Diary of an Internet troll

Iz dA Sexy!

Dear Diary,
The days have meshed together with my nights.  I no longer know the date…I’m pretty sure it’s Friday some time.  I’ve seen no sunshine in weeks.  I had survived on Hot Pockets and Go Fast Energy Drinks.  Now that my Internet connection is working again, I am out on the prowl for that tasty treat known as forum board posters.  These noobs and faggots need to be taught a lesson…a lesson that only I can provide!

For instance, that one homo, known as ChillMega52 over at http://www.ILoveTheFatties.com, made the mistake of telling everyone that his mother was sick and possibly dying.  I couldn’t let that juicy bit of information go sympathized with.  No, I quickly informed him that this was God’s way of judging not only him, but also his entire family because of how much he sucks at life.

Mmmm…how his hate ran down the back of my throat like a thick steak as his tears provided me with the seasoning to make it that much more delicious!  As the rage filed in from the other homos such as MilkMan_Diddy, SarahTerra, BlueRobbin_Cabbage, Dillan_Dangerous and others I drank it down like the sweetest of the sweet teas my wonderful grandmother used to make.  DANCE, PUPPETS, DANCE!!!!

Even with such succulent morsels devoured, I was far from full.  Such hate and rage was but an appetizer for me, for my hunger is insatiable! Quickly, I headed over to the http://www.ApocoCattleTaco.com forum to see what kind of sickening group hug the community was giving each other while the wolf was away.

Let me tell you, diary, that what I saw was worse than ever.  Not only was everyone getting along, but they were having civil conversations.  Basically, they were jacking each other off through Internet text.  I knew these people were a bunch of faggots and sluts, but my word…this was just sick.

To keep peace from having a chance, I quickly began to spread word that their beef was tainted due to their cows licking their taints.  Further fanning the fires of hate, I made sure to point out that only bull dykes and queers were eating this meat.  Let’s face it, if you’re shoving these things down your throat, you gotta be gay!

How the Internet rage poured in!  It was like a seven course meal for me!  Even the resident Internet Tuff Guy, nicknamed TrentBlueRider2727, was out in full force trying to put me down.  It’s as if they know I starve and bring out the head chef to give me a special meal!

At this time, diary, I am tired and spent from masturbating to the new posts and Flickr images of Lara Croft all day, so I must retire back under my bridge…I mean into my bed.  Only for the lulz would I ever actually say that!

I’m an artist, you’re an ass!

Dear Diary,
I have begun branching out to new Internet sources.  No longer am I content to just sit around and spend my time trolling obvious websites.  The obvious websites, such as Gaming resources, are beginning to annoy me.  I know!  The irony is not lost on my massive brain!!!

The biggest problem I’m having is an influx of posers and noob queers thinking they have what it takes to steal my job from me.  Rather than contend with their vastly inferior tactics, I am going to leave them to the masses.  Those who are glad to see me leave will beg for me to return, as what I do is an art, and what they do is trivial ass drippings!  One day they’ll see that a post from me is a god send compared to the flood of shit sacks about to be presented.

These noobs have no finesse, no tact, no brain!  You can’t just come on and tell everyone you’re the greatest thing to exist.  No one will care.  You can’t just go into a forum and repeatedly post spam…that’s going to get you banned.  It’s like a five year old with a bucket of paint, kicking it over, and then finger painting on a wall.  It’s not really expression as much as it is a retard trying to fit into society.

Before my own rage turns inward, I will leave for the time being.

Who’s that trit-trotting over my bridge?!

Dear Diary,
My new virgin hunting grounds are fertile!  Just as I like my women: Untouched, unsuspecting, and willing to take it no matter how much it hurts!

The site in question is http://www.TheCancerSurvivor.com.  I am amazed no one has set up shop in these websites.  Honestly, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel…using a gun loaded fucking AIDS!  Simply stating anything other than these people are survivors or that you feel their pain of losing a loved one is an unending feast of hatred.

Having gone into a single thread that was ten pages long granted me the status I so desperately needed: Official Asshole.  They may not have referred to me as a troll, but that is because they are scared.  For to speak my name and of my nature is to bring in the wrath of Hell upon you!  I am “he whom they do not speak”.  For I am their demon.

Cancer may have been their worst enemy at one point, but I am now their unending nightmare.  They have beaten back the odds, but they can never beat me back.  Each post, each new member, is a delicate finger food which I shall snap up in a moment’s notice!

Kneel before your god!

Dear Diary,
HA!  I say again, HA!  One of those no titty sluts from the cancer forum has claimed she turned me into the authorities!  HA for once more!

So, instead of backing down, I came out full force.  I posted pictures of me giving them the middle finger, of my ass, and of course, the coup de grace, my penis!  At this point, she even sent me some fake notice, nicely Photoshopped, claiming to be from my local pig factory.  Like they give a damn!  Go fuck yourself, CancerBeater_14F!  I’ve got something you can beat on!  I AM A GOD AND YOU ARE SCUM!!!!

That’s strange…Diary, I will be back.  Some dumbass is pounding on my door and screaming.


User account has been suspended pending legal investigation

Posted 4/17/2010 at 4:18 AM on Xanga

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