Cars by Pixar is Stupid


Pixar has done well for themselves. Good for them. However, some of their movies just don’t make sense. I’m not talking about how the entire “play dead” mechanic in Toy Story could never work, or how I find it extremely unbelievable no one in the entire Monsters Inc universe didn’t realize laughing could provide so much power from 1313 until 2001. Even though there are quite a few worlds they have built which are just flat out broken, the one I’m going to focus on right now is Cars. I’m not going to recap the entire movie, but I will bring a few things up.

This movie…good lord. The premise itself just doesn’t work. Nothing about the world they made seems to make much sense. The catalyst of everything, Lightening McQueen (drawn above), gets separated from his vehicle hauler…okay, whoa, let me back up a bit because I literally just realized how dumb this is from right here because this ties into what I was going to bring up.

So, we have world populated by only vehicles. In this movie, it’s all motor vehicles, such as trucks, sedans, mini-vans, low-riders (racist stereotype being portrayed as Mexicans), and things like that. There is nothing in the world which explains how each vehicle ends up being the type of vehicle it is nor why. Are tow-trucks just born to be tow-trucks? Are mini-vans born to just be mini-vans? Are plows just born to be plows? Does what one of these things decide to do dictate what they look like…like Transformers??? Well, the answer is “Fuck you. Watch the movie and don’t ask questions.”

Lightening McQueen is a race car. He just is. He’s pretty much one of the best, but is getting cocky. There’s even a very strange and disturbing sexual skit early on in which two identical cars shine their headlamps at him. Yes, that’s right, two female cars literally flash our “hero”. He even reacts like he just saw boobies, too, and they giggle like teenagers, as it’s hinted that they are very young, and pretend to be embarrassed for all of a second.

The face says it allAnyway, our “hero” is preparing to get to his next race and drives into the rear end of his big-rig trailer. Remember, this is a world populated by nothing more than vehicles, so this is like Michael Phelps climbing into a backpack to be carried to his next swimming match by one of his assistants. I know this may seem like I’m stretching things a bit and reaching, but think about it…this isn’t the same as someone driving you. You don’t climb into or onto a person and have them move you to where you’re going under their own power. It’s exactly like pulling a small kid in a wagon or carrying an infant in a baby carrier that’s made of your own body parts or the body parts of other humans. Disturbing, right? I thought so, too.

This brings me back to where I was originally going to start. The movie pretty much kicks off once Lightening McQueen gets separated from the rig he was being transported in. He tries to catch up by driving extremely fast down the road, which gets the attention of a police car who chases him down to arrest him for speeding. I have a huge problem with this. Why is the police officer chasing him? Driving too fast? He’s a car…not a driver. This entire world is populated by vehicles, not people, and the vehicle is controlling itself. Just like the absurdity of crawling inside another being to get transported to someplace else (like a parasite, bacteria, or virus…), this is literally like the police chasing down Usain Bolt for being out on a run, or arresting people while jogging for exercise. Say what you will about the nature of police in America, but I’m just not seeing why this is even a thing in the universe of Cars.

Can you imagine being out on a morning 10K run for training and the next thing you know you’re getting your ass handed to you by the local police because you were moving too fast? That’s pretty much exactly what happens to our “hero” here. What fresh 1984 hell does Cars take place in?! It’s almost like Animal Farm, but stupid.

You're supposed to find this sexually appealing... Now let’s throw in my other problem with the movie, which is something I have an issue with in pretty much all movies, especially children’s movies: Romance Sub-Plot. Why, oh, god, why, is there a romance sub-plot? It’s a movie about sentient, sapient motor vehicles focused on a racer who is too cocky for his own good. Do we really need a sexualized vehicle for our “hero” to fawn all over? Does the target audience have the maturity range and experience to appreciate this nuance of the story? I’m pretty sure most of the target demographics still think boys/girls are gross and don’t even have the understanding their parents are a boy and a girl…they’re just “Mom” and “Dad” still.

Just like most other stories and movies with absolutely nothing else to motivate the main character or make anyone remotely likable, the entire point of this romantic sub-plot is to be motivation for the main character, Lightening McQueen and provide something for a female lead to do: Be pretty to drive the plot forward. After all, everyone knows a woman in these stories can’t be separate or provide a means forward in the story by herself, unless she’s the single focus character in her own story, and even then, she has to be so overwhelmed by the fact she’s even just living that we’re happy to see her reach mediocrity by anyone’s standards. Likewise, the main character in these types of stories simply cannot have the motivation for doing what he desires without doing it to provide a nice big ego boost and status symbol for the woman.

Wait…what? The movies Blade and Terminator 2 showed you don’t have to put this type of dynamic into a movie with strong female characters and one of them is the main focus character in the movie? Well, fuck my ass sideways on a Sunday while calling me Victoria! You’re right! It can be done!

Screw this movie and the world they built. The entire thing makes no sense and the only thing worse is Planes. Yes. That’s real.

Game Ranger 4 Interview (s) (t)

Captain R: The Game Ranger 4
Memories of a Lost Time
Interview

1. What is the story behind your latest creation?
Ron, who has been designated the Game Ranger, just made it back to the End of Time.  He’s moping around, refusing to do anything, especially after the events of Game Ranger 2 and 3.

However, he is forced into action by Janus and the wheels of his destiny begin to turn once again.

2. Who or what inspired you to begin your production?
As I always state, the original Captain N: The Game Master was the main influence behind the theme.The entire “Adventures of Ron” was started by my two friends and it grew from there.

The original “Adventures of Ron” were made in Swish using animated (loosely used) still images and exported to *.MOV files.  They were huge!  After learning how to use Flash, I offered to make an episode and, well…the rest is kind of history.

3. How long have you been working on it, and when do you expect to finish?
Game Ranger 4 has been worked on for about five months at this point.  Most of that hasn’t been animation, though.

There was a long writing process because the script changed around four or five times.  Ron was originally going to be in the Final Fantasy 6 world, then the Final Fantasy World with multiple characters from the different Final Fantasy games, just a Final Fantasy style world, and then finally we scraped that for the new story.

Then came the long audition process, which is actually still continuing.  There are a few characters which need actors.

As for when I expect it to be finished, that’s tough to say.  The actors we have are taking a while to get lines sent in and some of the less extravagant characters aren’t getting as many quality auditions.  So…when it’s done!

4. Do you feel that this is better than your previous work? If so, why?
This is far above and beyond anything I’ve produced thus far.  Having learned little tricks from all previous animations, this project is amazing.

I’m using a lot of the “advanced” sprite techniques in order to give a more professional look, I’m making custom sprite sequences, and I’m making my own backgrounds from composites of existing images, as well as animating them myself.

The entire feel of the animation is much tighter and the script is top notch.

5. Do you feel that this is something original? What have you done to make your creation different?
Again, obviously the premise isn’t completely original, but the way we go about it is.  I always wanted to parody Captain N in some way, and this was the best way to do it.

What sets this apart from other animations out there is that Captain R: The Game Ranger isn’t trying to be something it isn’t.  The series is about a lazy, balding, white trash racist guy who doesn’t even want to be there in the first place.  We don’t make it seem like Princess Willow is being held in Bowser’s castle, so you won’t be seeing Richter walking across a bridge, hitting an axe, and the bridge dropping out or anything like that.

We’re mixing and matching different video games together to make a vast, huge world in which Ron gets in to all kinds of trouble.  There’s no moral to the stories, at least not intentionally.


6. What has given you the most difficulty during the development process of your new creation?

That’s a good one, actually.  The biggest problem I’ve faced is getting the highest quality of actors with high quality microphones.  Many times I’d get a lot of excellent auditions with horrible audio or excellent audio with terrible auditions.

Then there’s the constant back and forth, mostly in a good way, with the other creator.  We’ll differ on something and have to come up with a happy medium.

Oh…and then there’s the whole “create custom sprites” when things aren’t available that I need.


7. Have you learned new techniques from making this, and do you plan to use them in the future?

I’m always learning something new when making these things.  Often times I’ll be working on another project and learn something new and go back to a different one to implement the techniques.

Thanks to the V-Cam, I can produce a lot of new effects, and in doing even that, I learn new techniques, such as “Add” in the “Blend” option of a movie clip.  Doing that provides a softer effect for the animation, much like you see in Street Fighter or the like.


8. Besides Flash, did you pull any other programs into the mix to deliver your desired effect?

I’m forever using other programs.  I’m using the following programs:

Fighter Maker
Sony Vegas Pro
Audicity
Firefox


9. How do you feel this creation will measure up to other submissions on Newgrounds.com?

This will smack the others out of the water, definitely.  That is, until Street Fighter vs Dragonball Z is released!


10. Any final thoughts or anything else you would like to say?

Be expecting something fun, hilarious, and a great ride.

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Posted 12/27/2010 at 5:39 PM on Xanga

Game Ranger 3 Interview (s)

Here’s the Newgrounds.com interview for you all!


1. What is the story behind your latest creation?

Sunrie:
At the end of the last Captain R: The Game Ranger, Ron was found in a trash bin by Sonic and Shadow.  The two heroes of the Sonic the Hedgehog series carried Ron into their world where they want him to fight Evil K.

Evil K has been given a lot of power by Broly to enslave worlds.  It’s now up to Ron, Sonic, and Shadow to defeat Evil K before he destroys their world.  Ron is really going to have to pull a win out of his butt!

Wyldfyre:
Actually, you basically just said everything I wanted to say *laughs a little*

2. Who or what inspired you to begin your production?

Wyldfyre:
Well a lot of inspiration went into this.  Of course, a lot of things from Captain N: The Game Master.  We’ve taken stuff….well, not really TAKEN stuff, we’ve used stuff we’ve seen from other Flash animations and kind of used the ideas to expand on what we have.

Sunrie:
Certainly some things we always found amazing were Alvin-Earthworm’s “Super Marios Bros Z” and Chrono Trigger: Unglued.  During the fight with Evil K, we’ve tried to implement some of the ideas Alvin-Earthworm has done in his series.

3. How long have you been working on it and when do you expect to finish?

Sunrie:
I’ll take this one *laughs*  We’ve been working on it for about two weeks at this point.  Wyldfyre and I have been passing the script back and forth until it was finalized.  After that, we held open auditions for various characters.  Evil K was the last character we placed.

Wyldfyre:
Pretty much, we’ll be done when we’re done!


4. We keep hearing the name Evil K.  Who is Evil K?  Is it Ken, Kefka, Kano…or a “K” we haven’t thought of?

Wyldfyre:
Well, you’re going to have to watch the next one and find out!  We’re not giving too much information out.  Even the voice actors really don’t know who Evil K is.  Basically, you’ll see him when you see him and it’s meant to be pretty funny.  Personally, when we first thought it up, I laughed!

Sunrie:
Yeah, you can’t expect us to give away the biggest secret!  I won’t even say, “Yes”, to the question, just to confuse people even more *laughs*

5. Oh, you guys tease way too much.  But, back on track, do you feel this is better than your previous work?  If so, why?

Sunrie:
I hate to say it’s better, because I oddly feel that means we weren’t good before!  *laughs a little*  I know what you mean, though, and so I’ll have to say, “Yes.”  The animation is going to run a lot more smoothly, the audio is going to be clearer, the pace is much quicker, and there’s a lot more action going on.

Additionally, we have more voice actors we’re working with.  We had nearly thirty people audition for five parts.  We weren’t expecting that, to be honest.  Well…at least I wasn’t.  We’re doing some things with the animation we hadn’t been able to do before because we couldn’t figure it out.  I’m actually really excited.

Wyldfyre:
One world:  Progression.  I think we’ve progressed in many ways: As voice actors, as producers, as animators.  In the long run, I think you’ll like it.

6. Obviously this is the third episode, but do you still feel this is something original?

Sunrie:
It’s original in the sense that it’s Captain R: The Game Ranger, and we’re not going to make it anything else.  You still have a cussing, balding, redneck of a hero.  We’re expanding on the idea and making things more professional, but it’s still going to be the same tried and true Captain R.

Wyldfyre:
Of course the original idea behind it isn’t original.  However, where we’re going with it is definitely original.  I think the way we put the characters together, the way we’re making them sound, and everything just flows together.  That’s the true originality behind this project.

7. There were some obvious questions left unanswered in the last episode.  Will these be explained?

Wyldfyre:
Yeah, some of them to an extent.  We can’t give you everything in just three episodes.  I think the original idea was to make this series three episodes long, but it’s progressed into something MUCH bigger.  Sunrie and myself would like to bring out the answers in the next few episodes after this, with a lot of hard work.

Sunrie:
The way we do things, however, is with a question answered, there will be at least one more “asked”.  We’ll be explaining about why Sonic kept teasing Shadow about finding the Chaos Emerald and why Shadow was having a hard time actually locating it.  Don’t forget you find out who Evil K is!


8. So more episodes?  Excellent!  Have you learned new techniques so far making this?

Sunrie:
Absolutely, even already.  I’ve done some animation tests and proof of concepts just to try things out, and doing just those, there were little things I learned how to do or how to do easier.

Wyldfyre:
Well, of course I’m learning music left and right.  I don’t know if I’ll be composing anything for this episode like I did for the remake of the original.  As far as techniques, yeah, Sunrie has been learning a lot of things and hopefully soon I’ll be able to help him.  We do our best, damn it! *laughs*

9. So I take it you use other programs in addition to Flash.  What ones do you use?

Wyldfyre:
Paintshop Pro, Vegas 6.0 Professional, Audicity, Voco Edit Pro, or whatever it’s called…  I think that’s all of them!

10. What has given you the most problems making this animation so far?

Sunrie:
Knock on wood, we haven’t had many.  Some of the problems came with the way I was importing the sprite sheets, but I know how to correct that.

The biggest problem I think we’ll run in to is keeping the file size down and both the length and quality high enough.

11. After it is all said and done, how do you think this will measure up to the other submissions on Newgrounds.com?

Wyldfyre:
Being that there’s only a billion, trillion, krachillion submissions on Newgrounds, it’s hard to say.  I think it will stand out in it’s own way.  Our fans, the ones who have watched from day one, will definitely stick with it.  I think that’s what will matter in the long run.

Sunrie:
The original, the remake, and the second episode were very well received.  I don’t see anything other than people finding this one even better and spreading the word about the series.  Captain R: The Game Ranger episodes continue to climb in score every day, so I’m sure it will do just fine.

12. Are there any final thoughts or anything else you’d like to say?

Sunrie:
Besides watch or die? *laughs*  This episode is going to showcase a lot of what has been learned and get people cheering, I think.  We’re not trying to be Super Mario Bros Z or anything like that.  We’re being Captain R: The Game Ranger with more spit shine and polish.  So, check it out, bitches!

Wyldfyre:
Yeah, watch the fucking movie!  If you haven’t seen the other episodes, go watch those.  Listen to my music, too.  It’s upon the Newgrounds.com Audio Portal.  Oh, and world peace is good….uh…yeah!

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Posted 7/18/2008 at 2:14 AM on Xanga.com

Inspired Justice 3 remake (s)

Decided to remake Inspired Justice 3, which I only placed on MySpace. I didn’t really like the original Inspired Justice 3, and it was more of an experiment than anything else.

The remake has a few of the scenes I used originally, but I’ve been adding, deleting, and changing things around like never before with these. No other Inspired Justice has had this much change done to it. I’m getting a lot faster at doing the syncing, too.

I don’t know when I’ll be done. So far there are nine scenes finished and I keep thinking of new ones, then other ones to replace those ones I just thought of, so who knows…

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Posted 6/17/2007 at 6:42 AM on Xanga

Another ramble post (s)

I have no idea why I haven’t written anything in a while.  It’s not like I haven’t wanted to, it’s just that I haven’t.  Between thinking about things for the police academy, finding resources for my next Phoenix Wrong: Inspired Justice animation, and trying to figure out how we want the next Game Ranger to go, I end up just playing video games to ignore life for a while…I love video games.

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Posted 6/12/2007 at 12:4 AM on Xanga

Game Ranger 2 released! (s)

After running away from an army of evil minions, Ron Keen uses a Mushroom Kingdom pipe in order to escape.

What new horrors will he face next? Who is friend and who is foe in these gaming worlds?

You’ll cheer, you’ll cry, and you’ll laugh so hard you might cum a little…I know I just did!

WATCH IT HERE!

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Posted 5/16/2007 at 8:13 PM on Xanga

Another GR2 Update (s)

Well, I want to be finished by this weekend. I’m finishing the last scene, doing the credits roll and then I’ll do the bonus scene. I can’t wait! Seriously, I’m getting sick of looking at it. This last scene is grating my nerves because I have to rewatch it so many times to make sure timing is correct, things are in the right spot, and nothing sounds off.

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Posted 5/11/2007 at 9:52 PM on Xanga