Ah yes, February 14th, better known as Valentine’s Day. At least, it’s better known to all those annoying women out there who are looking forward to getting more shit they don’t deserve, but not so much for us guys. There are a multitude of reasons why men simply hate this Hallmark holiday. The only reason men go through the motions of this moronic day is to get pussy around their dick. Yes, we only do it for sex.
First of all, when it comes to Valentine’s Day, men don’t like crap. Teddy bears, chocolate, romantic movies, flowers, expensive dinners, talking: You know, crap! None of these things were invented with a man in mind. Sure, every so often some queer will go along with you women to a romantic movie because they want to, but don’t get that confused with men going to see romantic movies.
While I’m talking about crap that are given as gifts on V-Day, this is another area men get screwed on, and not in the good way. We see it up to a week before Valentine’s: Some poor pussy whipped bitch of a man is running ragged trying to find that perfect gift for his unappreciative woman. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a very small few of you chicks out there that actually don’t freak when a man doesn’t give you any thing except for a small box of candy hearts. I’m not talking to you.
Valentine’s Day is NOT supposed to be a quest for the perfect present. Yet, we always see the aforementioned guy having a hernia in fear that his gift isn’t going to get him poontang, so he buys three times the amount of gifts he should have. Sometimes, the ungrateful bitch STILL won’t put out!!!! The only thing you should expect is a smile and a “Happy Valentine’s Day!” when we see you. Just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean you are entitled to anything because of that fact.
As I’ve been saying, it’s a Hallmark holiday. That means it’s basically made up so certain people can make more money. Now, I’m all for businesses making money, but I’m not all for creating a holiday to do it. I’m not going to insist on a “Advertising Production Artists Day” in order to force people to give me more money. Like Hallmark hasn’t cornered the market enough as it is! There are cards ranging from “Get Well Soon” to “Commit Suicide, You Lazy Fuck”.
Hmm…I’m on the subject of Hallmark, who makes cards, and Valentine’s Day at the same time. Good time to bring up a damn good point when it comes to cards. Don’t expect us to write anything else in the fucking card nor get pissed when we don’t! There is already writing on the inside of the card, so there is no point in writing anything else. I’m not paying $5.95 for Hallmark to write what I was thinking or want you to believe what I was thinking, just so that I have to actually write something more in the damn card! If I wanted you to know what the hell I was thinking, I would tell you. Men don’t talk about their feelings, so Hallmark does it for us!
Come on, do women REALLY need a special day just for them? Of course not. This further places the idea in their head that they deserve something just for being women! The only thing they really deserve is to be at the end of your penis, and they should be damn happy to be there since you were even willing to talk to her.
Now, there are certain instances when Valentine’s Day an be good. Actually, only one, really…and that’s if the chick’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day. I know what you’re thinking guys, “But doesn’t that complicate matters even more?!” HELL NO! This is great! With minimal effort, both issues are dealt with at once. Not only are you giving her birthday presents, you’re also giving her V-Day presents. This makes you seem sweet when you’re still being a huge asshole to keep her self esteem down!
V-Day is the time to get your balls relieved, guys, because there are so many desperate and lonely women out there. Look, no one is saying that you have to hold their hand in the mall nor marry them, so it really doesn’t matter if she’s a 5 or a 6. This is a one time bang, or you can keep her around for later booty calls. Remember, you’re not looking for a relationship, now are you? Oh, fuck no. Besides, Valentine’s Day is the worst time to look for one anyway, since the women are desperate and usually turn very pyscho because of it.
There are only three things you need to remember. These are the three “F’s” of dating: Find them, Feed them, Fuck them. That’s it. Oh, and make sure you either do it at a willing buddy’s house or her place. You don’t want to let her know where you live. Also, keep it under $40 for the night. No reason to spend all that money on some cheap whore you picked up to just screw and/or keep around for booty calls. If she thinks you’re willing to spend money, she’ll hang around expecting you to spend it all on her. Don’t let her.
Well, there it is, out in the open, the truth about Valentine’s Day and why men hate it. If a guy gets you anything, ladies, you best at least suck his dick. Lord knows he did it just because he felt the responsibility to, and this means you now have a responsibility of your own!
Oiriginally posted 05/04/2006 by me on OpenDiary-“Ramblings of the Sunrie”