I’m not hitting on your daughter! If I was…

…you’d know.  This actually came up today, and I figure it’s a good write up.  Now, I’m a naturally flirty person.  It’s just who I am and what I do.  I’ve been accused of hitting on my waitress in front of my date on numerous occasions, and lord knows I’m not actually hitting on them.

Personally, I’ve never had a problem guessing that age of a girl being legal and I’m generally not in the habit of picking up random women at…well…anywhere.  Especially at the mall.  Yes, the mall.  Shut the hell up, I don’t have to justify myself to you people and I won’t.  This does, however, bring me to the point of this article.  Damn straight I have a point.  Why…what did you hear?

So I’m at the mall, at Eddie Bauer if you must know, and I end up striking up a quick conversation with a cute chick.  Actually, she struck it up with me.  She’s got those nice tits of a younger woman who hasn’t had sagging issues yet.  I had made some comment to her mom and dad about the jeans he was deciding through.  They asked me if I thought the pants the father had would make him look like he’s acting too young.

She kept eyeballing me, and I asked where they were from and they commented they were from Alaska.  No, I will NOT make any Sarah Palin jokes.  Go fuck yourself.  Obviously, it’s not above me to make a John McCain joke, though.  Anyway, I asked if they moved to here, being Colorado, or if they are moving to Alaska.

Well, turns out they were actually moving from Alaska to Colorado.  The mother makes the comment that the daughter is moving out in April and they will follow a few months after.  So, I look over at the chick and ask, “Oh, so you’re going to do the school thing out here or just for a change of scenery.”  She laughs and tells me, “No, for school.  I’ll be going to D.U. just down the way.  Not far from here.”  Okay, just to let you know, at this point, the father was not near us.  The mother, however, looks at her daughter, who’s looking at me and smiling, and quickly qualifies it with, “Well, whens she GRADUATES she’s going to be going to the school anyway.”

I was confused at first to the mother’s quick statement and then started laughing on the inside.  The father, suddenly shows up behind the mother and goes, “You go to school around here?”  I’m dying from laughter even harder inside, but not showing it except for a sarcastic smile on my face and let him know, “Actually, I was in California for most of the time and came out this way following my family.  I put myself through *insert career choice here*.”

I won’t say that I think I look that young.  Oddly enough, I do get carded ALL THE TIME when I go out to drink.  People my age know I’m my age, older people put me at a lot younger, and younger people tend to put me quite a bit older…it’s funny.

Well, that all seemed to placate the two parents and they start to leave, the daughter hanging back for a second to let her parents walk off, to which she then tells me quickly as she’s leaving, “Don’t mind them, I’m 18.”

Now, honestly, I wasn’t hitting on their daughter, and I knew she was at least 18 years old, and if I was, it would have looked a lot different.  All I can say to the parents is that I can’t help it if your attractive daughters think I’m good looking.  Hell, it’s even worse for you when your 18+ year old daughters think I’m an attractive bastard.  Have kids that grow up to ugly adults if you don’t want them hitting on others because, believe me, if she was unattractive, I would have done all I could to not have any words with her.

With that, come on…if I was hitting on her, it would have been really obvious.  I don’t dick around.  It would have been directly in their face, not me talking to either of them.  I even had one of the employees there make a comment that if they didn’t want their daughter hit on, they should have ugly kids.  That actually made me laugh out loud.  The guy told me he was checking her out, too, and when I said “Man, I wasn’t even hitting on her.” he stated that was obvious to at least him.

So, no, when I’m out, I’m not hitting on you, your sister, your cousin, or even your mother.  You’d know it if I was.  Me acting disinterested is pretty genuine.  I have a pretty specific idea of women who I like to mess around with, and chances are, you aren’t it.  It’s not about taste.  Oh no, because you all taste the same.  Well…the clean ones.

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Posted 3/29/2010 at 1:15 AM on Xanga
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