Comic Heroes No One Wants!

Not too long ago I once again rediscovered my love for comics. Actually, not comics as much as graphic novels. I did, however, enjoy Injustice vs The Masters of the Universe and the Mortal Kombat X comic. I only got to issue of 26 of Preacher before I had to stop reading. The Killing Joke was amazing for being a comic which began and ended in its own single volume, but wasn’t as long as a graphic novel. I loved Kick Ass and desperately awaiting the ability to read the next installment, which I believe is issue 4. Watchmen was pretty dang good, too.

Because I am a writer I recognize what it takes to write a good story and present a great comic character. I may not be a great illustrator, but I have my own style which I find satisfying enough. With all this talent, I have been trying to get a few comics launched through DC, Marvel, and Dark Horse. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here…no one wants my creations! Here, take a look at these ones. I’m sure once you do, you’ll demand any number of comic publishers to let me make these on a large scale.

Clicking on the images will open a new tab allowing you to view the image in full HD glory!


Name: Razor Willi
Power: Super Strength, Phallus Turns Into A Scythe, Immunity to General STDs and AIDS
Secret Identity: Peter Dickson (Stage name, actually Liam Karlsson)
Nation: Swedish, but currently living in America
Day Job: Porn Star
Age: 27 years old
Catch Phrase: “When I unleash the main vain, it’s time for some pain!!!”
Background: His impoverished family left Sweden in search of a promise and a dream. Once they reached America, they found the dream and promise to be everything they hoped for. His father soon ran a chain of popular adult shops and used it to seed a second business, in which his mother ran, where they made a line of extremely popular vibrators. Not wanting to be nothing more than a figure head for either business, Liam decided to use his natural talents (those being able to get an erection at will…and a rather large one) in order to pursue a new course in life: Mega porn star.

Tragedy struck the first day of his premier role, however. Several armed thugs entered into the house they were filming, demanding everyone into one room. Turns out, the director and producer owed some really seedy people some money for all the investments they made in the movies. When one of the gunmen stated they were there to collect from everyone to recuperate some of the funds or kill those who couldn’t pay something up, Liam sprang into action and so did his penis. The increased blood pressure and fury channeled straight to his dick and it immediately grew to an offensive side, as well as taking on the shape of a scythe. One gunman was instantly beheaded and the other had both his hands cut off. Liam had saved the day!

From that day on, he began to make super hero themed porn movies, but quickly grew tired of only pretending. Now he takes to the streets using his super hero name, Razor Willi, and continues to star in porn under the name Peter Dickson. When asked why he doesn’t have a true secret identity, he simply tells people, “What’s the point of hiding when you have this much meat?”


Name: Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous
Power: Immune to Suicide Bombing (Specifically, not all explosions), Immune to Sand Storms, Immune to Waterboarding
Secret Identity: Azhaan Kakazai
Nation: Pakistan
Day Job: Resident Imam
Age: 34 years old (Earth Time) / 87 years old (All Time)
Catch Phrase: “Strong. Fierce. FABULOUS! ALLAH HU-AKBAR!”
Background: Azhaan Kakazai was heading to a Jewish preschool in order to do his Islamic duty of murdering them all when his truck was struck by a meteor. Unbeknownst to him, a forbidden power was residing in this meteor. He was taken to the land between and held in meeting by the alien virus, Glugarnock. Azhaan spent fifty two years in conference with Glugarnock in which they came to an agreement which satisfied both. Glugarnock agreed to provide immunity to self inflicted explosions, all sand storms, and to be immune to waterboarding, however, Azhaan would be forced to reveal his true self to all anytime he used his powers.

Azhaan Kakazai knew this would be a death sentence, as his true self was a huge, flaming homosexual. He did everything he could to keep it a secret, as Islam forbid homosexuality upon the very real threat of death. Glugarnock promised he would provide him with the ability to continue hiding his true self until the power was about to be used. Azhaan agreed and so, Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous was born…or should we say converted.

Jihad Jimmy the Fabulous continues to fight against all infidels who will not convert to his way of thinking. The irony of being considered an infidel since he’s so obviously overtly and openly gay is completely lost to him. The only thing which matters is those who aren’t Muslim are killed, and since he can blow himself up as much as he wants, he doesn’t ever really worry about being discovered. Those who have witnessed him in action often describe a colorful blur followed by a massive explosion. He’s a true hero to the Muslim children and the most progressive super hero ever written.


Name: Pink Blackhole
Power: Creates a Singularity from her Gaping Vagina
Secret Identity: Brittany Pfifer
Nation: America
Day Job: Secretary
Age: 191/2 years old
Catch Phrase: “I have a pussy pass and I’m going to use it!” and “DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!”
Background: Brittany Pfifer was a slut. That is to say she was the slut to end all sluts. The sluttiest slut to ever slut up a slut for another slut. That’s how much of a slut she was. Not to slut shame her, though, as how much a slut she was is a recorded fact. Just so everyone understands, by the time Brittany was 16 she had been with 127 different boys and men, multiple times each. Unfortunately for Brittany, by the time she turned 19 and had been with 398 different boys and men, as well as three women, two goats, and five horses, she met her 399th “man”. This man was actually Stephan Vika Dronbox from the Piscium system and wanted her for his own.

At first (the three hours they were alone together for the first day) she went along with it, but began to slut around again. Stephan Vika Dronbox was not a creature to be trifled with, and upon finding her in the bathroom of a Wendy’s fast food restaurant screwing one of the workers, her 400th, he lost all control. He killed the coworker, blew up everyone else in the Wendy’s and beamed them both to his ship in orbit.

Brittany thought it was going to be all fun and games when she was strapped down to a table, unable to move, until Stephan Vika Dronbox told her that if she felt she could never have her pussy full enough, he was going to make sure it was never full again. She didn’t know what he meant until she awoke later and went to cram a cucumber her her snatch as an appetizer. Before her very eyes, her vagina opened up into a blackhole and sucked the cucumber deep into the event horizon, never to be seen again.

Brittany has vowed to “break the patriarchy for doing this to her” and used her curse as a blessing to do so. She screams out at pro-life rallies and literally swallows mean whole into her infinitely vast cunt if they so much as ask her to dance or ask her out on a date. It’s her body, therefore her choice, so she uses her female privilege and misconception of gender equality to get what she wants. Well, that and her pink taco blackhole.


Name: Iron Baker
Power: Entire Body Turns to Iron (except head), Secretes Olive Oil from Hands and Feet, Turn Baking Tools Into Deadly Weapons
Secret Identity: Jabari Jackson
Nation: America
Day Job: Baker
Age: 24 years old
Catch Phrase: “Let’s make it a baker’s dozen!”
Background: Jabari Jackson was well on his way to making a name for himself in the Wisconsin baking world when tragedy struck. He had been promised some exotic ingredients by a supplier he had never heard of before. Jabari was extremely excited to get started using these new ingredients in order to skyrocket to first place during a baking tournament. He just knew he was going to come up with flavor profiles no one had ever tasted before.

When the ingredients arrived, he tore open the boxes and was hit in the face by multidimensional beams of light, transforming his body and filling him with black rage. His body turned hard as iron, except for his head, and he began to uncontrollably secrete olive oil from his feet and hands. The whisk and measuring spoon he was holding transformed into fearsome weapons of power. Running into the night in a fit of black rage, he took down three muggers and stopped a bank robbery.

Over time, Jabari learned to harness his powers and black rage to his advantage. It has come in handy several times during a traffic stop, preventing him from being murdered by a trigger happy police officer. He’s also able to use his fearsome weapons to churn out baked goods no one else can reproduce and has become more famous than Julia Child and Gordon Ramsay.


So, how about that?! I’m sure you agree with me it’s confusing as all get out why the big three publishers won’t touch my creations. Let’s get a petition started. With the release of Captain Marvel, you’d think they’d be all over Pink Blackhole at least!

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How People are Finding my Entries Part 2 (s)(t)

So, quite some time ago I wrote about how people were finding my entires. Some of them were…frightening to say the least. Again, I love people finding my writings. Really, I do. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be writing. It’s just…for fuck’s sake, people. What is wrong with you?

Once again, here’s how people have been finding my site…lord have mercy…


kau injak, aku diam kau gauli, aku diam kau rampas, aku masih diam kau hancurkan sampai ulu hati, hanya ada geming tersisa when u destroy me, u kill yourself in the first place.
What the shit? I have no idea what the hell any of this is supposed to be. When I ran the search in Google, my writings didn’t even come up. It has to do with some scare tactic bullshit, worse than the Weather Channel, claiming video games are telling your children to kill themselves. They aren’t. I am, though.

how to be professional in mortal kombat
Nothing on my site is going to tell you how to actually do this. However, this makes sense because of my fake entry New Professional Mortal Kombat 9 Tournament Rules


it’s already valentine’s day and i dont know what to get myself yet

How about cyanide and a nice cold drink, you loser? Seriously, wtf? Now you’re supposed to get yourself something for Valentine’s Day? Please tell me this isn’t something actually happening!


strangle

No, really, that’s all they searched for and found me. I have no idea why…


sieg fuck

*blink blink* Uhm…okay, sure thing there, buddy. I went ten pages deep in the searches in Google and never came up with my site. I have no idea how deep I’m buried. I can only imagine this is some how in reference to my Psychology Is Junk Science article. That…or someone is REALLY into Nazi porn.


do guys like donkey punching?

Are they asking because they want to know if it’s something they should be used to, something to expect, or something they want to try? My mind is going a mile a minute trying to comprehend this one. I mean, the answer is YES to all of those, but I like to know the finer details such as, “Do you mind if it’s an all knuckles punch?”


how to fuck your employer

Usually just bringing it up in conversation works. You can always just start off slowly with a casual date and feel it out. If that doesn’t work, a brick to the back of the head works. If it’s a guy, the brick still works if you hit them hard enough to ensure an priapism.


redmist entj kickass

What? That illustrated novel and so-so movie? What?


red hair bitch backside

Just the backside? If so, then what does the red hair have to do with it? I know I’m on the internet and there are some really specific fetishes out there, but this one is oddly specific and not in a fun way. Just a…that’s boring kind of way.


sorry i only post about my daughter

…go on… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


ziggy grover gay fanfiction

Okay, so I wrote a few fake really bad fan fiction about Power Rangers, which I’m probably going to conclude with one more entry, but in no way was the Ziggy Grover character I had in the stories gay. Besides that, why the fuck? This person was looking for this unironically I guarantee it.


brittany blue preggo

Why?


xy.hot.4minat.videos

I’m not on the deep nor the dark web, you morons. Though, I seriously doubt whoever this was either heard about it and thought that’s how you type it in without using an onion router or…they’re just that far too stupid. I’m going with the latter, unfortunately.


how to tell your employer to fuck off and let me shit

Personally? I’d take them out to a nice lunch. You know, one with candles and Italian food. I’d stroke their hand, laugh at their jokes, and bring it up as part of a natural flow in the conversation. On the other hand, you could always just do it like you stated the search query.


fuckdoll faggot makeup

0_o


boss forcly fucking his employer

Again, you people have some really specific fetishes. I’m sure there’s plenty of clearnet porn out there with this. What it has to do with me? I don’t know exactly, though. Good lord…


hitler south park fags

This…this was something someone looked up in their spare time. I’m picturing this dumb ass sitting there expecting some great revelation only to find them saying things on the show and being so mad they masturbate to pictures of their own anus for hours.


love guru how to press a girl boobs when we meet

If I may? I’d start with “Hello”.


stop bullying, your giving a shit!

Is this like “taking the piss”, but far, far more stupid a phrase? That’s cultural appropriation, and that’s wrong. It’s not, but…whatever.


“wolfman” “douche nozzle”

Again, why is this a thing being looked for? I’m not even going to bother trying to find out where I fall in the search results. You can do it yourselves.


telepathic cat siggy creepypasta

How…why…I don’t even…


employer boss come at dinner to his employer and fucking to.is wifevidos

This can’t get any stranger…


soda show webcam????????????? no no no … not me :3 she sexy more than me :d

I can’t do this anymore…I’m fucking done…


Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go scrub my eyes and brain with Drain-O….fuck….

Don’t reply to my comments on other blogs (s)


Because I’m not going to respond. Morons.

When I leave a comment on another blog, I am not interested in what you have to say in response if you’re not the author. Hell, a lot of the time, I don’t even care what the author has to say in response. If I’m leaving you a comment in response to something you said, I don’t give a shit what you think about it.

Ironic? Only if you’re an idiot.

If you care what I say in response to you, then you lose and I win. Most of the time when I’m leaving you a message, it’s to point out what a dumb shit you are. If I’m agreeing with you, take it with a grain of salt and not as a trophy.

Honestly, why would I respond to you? All I do when I see the little icon lit up in the corner of my screen is click on it to clear it. I don’t read it. The one of the only times I read a response was when it was someone simply saying, “I’m blocking you!” Well, good for you. You approved my comment only to say you’re going to block me. Problem is, now everyone can see that post from both me and you. You come across as the dumb ass looking for attention.

Just because I don’t respond doesn’t mean you’ve won. I have at least ten cases in the past where I’ve seen the icon stating I have a comment, only to find out it’s someone constantly posting a “reply” asking why I’m not responding, and trying to claim victory. Just because I’m not arguing with an idiot doesn’t mean the idiot is winning. You aren’t winning, I am. Every time you post I get another point.

Thinking about responding to a comment I made on another blog on one of my entries? Well, I’m just going to delete it. Why? Because it’s out of place for the entry and I consider that spam. Continue to do so, and I’m going to block you on the principle of you posting spam in my blog and I’ll report you. You’re free to comment on the current content or even to other people in my entries, but that’s it. Otherwise, I could not care less what you have to say down there in the comments, especially if it’s entertaining.

Disabling comments in your blog means you’re a coward! (s)

You're a coward!
Anywhere between 80% to 89% of all blogs are just…just…terrible… People attempt to write for a perceived audience, even going as far as to refer to their readers under stupid names in relation to the blog itself such as “Lovelies / Potato Heads / Audibles / Demwits” just to name a few. Most of the writers also try to write as eloquently as possible, almost like they are trying to get discovered as a “gem of the Internet” by someone with influence in order to get a writing contract. Some writers use the Internet to have a journal where other people can read about their trivial no-one-will-miss-me-when-I’m-gone lives, which are usually, “interestingly” enough, liberal minded people.

Typical liberal dipshitThe latter is usually what I’m referring to in this bitching I’m going on. Why? Because when you go into most liberal blogs and/or whiny bitch blogs, hell, most political blogs, the comments are disabled. Honestly, the only reason I can come up with in the matter is because they’re cowards.

I don’t care what side of the political fence you’re on or for what reason you’re writing; If you have comments disabled in your blog then you’re a coward. Don’t try going on the false reasoning you write for yourself and not for anyone else. If that’s true, then why are your entries public? No, you want people, anyone besides yourself, to care. You know most people don’t, so by blocking them, you don’t have to face the fact you aren’t getting comments on your bullshit. By disabling comments you can pretend someone out there may care. After all, if no one is going to comment and you just disable it, then you can pretend it doesn’t matter when it really does.

As many of you know, I have claimed I don’t write for other people. Well, that’s true. I write in hopes that someone will be pleased with what I write, but guess what? Someone always is: Me. Hell, I “like” all of my entries…and why wouldn’t I? In addition to everything else, I don’t disable my comments and I don’t moderate my comments, save for spam. If you’re spamming, then of course I’ll delete comments. I don’t care if you don’t like what I say or even feel the need to hate me because you’re an idiot. Any and all comments given to me since I moved over to WordPress have been approved. Why? Because hate is usually more fun than praise. I know I’m good, so it’s entertaining to me when someone tries to claim otherwise. Let me not forge to mention it’s fun watching morons argue with morons over postings made in the comments section.

I'm the one in the middleSee, I’m not a coward. Nothing I put on here is something I haven’t or won’t say to people face to face. I’ve posted images of myself (the one on the right is of me and I’m in the middle) and people know I live in Colorado. I’m not stupid enough to post specifics due to identity theft. If you’re thinking the picture is “too small lolololooolololool!!!!111!”, then check around my writings and you’ll find bigger pictures, like in a joke entry about me having an identical twin. Also, yes, those are training guns, not active firearms. I only say this because I know too many people reading this will try and make a stupid comment about it.

If you’re writing for you, then make the entries private and stop this crap with disabling comments. Also, stop moderating the comments for things besides spam or off-topic posts. No one with a brain is being fooled if you have nothing but people agreeing with you. There’s always going to be at least one troll and/or at least one person who doesn’t agree with you. We all know just about no one cares about your life or writings. So knock it off. Make your entry private or enable your comments, coward!