Life…sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and sometimes it needs to be hacked! We hack everything from bank accounts to PS3’s, so why not our own life? Whether its trying to untangle a mess of cables or getting out of paying child support, you can be sure there’s a life hack for it.
Unlike electronics, though, life hacks are more about thinking outside of the box rather than creating a script…though that may be part of a life hack. A script, I mean. You might need a script for life hacking a meeting with your boss. See? That’s outside the box a bit right there!
While there are nearly countless amounts of other sights on the Internet claiming to have incredible life hacks, with these proven methods from the respected How To Guide guru Sunrie, you are assured quality. You’ll also get a quantity of them. Also, unlike other sides, this guide is provided to you free of charge! Yes, that’s right, this incredible Sunrie How To Guide is completely free just like many others.
Listed below are 14 high quality life hacks for you to enjoy.
1. Perfect Garage Parking
Are you always just a little unsure of where you are when you pull into the garage because of the length of your car? Simply hang a tennis ball from the ceiling in the perfect place for it to rest gently against your windshield. This will ensure you are always far enough forward without going too far!
2. Holistic Heartburn Remedy
Have stubborn heartburn which won’t go away? Have high blood pressure and don’t want to take the store bought artificial crap? Need relief right away? Well, a cup of peppermint tea (hot or cold) will clear it right up! When has tea ever done you wrong?
3. Increased Audio from Integrated Computer Speakers
Are your computer speakers too quiet? Do you just want to hear it from further away? Well, take a plastic cup and cut it in half down the length of it. Place the two halves face down on your speakers for instant amplification!
4. Whiter Teeth for Cheaper
Want to have the benefit of expensive teeth whitening systems, but don’t want to shell out the crazy amounts of cash for them? Just add a dash of baking soda in.
Want to up it to the next level and have ballin’ white teeth like all the stars in Hollywood? Well, simply mix bleach with your dollar store toothpaste. Bleach works wonders with clothing and even more for your yellowed teeth!
5. Take Burns Over Stains on Motel/Hotel Matresses
I don’t think I really need to elaborate here…it’s kind of common sense. When you have a choice of a bed with a burn or a stain when you’re in a motel/hotel, always take the one with a burn. After all, you know what made the burn.
6. Sanitary Napkins are Versatile
Go ahead and ask any person riding a Harley-Davidson with saddle bags if they have maxi-pads in there. No, really, go ahead and ask. Almost every biker carries these for heavy road rash injuries.
In addition to that, they make great sticky notes for either home or vehicle use. Out of paper and someone parked like an idiot, and you just have to let them know? Write on the back of one and slam it on their windshield for a note which is guaranteed to not be blown away in the wind and will even increase the size of your writing if it gets wet!
Don’t have a note board or told someone “a million times” to do something? Writing the message on one of these puppies and stick it to the fridge or their door to get the message across you are fucking god damn serious about whatever it is you’re “on the rag” about!!!!!!!!
7. Covert Curtain Rods
Most curtain rods are hollow and the end caps can be removed. Kids, this is a great place to hide drugs or other illegal items from your parents! Even blinds will work, since the bar at the top usually has a cavity pointed up toward the top of the window out of view.
8. Forging a Signature with Ease
Do you need to forge someone’s signature? Do you want to make it seem like your boss authorized a pay raise or issued you a check? Do you need to make it seem like your parents signed something? Just want to fake a signature to make it seem like a real autograph?
Simply rub the back of the paper with a real signature already on it with pencil. Then, place the signature down where you need it and trace over the original signature. BAM! It’s now transferred in pencil where you can then trace over it once again in pen to make it permanent! Once the ink has dried, you can erase the pencil. Great for getting out of visiting your sick mother in the hospital.
9. Great Looking Abs For Wookies
Great looking abs are hard to get for anyone, but wookies have it particularly rough. With hair covering anywhere between 75% to 99% of their body, even with hard work, diet, and exercise their abs just don’t show through.
So, why bother exercising at all? Simply mark out the correct pattern in hair and take an electric razor to shave it down to skin. Instant Mike Chang’s Six Pack Abs without the work!
Remember: Physical attraction is all an illusion anyway. Drink the beer, eat the fat, and smoke those cigarettes. YOLO!
10. Battery Saving on Smart Phones
This works with any smart phone on any carrier. No, it doesn’t matter if you have an iOS, Android, or Windows based phone. It’s really simple: Put the fucking thing down for ten fucking minutes!
Not only does this tip help the battery last longer, you’re also not being a total asshole to the person or people you’re with because you’re giving them real attention! It’s a two-fer!
11. Lose Weight While Watching TV and Save Money
First, get rid of your 275 channel subscription service. You’re probably only watching four of the channels, at the most, and you’ll be saving an average of $65 a month! Since you will only have a few channels to chose from now, there won’t be any fighting over what to watch. It’ll shut your children the hell up as well as long as you beat them.
Trust me…when you have a limited amount of choice over what to watch and your children are screaming about it, you’re going to take your anger out on something or someone. Your wife can do things for you your children can’t…at least they shouldn’t be doing it! If you need help, you can always solicit my help. Click this sentence for more information (opens in a new window).
Next, get rid of your remote. Now every time you need to adjust the volume or change the channel you will be getting off your backside and walking to your television. Within weeks you could be five pounds lighter!
12. Free Paternity Tests
Children are disgusting creatures which give nothing back to you in return for all the time and money. Take it from me, I’m pretty sure my mother has some sadness in her heart over my existence given some of her reactions to just my writings online alone. You need to make sure a child is yours before you put down one red cent to help the woman’s mother raise it.
The Maury Povich Show, The Test, The Steve Wilkos Show, and many others will administer a paternity test free of charge. Just make sure you have a really good story and set up some drama. These shows won’t take you if you come across well educated and stable. you’re going to need at least one person screaming, someone munching on dirt, and another person to throw a chair in order to get a fight started.
Not only are you going to make sure the little bastard who is about to grow up without a father is yours to abandon and doesn’t belong to someone else, if the failed abortion does turn out to be the “good job” of someone else, then you got to show what a whore the chick is on national television!
13. Security for You and Your Loved Ones
Carry a gun with you. Honestly…why wouldn’t you? Cops are too heavy and depending on where you are, they could take thirty minutes or more to get to you. You’d be dead by then. I’ve had pizza delivered faster than the cops arrived at times.
Don’t like guns? Leave it to the professionals? Would you try to put yourself, your property, or another person on fire out, right? Why wouldn’t you just call the fire department and let professionals handle it?
14. Floral Arrangements on the Dime
Flowers are expensive and figuring out what a nice arrangement would be is a hassle. Luckily, graveyards are a great source for flowers already done up and they’re free to you!
Graveyards have some of the best floral arrangements you can find. Predictably, the graves of dead babies tend to have the absolute best bouquets to choose from. The fresher the better, too. The grave I mean, not the flowers.
If you don’t want to take it from the baby graves…honestly, though, they were babies if they even lived that long so what do they want with flowers…look for any grave which still has pictures of the deceased. You’re also looking for graves which have pristine looking headstones and soft dirt on top.
Really old people aren’t going to have nice floral arrangements since anyone related to them are most likely dead or are entitled shitheads. They also won’t be as likely to have the bouquets restocked as fast and readily as those dead babies.
Well, there you are, life hackers! Get out there and hack at your life for the better, or to ruin it for someone else!