Sex Texting and You!

It’s no secret that there is money to be made with the allure of sex and sexuality. Ever since the phone was invented, there have numbers people could call to get someone speaking dirty to them. The very first sex number was 27, by the way.

People are in a text message craze these days. What was originally used to help mute and deaf people communicate with mobile phones has grown into something more than a fad. From telling your bitch to make sure she’s got your pizza when you get home to voting for the next American Idol, phone manufacturers are more than happy to create new ways of making messages on the mobile phone. Hell, phone companies make more money off of text messages than they ever have for charging for the allowed minutes!

Now throw in the ability to get sexual talk, mobile phones, text messaging, and outrages fees. CHA-CHING! Well, not only do some of these companies charge as much as $2 dollars per message, you’re being charged by your phone company. Let’s run through a few scenarios and see just how much these things cost, shall we???
I. Flirting Messages
The very first that was brought to my attention was the “flirt with singles” commercial. None before this had ever been seen by my eyes, so I’m going to start with it. This service promises that you can flirt with guys and/or girls from the area over the phone by text messaging.

The catch?
It’s $0.50 per message. That’s fifty cents per message you send and receive. A conversation consisting of, “Hey! How are you?” and, “Good! You?” has just cost you a dollar. You’re going to be averaging 2-3 messages per minute. Normal conversations like this range between 10 and 15 minutes. That’s between 20 to 30 messages for ten minutes and 30 to 45 messages for 15 minutes.

The add up?
You’ve spent $10 to $15 for ten minutes and $15 to $22.50 for fifteen minutes. This doesn’t include the cost your service provider is charging you per message, either, but many providers can charge up to $0.85 per message. Don’t forget that many times you’ll end up going over 15 minutes if you are interested in what the person has to say.

Don’t waste your money on it. Order a medium pizza and a Pepsi instead, or go to the movies. Hell, get some cheap whiskey and some soda then go to a friends house, loser.
II. Sexy Hot 4 You
This one I saw just recently. I’ve obviously changed the names of these to avoid giving them free advertising, but the name I gave it is the jest of it. This commercial promises that girls or guys will chat with super hotties from around the States and will hook you up with attractive singles. Somehow, I get the idea that “attractive singles” means a fat chick over an iron board typing that she’s so hot or an automated text generator that “reads” the message and sends out a likely response.

The catch?
It’s $1.99 per message!!!!!!! Yes, that includes the messages you send and not including the cost of your service provider! HOLY SHIT! How horny, lonely, and pathetic do you have to be???I’m going to be nice and say you only average 2 messages a minute. Still, that means you’ve spent $3.98 for a “Hello” and “Hey back”…DAAAAAMN. I’ve heard of people spending less on some dates! Again, you’ll get between 10 and 15 minutes of chat time, so you’re talking a lot of money.

The add up?
Let’s do the math…$1.99 for the messages at 2 per minute, so at ten minutes you’ve spent $39.80 and at fifteen minutes you’ve spent $59.70!!!! WTF?! Some psychics don’t even charge this much…and two months giving to some fraudulent Christian “Help the Children” TV fund raising you’ve spent less!!

The Conclusion?
Save your money and buy a video game. If you’re a big enough loser to call that number, you’re not getting out much as it is and you’re ONLY friend is your PC or home console gaming unit. Hell, if you DO have friends, get some GOOD whiskey, some soda and party with real women!
III. Do it my way
No, I don’t mean stealing a phone like I did in order to rack up the charges to someone else to get these figures. My way can not only be cheaper, you’re probably going to actually talk to women.

The catch?
It requires you to actually meet a female. Most people don’t have a problem with this. Look, even you dweebs can do it. Simply don’t treat them like a princess when you first meet them. You know women prefer bad boys, so act like one.

The add up?
Now that you have some chick all lined up to go out with you, spend no more than $40. Why? Because that way even if it’s a bad date, you’ve eaten reasonably well, probably had a few drinks, and fuck it, you’ve only spent forty bucks!!! Not to mention, you can brag to your dweeb friends (if it’s the case) that you were out with a girl. Another benefit to this is that if the girl does actually like you, since you spent no more than $40, she’s not going to expect another $120 evening on the town the next time. It’s win/win. Just remember to nail her either in the parking lot, in your car, or at her place so you don’t have to figure out how to kick her out of your place. Trust me, you don’t want her staying over.

The conclusion?
Not only have you been out of the house, with a girl, but you probably got your rocks off! This is by far the best option for you and it keeps the phone companies from getting your money with nothing to really say about it in return.

*I did NOT steal a phone to do this. I used the commercial prices and times
Posted 3/30/2007 at 8:10 PM on


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