Character Diary #1
My name is Sunrie. That’s all you need to fucking know, you god damn mooks. That’s the name my associates know me as. That’s the name my “employers” know me as. That’s the name the cops call me.
I’m doing this diary thing on advisement from my friend, Wyldfyre. Yeah, just Wyldfyre, deal with it. We’re all in agreement of no real names. It’d be stupid to do that. So, even for this diary, I’m using Sunrie, just in case someone ever finds and reads it.
Los Santos is a really fucked up place, let me tell you. I’m finding lucrative employment, though, so it’s working out. Still, the down swing in the economy means even my employers aren’t paying as much as they used to for a quick job well done. So, I just sit around milking it. The longer I take, the harder they think I worked, so…whatever.
Sorry, I’m new to this diary thing, so I may be rambling on a bit. Fucking sue me, diary, I dare you! Well…anyway…
I guess for my diary entry, I should recap how I met my two friends. Kind of to give you a taste of what my life has become since moving here. Oh, boy has it become something interesting. Not always good, but interesting.
When I first moved here to Los Santos, I didn’t have any real friends. That is, until I met Wyldfyre. I had been here for two months before this strange fucker entered the picture. Now he’s my bestfriend and I’d take a bullet for him. Actually, I have on a few occasions, thanks to him catching the attention of the cops. He’s even responsible for me getting my first hooker. Granted, I killed the bitch and took the money he paid her for servicing me, but whatever.
Then there’s Maximus. Again, just Maximus, so deal with it. If Wyldfyre is strange, Maximus is fucking insane. I don’t just mean crazy, I mean fucking insane. He’s a wildcard, period. Tell him to do something, and he may just ignore it and turn everything to shit on purpose.
For instance, Wyldfyre and I were showing Maximus around town since he had just arrived. Maximus was strapped for cash and the best way to get it is to steal it. Since the armored cars around the area were running dry, we decided to hit up a little road side store off the highway. Normally we go in, scare the clerk out of all his money, and then run away in a chopper we stole. Yeah, it is kind of strange no one thinks anything of three guys in a helicopter landing outside of a liquor store wearing masks, but…whatever…as I said, this place is fucked up. So I tell Maximus our plan: Go in, scream at the clerk while waving guns, then escape for fun and profit. He assures me he understands. Hell, even Wyldfyre believed him. We didn’t want any bloodshed, because the cops in Los Santos are fucking vicious assholes. The punishment for bumping into someone? Shot to death. The punishment for clipping their car? Shot to death. Every crime in this state is a god damn death sentence! The last thing we wanted was to have a bunch of cops chasing us in the helicopters. With everyone saying they were ready, I walked in totally casual. I asked the clerk how his day was going and then sprung my attack! The clerk put his hands in the air, telling me he was doing it as fast as he could, but I knew he was lying! Wyldfyre started screaming to do it faster when we heard a loud gun shot come from behind us. The clerk slammed against the wall in a bloody mess while Maximus just laughed. God damn that psycho! We didn’t even have the money yet, so I had to jump behind the counter and empty the register. The entire time I was doing this, Wyldfyre started laughing at whatever Maximus was saying, but I was too pissed off to listen. I screamed for everyone to get to the chopper as the cops were closing in. Jumping into the pilot seat, I started the engine and began the take off procedures when I heard Wyldfyre ask, “Uh, Max? What are you doi….OH GOD TAKE OFF!!!!” Not asking questions, I slammed the chopper into full power and began my ascent. Looking backward, I could see a grenade roll towards the gas pumps at the perfect moments the cops were rolling up. “I AM A VATO, BITCHES!” Maximus screamed. I can’t blame him for the shout out…we were the Vato Loco Gang, after all.
Thanks to my awesome chopper skills, I avoided the debris flying through the air, along with several cop bodies. If they weren’t pissed off before,t hey were now! I would say, on a scale of zero to five, with five being the most pissed off, they were a four. Making sure the throttle was cranked as high as it could go, I pushed forward on the stick to get our ass out of there. Suddenly, a bright spot light all but blinded me as the police helicopters circled in. Two of them! This wasn’t going to be easy, but with my skills, I knew I had a good chance to out fly them.
I told everyone to hang on as I was going to try some serious shit to get away. That’s when I heard gun fire coming from the back of the chopper. Yeah, Maximus was shooting at the cops with a god damn pistol as they chased us in a helicopter! It’s like he just wanted to get us put into the hospital. That shit is more expensive than the money we just took, plus we’d lose all the money we just got if we did! Wyldfyre’s laughing his ass off, which caused me to start laughing my ass off as we dove beneath bridges, hard cut around buildings and were trying to get away. Of course, every gun shot from Maximus let them know where we were, so it wasn’t going so well. To make matters worse, I noticed the engine was smoking like crazy. The helicopter was shaking like a baby in the hands of a British nanny and the alarms were going off. “Shit, shit, shit!” I screamed out to them, “Hold on! We’re going down, buddy!” Sure enough, the engine quickly cut power as we rounded a building, dropping us like a rock. By the hand of God or Buddha, the helicopter lifted up once more as we neared Vinewood Hills. Managing to put the chopper down, I screamed for everyone to run separate directions to distract the cops. Wyldyfre took off and so did I, but what did Maximus do? He followed me, randomly shooting pedestrians and cops alike! Okay, I thought that WAS pretty funny and it did give us a chance to steal a cop car.
I told Maximus I would drive since he drove like shit, and we began our get away. They damn cops were on us like stink on diarrhea. Every time I’d think we’d broken their sight of us, either Maximus would kill someone or the choppers would find us. Deciding there was nothing I could do about Maximus, I began to run people over for fun in the cop car. Wyldfyre, in touch with us through our headsets, kept screaming how the cops were on his ass, and his car was taking a harder pounding than a porn star. His words, not mine. Seeing a possibility for escape, I jumped the car into one of the many underground tunnels and begged Maximus to just stay quiet. Thank god he did because we lost the cops. The next thing I know, I hear Wyldfyre begging for help because he could only drive in reverse due to the damage on his car. I began to make my way out to him, but…I kind of got the car stuck in the tunnel. Just…don’t ask…it was wet, slippery and…well…it got stuck.
Maxiums told me to hang on and he’d help out. His idea of help? He stole a car and proceeded to try ramming me out of the ditch. Did it work? Well, if his intention was to get another car stuck, then yes. Getting out of the car and trying to figure out what to do next, Wyldfyre’s voice crackled over the headset like a madman. He was laughing his ass off how he just outran the cops, who were like a four out of five pissed off, in reverse with nothing more than a pistol and that fucked up car! Yeah, I don’t know how he did it, either! We are talking about the guy who would later shoot a chopper out of the sky with a pistol and another time with a musket so…whatever.
I split up our take and Maximus, the unbelievable psycho he is, wanted to hit another store. So…of course we did. After I stole another chopper, though.
So, there you go, diary, my first entry. I’ll write more in you from time to time as things happen.
Just check out these reviews for Sunrie’s WordPress site:
“He’s…maybe not a racist!” – User13277
“WTF?!” – Wyldfyre
“Seriously? Why do you write this? I mean, really? That picture, too? Did you really need that, babe? That’s disgusting…No. No! God damn it, stop typing what I’m saying!” – Sunrie’s Wife
“Your father and I did our best.” – Sunrie’s Mother
If those aren’t endorsements, I don’t know what is!