What happened to Malaysia Flight 370 solved!


It’s been some time since the Malaysian Flight 370 went dark. There had been all kinds of conspiracy theories running wild, but now, finally now, we know what happened. It wasn’t easy to get the info with all the cover ups and incompetency going on, but we now know the truth. Still, the truth is hard to accept and follow. Everything now has changed, and the world will never be the same.

We do well to remember the words of the fictional, and yet influential, character known as Sherlock Holmes: “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” Everyone does well keeping that in mind with the mystery now being solved.

As crazy as it may seem, Malaysia Flight 370 encountered not one, but two problems leading up to their final, tragic, fate. From the start, two passengers used fake passports in hopes of hijacking the plane to use in a future terror plot. The plan was to steal the plane, under funding of a Chinese (not Islamic) terrorist group, land the plane in one of the many old Cambodian airports no longer in use, kill all the passengers except the 20 employees of the company Freescale Semiconductor, and then use the technology those employees have been developing to cloak the plane to detonate a nuclear bomb above the United States.

Then there’s the issue with the plane turning into a random direction. The lead pilot, Capt. Zaharie Ahmad Shah, and first officer (co-pilot), Fariq Ab Hamid, were heading to their flight ceiling when a problem arose with the aircraft, before the two terrorists could activate their plan. A small hole in the plane caused a dramatic loss of cabin pressure, resulting in hypoxia with everyone on board. The passengers began to pass out, unable to answer their cell phones, and drastic measures needed to be taken. With severe hypoxia rapidly setting in, the Fariq Ab Hamid, tried to contact anyone he could, but began to mumble incoherently, except for the fated, “Alright, roger that.” Fariq Ab Hamid was attempting to turn the plane around, when he, too, passed out.

Then All Hell Broke Loose
This is where things get weird, however, so brace yourselves. Even I, the respected and never joking journalist that I am, find things…hard to swallow. Like a first day Malaysian prostitute with an NBA star.

Turns out, the employees of Freescale Semiconductor hooked up the airliner as a live test for their military contract for their cloaking technology caused the small hole in the plane when it overloaded. This also resulted in the transponders to be corrupted and shut down, meaning no one could track the plane any longer. The strangest part of all of this comes from the report of the technology going critical and forming a small black hole in which the plane was now headed.

I think the hardest for us to follow in all of this, is the resulting contact with extraterrestrials. Hollywood normally portrays contact with interstellar beings as hostile, but such a thing is from our own prejudices. These alien visitors, sensing the airliner’s distress, showed up and wrapped the ship in a sub-space warp field, allowing it to pass unharmed through the even horizon. Like all black holes, it is a two way street, or wormhole, allowing travel over vast distances.

Reports are every passenger is safe, living in the Xentaris (Zin Tear Ees) system (the extraterrestrials’ name for their home system), but cannot return. The energy required to return them to our solar system is even beyond the ability of the Xentarians. Messages from the Xentarian leaders claim they are willing to house our citizens as their own and look forward to a day in which our cultures can exchange spices in person.

Families of the lost are still disheartened, knowing they will never see their loved ones again, but they do find comfort in knowing they are safe.

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10 thoughts on “What happened to Malaysia Flight 370 solved!

  1. The freescale employees had a patent they did not carry the technology with them. That was purely in the hands of the Freescale company in America. The part about the two terrorists is an interesting approach but falls short in the whole scheme of things and had nothing to do with the “hole” that you mentioned in the plane that caused everything to go to hell. It’s obsolete and without basis (or very little to say). And Sherlock Holmes once said that people twist facts to match theories and not the other way around which I think you did with this story and the aliens….

    • A wise, real man once said, “If someone thinks a comedic entry is real, you’ve won, and that person is a fucking idiot.” Spoiler alert: The wise man is me.

      • No, all you’ve really done is add on to the consensus in which sarcasm doesn’t work on the internet. And my apologies, I thought you were the fucking idiot.

      • No, it proves you have no sense of humour because nobody laughed, only at the stupidity you were shining yourself out with. And how does that prove that i’m a dipshit if your comedy fails? There are plenty of crazy conspiracists on the internet, and i’m sorry but there’s no way of separating them and you. You’re just another idiot to everybody else, good job but you lose.

      • Oh, really? No one laughed? So I guess you know that for a 100% scientifically fact. Or, are you still just talking out of your ass? Yeah…we know the answer to that.

        I do like how you try to pass off your personal opinion as fact, though. You’re almost entertaining.

        The simple fact you can’t figure out this entry from actual crazy conspiracy sights shows you’re a dipshit. I mean…come on, one of the many tags is “hoax” and another is “comedy”. Hell, “creepypasta” is even in there. Would it help if I added a bunch of “club penguin” shit or charged you real money for non-tangible items on my page?

        Thanks for coming back for the abuse, though. Playing with poodles is fun.

        I suggest my Guide to Trolling. Did wonders for Justin Bieber.

  2. Its people that believe EVERYTHING that proves how ignorant people are. I wonder if i posted that the crash was a crack in time and space and the plane ended up in the Bermuda triangle he would believe it. Saaad. hahahahah and then wants to FIIIGHT about it on the internet. C’mon buddy…C’monnn… LOL

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