Redbox, the insanely popular movie rental service, has noticed a trend they are not happy with and wants it to stop. Said trend is people putting sticky notes with messages into the movie boxes when returned. These notes have been ranging from quick movie reviews to very lewd messages. Predictably, Redbox has confiscated some of these messages and gave a few examples of them. Here’s a longer list of things found in Redbox movie cases:
Movie: A River Runs Through It
Message: I rented this while contagious
Movie: Disney’s Frost
Message: The stains on this DVD are not from a spilled Pepsi!
Movie: What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Message: It was not what I expected when I expected it…
Movie: Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Message: They spend so long making the porno, there isn’t enough time to actually show the porno they made! This is a total god damn rip off. Just return it immediately and get your dollar back!
Movie: Total Recall
Message: If people watched this masterpiece, there would be no wars
Movie: Thor: The Dark World
Message: Look, I’m not racist, but when it says “The Dark World” and only has one black person in the entire movie, I get upset. Yes, I’m black. Wanna fight about it?
Movie: Enders Game
Message: Your mother can change the world
Message: This was so good I punched my cat in the face!
Movie: The Butler
Message: Laurence Fishburn is one awesome house
nigger African American
Movie: Despicable Me 2
Message: Turns out people CAN pick up things with their butt cheeks!
Movie: You’re Next
Message: The title is a warning…I am everywhere
Movie: Kick Ass 2
Message: Full frontal at 31m:42s! I think she’s still under age so it’s child porn, though…
Movie: Insidious Chapter 2
Message:Keep your religious force feeding out of Redbox!
Message: If you think this is a documentary about the current unemployment crises, you’ll be disappointed. However, it was neat to see an actual snuff film in Redbox. Watching Steve Jobs, someone no one has heard of, slowly die of cancer is a film tour-de-force!
Message: Turns out I can carry 29 of these without using my hands
Movie: Pacific Rim
Message: Those brown markings aren’t from Hersey’s bars!
Movie: The Purge
Message: I like turtles…I mean…REALLY like turtles
Movie: Barbie and Her Sisters In A Pony Tale
Message: Sorry…I was really high when I rented this, so my tongue left a lot of streaks on the underside of the DVD. My bad, my bad
Movie: Girl Most Likely
Message: Honestly, I still have my doubts…
Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin (Unrated)
Message: Save your soul. Buy bonds!
Movie: The Black Dhalia
Message: Where can I get hetero-genized milk so I don’t turn gay?
Movie: After Earth
Message: About two years ago I met this woman. She was amazing: Big boobs, toned ass, hour glass body, perfect lips, shining eyes, flowing hair, exceptional personality, great sense of humor. We hit it off pretty well and started dating exclusively shortly after. Things went well up until a week ago. When I came home, I found her in bed with my next door neighbor’s teenaged son. Yeah, I freaked out. I lost my cool and screamed all over the place. I mean, how could she? She won’t let me bang their teenage daughter, only my neighbor’s wife! How stupid is that? Anyway, now that I have gotten that off of my chest, and their son off of my wife’s, my words of advice are this: Never smoke in a firework factory.
Maybe I should start leaving notes, too? What am I saying? I have Netflix. Fuck you, Redbox!