Fixing my blog thanks to Photobucket’s bullshit (s)(t)

So, as many of you out there know, Photobucket has lost their god damn mind and decided people have to pay them $400 a year in order to access their photos and link them online. Unless, of course, you’ve already been paying for a premium service, in which case you can get access to everything until December 2017, then you need to pay the $400.

Photobucket can suck my balls and wipe my asshole with their tongue. For over a decade I’ve been using that service to provide images on my blogs and other sites, but now they decided that’s not good enough. Well, they’re not good enough for me. They aren’t good enough for you, either, especially with so many alternatives out there.

I’m in the process of fixing my blog and uploading my images to better hosting locations, but it’s slow going. I had over 500 images across this blog…holy shit… I’m not the only one furious with them over this, either. Many people have completely deleted their images and their accounts, that way there was nothing left for Photobucket to claim.

Fuck Photobucket. Give them enough room for their $400 elite sacks of shit by deleting everything off their site and deleting your account. This is a severe violation of UDAP (Unfair, Deceptive and Abusive Practices) which every business is held under. Fuck Photobucket in their ass.

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How People are Finding my Entries Part 2 (s)(t)

So, quite some time ago I wrote about how people were finding my entires. Some of them were…frightening to say the least. Again, I love people finding my writings. Really, I do. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be writing. It’s just…for fuck’s sake, people. What is wrong with you?

Once again, here’s how people have been finding my site…lord have mercy…


kau injak, aku diam kau gauli, aku diam kau rampas, aku masih diam kau hancurkan sampai ulu hati, hanya ada geming tersisa when u destroy me, u kill yourself in the first place.
What the shit? I have no idea what the hell any of this is supposed to be. When I ran the search in Google, my writings didn’t even come up. It has to do with some scare tactic bullshit, worse than the Weather Channel, claiming video games are telling your children to kill themselves. They aren’t. I am, though.

how to be professional in mortal kombat
Nothing on my site is going to tell you how to actually do this. However, this makes sense because of my fake entry New Professional Mortal Kombat 9 Tournament Rules


it’s already valentine’s day and i dont know what to get myself yet

How about cyanide and a nice cold drink, you loser? Seriously, wtf? Now you’re supposed to get yourself something for Valentine’s Day? Please tell me this isn’t something actually happening!


strangle

No, really, that’s all they searched for and found me. I have no idea why…


sieg fuck

*blink blink* Uhm…okay, sure thing there, buddy. I went ten pages deep in the searches in Google and never came up with my site. I have no idea how deep I’m buried. I can only imagine this is some how in reference to my Psychology Is Junk Science article. That…or someone is REALLY into Nazi porn.


do guys like donkey punching?

Are they asking because they want to know if it’s something they should be used to, something to expect, or something they want to try? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to comprehend this one. I mean, the answer is YES to all of those, but I like to know the finer details such as, “Do you mind if it’s an all knuckles punch?”


how to fuck your employer

Usually just bringing it up in conversation works. You can always just start off slowly with a casual date and feel it out. If that doesn’t work, a brick to the back of the head works. If it’s a guy, the brick still works if you hit them hard enough to ensure an priapism.


redmist entj kickass

What? That illustrated novel and so-so movie? What?


red hair bitch backside

Just the backside? If so, then what does the red hair have to do with it? I know I’m on the internet and there are some really specific fetishes out there, but this one is oddly specific and not in a fun way. Just a…that’s boring kind of way.


sorry i only post about my daughter

…go on… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ziggy grover gay fanfiction

Okay, so I wrote a few fake really bad fan fiction about Power Rangers, which I’m probably going to conclude with one more entry, but in no way was the Ziggy Grover character I had in the stories gay. Besides that, why the fuck? This person was looking for this unironically I guarantee it.


brittany blue preggo

Why?


xy.hot.4minat.videos

I’m not on the deep nor the dark web, you morons. Though, I seriously doubt whoever this was either heard about it and thought that’s how you type it in without using an onion router or…they’re just that far too stupid. I’m going with the latter, unfortunately.


how to tell your employer to fuck off and let me shit

Personally? I’d take them out to a nice lunch. You know, one with candles and Italian food. I’d stroke their hand, laugh at their jokes, and bring it up as part of a natural flow in the conversation. On the other hand, you could always just do it like you stated the search query.


fuckdoll faggot makeup

0_o


boss forcly fucking his employer

Again, you people have some really specific fetishes. I’m sure there’s plenty of clearnet porn out there with this. What it has to do with me? I don’t know exactly, though. Good lord…


hitler south park fags

This…this was something someone looked up in their spare time. I’m picturing this dumb ass sitting there expecting some great revelation only to find them saying things on the show and being so mad they masturbate to pictures of their own anus for hours.


love guru how to press a girl boobs when we meet

If I may? I’d start with “Hello”.


stop bullying, your giving a shit!

Is this like “taking the piss”, but far, far more stupid a phrase? That’s cultural appropriation, and that’s wrong. It’s not, but…whatever.


“wolfman” “douche nozzle”

Again, why is this a thing being looked for? I’m not even going to bother trying to find out where I fall in the search results. You can do it yourselves.


telepathic cat siggy creepypasta

How…why…I don’t even…


employer boss come at dinner to his employer and fucking to.is wifevidos

This can’t get any stranger…


soda show webcam????????????? no no no … not me :3 she sexy more than me :d

I can’t do this anymore…I’m fucking done…


Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go scrub my eyes and brain with Drain-O….fuck….

Little Known Legendary Creatures #4 – Trouser Snake


In the fourth installment of Little Known Legendary Creatures, we take a look at the mysterious trouser snake. A creature, which unsurprisingly, has a very infamous stigma surrounding it. While the trouser snake may seem whimsical and friendly, it holds a deadly poison.


Origin
Coming from Norse mythology, the Trouser Snake is also known to the Aboriginals of Australia as the Hissing Serpent which is the unemployed younger brother, who lives in the space above their parent’s garage, of the Rainbow Serpent. The Norse speak stories of trouser snake being what became of a piece of torn flesh from Jörmungandr when Thor attempted to fish it up from the sea.

According to a written report by one fearful Viking:

I was so careful, but in the end, I was foolish. May the Valkyries take me to Valhalla now, though I am doubtful. There I was, teasing the woman, when I became very aroused and was about to make her mine when suddenly, from a sock and coiled away, the trouser snake did come out. Frothing at the mouth, the trouser snake spewed its white venom all over my wife, some even landing on my face and stomach as well. Going limp and hiding away, the trouser snake retreated, leaving my wife ill for months at a time, and gaining considerable weight for at least nine months.

Interestingly, there are accounts of multiple types of trouser snake as well. We find at least two different types in the Falsum Libro Daemones, the Even Lesser Key of Solomon the King:

The seventy sixth plus eleven times three spirit is the reiða bregða. This creature adorns itself in a stylish garment intended to cover the legs of men, and man like women, but only uses one hole. Pulling tension around the middle of the garment where the creature is nestled in to, it will bounce up and down while dancing, shift in warm weather, and even retract in the cold, all while coiled up deep inside.

Reiða bregða thrives in warm climates, such as Florida, and marks its territory by spitting in dark, damp caves a potent white venom. Often times it will swell up when faced with predators or when trying to impress a mate. The venom is known to make those who come in contact with it sick for months and gain weight until it is lost nine months later.

The first known reiða bregða is the one eyed variety. The second known reiða bregða is the hooded species. While the one eyed variety is very aware of its surroundings and often looks to be smiling, the hooded species likes to hide its face in its own neck while collecting cheese.

In modern day, the trouser snake is warned to be on the prowl in high schools and colleges.


Powers
Known to wear pants, the Trouser Snake gets them through magical, but mundane, means. Because Trouser Sanke is unemployed, the belief is he receives his pants as gifts from his parents or hand-me-downs from his older brother. Because he is a god level creature, his parents and brother have an endless supply of funds in which to purchase him new pants. Since Trouser Snake has no worshipers, he makes no money.

Every known variety of Trouser Snake is known to harness a potent poison, generally white unless it has eaten something which artificially changes the color. According to Mertvoye kniga iz Eksperta, author unknown:

Those of the largest trouser snake do not necessarily hold the most potent of venom. Usually an off white, it stains clothing while making it first sticky and then stiff once dry. Many times the smallest looking of the beasts appear to have the largest venom sacks, but this is not always the case. Should the trouser snake eat specific items, the white venom has been known to even glow in the dark.

Any number of trouser snake has the ability to strike with its venom, but not all of them actually harness the potent poison in their stream. In rare occasions, the venom delivery is simply there for show, and for whatever reason, the trouser snake does not have any potency.


Residency
They live all around the world, no matter the climate, and have gathered abilities in order to survive. The largest of the Trouser Snakes are said to make their home in Africa, while the smallest in Asian and Canada. Even when living in different environments, the one thing in common among them all is the fact they are housed inside trousers of some sort, hence the name.

Mertvoye kniga iz Eksperta, author unknown:

Living among every expanse of land humans do, the Trouser Snake shifts about in trousers where it hides from predators and attempts to entice mates. Trying to blend in, the youngest of the Trouser Snakes often over compensate and puff themselves up the most, making them the most noticeable, though they do not have the stamina to go toe-to-toe with the most experienced Trouser Snakes.

Unlike most other legendary creatures, this one does not have a specific home of its own and instead prefers to make its dwellings among everyone.


Summoning and Spiritual Rankings
Nothing special is needed to summon for the Trouser Snake. Simply walking down the street is enough to spot one if you’re looking for it. They are known to be drawn to large gatherings of people, especially dance clubs, where they will often rub up against you while puffing up to impress a mate.

Rank: Common Citizen
Sign: 1° – 69° Capricorn (December 24 to January 1)
Time of Day: Twilight (The night isn’t quite there; The Day isn’t quite over; Scott Baio is plowing some chick he doesn’t even know the name of)
Planet: Tau Boötis b
Command: Two stones and a helmet
Tarot Card: Laughing Giraffe

Dear Black People: Here’s a List of Things Everyone Wishes You’d Stop Doing

These are simple requests. Easy requests. But we’re not holding our breath.

Nigga, please!
There are a few things every race, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation…hell, EVERYONE…would like you to stop doing. They’re not complicated things. Just things that will benefit not everyone else around you, but your own race as well. By “benefit”, we all mean once you put these suggestions to use, it’ll make you tolerable person. Not a great person. Not a good person. Just a tolerable person. Being a tolerable person means people can stand to be around you for more than five seconds. It’s a win-meh situation. So just take a moment for the list below. Everyone will be glad you did.

1. Wash your hair. We’ve asked you this a million times. It doesn’t matter if you’re “growing out some sweet dreads/cornrows”. Either of those on an adult is proof positive you have absolutely no understanding between right and wrong at first glance.

2. Start understanding answers to questions. Stop going around in circles chasing your tail trying to confuse people into giving you something you don’t deserve.

3. Stop screaming in theatres. You’re there to watch what is going on during the movie and your flapping gums is not adding to the scenes. Shut the fuck up once in a while. We’d rather not listen to who you were recently fucking and how nasty he or she was while watching Star Wars.

4. Stop niggering up “white” foods. A tuna sandwich is just fine being a tuna sandwich. Collard greens are fucking disgusting. Sweet potatoes are like a desert and are even better with butter and cinnamon.

5. Stop claiming shit isn’t a trend when it obviously is. Like shaving your “rap name” into the back of your head or making cuts into your eyebrows to be different. That shit came and went. It’s not a culture so much as a moron trying to start something moronic.

6. Stop thinking only black people can make soul music. The only people who can’t create soul music are the Japanese and gingers because they don’t have souls.

7. Stop screaming “racism” every time someone who isn’t black does something you don’t like. Guess what? Someone might not like you just because you’re a piece of shit and it didn’t occur to them you’re focused on skin color. Stop being a racist piece of shit.

8. STOP MAKING OVER SEASONED FOOD! If your food was flavorful or good to begin with, you wouldn’t have to cover it with more seasoning than a Hindu village! Sometimes french fries taste good simply because they’re french fries!

9. Stop acting like Africa is the greatest place ever and how you’re so proud of it and we’ll all stop telling you to go back to it. If you’re from America, be proud to be an American. You don’t have to fucking claim to be African, especially if you’ve never been and six of your generations were born here.

10. Stop claiming everyone is a redneck. Not everyone is from the south. I’m originally from California. Sure it was southern California, so if anything I’m a wasp, not a redneck. I did my time in the south thanks to the military, and let me tell you, if you even suggest I belong down there in Missouri I’ll break your fucking face. Fuck Missouri.

11. Stop making up names to sound black. Up until the 1970’s those names didn’t exist and they don’t have a real root in African naming…and considering there are around 2000 languages in African, you’d be just as accurate naming yourself Jean Pierre instead of LaNyquil or even Martylenol.

12. Stop “deepest, darkest Africa” a neighborhood and then wonder why people don’t trust you and your demon spawn. You get defensive at everyone when crime goes up because of your extended or immediate family coming in and they’re mad about it. It’s the same situation as when Trayvon Martin went into Andrew Zimmerman’s neighborhood or the Germans went into Poland.

13. Mind your personal space. If you can pick our pocket, you’re too close, and you probably picked our pocket. Prepare to get shot. We carry guns because you steal guns. That and to protect ourselves from the democrats.

14. Stop saying you aren’t as good as everyone else and need special treatment. You are making yourselves victims, and denying that shows how stupid you are.

15. Stop thinking everything belongs to you. Stop stealing our shit. Stop with the drugs. Stop with raping. If you think you don’t, look at the crime statistics, especially in your own neighborhoods where a black man is highly likely to be killed by another black man.

16. Stop thinking the democrats are out to save you. Democrats started Jim Crow laws and fought to keep segregation for a long time. The Klu Klux Klan were founded as a Democrat organization. They keep saying you aren’t good enough and need “white man help”. You’re good enough on your own.

17. Please, for the love of god, use lotion and soap. We can smell you and it looks like you’re trying to salt everything with all the ash.

18. Stop acting like you should go first just because of your skin color and victim mentality. Yeah, we know you do it consciously.

19. Stop having fights at the dining table. The rest of us don’t want to have to kill someone in self defense because you can’t pay the fucking check or refuse to tip. But, since you do number 3, I guess it’s to be expected.

20. Stop throwing the fact your black in everyone’s face. We can see you’re black. Feel like be exclusive? Feel like acting like a retarded moron? We do hate you when you do this #niggernignignig

21. Stop resisting arrest while screaming about racism. Stop looting. Stop all the god damn riots every time a black man gets arrested. I’d say we don’t know where you find the time, but let’s face it, you don’t work.

22. Stop telling us how you can’t be racist. You are. More than most people. We don’t care if you don’t like white people or Chinese people, or even Jews. We get it. You don’t care about anyone who isn’t black. Move on. Grow up.

See? There’s nothing too tough or illogical about this list. This should be taught in elementary school, but according to your mentality and how you act, we’re sure you’d claim it’s too difficult for your negro brains to grasp, making it racist.

Sincerely,

Everyone on the planet.


This is a direct response to a moronic post highlighted by TheSafestSpace on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSafestSpace/status/781616441984479232

FINALLY BANNED IN AN ENTIRE COUNTRY! (s)(t)

OH HAPPY DAYS! I got an e-mail from the WordPress admin staff!

SUBJECT: [WordPress #2810472]: Important information regarding your WordPress.com blog
Sal P. – WordPress.com
Mon 8/29, 3:32 PM

 

Hello,

A Russian authority — the Federal Service for Supervision in the Sphere of Telecom, Information Technologies and Mass Communications (ROSKOMNADZOR) — has demanded that we disable the following content on your WordPress.com site:

https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/

Unfortunately, we must comply in order to keep WordPress.com accessible for everyone in Russia. We have disabled this content only for Internet visitors originating from Russia. Visitors from other countries are not affected.

You and your readers may be interested in the following document for suggestions on bypassing Internet restrictions:
http://en.support.wordpress.com/bypassing-internet-restrictions/

For your reference, we have included a copy of the complaint below. No reply is necessary, but please let us know if you have any questions.

-– BEGIN NOTICE –-
Направляется уведомление о внесении в «Единый реестр доменных имен, указателей страниц сайтов в сети «Интернет» и сетевых адресов, позволяющих идентифицировать сайты в сети «Интернет», содержащие информацию, распространение которой в Российской Федерации запрещено» следующего(их) указателя (указателей) страницы (страниц) сайта в сети «Интернет»:https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/ .

В случае непринятия провайдером хостинга и (или) владельцем сайта мер по удалению запрещенной информации и (или) ограничению доступа к сайту в сети «Интернет», будет принято решение о включении в единый реестр сетевого адреса, позволяющего идентифицировать сайт в сети «Интернет», содержащий информацию, распространение которой в Российской Федерации запрещено, а доступ к нему будет ограничен.

Сведения о включении доменных имен, указателей страниц сайтов сети «Интернет» и сетевых адресов доступны круглосуточно в сети «Интернет» по адресу http://eais.rkn.gov.ru .

С уважением,
ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ СЛУЖБА ПО НАДЗОРУ В СФЕРЕ СВЯЗИ, ИНФОРМАЦИОННЫХ ТЕХНОЛОГИЙ И МАССОВЫХ КОММУНИКАЦИЙ.

It is notice of making an entry into the “Unified register of domain names, Internet web-site page links and network addresses enabling to identify the Internet web-sites containing the information prohibited for public distribution in the Russian Federation” the Internet web-site page (s) link (s): https://sunrie.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/suicide-getting-it-right-the-first-time/ .

In case the hosting provider and (or) the Internet web-site owner fail to take these measures, the network address enabling to identify Internet web-sites containing the information prohibited for distribution in the Russian Federation will be decided to be entered into the Register and access will be limited.

The information about entering the domain names, Internet web-site page links and network addresses into the Register shall be available on a 24-hour basis at the following Internet address: http://eais.rkn.gov.ru/en/ .

Federal Service for Supervision in the Sphere of Telecom, Information Technologies and Mass Communications (ROSKOMNADZOR).
–- END NOTICE –-

Regards,

Sal P. | Community Guardian | WordPress.com

I’m so fucking happy I could cry! So…guess I’m back to writing whatever, whenever, instead of just trying to be shocking for a specific reason. YAY!!!

Who thinks of these ads?!

There are a ton of stupid ads out there in the world, but some of them are stupid because people find something idiotically offensive instead of when it actually is offensive. I’m not talking about offensive ads (Obama gave tax payer money to make this, by the way, which further shows what he thinks of all you who voted for him), though. No, I’m talking about an ad where the logic is so baffling that it made me want to slap my own grandma.

I first saw the ad in question during one of the rare occasions when I wasn’t out doing charity work (punching homeless people in the face to chase them out of the state, lighting fires in a neighbor’s trashcan to cut down on the bulk of waste going to the dump, making fun of children who can’t speak correctly…you know, the usual) and was watching television instead. Imagine my surprise to realize NetZero was not only still in business, but they had enough money to run a commercial! It was when Chairman and CEO Mark Goldston (I have no idea if he’s real or not, because there’s no message from him or anything like that on their website) came on and opened his mouth I knew that NetZero was actually desperate.

“Here’s a plan to save America’s broadband users $16 billion dollars a year AND $300 individually!” his voice over talks out while being further punctuated with an onscreen display of exactly what he’s saying. At that point I was thinking, “Huh…NetZero’s going with cheap broadband. Probably just going to be limited use like their dial up was at first.”

Oh, to my amusement, that is not what happened. No, instead, he suggests that people switch BACK to dial up! Yes, let’s all switch back to dial up because it’s SO much fun waiting twenty minutes for a three meg song to stream. I have QWest and I still wouldn’t go back to dial up.

What’s a further reason not to do this completely stupid move? Most people, if their computer is around two years old or newer, don’t even have a modem installed in their computer! When I first got my computer, of course it did…SIX YEARS AGO. Mind you, I’m talking about the first computer I bought, not the first computer I had. I’ve been on the Internet since 1996, idiot. After my first upgrade, I never had one installed again. Not to mention I now build my own personal gaming computers and would never, ever, ever take up space with a dinosaur like a 56Kb/s modem.

Like I said, I have no idea if Mark Goldston is a real person or just a gimmick like Flo (the Geico lizard is real, by the way, so screw you if you that’s where I was going), but he needs to be fired. Imagine a satellite company telling you that you could save money by not switching from cable over to their service, but back to basic channels. Or better yet, the local channels saying you could save on electricity by getting rid of your TV.

If you’re a stock holder (NZRO) then demand this man be fired. He’s an idiot and as such, is the reason you aren’t making any money.

Here’s the jest of what is going on here…NetZero is saying to pay them for the privilege of donkey punching yourself. You can’t blame NetZero for the donkey punching. No, you know what’s happening when you sign up for them, they aren’t trying to hide anything. After all, they are offering an inferior service just by saying the words dial up. You have only yourself to blame if you’re willing to switch over.

Now, if you don’t mind, it’s trash day and I have some fires to light. You know, to help the planet.

————————–
Posted 1/6/2010 at 2:27 PM on Xanga