July 18th, 2020
I have been deployed to the US base in the south China region known as Hainan Resort. While of course I was aware of the fierce battles going on in the region, a part of me was looking forward to the constant sunshine. Having a base located in a luxury hotel was going to be a nice change of pace from the muddy BIVOUAC sites I was uncomfortably getting used to.
Upon my arrival to Hainan I was introduced to the current ranking team leader, who insisted I call him by his nickname, JimmyJamJamWow123. I was obviously taken back by the strange nickname and refusal acknowledgment of his true name, but whatever…these men have seen hell and I was not going to demoralize them anymore than they already were. The damnedest thing, though, was when I inquired about their previous commander. He and the other men he introduced me to would break into hysterical laughter, but upon realizing I was serious, go immediately quiet and change the subject. Well…whatever…
July 24th, 2020
During my routine walks amongst the troops I noticed a sudden realization I hadn’t seen most of them. Thinking they were slacking off somewhere, I searched frantically for them, but could not locate the missing ones. I knew they were around, since they showed up for every scheduled chow and first inspection. Since I was still new around this base, I didn’t press the matter too much, as everything seemed to be getting done.
July 25th, 2020
Today was the first time the enemy attacked us since I arrived! The battle was intense and they rushed us with everything they had. Once again, I was at a loss as to where many of the men were, as the hotel was constantly being overrun, and only a handful of soldiers would appear to defend our base! I was beyond angry as to what I found out what was happening.
I repeatedly issued order after order for air support….oh and I got it…kind of. The jet pilots locked into fierce dog fights, at insanely low altitudes, with the enemy. Insanely low isn’t even the term for it. Remember the scene in Top Gun where they buzzed the tower? Yeah, imagine being on the third floor of a damn hotel room and seeing a fucking formation of jets go screaming past the windows with full guns and missiles firing!!! We lost more fighter pilots to palm trees that day than to enemy fire!
Where were the choppers? …sigh… For some reason, any one is allowed to fly these things! Half of the helicopters were lost in the first five minutes of fighting, and about an eighth of our soldiers, because of some idiot jumping into a chopper, going as fast and high as possible, then bailing out to hang out on the roof! I watched as Blackhawk after Blackhawk raced to the roof of the hotel, full of people, and the pilot would just…he’d…OH GOD!
August 3rd, 2020
I am up to six lunch beers and thinking of opening a seventh. I…I don’t know how much more I can take. We’re down to one jet and one chopper. JimmyJamJamWow123 and Prokinshires (not his real name) keep assuring me I’m doing a good job, so I just keep promoting them…I mean fuck it, right? Why not…I am the commander after all and their squads are getting the best results.
August 6th, 2020
A small victory, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!!!!!!!!! I am near bald, and I am drinking fifteen beers a meal, but I AM THE WIZARD KING!!!!!! Using the last helicopter and the last jet, my men rushed to the top of the hotel as we were being attacked and stayed up there! They all picked up sniper rifles and went to town! Sure I lost more than sixty percent of them to a sweeping fire of hell from a chopper, but they managed to hold the enemy back!
As they rushed to the roof, all holding a sniper rifle, I gave them the thumbs up. Perching themselves against the railing, I heard their ultimate battle cry, “MAKE IT RAIN, YOU SOB’S!!!!!!!!” Then, like a mixture of thunder and those little monster snap things wrapped in tissue paper, they repeatedly began to fire their DMR’s and straight pull sniper rifles. CARNAGE!! CAAAAAARNAGE!!!! I feel sorry for that one, poor, dear ammo totting soldier supporting them. He died of a heart attack an hour into the battle just running back and forth giving them ammo. I also had no idea one medic could resurrect over one hundred people in fifteen minutes with just one defibrillator! I will miss that kid…he was good.
August 7th, 2020
As we cleaned up the bodies of the fallen enemy off our door steps, some of the soldiers began to pull their pants down and repeatedly squat, putting their genitals against the mouth of the dead enemy, while shouting racist slurs. Freaking hilarious…another beer…and this heroin is AWESOME!
September 1st, 2020
They’re coming to take me away, hehee, the men in their little white jackets, HEHHOOOOO!!!!!