Heads up, moron. You aren’t a real cop and you aren’t a police force. Your tickets mean exactly shit.
Code Orange! Code Blue! Code MOMMY!
So, I get out of my part time job, which generally requires me to work weekends, since that’s the busiest time at a mall, obviously, and as a manager, I am forced to be there during those times. I’m also generally early to work, as I hate walking in right as I have to start.
From Thursday to Sunday, the mall closes off the entire outer ring of the parking lot all along the mall for “valet only” spots. There’s also huge chunks with orange chains for “valet only” as well spread throughout the lot. Well, as I pull in, the mall cop is sitting in his van. He’s parked facing the parking lot, with his overheads on, backed into the “valet only” spot.
Now, I’m not a lazy mother fucker, and I never park right up against the doors. Besides, where I have to park to get in to where I work, there’s a street space, a half block, and then a street space, so it’s impossible to pull right up anyway. No, where I park is three sections back. That is, every “section” has a concrete line to mark the name of each area. Each area, long wise, is comprised of fifteen parking spaces.
So, if you’re doing the figuring, fifteen NON-COMPACT spaces times three (45 spaces in total), a street space, a half block, and a street space, then the walkway behind the building is quite a distance for most people, and not exactly very close to the fucking mall.
Well, mall cop not only pulls up in front of my car, not saying a fucking word and boxing me in, but then follows me, IN HIS CAR, as I go to the back and get let in by the manager already doing the opening procedures. He then attempts to back out really quickly, as if didn’t notice him the entire time, but gets stopped by people needing help.
During the course of the day, someone was talking about the fake ass mall cop tickets that they write and asked if I ever got one. I told them, aloud, “Fuck no. Yipe your ass with it and flush it. They aren’t real tickets. They aren’t cops. In the State of Colorado, there are only four citations that can be written, by real cops, on private property. These guys can’t enforce it. Tell them to blow you.”
Turns out one of the mall cops was in the store, off duty (he’s a moron who tries to hit on one of the girls that works there, whom I’m dating and he has NO chance in hell with), and over hears me. They all start laughing and tell me to be quieter because one of them is in there. My reply, not even knowing which one it of them it was is “Like I give a damn.” I turn and see him eyeballing me hard as he leaves, and I even say, “Got an issue?” as he leaves.
1. He’s not a real cop.
2. He’s off duty.
3. He can blow me anyway.
4. He’s a jealous fuck who can blow me.
After the entire eight hours go by, I leave and get to my car. What’s there? Yep, a fake ass mall cop ticket. A nice bright pink mall cop ticket. I got cited for “Improper Parking”. I was pulled fully into space, almost up against a concrete curb, facing out towards the parking lot (I always back in), and not touching either line (I know how to back in. When I was an MP I was taught to always do so). I also got cited for “Mall Employee Improper Use of Parking ($50 Fine)”.
This is also my “O” face
First of all, I obviously am not improperly parked. Second of all, I’m not a MALL employee. The Park Meadows Mall does not employee me. I do not get my paycheck from this job by the people who run and own Park Meadows. The Park Meadows Mall does not have my resume and application on file. Therefore, I am not a MALL employee. Thirdly, I did not sign a “parking agreement” with the mall, I did not sign a “parking agreement” with my employer, and there is nothing in my Human Resources paperwork about where I can and cannot park.
The mall wants all “Mall Employees” to only park in that outer ring. When those are “not available” they want you to park at the light rail station. Guess what? The light rail station is 7.5 blocks from the mall, and is only accessible to the mall by riding the light rail one station down, which you MUST pay for, and then take a shuttle from that stop, which is free, to the mall and walk from the drop off point (six rows back [90 spaces]). This doesn’t include to where most people will have to enter the mall from, which can be on the other side of the drop off.
Want to know the bonus part of all of this? Since the light rail isn’t a private company, the REAL cops will give you a REAL citation for parking there without a parking pass. How god damn awesome is that?
Now, I have respect where it’s due to what these guys put up with. Really, I do. My best friend is mall security, and he puts up with a lot of shit, not only from the morons he has to work around, but the mall itself. He doesn’t deserve 90% of it, and neither do these guys. The issue here is, it’s moronic to do this.
Do they really need the negative publicity of gouging people who are coming to work at the mall? I mean, seriously, in an age when most people are fighting to get employment, they are jacking people who are trying to just get to a fucking miserable job and trying not to kill themselves every morning that they wake up. Yeah, they won’t want the media, which is starving for stories in my area, to do an expose on how the mall is “Trying to make up for lost revenue by fining their employees.”
So, go fuck yourselves, guys, with this whole ticket thing. How about you do what you’re supposed to and provide safety, security, and be a visual deterrent to crime. Stop fucking with the rest of us. If you want to write tickets, go to the police academy.
Posted 7/10/2010 at 11:12 PM on Xanga