke their hand, laugh at their jokes, and bring it up as part of a natural flow in the conversation. On the other hand, you could always just do it like you stated the search query.

fuckdoll faggot makeup


boss forcly fucking his employer

Again, you people have some really specific fetishes. I’m sure there’s plenty of clearnet porn out there with this. What it has to do with me? I don’t know exactly, though. Good lord…

hitler south park fags

This…this was something someone looked up in their spare time. I’m picturing this dumb ass sitting there expecting some great revelation only to find them saying things on the show and being so mad they masturbate to pictures of their own anus for hours.

love guru how to press a girl boobs when we meet

If I may? I’d start with “Hello”.

stop bullying, your giving a shit!

Is this like “taking the piss”, but far, far more stupid a phrase? That’s cultural appropriation, and that’s wrong. It’s not, but…whatever.

“wolfman” “douche nozzle”

Again, why is this a thing being looked for? I’m not even going to bother trying to find out where I fall in the search results. You can do it yourselves.

telepathic cat siggy creepypasta

How…why…I don’t even…

employer boss come at dinner to his employer and fucking wifevidos

This can’t get any stranger…

soda show webcam????????????? no no no … not me :3 she sexy more than me :d

I can’t do this anymore…I’m fucking done…

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go scrub my eyes and brain with Drain-O….fuck….

Dear Black People: Here’s a List of Things Everyone Wishes You’d Stop Doing

These are simple requests. Easy requests. But we’re not holding our breath.

Nigga, please!
There are a few things every race, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation…hell, EVERYONE…would like you to stop doing. They’re not complicated things. Just things that will benefit not everyone else around you, but your own race as well. By “benefit”, we all mean once you put these suggestions to use, it’ll make you tolerable person. Not a great person. Not a good person. Just a tolerable person. Being a tolerable person means people can stand to be around you for more than five seconds. It’s a win-meh situation. So just take a moment for the list below. Everyone will be glad you did.

1. Wash your hair. We’ve asked you this a million times. It doesn’t matter if you’re “growing out some sweet dreads/cornrows”. Either of those on an adult is proof positive you have absolutely no understanding between right and wrong at first glance.

2. Start understanding answers to questions. Stop going around in circles chasing your tail trying to confuse people into giving you something you don’t deserve.

3. Stop screaming in theatres. You’re there to watch what is going on during the movie and your flapping gums is not adding to the scenes. Shut the fuck up once in a while. We’d rather not listen to who you were recently fucking and how nasty he or she was while watching Star Wars.

4. Stop niggering up “white” foods. A tuna sandwich is just fine being a tuna sandwich. Collard greens are fucking disgusting. Sweet potatoes are like a desert and are even better with butter and cinnamon.

5. Stop claiming shit isn’t a trend when it obviously is. Like shaving your “rap name” into the back of your head or making cuts into your eyebrows to be different. That shit came and went. It’s not a culture so much as a moron trying to start something moronic.

6. Stop thinking only black people can make soul music. The only people who can’t create soul music are the Japanese and gingers because they don’t have souls.

7. Stop screaming “racism” every time someone who isn’t black does something you don’t like. Guess what? Someone might not like you just because you’re a piece of shit and it didn’t occur to them you’re focused on skin color. Stop being a racist piece of shit.

8. STOP MAKING OVER SEASONED FOOD! If your food was flavorful or good to begin with, you wouldn’t have to cover it with more seasoning than a Hindu village! Sometimes french fries taste good simply because they’re french fries!

9. Stop acting like Africa is the greatest place ever and how you’re so proud of it and we’ll all stop telling you to go back to it. If you’re from America, be proud to be an American. You don’t have to fucking claim to be African, especially if you’ve never been and six of your generations were born here.

10. Stop claiming everyone is a redneck. Not everyone is from the south. I’m originally from California. Sure it was southern California, so if anything I’m a wasp, not a redneck. I did my time in the south thanks to the military, and let me tell you, if you even suggest I belong down there in Missouri I’ll break your fucking face. Fuck Missouri.

11. Stop making up names to sound black. Up until the 1970’s those names didn’t exist and they don’t have a real root in African naming…and considering there are around 2000 languages in African, you’d be just as accurate naming yourself Jean Pierre instead of LaNyquil or even Martylenol.

12. Stop “deepest, darkest Africa” a neighborhood and then wonder why people don’t trust you and your demon spawn. You get defensive at everyone when crime goes up because of your extended or immediate family coming in and they’re mad about it. It’s the same situation as when Trayvon Martin went into Andrew Zimmerman’s neighborhood or the Germans went into Poland.

13. Mind your personal space. If you can pick our pocket, you’re too close, and you probably picked our pocket. Prepare to get shot. We carry guns because you steal guns. That and to protect ourselves from the democrats.

14. Stop saying you aren’t as good as everyone else and need special treatment. You are making yourselves victims, and denying that shows how stupid you are.

15. Stop thinking everything belongs to you. Stop stealing our shit. Stop with the drugs. Stop with raping. If you think you don’t, look at the crime statistics, especially in your own neighborhoods where a black man is highly likely to be killed by another black man.

16. Stop thinking the democrats are out to save you. Democrats started Jim Crow laws and fought to keep segregation for a long time. The Klu Klux Klan were founded as a Democrat organization. They keep saying you aren’t good enough and need “white man help”. You’re good enough on your own.

17. Please, for the love of god, use lotion and soap. We can smell you and it looks like you’re trying to salt everything with all the ash.

18. Stop acting like you should go first just because of your skin color and victim mentality. Yeah, we know you do it consciously.

19. Stop having fights at the dining table. The rest of us don’t want to have to kill someone in self defense because you can’t pay the fucking check or refuse to tip. But, since you do number 3, I guess it’s to be expected.

20. Stop throwing the fact your black in everyone’s face. We can see you’re black. Feel like be exclusive? Feel like acting like a retarded moron? We do hate you when you do this #niggernignignig

21. Stop resisting arrest while screaming about racism. Stop looting. Stop all the god damn riots every time a black man gets arrested. I’d say we don’t know where you find the time, but let’s face it, you don’t work.

22. Stop telling us how you can’t be racist. You are. More than most people. We don’t care if you don’t like white people or Chinese people, or even Jews. We get it. You don’t care about anyone who isn’t black. Move on. Grow up.

See? There’s nothing too tough or illogical about this list. This should be taught in elementary school, but according to your mentality and how you act, we’re sure you’d claim it’s too difficult for your negro brains to grasp, making it racist.


Everyone on the planet.

This is a direct response to a moronic post highlighted by TheSafestSpace on Twitter:

Finally leaving Colorado! (s)(t)

Well, it finally happened: I’m getting out of “New California”!  After months of trying, I finally was able to pick up a great job in Nevada so that’s obviously where I’ll be moving to.

Honestly, I can’t wait. While the weather has been really nice here in Colorado, Nevada is so much more appealing for someone like me. See, unlike here, where there’s no housing developments and open land in Nevada, you can actually use it! Yeah, it’s fucking crazy, I know, but the open land in Nevada is there for people to enjoy. Here in Colorado open land means stay the fuck out.

There’s also more access to fishing and hunting for me out there Again, strange, I know. Thanks to less people, and less morons, the outdoors is still clean and open to the public.

Let’s not forget it’s still an open carry state!

See you all from Nevada soon. I will still update, though.