There are quite a few fashions out there that annoy the fuck out of me and everyone else. Okay, sure, some of people might like the look, but they are generally freaks, geeks, nerds, morons, and idiots. So, pretty much 99% of people on MySpace, 99.8% of people on American Singles or any other dating website, and 99.9% of people on the Internet in general. Here is a list of just a few fashions or dressing styles women do that must end.
1. Cali Grrl
As you may or may not have read in other sections in my writings, I’m originally from California. If there is one thing that California does right, and this is probably the ONLY thing California does right, it’s producing ass loads of, well…hot, sexy ass. Breaking California up slightly more and you can see that the vast majority of styles that come out of California occur in the Inland Empire first, and migrate out. That is, all the fashion that doesn’t make people look like a queer. All that kind of fashion comes out of Orange County and San Francisco.
I’m so sick of turning on the TV or going to the mall and seeing more skank look alikes than I can count. The styling I’m talking about is the streaked brown and blond hair, dark eyeliner, bright lipstick, quasi-boot shoes, snatch skirts, and white blouse shirts. Of course there are variances on this. For instance, it could be tight ass yellow pants with a matching shirt unbuttoned to the belly button. Another example is the shorts so small they just barely are considered shorts and not underwear paired with a tank top…all while wearing Ugg Boots. We call them Eski-hoes. You get the idea. If not, the example to the right should be more than enough.
Look, chica/sweet cheeks/sperm receptacle/whatever you want to be called, you don’t look good. Not only are you completely boring and common to the eyes, you look like a cheap whore. Sure, if that’s what you are and the impression you want to give, then by all means, keep dressing that way. Just remember, if you want to give the impression that you’re a cheap whore, you better act like it to the end. You’re not doing it for yourself to feel sexy, because the way you feel sexy is by getting scum bags drooling on you.
“Are you a fag? Those girls are hot!” No, those girls are boring. I have been around those kinds of girls for so gawd damn long that the only thing they do for me is make me want to jab my eyes out. I’m not saying I wouldn’t let them suck me off, because, God knows, they would. I’ve had my fill of them and as my friends can testify, they’ve had their fill of me.
“I bet you’d find their company very pleasing, dude!” And I bet you, would find the back of my hand very displeasing. While normally hot chicks have a self-esteem problem, the ones who dress this way have a MAJOR attitude that requires severe adjusting. The upside of this is that this specimen gets extremely turned on when you put them in their place. This does not require physical punishment. Matter of fact, if you do so without warrant, you deserve to have your nuts chopped off. I would never advocate violence against women just because they are women. I’m just saying have an attitude that makes a believer out of them.
You know, in all of this, I completely blame Brittany Spears, Christina Aguilera, and, more recently, Kim Kardashian. The first two helped launch wave after wave of preteen skanks who never grew up realizing that how they dressed was completely done and over with weeks after it started. Kim Kardashian is a result of the two previous terds, and as such, as deeper rooted the idea that is all 100% acceptable. I further blame the Inland Empire (IE for short) for continue support of this kind of attire. Look, find something new, okay? I left California to get away from this and it followed me… Son of a bitch!
2. Voluptuous and Proud
Plus size models…you have to be kidding me. This is NOT attractive! I know there are chubby chasers out there, more on that later on. A plus sized model used to be someone who wore something larger than a six…but now it’s anyone who wears an elephant tarp and it’s disgusting.
Wear some clothing, you fat slobs! There is little else I can’t stand more than when I’m out eating at some place like Burger King or Taco Bell and some woman, who is a crowed unto herself, comes walking in wearing a shirt ten sizes too small for her. This extends to every day as well. No one wants to see your gawd damn gut.
I know some people have a problem with their weight. Yes, there are a very few diseases out there that cause obesity, but those people at least cover themselves up. Ever notice that clothes are becoming more and more conservative? Think it’s because of “Christian” and/or “right wing influence”? If so, you’re a moron. It’s because of how FAT people are getting.
You are NOT voluptuous, you are down right fat. Teenagers used to be a fantasy of many a man, but with how chunky you bitches are getting, not anymore. It’s VERY obvious the state of things when you watch American Idol. Those girls are in the height of their attractiveness and most of them are so fat it makes me sick knowing that they will be on television for weeks to come.
I don’t date stick figures myself. None of my girlfriends could even be considered very skinny. I’m not into the entire “ten year old rail skinny” look either. But, damn…I have a limit! There’s a difference between what a grown woman and a fat ass looks like!
Look, just because it’s called a belly shirt does not mean it’s for any belly! Matter of fact, the less belly you have the better! Fashion is not like mooning, where the more baggage you bring, the better the outcome.
“Shows what you know. I’m fat as hell and have sex all the time!” First of all, damn right it shows what I know, which is OBVIOUSLY way more than you. Just because someone porks you like the hog you are doesn’t mean that you’re attractive. Men will generally have sex with anything. I plowed my share of fives and sixes. You put a 375lbs woman who stands 5’2″ on the side of the road, buck naked, holding a sign proudly stating “Free Sex for All” and she will get banged all day long. Is she attractive? HELL NO! She’s an easy piece of tail, which you must be when you’re fat. You don’t have much of a choice.
“I’m proud of my body and don’t feel the need to change it. Not for you, not for anyone! Those models just need to eat!” Good for you, bad for your health and the rest of us. Continue being a fat cow if you want. Truth is, those models, actors, and everyone else have personal trainers, eat correctly, and actually give a damn about how they look. Go ahead and justify it any way you want so you can continue to be lazy as hell. As fat as you chubbers are is NOT normal! The only time it should be normal is when you are pregnant, and even then it’s nasty as hell. Which, by the way, leads into my next and final listing of style that is uncalled for.
3. Pregnant Cow Showoff
This section took me an extra three hours to start because it makes me so sick. On top of that, I just threw up a little in my mouth again. I’m sorry about the picture, that’s what did it for me, too.
We’ve all seen this and 90% of us have been so disgusted at the sight, we didn’t have sex for at least three days afterwards. What is wrong with you people?! Where in the world do you get the idea that people want to see someone else’s “good job” hanging out around your pants and/or sticking three feet out from your gut?!
Men are turned off by fat and this is the cousin of fat. Not to mention how chunky a lot of women are getting when pregnant these days without thought of consequence. Pregnant women aren’t glowing; they’re sweaty and greasy. Pregnant bellies are NOT a sign of sexuality, they are a stop sign. Like fat people, pregnant bitches need to stop wearing belly shirts! Cover that gawd damn shit up.
What’s worse is that some women feel the need to highlight the fact they are pregnant! Take the image for example. NO!! DO NOT LOOK! If you did, I’m sure you threw up and I’m sorry for that. For those of you with quick enough reflexes, the image is that of a nasty baby pouch with a tattoo highlighting the belly button. What the deuce?! Like your over sized midriff section isn’t enough, you have to go and highlight it!!! In addition, there are a certain number of pregnant whores who think it’s either cute or funny to wear a t-shirt stating the obvious. These t-shirts usually have a huge arrow pointing downwards, with the words, “Bun in the Oven!”, or “Yes, we’re pregnant!”, or something equally shitty. No shit, Sherlock. Thanks for stating what no one would have known otherwise, you twat. Oh, and you both aren’t pregnant. Only you are.
Most women also hate this style. It’s not because they are jealous, either. No, it’s because they, too, are completely grossed out. The only people that are going to whine about this are the ones who think there is something magical or special about showing off a nasty, stretch marked, baby pouch to the entire county. Consider yourself a fat nasty blob who should be covered. Who gives a shit if your boyfriend or husband knocked you up? It’s bad enough when you come waddling in. You don’t need to bear the damaged skin to the rest of us!
And there you have it. Just a few of the styles women choose that annoys me to know end and makes men sick. Sure there are other ones, but these are the ones that are the most prevalent. Most other styles can be applied across genders, so I may or may not get to them soon. This is my writing site, and I’ll do it when and if I feel like it. Posted 5/8/2010 at 2:51 PM on xanga