That ad can’t be serious, Ad Council!

Not too long ago I did an entry about an ad from NetZero telling people to switch back to dial-up in order to save money. I thought that was stupid enough, but no, the Ad Council has decided to insult our intelligence once again with a new campaign.

The Ad Council’s newest or at least most played recently campaign is the “online sex exploitation”.  Yeah…because, you know…that can actually happen without your involvement.  Here’s the transcript without my interruption:

*you hear a click*
That’s the sound of your classmate forwarding a picture from your profile to everyone he knows
*you hear a click*
Some guys posting graphic comments about your body and worst of all
*you hear a click*
Your DAD seeing a photo of you topless all because of
*you hear a click*
The time you posted those photos on your profile.  Anything you post online ANYONE can see: Family, friends, and even…not so friendly people.

What…the…hell?  Okay, I get it…they want to warn you about sharing naked photos online.  No, wait…are they warning underaged girls or legal aged girls, because…I’m a little confused here.  Now it’s time for me to destroy this line by line!

*you hear a click*
That’s the sound of your classmate forwarding a picture from your profile to everyone he knows
Maybe.  The dweebs from your classmate you’re still friends with who are guys aren’t getting any tail, so he’s going to share it with his other dweeb friends who can’t get any tail.

*you hear a click*
Some guys posting graphic comments about your body and worst of all
Who cares?  You posted the picture for people to see how “crazy and fun” you are.  If you didn’t want people to see it and have them think about you, then you wouldn’t have posted those images.  Don’t suddenly get all frigid and “scared” because men all around the world are spanking one out to you.  Obviously you think you’re attractive enough that someone wants to see it, and you want to prove you’re fun.

*you hear a click*
Your DAD seeing a photo of you topless all because of
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  So, basically, they’re saying your Dad is looking for pictures of hot jailbait ass or looking for hot young tail because his bitch of a wife isn’t putting out anymore.  Does anyone think this through?!  I mean, seriously.  Come on, they’re calling your father a pedophile or a pervert, or even yet, saying all men are looking for porn from profiles of social networking sites.

*you hear a click*
The time you posted those photos on your profile.  Anything you post online ANYONE can see: Family, friends, and even…not so friendly people.
Yes, you posted it on your profile, because you wanted people to see it.  Now, just because you post something online doesn’t mean just anyone can see it.  There are photos I have online that only specific friends can see, and even some that are locked out completely because I have them in a private folder, hidden as a read-only, and password locked once you manage to find it.  Think anyone is finding those?  Uh, no.  You also have settings that allow you to block specific groups from looking at your photos on those sites.  I know Facebook and MySpace sure as hell do.  Who gives a damn if “not so friendly people” can see them?  I’m not so friendly, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go out and stalk you.  I honestly am turned off by “I’m fun and crazy!!!!” women anyway.

Ad Council…grow up.  You started off providing a great service in World War II, but now you’re a bunch of unthinking retards.  Why did it take you so long to do a campaign to help Haiti?  What, so now that there was an earthquake we need to help Haiti?  Hell no!  Haiti has been a hell hole since it first existed.  Yes, the beginning of it’s time Haiti has been a breeding ground for poverty, crime, and terrorists.  Now that there’s an earthquake, you want to help people feel good about themselves by allowing them to throw money at the problem and then disappear again.  You’re pathetic.

The Ad Council needs to hire some people who actually think for a change.  Hell, hire me and I’ll give you great advertising campaign such as this:

Yes, it’s a huge problem with people going to see donkey shows in Mexico and we must stop it!  It’s unnatural and we shouldn’t be giving American dollars to Mexicans for something you can get for free on the Internet.

I’ll even provide this advertising campaign:

Yes, she’s lying when she says she’s on the pill.  Wrap your dick, two times, so there is no pleasure for you as punishment to the prostitute!
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Posted 1/20/2010 at 3:5 PM on Xanga

Who thinks of these ads?!

There are a ton of stupid ads out there in the world, but some of them are stupid because people find something idiotically offensive instead of when it actually is offensive. I’m not talking about offensive ads (Obama gave tax payer money to make this, by the way, which further shows what he thinks of all you who voted for him), though. No, I’m talking about an ad where the logic is so baffling that it made me want to slap my own grandma.

I first saw the ad in question during one of the rare occasions when I wasn’t out doing charity work (punching homeless people in the face to chase them out of the state, lighting fires in a neighbor’s trashcan to cut down on the bulk of waste going to the dump, making fun of children who can’t speak correctly…you know, the usual) and was watching television instead. Imagine my surprise to realize NetZero was not only still in business, but they had enough money to run a commercial! It was when Chairman and CEO Mark Goldston (I have no idea if he’s real or not, because there’s no message from him or anything like that on their website) came on and opened his mouth I knew that NetZero was actually desperate.

“Here’s a plan to save America’s broadband users $16 billion dollars a year AND $300 individually!” his voice over talks out while being further punctuated with an onscreen display of exactly what he’s saying. At that point I was thinking, “Huh…NetZero’s going with cheap broadband. Probably just going to be limited use like their dial up was at first.”

Oh, to my amusement, that is not what happened. No, instead, he suggests that people switch BACK to dial up! Yes, let’s all switch back to dial up because it’s SO much fun waiting twenty minutes for a three meg song to stream. I have QWest and I still wouldn’t go back to dial up.

What’s a further reason not to do this completely stupid move? Most people, if their computer is around two years old or newer, don’t even have a modem installed in their computer! When I first got my computer, of course it did…SIX YEARS AGO. Mind you, I’m talking about the first computer I bought, not the first computer I had. I’ve been on the Internet since 1996, idiot. After my first upgrade, I never had one installed again. Not to mention I now build my own personal gaming computers and would never, ever, ever take up space with a dinosaur like a 56Kb/s modem.

Like I said, I have no idea if Mark Goldston is a real person or just a gimmick like Flo (the Geico lizard is real, by the way, so screw you if you that’s where I was going), but he needs to be fired. Imagine a satellite company telling you that you could save money by not switching from cable over to their service, but back to basic channels. Or better yet, the local channels saying you could save on electricity by getting rid of your TV.

If you’re a stock holder (NZRO) then demand this man be fired. He’s an idiot and as such, is the reason you aren’t making any money.

Here’s the jest of what is going on here…NetZero is saying to pay them for the privilege of donkey punching yourself. You can’t blame NetZero for the donkey punching. No, you know what’s happening when you sign up for them, they aren’t trying to hide anything. After all, they are offering an inferior service just by saying the words dial up. You have only yourself to blame if you’re willing to switch over.

Now, if you don’t mind, it’s trash day and I have some fires to light. You know, to help the planet.

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Posted 1/6/2010 at 2:27 PM on Xanga