Fake ass mall ticket! (s)

Heads up, moron. You aren’t a real cop and you aren’t a police force. Your tickets mean exactly shit.

Code Orange! Code Blue! Code MOMMY!

So, I get out of my part time job, which generally requires me to work weekends, since that’s the busiest time at a mall, obviously, and as a manager, I am forced to be there during those times. I’m also generally early to work, as I hate walking in right as I have to start.

From Thursday to Sunday, the mall closes off the entire outer ring of the parking lot all along the mall for “valet only” spots. There’s also huge chunks with orange chains for “valet only” as well spread throughout the lot. Well, as I pull in, the mall cop is sitting in his van. He’s parked facing the parking lot, with his overheads on, backed into the “valet only” spot.

Now, I’m not a lazy mother fucker, and I never park right up against the doors. Besides, where I have to park to get in to where I work, there’s a street space, a half block, and then a street space, so it’s impossible to pull right up anyway. No, where I park is three sections back. That is, every “section” has a concrete line to mark the name of each area. Each area, long wise, is comprised of fifteen parking spaces.

So, if you’re doing the figuring, fifteen NON-COMPACT spaces times three (45 spaces in total), a street space, a half block, and a street space, then the walkway behind the building is quite a distance for most people, and not exactly very close to the fucking mall.

Well, mall cop not only pulls up in front of my car, not saying a fucking word and boxing me in, but then follows me, IN HIS CAR, as I go to the back and get let in by the manager already doing the opening procedures. He then attempts to back out really quickly, as if didn’t notice him the entire time, but gets stopped by people needing help.

During the course of the day, someone was talking about the fake ass mall cop tickets that they write and asked if I ever got one. I told them, aloud, “Fuck no. Yipe your ass with it and flush it. They aren’t real tickets. They aren’t cops. In the State of Colorado, there are only four citations that can be written, by real cops, on private property. These guys can’t enforce it. Tell them to blow you.”

Turns out one of the mall cops was in the store, off duty (he’s a moron who tries to hit on one of the girls that works there, whom I’m dating and he has NO chance in hell with), and over hears me. They all start laughing and tell me to be quieter because one of them is in there. My reply, not even knowing which one it of them it was is “Like I give a damn.” I turn and see him eyeballing me hard as he leaves, and I even say, “Got an issue?” as he leaves.

1. He’s not a real cop.

2. He’s off duty.

3. He can blow me anyway.

4. He’s a jealous fuck who can blow me.

After the entire eight hours go by, I leave and get to my car. What’s there? Yep, a fake ass mall cop ticket. A nice bright pink mall cop ticket. I got cited for “Improper Parking”. I was pulled fully into space, almost up against a concrete curb, facing out towards the parking lot (I always back in), and not touching either line (I know how to back in. When I was an MP I was taught to always do so). I also got cited for “Mall Employee Improper Use of Parking ($50 Fine)”.


This is also my “O” face

First of all, I obviously am not improperly parked. Second of all, I’m not a MALL employee. The Park Meadows Mall does not employee me. I do not get my paycheck from this job by the people who run and own Park Meadows. The Park Meadows Mall does not have my resume and application on file. Therefore, I am not a MALL employee. Thirdly, I did not sign a “parking agreement” with the mall, I did not sign a “parking agreement” with my employer, and there is nothing in my Human Resources paperwork about where I can and cannot park.

The mall wants all “Mall Employees” to only park in that outer ring. When those are “not available” they want you to park at the light rail station. Guess what? The light rail station is 7.5 blocks from the mall, and is only accessible to the mall by riding the light rail one station down, which you MUST pay for, and then take a shuttle from that stop, which is free, to the mall and walk from the drop off point (six rows back [90 spaces]). This doesn’t include to where most people will have to enter the mall from, which can be on the other side of the drop off.

Want to know the bonus part of all of this? Since the light rail isn’t a private company, the REAL cops will give you a REAL citation for parking there without a parking pass. How god damn awesome is that?

Now, I have respect where it’s due to what these guys put up with. Really, I do. My best friend is mall security, and he puts up with a lot of shit, not only from the morons he has to work around, but the mall itself. He doesn’t deserve 90% of it, and neither do these guys. The issue here is, it’s moronic to do this.

Do they really need the negative publicity of gouging people who are coming to work at the mall? I mean, seriously, in an age when most people are fighting to get employment, they are jacking people who are trying to just get to a fucking miserable job and trying not to kill themselves every morning that they wake up. Yeah, they won’t want the media, which is starving for stories in my area, to do an expose on how the mall is “Trying to make up for lost revenue by fining their employees.”

So, go fuck yourselves, guys, with this whole ticket thing. How about you do what you’re supposed to and provide safety, security, and be a visual deterrent to crime. Stop fucking with the rest of us. If you want to write tickets, go to the police academy.

Posted 7/10/2010 at 11:12 PM on Xanga

Liberty City Police Report 2008-5782

Liberty City Police Department
Case Narrative

Officer Schmoe ReportingNarrative:
On 07-10-08, at approximately 1300 hours, I was on routine motor patrol around Meadows Park, located in the Broker Division, Liberty City, Liberty State, when I saw a white male, approximately 5’11”, brown hair, brown eyes, wearing a brown jacket, black fingerless gloves, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes, fire approximately five shots with a pistol striking a pedestrian in the torso and face.

Using the PA system on my marked patrol vehicle, I immediately ordered the suspect to drop the weapon and place his hands in the air.  After announcing myself, I radioed for assistance.

The suspect ignored my orders, so I positioned my marked patrol vehicle next to a telephone pole and took cover behind my car door.  I shouted for the suspect to drop his weapon, but I was once again ignored.  Without an explanation, the suspect placed the pistol in his jacket and was then armed with a high powered, rapid fire automatic rifle.

At this time, my back up was arriving, but I did not have time to warn them.  I took my shotgun out of my patrol vehicle and dove for cover behind my trunk.  The suspect began shooting repeatedly at the arriving officers and myself.  The moment I had a pause in the gun fight, I moved into a position of fire and shot the suspect three times, striking him in the lower extremities.

The suspect did not stop, and instead began to run on foot while continuing to reload his automatic weapon.  Once again I radioed for assistance, and I was notified a helicopter would be sent to my location.

I got back into my patrol car and began to chase the suspect east on Tudor Street.  Once at the intersection of Tudor Street and Cleves Avenue, the suspect forced a driver out of her red Sultan and drove south on Cleves Avenue.

For officer safety, I stayed approximately four car lengths behind the suspect.  As I followed the driver to the intersection of Cleves Avenue and Carrollton Street, the suspect began to shoot at my patrol vehicle, striking it several times in the hood and windshield.  The suspect turned west on to Carrollton Street.

The suspect continued to shoot at my patrol vehicle as I followed him south on Seymour Avenue, west on Howard Street, and north on Stillwater Avenue.  While west on Howard Street, the suspect began to shoot pedestrians.  The suspect shot at ten pedestrians, all of whom I saw drop to the ground.  While north on Stillwater Avenue, the suspect never slowed down for and ran over six pedestrians, all of whom I never saw get back up.

As I followed the suspect to the intersection of Stillwater Avenue and Walton Lane, the helicopter arrived with aerial fire support (please see supplemental report from helicopter support team for more information).  When the suspect turned west on to Walton Lane, his vehicle caught fire and he jumped from the vehicle while it was still moving.

After the suspect came to a full and complete stop on the ground, officers from the NOOSE Team arrived on scene as support units in marked NOOSE vans (please see supplemental report from NOOSE Team for more information).  I saw the suspect stand up.  I could see the suspect was bleeding heavily and he was limping.  The suspect vehicle continued into a crowd, which had gathered to witness the chase, and exploded.  I saw fifteen pedestrians fly into the air and land with audible noises.  I did not see any pedestrian stand back up and all had dropped the money they had been carrying on to the ground.

The suspect took a position of cover behind a tree, so I moved forward and took a position of cover behind a group of Liberty City trash bins which had been knocked into the street due to the explosion.  Myself and my cover officers exchanged numerous rounds of shots with the suspect.  I saw the suspect place the high powered, automatic rifle into his coat and he rearmed himself with an RPG-7, without explanation.

Seeing the rocket propelled grenade launcher, I immediately moved from my position to a position further away behind a brick wall.  Peering around the corner, I saw the suspect fire the RPG-7 into the crowded group of NOOSE vans.  The NOOSE vans exploded, and I saw eight NOOSE Team members fly into the air.  Each NOOSE Team member landed with an audible noise and they dropped the weapons they were carrying.  I did not see any NOOSE Team member stand back up.

The suspect then fired the RPG-7 in my direction, but missed me due to a taxi driving at a high rate of speed directly through the line of fire.  The taxi exploded, and the driver ran from the vehicle on fire.  The driver ran for several seconds, screaming for help, until he finally fell to the ground.  I did not see the driver stand back up and he dropped the money he was carrying on to the ground.

As I stepped slightly from my position and shot at the suspect, my bullets were blocked by a fire truck from the Liberty City Fire Department which drove into the line of fire and pulled up to the taxi, which was still on fire.  As the fire truck began to put out the flames, I saw the fire truck explode, assuredly from an RPG-7 strike.

As I regained my view of the suspect, I saw him aim the RPG-7 at the helicopter and shoot.  The rocket propelled grenade swerved at the last moment, narrowly missing the helicopter.  I fired three times, striking the suspect in the back.  The suspect did not stop and I returned to my position of cover to reload.

As I was reloading, I heard sirens from an ambulance.  From my position of cover, I watched as the ambulance drove past my location and I heard an explosion.  I was nearly struck by the hood of the ambulance as it bounced off the wall of the building directly behind me.

I came out of my position of cover in order to shoot the suspect once again, but I could not find him.  I immediately set up a small perimeter in order to locate the suspect.  All officers were unsuccessful in locating the suspect.

The coroner was advised and arrived at approximately 1523 hours.

After fifteen seconds an officer at the intersection of Hewes Street and the Dukes Bay Bridge reported seeing a driver of a yellow Infernus matching the description of the suspect.  The officer was advised said person could not be the suspect because the driver was outside the perimeter area.

Case handed to detectives.

All monies dropped by killed pedestrians is unaccounted for.

Please see supplemental reports from NOOSE Team and Helicopter Support Team.


J. Schmoe #221

Posted 7/10/2008 at 2:47 AM on XANGA