Mancation…STOP THIS!

For the love of god, stop this “mancation” bullshit. Just because you’re male and going on a vacation, it does not mean you’re on a fucking mancation. You know…just stop combining words, you morons. You aren’t creative, you aren’t smart, and you aren’t being original. Unless it’s something like the unholy offspring of a coyote and an owl, there is no reason to make two words a smoosh into one.

From here on out, every time I hear someone use the term “mancation” I am going to take a huge dump on a newborn puppy and light a baby on fire. Yes, both, not just one, but both. If the person is close enough to me, I am first going to gut them and dump their body in an allyway. It’s going to be so frightening, the new guys will be puking their brains out while the detectives will hug every single child they meet from that day on, just to remind themselves things aren’t as bad as they think it is.

“What do you think happened here, man?”

“Well, his stomach has been ripped out and his tongue was pulled down from his throat, out the hole, and then shoved up his ass. The penis has been cut off, a stick making it erect, and shoved up his throat to make it look like a tongue. The eyeballs have been removed and glued to his head…”

“Best guess?”

“Yep, this dumbass used the term ‘mancation’. He got what he deserved. Justifiable homicide. No arrests are going to be needed. Let’s go get a pizza.”

That is how common it’ll become if you idiots keep using these moronic terms. Cops are going to take one look at the brutality and just not be affected by it anymore should this term become a household term. I will never be prosecuted even this day in age. I’ll just tell me, “Mancation was used!” and they’ll give me a fucking parade.

A mancation isn’t a bunch of guys going out on vacation. A mancation isn’t taking a trip to see family. A mancation isn’t going on a small trip with you buddies. A real mancation is doing something manly. Here’s a small example of what would should and shouldn’t be referenced as a fucking “mancation”.

Climb Mt. Everest with just a few guidesMANLY!
That would be a mancation. Climbing a 24K’ peak with no friends and just a few guides to make sure your dead body comes down the mountain is manly and can be considered a mancation. Hiking around a state park like Mt. Shasta is not a the same thing.

Deep sea dive into a newly discovered shipwreckMANLY!
Yes! This is MANLY! Extra bonus points for diving into a wreck thought lost hundreds of years ago and you helped to recently discovery it. This would be a mancation. However, if you’re doing it for a job, then it’s not a mancation.

Touring rose gardensBITCH STATUS!
This is NOT a mancation! I don’t give a damn if the gardens have taken months to grow into elaborate designs. There is nothing manly about flowers, unless you’re burning down a botanical garden.

Bull fight trainingMANLY!
Sure, if it’s not your job and you’re spending a few weeks learning how to become a bull fighter for no reason other than interest. Again, if it’s your job, it’s not a mancation. If it’s just one of your stops, it’s not a mancation…unless the vacation stops detail other things such as the next thing…

Sex tourMANLY!
Yep, this is manly and is therefore considered a mancation. If you’re a woman doing this, then it’s a slutcation, which isn’t quite the same thing.

Vegas trip with “the boys”NOT MANLY!*
Just going to Las Vegas with your friends to drink, do drugs, and gamble is not manly. Everyone does it.

*Now, if you’re going to Las Vegas with the plan of killing a hooker or two or three, knocking up every stripper in two strip clubs, locking a tiny Asian in a car trunk only to leave him in the desert to die, all the while firing off fully automatic firearms over a residential neighborhood…now that would be manly and classifiable as a mancation.

Going huntingNOT MANLY ENOUGH!
Going hunting isn’t a mancation…it’s just a camping trip with guns and killing an animal. That’s not manly enough to be a mancation. Plenty of men do it and women, too. If you’re going lion hunting with only a knife…well, that’s mancation worthy.

Road trip from anywhere to anywhereNOT MANLY!
No, taking a road trip, even by motorcycle, is not a mancation! You’re just driving or riding your motorcycle. Big fucking deal.

Horse back trip from one state to the next without using main roadsMANLY!
Traveling on horseback from one state to another, and maybe even more, is manly. Dealing with the constant butt rash alone is enough to classify this as manly. If you’re doing this as part of a job or some bullshit dude ranch tour, then it’s not a mancation. It’s also not a mancation if you have a ton of store bought mixes. No, you must get your supplies together and go way off the populated paths and stay off of them until you reach your destination.

Just because you call something a mancation doesn’t make it a mancation. Matter of fact, if you call something a mancation, you instantly make it a bitchcation. Period.
I could go on, but my head hurts and I need to skin a newborn.

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