Running the Poodle Parade

Ah, how easy it is to make people jump through the hoops.  People always take the bait and don’t learn when to leave better than them enough alone.  It’s like fishing with dynamite, I’m telling you.

In a previous entry I talked about how I like having fun trolling people who message me randomly on Facebook or MySpace, especially when it’s in regards to a game, and wouldn’t you know it?  Someone decided to do just that tonight.

Seeing as I was working on an animation at the time and talking to a friend using the Facebook pop-up chat, it didn’t take me any extra time to see the messages the person sent me.  So, no, I wasn’t going out of my way.  You know, I always try to give a person an out, but if they keep coming back, I’m going to have some fun with it.

Here’s the short exchange I’m talking about.  Her name not changed as to further embarrass her.  Oh, and yes, this is her actual picture.  No it’s not my actual Facebook image.

Emily Burciaga April 14 at 8:28pm

Ask yourself…how long would you like to stay up on the bounty board?  one week?  two?

I have to tell you…I had NO clue what the hell she was talking about at first.  I seriously was going, “Eh? Who is this?”  So, I ask my buddy and he says that she’s probably referring to the pirate game on Facebook.  So, I look over there, and I guess she had attacked me a few times and I thought it was a dick move, so I put her on the bounty list like…twice just to be an ass.

Well, no one threatens me!  So, I sent her back a firey message!

Sunrie April 14 at 9:33pm

Wow, how pathetic was that message?

That would show her!  I mean, a tongue lashing like that is going to sting even the most hard core person and player of an Internet game.  There was only one thing she could possibly do at this point: sit and cry, thus giving up.  What I was not prepared for, however, was her strength and determination to win.  I was greeted with this message a short time later.

Emily Burciaga April 14 at 9:34pm

two? okay…done

I knew I was seriously fucked at this point.  I mean, she responded in about one minute…ONE FUCKING MINUTE!  Wow, that’s fast.

This, ladies and gentleman, is a serious player is in it for blood.  Not just any blood, but my blood.  MY BLOOD!!!  This required finesse.  I’m a master of finesse.  Well, my level 9 Half-Elf Rogue is a master of finesse, so that’s practically the same thing…

Sunrie April 14 at 9:37pm

Well, you’re obviously fat and have the time so, go ahead.  Have fun.

It took me about three minutes or so to be able to formulate the response because I was so worried about it all.  Normally I can type 132 corrected words a minute and have a 113K key strokes an hour on the ten key, but this…damn, this had me against the ropes.

However, I was feeling safe in my answer.  Being the captain of diplomacy that I am, I was sure that I had made peace with this fat…I mean, with Emily.  See, that’s the way things are done in this country: We talk things out like mature adults.

She, on the other hand, took what I said to be an attack against her and she ripped my ass open like Obama bowing in front of a donkey in Mexico.

Emily Burciaga April 14 at 9:40pm

how old are you? 12? lets try another put down shall we? something along these lines…a man of your age should really learn to spell a lot better. OR…i did not realize that white trash could really be so ignorant. OR…is that your wife, your sister, or the farmer’s sheep?

…I mean how do you come back against THAT?  It took her about three minutes to respond to that one, obviously because her mighty brain was at work coming up with the absolutely best way to slam back at me.  I was stunned for a while, but not for good.  Remember, I’m full of finesse and willing to talk this out!

The obvious come backs weren’t going to work with this MENSA member.  So, I did what I could.

Sunrie April 14 at 10:12pm

Well, I agree.  You tried.  The part about spelling better didn’t exactly make a lot of sense, given that my posts have had correct phonetics and structured correctly. Mine are the better of the two in this exchange.

Not realize white trash could be so ignorant? You don’t get out much, do you?  That’s like saying you did not realize Nazis could hate so much.

It’s the farmer’s sheep.  I’m not married.  Come on now.

I’m sure if you put down the fork for a moment to read what you wrote then things will improve in this exchange. Some people love the big women. They claim it’s just more cushion for the pushin’.

There’s nothing I can do to compete with someone who has the time to sit and eat and eat and eat and eat while going against my online avatar in a pirate game. So, I guess you win. I have a job and other interests. Good job on catching me during a time when I am working on other projects with Facebook open on the side at night.

PHEW!  Now that is some deep ass negotiations right there!  While I was typing this out, she apparently attacked me in the game like…25 or 30 times from the posts I received in the game menu.  Once I sent this out, however, she stopped responding and attacking me.

I’m pretty sure I got through to her with that last message…and not a moment too soon!  I mean, I don’t know if I could have stood someone finding me so frustrating for a long time in a game I get on and play once every five or six days!  At least now I can sleep at night knowing my good will was accepted.  Maybe Congress should hire me to be an ambassador or something.  At least I won’t try to light my shoes on fire on an airplane.


Posted 4/15/2010 at 2:55 AM on Xanga

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